Neurodiversity

[Andrew, Jr.]

Apocalipstic,

Oh yes. My father has a razor sharp tongue. Plus he was always good at being highly critical of me. And it was nothing for him to hold a knife at my throat and threaten me. Even when I see him today, in his 80's, he hasn't changed much at all. His tongue is still sharp. And he still calls me derrogatory names, and when I stutter, well, that just seems to add fuel to his belittlement of me.

Someone once asked me if I had chemo. I said no. I asked why they thought that. I was told that I stop talking totally when I start stuttering or saying the same word over repeatedly. It is known as "chemo brain".

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by violaine

dear jen,

i, too, get the pauses or locked verbally,, during communication with people - most awkward on the telephone with strangers [work related]. sometimes, the check out is not very amusing. probably due to feeling somewhat rushed. people are in line behind me while i'm fumbling- handling payment/transaction, & putting items back in purse, et c. if an employee comes over to say hallo, or talk to me, there's too much going on at once!

I try to send Cynthia to the store when I can, but this weekend at Trader Joe's I did some slow breathing exercizes and was able to avoid getting too overwhelmed.

I make lists and try to be as organized as possible. If I have to fumble for my stuff I am a disaster. It is usually clear what state of mind I am in my how much of a mess my purse and work bag are.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

Apocalipstic,

Oh yes. My father has a razor sharp tongue. Plus he was always good at being highly critical of me. And it was nothing for him to hold a knife at my throat and threaten me. Even when I see him today, in his 80's, he hasn't changed much at all. His tongue is still sharp. And he still calls me derrogatory names, and when I stutter, well, that just seems to add fuel to his belittlement of me.

Someone once asked me if I had chemo. I said no. I asked why they thought that. I was told that I stop talking totally when I start stuttering or saying the same word over repeatedly. It is known as "chemo brain".

As you know my Dad died last January, he was also very abusive. But in 1998 I wrote him a letter stating that I could only have anything to do with his as long as he treated me with respect. We never spoke again.

I still have his voice in my head, but it is getting better thanks to Bit and Gryph, medication, therapy and a lot of great friends listening to me and helping me.

Have you considered walking away? I think I would not be alive now if I had not just walked away.

[Bit]

Awww, Kimbo, I am so sorry that it's gone beyond fibro fog for you! I'm also sorry that the meds cause such problems.

I'm back in fibro fog, myself. Been fighting it off for over a year and thought I had it well at bay, but the signs are unmistakable and undeniable now. Gryph and I are trying to make changes so that I can come back to normal--well, as close as I ever get to "normal"--and the major one is that he walks the dogs in the morning. That's extremely physically difficult for me, especially since the puppy's usually frantic and pulls really hard on the leash; I'm always afraid I'll fall down the steps because he's pulling so hard.

I also have to sleep more. There's just no way around it, even with caffeine. I have to sleep more.

Andrew, I agree with Jen that sometimes it's just better if a person can walk away from someone as difficult as your father is. I hope things get better for you!!

Oh! I'm also one who gets flustered at the cash register, so I set myself up a sort of system. The coupons are in the front of my cart (you know, where the kids sit?) with my bag, and the shopper's card is on my keychain in my pocket--I always carry my keys in my jeans pocket--so I choose a line with someone ahead of me, to give myself time to unload the cart; I give my card to the cashier first; and I give the coupons at the end. Then I pay with a debit card--never a check, and only rarely cash.

I still get flustered but not as much.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{everyone}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Love to you all!

[Bit]

ps---I check my bank balance every day online, to make sure I don't forget to enter the debits in my checkbook. That's a lesson I learned the hard way, oy--so glad now for the convenience of online access!

[Andrew, Jr.]

I can't walk away because of something he said to me. I feel like I let down my sisters when I was a youngster. And I just cannot do that again. No. Not ever. I know that my greatest joy will be the day he is no longer walking this earth.

I have been in therapy before, but all of my therapists betrayed me. They went to my father and told him what was going on in our sessions. This is long before HIPPA and all the other legal documents were done and made law. I look at it this way, he got away with it here, but not from his maker. He will be held accountable. Trust me.

[Bit]

I'm sorry, Andrew; that sounds like a very difficult situation. I wish you peace.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Cath,

Thank you kindly. Just say your prayers for me.

I want to be the man I am today. I am not afraid of him any longer. He no longer physically torments me like he once did. And I will always stand up for my sisters. Always. Now everything is just mental and emotional with him.

[Apocalipstic]

The automatic checkout at the grocery store gets me, I just can't get it right. It is always yelling at me telling me to put something in my bag when I have not rung anything thing up. I get so tense.

Every now and then I get freaked out when checking out at a restaurant. If I don't have my glasses on I can't see the receipt well, so I am trying to focus on the numbers, then sometimes I just go blank. Yes, I can do percentages in my head, but with the people behind me and not being able to see...if I am having a bad day, I have been known to just freeze. So embarrassing.

Andrew, maybe he said what he said to control you. Try and do what is best for you! Not to prove anything. I had to learn that too. My Dad would tell me I never loved my mother (who died when I was 13 and we think he killed) and that I failed my sister (who does not agree). Controlling people know our triggers and use them.

[Bit]

Hey yanno what Jen, I don't use the automatic check-out. I figure I might save a cashier's job by insisting on having a person check my groceries out. Voila, less stress for me and I get to feel virtuous, too.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Bit

Hey yanno what Jen, I don't use the automatic check-out. I figure I might save a cashier's job by insisting on having a person check my groceries out. Voila, less stress for me and I get to feel virtuous, too.

True! I like that I am saving someonme's job! Grin!

Does anyone else feel guilty for having to say no to social activities for weeks at a time?

[Andrew, Jr.]

Sometimes I have to have "space" from others. And this does mean I need to be away from others. It means no to night clubs, no to comedy clubs, no to dinners out, and so on and on. Sometimes I just enjoy being on my deck, grilling, and looking at the natural habitat behind my house, bird watching, doing word searches, smoking a cigar or two, or smoking my pipe. It is "me" time. Some get it, and some call me a bump on a log. But then again, they don't have my disorders. Until you walk in my shoes, don't tell me how to live my life or tell me what I should or should not be doing.

Jen,

Yes, my father is a huge control freak. That is his weapon. He used guilt and fear too.


Bit & Jen,

I cannot figure out the self-scan checkout things at all. I just keep getting a recording and the belt rolls back after I scan the item on the belt. It is beyond frustrating. And I do cause a line whenever I use this. Now, I have learned to have someone check me out. It is just much easier for me, and faster. Plus I am not 3 shades of red.

[Apocalipstic]

I have to have down time too. I love being home with Cynthia and our dogs and cats, it's the best.

Now that I don't drink like a fish the bar is more than I can stand, unless we go on an afternoon and I leave when the crowd starts to arrive.

Maybe if my job were not as social as it it, being around people the rest of the time would be easier?

Even at parties at our house, I get overwhelmed and try to escape to outside to chill, but people follow me. I need a better plan.

I do find that living in a city is better because it is anonymous and I am not expected to hang out with neighbors and no one cares what I do.

[violaine]

regarding the u-scan-

i'll have a lot of items and go through. people give me the stink eye.

took me a while to get the hang of it- coordination / speed. being rushed is not always so good for me.

i figure i owe it to myself now as it's my victory with the u-scan lane have a good laugh & a buggy full- try it.

oh. and hide inside of the circular garment racks too once in a while.

ox

[Liam]

I now check the circular garment racks to see if Violaine is in there....

I definitely need my solitude, I always have. If I don't take it, I know it will be a very frustrating day.

[christie]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

I have to have down time too. I love being home with Cynthia and our dogs and cats, it's the best.

Now that I don't drink like a fish the bar is more than I can stand, unless we go on an afternoon and I leave when the crowd starts to arrive.

Maybe if my job were not as social as it it, being around people the rest of the time would be easier?

Even at parties at our house, I get overwhelmed and try to escape to outside to chill, but people follow me. I need a better plan.

I do find that living in a city is better because it is anonymous and I am not expected to hang out with neighbors and no one cares what I do.

If it makes any difference, I am becoming more people phobic than ever...

By the time Thursday afternoon rolls around, there is NOTHING I'd rather do than hop in the car, drive the four hours home and collapse with Jess and the critters.

There are weeks when I don't go out of the house from Thursday night till I leave on Monday asscrackofdawn.

I don't care what the expectation might be from the neighbors in our small town. They get too cozy and I WILL run that rainbow flag up next to the devil worshipping star! (its a joke)

I think that everyone should have that "recharge" time - neurodiverse or not

That being said, there must be a cup of coffee when we are in Nashvegas at the end of the month!

[Andrew, Jr.]

I think most people assume that others want to "talk" or to "socialize". There is something definitely off when it comes to that. I know I had a neighbor who used to sit and wait for me or Rosie to come home to socialize with us. It drove us nuts. We ended up moving. It was a welcome relief. She was a major pain in the butt. And I mean MAJOR. There is a time for everything, and she seemed to jump out just when it was not the right time.

[violaine]

http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/autism_world/96900

jen, christie, and andrew-

i completely get you all with regard to lots of socialisation! lots of sneaking off stories, not answering the bell, avoiding events, et c.!!

liam, watch out

thought i'd post the face blindness article because i have experienced it a time or two.

best,
belle

[[[you all]]]

[Andrew, Jr.]

Face Blindness hits me once and a while. And it is very frustrating. I have word blindness (Dyslexia). So, it is pretty much the same sort of thing - a visual perception disorder as the lady told me who tested me. I was like, oh ok.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by christie0918

If it makes any difference, I am becoming more people phobic than ever...

By the time Thursday afternoon rolls around, there is NOTHING I'd rather do than hop in the car, drive the four hours home and collapse with Jess and the critters.

There are weeks when I don't go out of the house from Thursday night till I leave on Monday asscrackofdawn.

I don't care what the expectation might be from the neighbors in our small town. They get too cozy and I WILL run that rainbow flag up next to the devil worshipping star! (its a joke)

I think that everyone should have that "recharge" time - neurodiverse or not

That being said, there must be a cup of coffee when we are in Nashvegas at the end of the month!

Absolutely, what days are you all here?

Thank you for saying that about recharge time, I feel bad about what a recluse I can be. Some days, all I can manage is work....like today. BUt I have lunch with a friend and dinner with another and I have no idea how I am going to do it. I am in a complete fog and have a gianr headache.

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

I think most people assume that others want to "talk" or to "socialize". There is something definitely off when it comes to that. I know I had a neighbor who used to sit and wait for me or Rosie to come home to socialize with us. It drove us nuts. We ended up moving. It was a welcome relief. She was a major pain in the butt. And I mean MAJOR. There is a time for everything, and she seemed to jump out just when it was not the right time.

I am picturing Mrs. Kravitz on Bewitched! I totally get that.