07-02-2010, 12:21 PM | #481 |
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Today, I ask that all of you in this thread continue to pray for me until I get through this stuff I am having to go through. I need a prayer chain started for me. Some of you know what it's about, some of you don't. I honestly just need everyone praying for me to God/Universe/Higher Power, that I get through this and it's over with soon, and that I am vindicated in the end.
My Ptsd, anxiety, and depression are undergoing severe stress right now, and I am being seen by my doctor, but the situation I am dealing with has added to all my symptoms more each day. Until this situation is over with, the doc says I will remain overwhelmed, more depressed (already on meds), and full of anxiety (for which I take meds for now), and the night terrors are more pronounce than ever now. Thank you all for this thread and for your understanding and love and compassion. I greatly appreciate each and every one of you here. B.
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07-02-2010, 10:55 PM | #482 | |
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May Great Spirit wrap you in warm healing energy to strengthen your soul and calm your heart. Remember that breathe is life. When you ar in your terror, remind yourself to breathe. Close your eyes and follow your breathe in then follow it as you exhale. With each breathe let it grow and begin to slow down. My prayers are with you.
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07-08-2010, 04:14 PM | #483 | |
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This is one of the most amazing sharing/testimonies I have ever heard. You are very brave Rav and I would applaud you only when I stop hugging you, my dear. I had a mama like that too...best thing she ever did for me was leave me with my grandma...I was 4. Now, after all these years, we have finally found a good place where we can be family again, but it was a very long, tiring, trying process...She had to accept her own failings in order to deal with them...some people will live in denial their entire lives. Very sad actually, but I do hope one day your mother is struck with an epiphany and is able to deal with and take responsibility for the things that are hers to own. She is missing out on an amazing woman, daughter and friend in you. That's her loss though. One day at a time is the best...although there are days when its one minute at a time, one hour at a time, and thankfully one day at a time... Blessings to you, brave one. We all have to find a way to deal, and it sounds like you're doing it all by yourself just fine. Amen. Shug |
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07-08-2010, 05:32 PM | #484 | |
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07-09-2010, 12:59 PM | #485 |
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Triggered early this morning !! I am just a mind boggled mess right now. Can't even think right till my mind finds the calm and some peace today. UGH.
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07-09-2010, 02:30 PM | #486 |
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Hi Everyone,
I too have some PTSD issues. I was raised in an extremely abusive environment. The abuser was my mother. She was terribly abusive emotionally, mentally and physically. I left home at 15 and went on my own which was traumatic for me on it's own accord but still felt safer than being at home. Still I tried for 35 years to "forgive & forget." The forgiveness came, but I'll never forget...and the forgiveness left very quickly because she is still an abuser to this day, mostly emotionally and verbally now. So about 3 months ago, one of my brothers died suddenly and quite unexpectedly and my dear mother once again made everything about her even to the point of verbally bashing my brother to me. That was the final straw for me, and I basically have removed her from my life...period. I changed my phone number, blocked her emails and I am just done with her and her sickness. I have a counselor that I see a couple of times a month and this ensures that I keep on my path and remember to take good care of me which helps tremendously. Over the years I have done a lot of inner work and the symptoms of PTSD, though still there, do not run my life anymore. Like someone here mentioned, I still have a hard time in a large crowd like at a concert or something like that, so I simply do not put myself into that situation and stick to smaller groups of people where I can feel safe. You all have much courage and are encouraging others to take care of themselves, which will enable you as well. Cheers to you all! Jesse
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07-09-2010, 03:41 PM | #487 |
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Hi Tranzman, Glad you are here with us! I understand forgiving, but nobody forgets. Nobody. It is apart of your being as it is mine, and everyone's here. It is apart of who we are - like DNA. And it is ok. Really. I wish you much peace, Drew |
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07-11-2010, 04:06 PM | #488 |
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I had a major body flashback that lasted about an hour. Very frightening bacause I felt debilitated and helpless to control it. I've had these twice before. I took a med and just laid quietly until it passed. This happened before more intensely while I was at work one day. This kind of thing is what ruined my life.
I went into the flashback if that makes sense instead of running from it on the inside. Something tells me it won't happen again. |
07-11-2010, 07:39 PM | #489 |
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Hi ravfem,
I have snipped some of your post than I personally relate to. <snip> My mama has always been a negative emotional influence on me. i have tried talking to her, going to therapy with her. She has acknowledged her issues. But, she cannot and/or will not do anything about them. So....i had to decide: do i continue to allow myself to be a part of her hell? If so, i had to accept that that would mean i would be making myself miserable and depressed too. If not, then i had to accept that society would shun me. <snip> My Dad was my obvious abuser. He was diagnosed with 'paranoid schizophrenia'. Unfortunately, he never sought help. I came to believe that he used his mental illness and his alcoholism as an excuse to continue to abuse his children and my mom. My Mom on the other hand used her religious beliefs to remain with him. I hated both parents for many years for obviously different reasons-Dad for the physical and emotional abuse and Mom for defending him because he was ill, while we lived in hell. Finally, the Law intervened and they divorced. I totally separated myself from him with my hatred. My Mom did seek help and got somewhat better. I moved out of the house at 18. I had guilt that I left my siblings to fend for themselves. My Dad died in '92 but he was dead to me 20yrs prior. I didn't forgive him for years after his death. I do now have a strong relationship with Mom but that happened very slowly. She is now 82. What I came to accept...I am only responsible for me. I am at peace with myself and can be there for my family in their crisis without becoming part of it. Am I 100% nah but I hang in the 90% most of the time. Still I have some unexpected bouts with my past, but I rebound quicker now. My advice: Love yourself completely...YOU are WORTH IT! Thank you for sharing here and working on yourself to gain and maintain your peace.
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07-11-2010, 07:42 PM | #490 |
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Wrapping your in peace and sending you love.
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07-11-2010, 08:27 PM | #491 | |
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07-12-2010, 08:02 AM | #492 | |
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i love when we figure out that we're only responsible for ourselves, i do think it goes a long way towards finding that inner peace. It's always been hard for me to separate myself emotionally from loved ones issues. my therapist taught me about "not making their problems yours" which i found to be greatly helpful, but it's something i still struggle with. i think it's because of that part of me that wants to "fix" everything for people i care about. i hate seeing someone hurt or angry about something, it always makes me so uncomfortable and so i immediately start trying to figure out ways to fix it for them. i've found that when, instead of doing that, i am able to just listen and be supportive, i am much better off emotionally.
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07-12-2010, 10:50 AM | #493 |
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JeepSakes..... I am still amazed 54 years later with the depth of my increased startle response from PTSD. Sometimes, when it goes into full-on mode, I feel embarrassed. Done what I can to decrease it, but, such a stubborn buggar it is! I have decided to just accept this part of me as it is. I just explain it to people that matter to me. This does cut my anxiety some.At least now, I do know I won't haul off and smack someone when startled. |
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07-12-2010, 04:07 PM | #494 |
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I often wonder if I have pts...Many things have happend in my life that I had to either take it on the chin or let it eat me alive,usely I stood and met it head on.U would think in meeting a prob head on wount be a prob but in some ways its a diffrent emotional hit than running from it or steping away.I dont have this fight or flight thing hit me so much any more but when I do its usely in the form of needing to get up and do something really physicaly hard to burn the feening away or I have restless days and nights of little to no sleep then some awfull night mares that I would rather not have.I have woken up gasping for air and feeling like I have had something trying to chase,smother and or shut me away in a dark place where there is light around every where but where I am...crazy cause all the ppl/situations who cause these things are no longer hear in any way.Funny thing is when this happends the bed is as neat as can be except for the spot where I sleep.I know dreams are a figmant of mind flashes and arent real but they shure get my attention.
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07-15-2010, 09:39 AM | #495 |
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I think many more people have PTSD than know it, and with two wars going on the numbers will increase every day, no to mention on going abuse, etc.
Sorry I have not been back here in a while, so much going on in my head, it's difficult to sort it all. AtLast, my startle response is on a hair trigger too, probably always will be. UGH. Rocking, so sorry you are experiencing this, I have been having sleeping difficulties and crazy dreams too...waking up in a full sweat. Still working on forgiving myself for my own weakness and working with a therapist with brain spotting getting past some of the traumas that are more body reactions than brain ones...though I know its all connected. Still finding out more about my childhood and why and how it all happened. Great posts here, thank you all for sharing! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo Love and light! Jet, congratulations on your breakthrough!
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07-15-2010, 11:33 AM | #496 |
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I've had some breakthroughs seeing and remembering what happened. It's like getting it out of my system. What bother me though, is constantly being tired and sleeping a lot. I wonder if this is normal after holding it in so many years.
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07-15-2010, 12:43 PM | #497 |
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I don't think its unusual, to need more rest, when we have been subjected to stress.
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07-15-2010, 01:07 PM | #498 |
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I totally get the needing more rest thing. These traumas are in our bodies as well as in our minds and as they exit our bodies need extra rest to heal.
I could use a nap right now in fact!
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07-16-2010, 11:12 AM | #499 |
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I don't know if you have ever experienced this, but since I have started releasing of shock in my system, I'm fatigued. I'm constantly tired and this is the second day that I have gone back to bed about 5 times. it's like I can't keep my eyes open.
I am feeling better and not nearly as affected with trauma (shock) in my system. I just wish i could wake up and not feel so tired. Maybe this makes up for months—years I couldn't sleep. |
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07-16-2010, 11:47 AM | #500 | |
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Sometimes it helps me to be in the sun, the vitamin D maybe? You deserve the rest, try an embrace it as somehting you need and deserve!
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