|
07-05-2012, 12:16 AM | #1 |
Junior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Hard Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
ma'am or girl Relationship Status:
married Join Date: May 2012
Location: SF Bay
Posts: 10
Thanks: 13
Thanked 43 Times in 7 Posts
Rep Power: 20698 |
Can a poly/mono work?
Question to the community:
Do you believe, and if so, what is required for a poly person and a mono person to maintain a long term romantic love relationship? FYI on me: romantically heart monogamous, with multiple long-term committed leather relationships that may or may not involve sex and/or BDSM at any given interaction and when I attend leather events I often "trick" which means I may have some form of leathersex. All sexual encounters that are not with committed individuals are using safer sex. Tricks, though wonderful folks, are no threat to my leather family and/or the one who is first in my heart. |
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to LadyHilary For This Useful Post: |
07-05-2012, 03:43 AM | #2 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Kinky Poly Transman Preferred Pronoun?:
He Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Monroe, NC
Posts: 551
Thanks: 773
Thanked 822 Times in 256 Posts
Rep Power: 2402407 |
Good post and interesting thread.. I myself ID as poly, the girl that I am dating does not ID as such. We've talked a LOT about it and she knows where my heart lies.. With her.. I also have a very dear friend and lover that I have been involved with for almost 4 years. They know of one another and respect and trust my feelings for both of them..
I think that any kind of relationship can work, as long as all involved are open and honest about where motivations lie and when something just doesn't feel right.. I encourage both of my partners to talk and to share with me how they feel and I check in often when I want or need to about where I am feeling and what my needs are. That being said, I am not looking for any other deep relationships.. I don't have any other sexual partners, but ifI find drawn to someone, I would check in with my girl first.. the man I see and I's relationship is different.. He is poly, my girl is not. I guess my point is that it has been working so far, lol.. Lots of communication, transparency, and honesty. I look forward to seeing how others feel about this topic. -Tony
__________________
The beatings shall continue.. until moral improves.. |
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to TenderKnight For This Useful Post: |
07-05-2012, 05:26 AM | #3 |
Practically Lives Here
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
dee Relationship Status:
Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Livin’ the Dream
Posts: 24,079
Thanks: 30,560
Thanked 54,958 Times in 13,923 Posts
Rep Power: 21474873 |
i feel it can work if all parties are open, honest and do not have underlying issues/agendas/feelings that are unknown to the other parties.
i think we all have a poly heart in some way, in that we are capable of loving more than one human being (polyamourous) but how we interact with others is where the real work comes in. |
The Following 12 Users Say Thank You to girl_dee For This Useful Post: |
07-05-2012, 11:01 AM | #4 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
queer stone femme shark baby girl Preferred Pronoun?:
she, her, little one Relationship Status:
dating myself. Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: dallas, tx
Posts: 1,495
Thanks: 13,823
Thanked 6,437 Times in 1,288 Posts
Rep Power: 21474850 |
i'm polyamorous and both of my partners are monogamous - one by circumstance (he's just never really felt the need or desire to date anyone else since we've been together - we've been together 7 yrs) and one by choice/disposition (he never planned to date anyone polyamorous and has no interest in it, but we fell in love and he's been really accepting of it - we've been together 1 yr).
the things that have been most important for us are open and honest communication...c., my partner who defines himself as being monogamous, had never really been in a relationship where that had been encouraged before. and the other thing is addressing it when jealousy comes up. usually it's around the idea that he's not enough for me, or i might find someone else and want to leave him, etc. so we've had a lot of conversations about breaking down those ideas/fears. i'd love to date someone who is also poly, but with a few exceptions, i have always ended up with monogamous people. and it's worked pretty well in my long term relationships |
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to aishah For This Useful Post: |
07-05-2012, 11:28 AM | #5 |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Butch, Switch, Comedian...G...whichever. Preferred Pronoun?:
He....with an e! Relationship Status:
I'll take kinky & twisted for $200, Alex!! Tournaments Won: 1 Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: in the middle
Posts: 2,281
Thanks: 874
Thanked 6,165 Times in 1,450 Posts
Rep Power: 21474853 |
I believe anything can work if there is complete honesty and communication. When people fail to communicate and cannot be honest, that is when trust is lost and things fall apart. It is hard to gain trust back once it is broken.
My experiences with the people I have been involved with that id as poly have not been successful because they were not honest with me or kept things from me, which I consider to be dishonest when we have agreed to being forthcoming with anything that might hurt either one of us. I was clear out in Wyoming once, with no way to leave or get home when I got an ”oh by the way” announcement that I shoukd have been told about a month sooner. And while it might not be a big deal to some folks, I felt deceived and the weekend was not very good. I am very clear about honesty and what it means to me. I don't need details, but I I do need to know something is going on. I hope that makes sense.
__________________
Happy are those who dream and are ready to pay the price to make them come true!
|
The Following 14 Users Say Thank You to Just_G For This Useful Post: |
07-05-2012, 12:05 PM | #6 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
as myself Preferred Pronoun?:
She Relationship Status:
Single Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Leesburg, FL
Posts: 595
Thanks: 2,876
Thanked 2,118 Times in 501 Posts
Rep Power: 17077996 |
To be honest, I don't know, yet, if I am poly or mono. The first person that I dated, after I started transition was poly, however, and he got me started thinking about this sort of thing. He and I talked for quite a long time, online, as we lived a distance from each other, unfortunately. In the end, it was the distance and my financial inability to go see him that ended that relationship, not the fact that he was poly.
I think that it might be able to work, but I also think that it would take a lot of openness and communication between both parties to do it. |
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Nadeest For This Useful Post: |
04-20-2017, 03:21 AM | #7 | |
Practically Lives Here
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
dee Relationship Status:
Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Livin’ the Dream
Posts: 24,079
Thanks: 30,560
Thanked 54,958 Times in 13,923 Posts
Rep Power: 21474873 |
Quote:
this life is work, hard work. But i love it. i do not believe that anyone one person could be my end all, be all. They could surely be the love of my life, my one true love, my *person*, my Master, my soulmate, my whatever....... but no one being could be my everything. Nor could i be their everything. There is no reason why we can't enjoy things in another loving relationship that we cannot enjoy with our person. Sex is a prime example, there is much that i am just not into, and don't want to be. If my person wants to experience those things with someone else, and still bring to our relationship everything that got us to that point, why should they not? |
|
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to girl_dee For This Useful Post: |
04-20-2017, 04:48 AM | #8 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Queer Stone Daddy Preferred Pronoun?:
DC Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: colorado
Posts: 499
Thanks: 346
Thanked 1,485 Times in 430 Posts
Rep Power: 13453157 |
I think it can work for others just not for Me... I am a 1 woman kinda Guy and I am very open about that with My partner... it comes down to communication and openness...
|
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to AmazonDC For This Useful Post: |
04-20-2017, 03:17 PM | #9 |
Practically Lives Here
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
dee Relationship Status:
Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Livin’ the Dream
Posts: 24,079
Thanks: 30,560
Thanked 54,958 Times in 13,923 Posts
Rep Power: 21474873 |
and of course that is just great, but you know not to get involved with poly folk, we are wired much differently.
|
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to girl_dee For This Useful Post: |
|
|