Changing last names

[apretty]

I would love to change mine to Glass; George Glass.

[Corkey]

Originally Posted by stephfromMIT

We live in MA, so I'm 99% sure all we have to is indicate our "married name" on the marriage license.

Make sure, go to the court house and ask for the most up to date regulations, trust me, because it is not yet legal in the US, you may have other papers to file. And they cost too.

[LaneyDoll]

When I got married at 24, I changed my name & did so gladly. I endured YEARS of people making fun of my maiden name, mispronouncing it, being unable to spell it-even after telling them countless times. Now, I have a last name that you can at least pronounce when you see it.

Riley does not want to get married. And, I am still trying to finalize the divorce that I have actively been working to obtain for over a year now; I have not lived with the ex for over four years. Divorce is NOT designed for people who have limited means. As such, when Riley says "I am never getting married" I reply, "Good, then we can just live in sin."

I do not think I would ever change my name again. I have the name that my kids have-and that is enough for me.

[Daywalker]

She Hyphenated to add my last name.

I added Day Walker in as my legal middle name now.

[Martina]

There are a number of partriarchal cultures in which women are viewed as property -- as most cultures do -- but in which wives do not change their names.

There are few commonalities among those that do or that don't. So the custom itself does not consistently MEAN anything.

One take on it could be that in cultures where women do change their names, they were more openly welcomed into their husband's kinship group. They were not simply a necessity of exogamy, strangers brought in and tolerated in order to produce the next generation.

I don't subscribe to this theory either. Similar behaviors mean very different things in different cultures.

[Estella]

Originally Posted by stephfromMIT

We live in MA, so I'm 99% sure all we have to is indicate our "married name" on the marriage license.

Yep, you will. If you're keeping your "maiden" names, just write it in.

It was important to my wife and I that we share a last name. However, since neither of us any reason to be committed to our fathers' names, we chose one for ourselves at random. No muss, no fuss ...

[~ocean]

Originally Posted by stephfromMIT

Amanda and I were in bed the other night. She was lazily stroking my pit hair and said,"Hun, I've been thinking." I got scared, and she smiled,"Baby, don't worry, we're still getting married." I calmed down and asked,"Then what is it?" She told me,"When we get married, I'm taking your last name." I smiled,"Amanda Thompson does sound nice."

So, did/will you or your SO change their last name if/when you marry/have commitment ceremony?

I am legally married to my ex> we have since broken up .. I did take her name . after 17 yrs of only having a commitment ceremony it seemed befitting at the time. lol stroking ur pit hair .. details that r private yes ?

[Nomad]

my last name came from the person who adopted me when i was a child. that adoption saved my life so, no i wouldnt change it. (not that it's much of an issue in my life! )

[yotlyolqualli]

Changing names lol

My family, and friends from my childhood, call me Missy. Besides ruddebegga, my mother's "pet" name for me lol, I was only ever Missy (or Malissa Jane!! when Mother was ticked at me lol). As I started to have nieces and nephews, I became Aunt Missy. After I turned 18, to me, Missy sounded as "babyish" as Johnny would to John or Andy would to Andrew... so I TRIED to get people to call me "Malissa", my given name.

They just didn't get it LOL

So, when I realized I was gay, at the age of 30, I came out, in a rather big way... and all in one fell swoop. As my circle of friends grew and my "chosen" family began, I began introducing myself as Lissa, shortened from Malissa.

One of my sisters really struggled HARD with that! She said, "Mom called you Missy, she would be upset that you would change that." I asked... soooo, she called you Susie and now everyone calls you Sue...??" That, apparently, was different LOL. She came around. None of my "given" family call me Lissa, I am still Missy, Aunt Missy and even Grandma Missy, but they have accepted, fully, that my expanded circle of friends and chosen family, call me Lissa.

Having said that... my last name, which is special to me, would be hard to let go of. However, given the way I was raised, what I believe and how I feel about it, I would gladly take the last name of the person I would share my life with. Not because I would feel "owned' nor that I "belonged to" but because it would, in me, evoke a feeling of "belonging WITH".

Just my long winded 2 cents worth...

[Lady Pamela]

I am a bit old fashioned I guess.
I truely think that to change my name when married, is not only a compliment and gift to who I marry.
But it is also an honor and a gift to myself from who I marry.


When that day comes that is...smiles


.

[Toughy]

hhmmmmmmm

Seems this question brings up a whole bunch of hetero-normative crap........

Femmes are the ones talking about taking the last name of their partner. Why is the assumption that femme should change/hyphenate her name and not butch/tg/trans/man/masculine of center/_____ changing/hyphenating their last name?

I will not change my last name under any circumstances. I also would highly object to anyone I marry taking my last name. The name change thing is about transfer of property and people are not property (or corporations....snort). I also would not hyphenate my last name, but I am unsure about her using a hyphen....probably not.

[Lady Pamela]

Originally Posted by Toughy

hhmmmmmmm

Seems this question brings up a whole bunch of hetero-normative crap........

Femmes are the ones talking about taking the last name of their partner. Why is the assumption that femme should change/hyphenate her name and not butch/tg/trans/man/masculine of center/_____ changing/hyphenating their last name?

I will not change my last name under any circumstances. I also would highly object to anyone I marry taking my last name. The name change thing is about transfer of property and people are not property (or corporations....snort). I also would not hyphenate my last name, but I am unsure about her using a hyphen....probably not.

Very good points you made.
And I myself choose to do this but if my mate wanted, I would not be oposed to the opposite.
I do it for love reason not ownership.

I guess it is all in the intent and actions taken.
But I do understand your postion on this.

Also it would have to be with and for,
someone who I truely trusted and did not feel like an object to.


.

[Corkey]

I guess like most things in life it comes down to personal preferences and couples choices. I'm happy my wife changed hers, she is too, other than us no one else's opinion matters.

[thedivahrrrself]

Originally Posted by Nomad

my last name came from the person who adopted me when i was a child. that adoption saved my life so, no i wouldnt change it. (not that it's much of an issue in my life! )

I can relate to this so much. My dad adopted me, and his decision to do that forever altered the course of my life for the better. It would take a lot for me to part with my last name. Plus, I'm a big fan of alliteration, and it sounds nice paired with my first name.

That being said, I don't see harm in taking a last name. When you marry, you create a family, whether or not there are children involved. And it's nice when that family shares something like a name. But it's a personal choice thing.

I think celebs have it best. They use one name professionally and one personally. That sounds like the most attractive option to me.

Marriage is a long way off for me; I still have an empire to build

[PurpleQuestions84]

i think creating some kind of hybrid last name so you both could get new names would be cool

[Dance-with-me]

When I got legally married to my ex, I took his name hyphenated with mine so that I could have a name connection to our grandkids who we were raising. It really did make it a LOT easier -- people just don't question your connection when you have the same last name.

A few tips for those who are considering it:
-- if you get legally married in a state that allows legal marriage, you can get your name changed at Social Security even if your state does not honor that marriage
-- whether or not your name is changed with social security doesn't mean squat if your local laws do not recognize your marriage: Some local laws only require a ss name change to then get your driver's license and other stuff changed, others refuse to honor it. Interestingly, spouse and I were both able to get our drivers' licenses changed while our state still considered our marriage illegal, probably because we went separately and we both have names that could possibly be used for someone of the other gender (spouse's far less so, but considering that he has a spanish last name, they probably assumed that any country that might name their son Jesus might also name him _____). But other same sex couples were turned away.
-- IF you are turned away from getting your DL changed and are told that you need a court order, after you have your SS name changed, fight it up through the state government. Several couples were able to get the state to PAY for the costs of getting their court-ordered name change.
-- Do NOT assume that you know the rules for a name change based on old information or the info from another state: Every state has different laws and procedures.

Fortunately, when my state finally started recognizing out of state marriages as civil unions, they also made it so that we can use the local courts to get legally divorced, and made it so that name changes can be requested with a marriage OR divorce... Since I won't be allowed to maintain any legal relationship with the kids (other than grandma with zero legal rights), I'm taking my own name back.

[Dance-with-me]

Just to clarify: If you get legally married in a state that allows it, you can go to your LOCAL social security office, in your own state, even if your state prohibits same-sex marriage.

[Greyson]

I have changed my first and middle names in my lifetime. The first name change came about the age of 14. I was named after my mom and I was so not that. The name I began to use in junior high was not a feminine sounding name. I remember my grandmother said to me, "You could at least spell it with an "e" at the end of your name to make it more feminine. That name stuck.

Upon my transition I changed my middle name which was the same as my chosen first name. That is when I took Greyson. I still have my legal junior high first name.

As for my surname, I would never change it. I am a chicano. Half and half really. Sometimes it feels like this is my only connection left to my Latino heritage and I will never let go of it.

[kittygrrl]

For me it's more about how you personally feel about it..i wouldn't feel like property if i took the name of my lover..and this doesn't feel like a bad thing (since I'm his & he is mine) .. it's all relative..we are here for a short time and so if it makes you and your lover happy then do it or not..life has enough built in rules no need to make more..(imo)

[TenderDaddy]

I echo this. I would never insist on it but it sure would make my heart swell up if she wanted to.

Originally Posted by Bard

Desd took my last name it meant a lot to me one thing I could give to her that I have never given to anyone