What are your three non-negotiables (in a relationship)? - Page 5

PumaJ · 01-03-2012, 09:43 PM

1) No drugs, no alcohol, no cigarettes/pipes/cigars.
2) Must like cats.
3) Be able to own one's own emotional stuff & be honest.
4) Be a capable, caring top when it comes to sex.

Sorry that's four. Oh well

Hack · 01-03-2012, 11:42 PM

Fascinating what people focus on in this thread. Further proof we all make our own happiness.

1. Let's start with what I am not -- your rebound guy, your consolation prize, your soft place to land after you've been dumped or your revenge romp.

2. I am a nice guy who is going to be nice to you, your mom, your grandmother, your friends, your siblings, etc. If the fact that I am going to treat you right is an issue, then I am not your guy.

3. Own your stuff. Personal responsibility and accountability are both huge to me because of what I have been through the past almost 26 years. Be an adult, please.

SuddenlyWestFemme · 01-03-2012, 11:43 PM

1) Edgy but KIND. There was a time when I really wanted/needed edgy with a bit of kind, but time and experience has switched that. I want and need kind first with a bit of Edgy!

2) Interested in family (as I'm a package deal).

3) GREAT kisser! This is not-negotiable.

Mtn · 01-03-2012, 11:52 PM

Integrity
Kindness
Compassion

1QuirkyKiwi · 01-04-2012, 05:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sassy

After entirely too much thought on this subject lately, I have to amend/add something:
Health conscious.
Willing to prepare, or at least eat, healthy food. Not bring junk food in the home. Take walks, ride bikes, visit the gym, etc. ... good for me in more than just the dinner-and-a-movie kind of way.

I get a few potential dates that don’t eat healthily and are put off by the fact that I do and that I’m vegan and have been for nearly 30 years. I’m not a lover of cakes, biscuits and many other types of junk food….never have been.

I ask before the first date if she/hy has a problem with me being vegan and would they eat vegan foods at home, should the relationship become serious….most have said they would.

I’m often complimented on my nicely toned body and how I don’t move like a BBW. I’m also complimented on my fitness and high energy levels….I’ve said before in threads that I’ve always enjoyed being active; doing Yoga, T’ai Chi, Swimming, walking, etc. I’ve never let my Spina Bifida or my Plus size body be an issue….I can’t do anything about my genetics when it comes to my body size, but, I can maintain a good fitness level.

My Ex. gave me the nickname ‘Xenia Onatopp’ because she liked the way I held her gently with my thighs when we, well….you know!

Gemme · 01-04-2012, 09:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SuddenlyWestFemme

1) Edgy but KIND. There was a time when I really wanted/needed edgy with a bit of kind, but time and experience has switched that. I want and need kind first with a bit of Edgy!

2) Interested in family (as I'm a package deal).

3) GREAT kisser! This is not-negotiable.

Absolutely. If I don't enjoy their kiss, nothing else will follow. Of course, I don't have to be in a relationship with someone to kiss them.

LaneyDoll · 01-04-2012, 10:31 AM

I am not going to list the things I feel that do not need to list. If you lack honesty, integrity, stability, a job (or substitute like pursuit of an education/retirement etc) then you may as well move on. And do not think that I will not catch you in a lie-I have an almost photographic memory.

My dealbreakers are:

* what you lack-hygiene, manners, sex drive, confidence, a positive outlook
* what you are addicted to-smoking, alcohol, gambling
* what you are not-interesting, kind, thoughtful, accepting of my kids

deb_U_taunt · 01-05-2012, 01:00 PM

I keep busy – must be able to match my energy level or accept it. I haven’t made this a priority in the past and it’s been an issue. I don’t expect you to keep up, but don’t expect me to slow down.

I am gentle and I like peace (does not mean passive) – if you need/like to argue or on a constant vent about injustices at work, home, life. I am not the woman for you.

She must be able to live with and accept change. Let's keep out of the rut.

JAGG · 01-05-2012, 02:07 PM

No druggies drunks or smokers or addicts past or present.
Strong convictions/good self-esteem and self-worth.
Must be affectionate with a sweet kind compassionate heart.

starryeyes · 01-05-2012, 02:36 PM

1. Treat me like the special woman that I am.
2. Must kiss me good morning and good night every day! No excuses!
3. Let go, laugh and be silly.

:-D

Library_girl · 01-05-2012, 02:57 PM

I would like to echo Starryeyes, my homegirl.

In addition, my top 3 non-negotiables are:
1. Must have employment (or retirement or trust fund or whatever)
2. Must be an excellent kisser
3. Must be affectionate and sweet, publicly and privately
4. Must be respectful and supportive of my life, career, and pursuits
5. Must love dogs, cats, basically all critters
6. Must tolerate my astonishingly poor mathematical skills (like listing 6 things for a Top 3!)

EmpressM · 01-05-2012, 11:46 PM

1. Must be a stable adult. To me, this means you make responsible decisions, financially, emotionally, etc. You are emotionally available, have learned from your past mistakes without allowing them to impede your present. Know who you are and what you want.

2. Active, playful, silly, funny, a dreamer and enjoy spending time with me. I'm really not one to sit around. I'll try anything at least once and like most things. I like being out in the world and appreciate and relish my time in it!

I'm also one to take a calculated risks and work hard for them, to give and receive what I want out of life and to reach my goals.

3. Passionate about the things that matter to you and the relationship. I need to be kissed, hugged, cuddled, and ravished on a regular basis. Generally speaking, when someone consistently endures things they aren't passionate about, it wears on other aspects of their lives, most often their personal relationships.

Honey · 01-06-2012, 03:17 AM

1. Conviction of mind & spirit
2. Great sex drive
3. Madly, truly, deeply, endlessly, in love with me

Venus007 · 01-06-2012, 06:03 AM

1. Kind heart
2. Rational mind
3. Sensual soulfulness
4. Bonus add on... Likes and respects solitude

jac · 01-06-2012, 06:19 AM

Must leave pets outside of the bedroom. I love my sleep and play time waaaaaay too much to have an audience or extra critter-like participant hanging around.

Must have an equal-to level of a sex drive. Companionship is great but I definitely need more than that. I need physical satisfaction.

Must be willing to entertain self and enjoy alone time. As a Pisces, I most certainly do... and I don't want to be made to feel guilty or inconsiderate for having my own personal alone time moments.

1QuirkyKiwi · 01-06-2012, 12:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stone4play

Must have an equal-to level of a sex drive. Companionship is great but I definitely need more than that. I need physical satisfaction.

Must be willing to entertain self and enjoy alone time. As a Pisces, I most certainly do... and I don't want to be made to feel guilty or inconsiderate for having my own personal alone time moments.

Alone time doesn't mean I don't love my partner or want to be with them....it means I need time to process my own thoughts and feelings and do my own things. Sadly, that is not always understood and I hate feeling as if I'm being suffocated by my partner.

We each had lives before we met and we should be able to blend both our lives as seperate people and a couple together....easier said than done, though!

JAGG · 01-06-2012, 12:37 PM

Great sense of adventure
Great sense of humor
Good communication

Gemme · 01-07-2012, 10:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1QuirkyKiwi

Alone time doesn't mean I don't love my partner or want to be with them....it means I need time to process my own thoughts and feelings and do my own things. Sadly, that is not always understood and I hate feeling as if I'm being suffocated by my partner.

We each had lives before we met and we should be able to blend both our lives as seperate people and a couple together....easier said than done, though!

I'm the same way. I need my personal time and my personal space.

The more they are gone, the better I like them when they come back.

Random · 01-07-2012, 10:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemme

I'm the same way. I need my personal time and my personal space.

The more they are gone, the better I like them when they come back.

I have a sticker on my old lap top... A lil goth angle girl who is saying... *How can I miss you, if you don't go away*

I like missing people...

ruffryder · 01-08-2012, 10:43 AM

Hygiene for one. Yeah the girl has to Smell good, everywhere.
Respect for self and others.
Non drama.
Not always drunk. Occasional social drinker is ok.
Have a personality to match the beauty.
I got your back so I expect the same.
I better be the #1 guy in your life besides our children.

01-03-2012, 09:43 PM	#81
PumaJ Member How Do You Identify?: High Femme Queer Feminist Preferred Pronoun?: she, her Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Portland Metro, Oregon Posts: 200 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,419 Thanked 502 Times in 147 Posts Rep Power: 1652641	1) No drugs, no alcohol, no cigarettes/pipes/cigars. 2) Must like cats. 3) Be able to own one's own emotional stuff & be honest. 4) Be a capable, caring top when it comes to sex. Sorry that's four. Oh well __________________ PumaJ

01-03-2012, 11:52 PM	#84
Mtn Member How Do You Identify?: Stone butch, daddy type Relationship Status: sylvie calls me her studmuffin Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: OR Posts: 691 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,005 Thanked 3,834 Times in 617 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Integrity Kindness Compassion __________________ If you don't sleep in my bed, or sign my paycheck, your opinion probably does not matter to me...

01-04-2012, 10:31 AM	#87
LaneyDoll Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Girly girl femme Preferred Pronoun?: She; Ma'am; Miss ;) Relationship Status: Pitbull protected. Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Birmingham, AL Posts: 2,204 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,892 Thanked 7,686 Times in 1,608 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I am not going to list the things I feel that do not need to list. If you lack honesty, integrity, stability, a job (or substitute like pursuit of an education/retirement etc) then you may as well move on. And do not think that I will not catch you in a lie-I have an almost photographic memory. My dealbreakers are: * what you lack-hygiene, manners, sex drive, confidence, a positive outlook * what you are addicted to-smoking, alcohol, gambling * what you are not-interesting, kind, thoughtful, accepting of my kids __________________ There are beauties who stop traffic and then there are beauties who grow obsessively in the hearts of the susceptible.

01-05-2012, 01:00 PM	#88
deb_U_taunt Senior Member How Do You Identify?: ........ Join Date: May 2011 Location: ....... Posts: 1,748 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,324 Thanked 5,259 Times in 1,362 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	I won't include the obvious. I keep busy – must be able to match my energy level or accept it. I haven’t made this a priority in the past and it’s been an issue. I don’t expect you to keep up, but don’t expect me to slow down. I am gentle and I like peace (does not mean passive) – if you need/like to argue or on a constant vent about injustices at work, home, life. I am not the woman for you. She must be able to live with and accept change. Let's keep out of the rut.

01-05-2012, 02:07 PM	#89
JAGG Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: JAGG Relationship Status: =) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Tulsa (cat free zone) Posts: 6,093 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 18,651 Thanked 17,543 Times in 4,141 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	No druggies drunks or smokers or addicts past or present. Strong convictions/good self-esteem and self-worth. Must be affectionate with a sweet kind compassionate heart. __________________ I don't want to spend my life with someone I can live with, I want to spend my life with someone I can't live without.

01-03-2012, 11:42 PM	#82
Hack Just a guy. How Do You Identify?: Just a guy Preferred Pronoun?: male Relationship Status: Sparkle's consort Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: MA Posts: 1,458 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 807 Thanked 3,783 Times in 960 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Fascinating what people focus on in this thread. Further proof we all make our own happiness. 1. Let's start with what I am not -- your rebound guy, your consolation prize, your soft place to land after you've been dumped or your revenge romp. 2. I am a nice guy who is going to be nice to you, your mom, your grandmother, your friends, your siblings, etc. If the fact that I am going to treat you right is an issue, then I am not your guy. 3. Own your stuff. Personal responsibility and accountability are both huge to me because of what I have been through the past almost 26 years. Be an adult, please.

01-03-2012, 11:43 PM	#83
SuddenlyWestFemme Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Seattle Posts: 116 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 296 Thanked 522 Times in 88 Posts Rep Power: 7145834	1) Edgy but KIND. There was a time when I really wanted/needed edgy with a bit of kind, but time and experience has switched that. I want and need kind first with a bit of Edgy! 2) Interested in family (as I'm a package deal). 3) GREAT kisser! This is not-negotiable.

01-05-2012, 02:36 PM	#90
starryeyes Senior Member How Do You Identify?: a round peg in a square hole Preferred Pronoun?: Guess... Relationship Status: Seat taken Join Date: May 2011 Location: Rocky Mountain High Posts: 2,491 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,199 Thanked 10,056 Times in 2,077 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	1. Treat me like the special woman that I am. 2. Must kiss me good morning and good night every day! No excuses! 3. Let go, laugh and be silly. :-D __________________ "It's ok to make mistakes. It's ok to fall down. Get up! Look sickening....and make them eat it!" - Latrice Royale Starry

01-05-2012, 02:57 PM	#91
Library_girl Member How Do You Identify?: Old School Femme, girl, babygirl Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, & other girly words Relationship Status: Married to DJ Bear Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Happily married in Nevada Posts: 378 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,113 Thanked 1,247 Times in 280 Posts Rep Power: 13864638	I would like to echo Starryeyes, my homegirl. In addition, my top 3 non-negotiables are: 1. Must have employment (or retirement or trust fund or whatever) 2. Must be an excellent kisser 3. Must be affectionate and sweet, publicly and privately 4. Must be respectful and supportive of my life, career, and pursuits 5. Must love dogs, cats, basically all critters 6. Must tolerate my astonishingly poor mathematical skills (like listing 6 things for a Top 3!) __________________

01-05-2012, 11:46 PM	#92
EmpressM Member How Do You Identify?: human Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: texas Posts: 243 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 925 Thanked 630 Times in 180 Posts Rep Power: 9170940	My three... 1. Must be a stable adult. To me, this means you make responsible decisions, financially, emotionally, etc. You are emotionally available, have learned from your past mistakes without allowing them to impede your present. Know who you are and what you want. 2. Active, playful, silly, funny, a dreamer and enjoy spending time with me. I'm really not one to sit around. I'll try anything at least once and like most things. I like being out in the world and appreciate and relish my time in it! I'm also one to take a calculated risks and work hard for them, to give and receive what I want out of life and to reach my goals. 3. Passionate about the things that matter to you and the relationship. I need to be kissed, hugged, cuddled, and ravished on a regular basis. Generally speaking, when someone consistently endures things they aren't passionate about, it wears on other aspects of their lives, most often their personal relationships. __________________ I'm not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I've always been a freak. So I've been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I'm one of those people. ~John Lennon

01-06-2012, 03:17 AM	#93
Honey Member How Do You Identify?: big femme heart..... in a tight girlie package Preferred Pronoun?: just call me Honey Relationship Status: Playin' 4 keeps with Tomboi1982 Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: New England Posts: 306 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 316 Thanked 613 Times in 184 Posts Rep Power: 10762766	1. Conviction of mind & spirit 2. Great sex drive 3. Madly, truly, deeply, endlessly, in love with me

01-06-2012, 06:03 AM	#94
Venus007 Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Serene Highness ;} Relationship Status: Dreamily contemplating some outrage against conventional morality Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Houston area Posts: 1,362 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,417 Thanked 4,766 Times in 1,142 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	1. Kind heart 2. Rational mind 3. Sensual soulfulness 4. Bonus add on... Likes and respects solitude __________________ . "I need no warrant for being, and no word of sanction upon my being. I am the warrant and the sanction. " Ayn Rand, Anthem "So you'll die happily for your sins. You'd rather die in guilt then live in love?" Timothy Leary

01-06-2012, 06:19 AM	#95
jac Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: butch stone Preferred Pronoun?: masculine ones work best... Relationship Status: ♥ engaged to spritz ♥ Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: bangor, maine Posts: 3,344 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 20,720 Thanked 16,492 Times in 2,972 Posts Rep Power: 0	Must leave pets outside of the bedroom. I love my sleep and play time waaaaaay too much to have an audience or extra critter-like participant hanging around. Must have an equal-to level of a sex drive. Companionship is great but I definitely need more than that. I need physical satisfaction. Must be willing to entertain self and enjoy alone time. As a Pisces, I most certainly do... and I don't want to be made to feel guilty or inconsiderate for having my own personal alone time moments.

01-06-2012, 12:37 PM	#97
JAGG Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: JAGG Relationship Status: =) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Tulsa (cat free zone) Posts: 6,093 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 18,651 Thanked 17,543 Times in 4,141 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Great sense of adventure Great sense of humor Good communication __________________ I don't want to spend my life with someone I can live with, I want to spend my life with someone I can't live without.

01-08-2012, 10:43 AM	#100
ruffryder Senior Member How Do You Identify?: FTM Preferred Pronoun?: guy ones Relationship Status: ... Join Date: May 2011 Location: chillin' in FL Posts: 3,690 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 21,951 Thanked 9,678 Times in 2,875 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	take notes girls. . :p Hygiene for one. Yeah the girl has to Smell good, everywhere. Respect for self and others. Non drama. Not always drunk. Occasional social drinker is ok. Have a personality to match the beauty. I got your back so I expect the same. I better be the #1 guy in your life besides our children.