Baby Butch Journey

blucollargrl · 11-11-2011, 10:33 PM

I think I've met the love of my life, BUT she lives with her girlfriend due to finances. Don't want to lose her, but don't have her anyway. What to do, what to do.

tazz · 11-11-2011, 10:41 PM

that sounds like a sticky situation... you do have choices... just protect yourself from getting so deep that you actually wind up not having her And getting hurt.

but it could work... and i hope it does for you... be patient and understanding.

just my 4 cents...

*Anya* · 11-11-2011, 11:07 PM

I am trying to think of a kind way to say this: finances may not be the only reason they are together. People have all kinds of reasons for remaining together besides love.

Get on with your life. If she really cares about you, she will move out. She can get a roommate, 2 roommates, etc. If she stays anyway, at least you will be living your life.

One can't live on hope. Take it from one that wasted a lot of years doing just that.

I hope it works out for you.

MissItalianDiva · 11-11-2011, 11:32 PM

I am with Anya on this one but I don't have a kind way to say it really. Don't fall for someones excuse who seems like they want to have their cake and eat it to. Another lesson I learned long ago is that if someone creeps around or cheats on someone to be with you then don't for one minute think at some point they won't do it to you since they have already proven to be untrustworthy and capable.

Lastly I think it is bad karma....we reap what we sow so watch where and how you mingle with something that is taken

little_ms_sunshyne · 11-11-2011, 11:46 PM

Seems like there is dishonesty going on. Caution!!!

Strappie · 11-12-2011, 12:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blucollargrl

I think I've met the love of my life, BUT she lives with her girlfriend due to finances. Don't want to lose her, but don't have her anyway. What to do, what to do.

Maybe there is more behind this then you are telling us.. We really can't give you advice as to what to do if we don't have more of the story.

Most people will tell you to GET THE HELL OUT and RUN!

But my guess is there is a bit more to it than what you just wrote.

Help us out here Blu

Tcountry · 11-12-2011, 01:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blucollargrl

I think I've met the love of my life, BUT she lives with her girlfriend due to finances. Don't want to lose her, but don't have her anyway. What to do, what to do.

I agree with Strappie...if u want real advise we are gonna need more info...
How long have u known her?
Why do u feel this way about her?
What are her feelings?
If she lives with her "girlfriend" ...they are still together...there is no financial reasoning bs.
& u are right...hard to lose something that isn't urs to begin with...

msW8ing · 11-12-2011, 03:05 AM

Did you meet her online??
Have you met her in person if you did?
Do you know anyone that can back up her "were broke up but still living together for financial reasons"?
I agree with sunshyne be very cautious..and I agree with Strappie..there is more to this story than what we were told. Whether you are aware or not..this isn't the whole story. Not trying to be cold here but I've seen so many of my friends go through this to end up heart broken and taken advantage financially. With them getting the "well if you love me and want to move out of my ex's house then help me pay for it" story. Sad but true.

Blade · 11-12-2011, 07:21 AM

I'd have to agree with the other posters, all gave honest sound advice. The only thing I would add is turn around don't walk but RUN from this situation as fast and far as you can. Likely you will find your emotions in tiny bits and pieces if you choose to stick around and wait. Probably it is a very toxic situation for you.

Jett · 11-12-2011, 07:39 AM

Can you call her anytime on the landline? Have you all been together in the same room? Does she talk to you differently when her "ex" is in the same room w/ her? Is it ok for you to just show up at the door while her "ex" is there (I say ex b/c you said g/f I assume it it supposed to be her ex).

I ask these questions b/c sometimes- often I bet that two people that break up live together for awhile out of convenience. I wouldn't write her off, anyone off unless there is evidence, signs that she's keeping you a secret... if it's all very open I'd say give it a good go.

1QuirkyKiwi · 11-12-2011, 07:57 AM

What does your gut-feeling tell you? Can you call her anytime?

As the other posters have said; are they limitations of when and where you can spend time together?

Have you seen where she lives?

Does ahe have a Polyamourous relationship with her 'girlfriend' and hasn't said?

It's hard not to build your hopes up about someone, but, sometimes, we have no control over who our heart desires, so caution is needed to protect yourself from getting hurt.

I'm upfront with the fact I share a house with my English cousin - I've also posted often on here that I do.

girl_dee · 11-12-2011, 08:03 AM

Yes your gut. Your alarms have got be be going off all over the place.

Use your common sense, if we were presenting this to you, what advice would you give?

Even if you have seen where she is, lots can be hidden or covered up, even innocently in a one time visit. If it is this complicated from the beginning, guess what....

Dude · 11-12-2011, 08:05 AM

Move on and go about your own buisness.
You are being set up to rescue her and her
pattern of finding a new one while still with
someone else could go on the rest of her life.
9 times out of 10, she will be lining up her next
one while your still living with her or your stuff
is still there.

Find a woman who is okay being single and has
been for quite some time. Otherwise all the
bullshit overlaps and you are in a relationship
that is anything but healthy. She will project
all her insecurities and trust issues onto you.
All patterns tend to repeat themselves, until
people take the time to work on their shit.

Peach · 11-12-2011, 08:09 AM

IF she lives with the girlfriend, (I noticed you didnt say ex-girlfriend) for financial reasons, make sure she has her finances in order before she moves in with you. Do not offer to help her out with those finances, dont send her money if she cries help. I dont know you, I dont know the girl, but I've read MANY MANY stories on how someone helped the love of their lives, financially, and never saw the girl, or the money again.

call me a cynic if you please, but reality costs far less than fantasy.

KimbaYLRF · 11-12-2011, 08:35 AM

Have to agree with everyone. The red flag should have been when she said she lives with her gf for financial reasons.

The_Lady_Snow · 11-12-2011, 08:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blucollargrl

I think I've met the love of my life, BUT she lives with her girlfriend due to finances. Don't want to lose her, but don't have her anyway. What to do, what to do.

"BUT she lives with her girlfriend"

until that sentence structure changes I would STAY AWAY!

ruffryder · 11-12-2011, 10:26 AM

Is this like a friend girlfriend or an ex girlfriend or what?? I'm confused. LOL

Everyone is quick to tell you to run. I understand what you are going through however. Sounds like you already fell for the girl. Do you spend time with her? Can you spend time with her at your place? Someone else asked if you are able to talk to her whenever?

As I see you may or may not have her. Not sure what is going on with her living with her "girlfriend." Not sure why you are calling this person her girlfriend. I've been in a situation when I've had an ex living with me after we just broke up do to finances and I was dating someone else. It can work and it doesn't have to be all about sex people! Exes can remain friends. They can be respectful of you trying to move on even if they are living with you. Sometimes it's a mutual breakup but they may live together till they figure out finances or out of a lease, etc.

What I would consider in this situation is do you believe you have her, is she with you? Is this supposed to be a committment? Maybe you need to ask her what it is if you are confused.. I say go with your gut. If you feel it's fishy it probably is my friend. Good luck. If you like who she is though I wouldn't give up to easily. You'll figure it out.

kannon · 11-12-2011, 11:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ruffryder

Is this like a friend girlfriend or an ex girlfriend or what?? I'm confused. LOL

Everyone is quick to tell you to run. I understand what you are going through however. Sounds like you already fell for the girl. Do you spend time with her? Can you spend time with her at your place? Someone else asked if you are able to talk to her whenever?

As I see you may or may not have her. Not sure what is going on with her living with her "girlfriend." Not sure why you are calling this person her girlfriend. I've been in a situation when I've had an ex living with me after we just broke up do to finances and I was dating someone else. It can work and it doesn't have to be all about sex people! Exes can remain friends. They can be respectful of you trying to move on even if they are living with you. Sometimes it's a mutual breakup but they may live together till they figure out finances or out of a lease, etc.

What I would consider in this situation is do you believe you have her, is she with you? Is this supposed to be a committment? Maybe you need to ask her what it is if you are confused.. I say go with your gut. If you feel it's fishy it probably is my friend. Good luck. If you like who she is though I wouldn't give up to easily. You'll figure it out.

I agree with you ruff.

While her living arrangements are sketchy, it doesn't mean that she is a predator waiting for the next victim to pounce on. I don't think you can make a good assessment of her based on one bit of information. You're limiting yourself if you do that. I suggest you get to know her from a safe emotional distance. Don't let yourself get too emotional or too vulnerable. You should take this approach with anyone you meet online or in person. You really can't get to know someone until you spend time interacting with them. Don't fall too quickly.

Sachita · 11-12-2011, 11:05 AM

Don't be the solution to someone's problem. Let her first work out her problems and challenges, find a place and then begin a new relationship with you.

Hollylane · 11-12-2011, 11:14 AM

Black & white: She has not broken up with her girlfriend. Make it a no go.

Grey area: I live with my ex, we own the home, we live peaceably and amicably under the same roof with separate finances. I am becoming friends with the ex's new girlfriend, who has learned to appreciate me, and I her. The ex and I were always great friends, and made the friendship official by mutual agreement.

If she were in the grey area, in my opinion, there wouldn't be a question, other than your comfort level.

In the black & white area, unless she is in an open relationship(and the girlfriend knows and agrees with this too), again, it is a no go.

11-11-2011, 10:33 PM	#1
blucollargrl Junior Member How Do You Identify?: butch Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: never find another like her Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: seattle Posts: 13 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 59 Thanked 52 Times in 9 Posts Rep Power: 1573153	Baby Butch Journey I think I've met the love of my life, BUT she lives with her girlfriend due to finances. Don't want to lose her, but don't have her anyway. What to do, what to do.

11-11-2011, 10:41 PM	#2
tazz Member How Do You Identify?: Athlete/tomboi Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, cutie Relationship Status: Estoy recibiendo cómodo con él Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: you never know where i might end up ;) Posts: 1,365 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,807 Thanked 1,759 Times in 642 Posts Rep Power: 20456638	that sounds like a sticky situation... you do have choices... just protect yourself from getting so deep that you actually wind up not having her And getting hurt. but it could work... and i hope it does for you... be patient and understanding. just my 4 cents... __________________ "She walks a different path than some of us, but those on her wavelength enjoy the journey with her." --DLOS

11-11-2011, 11:07 PM	#3
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,791 Times in 7,290 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Since you asked... I am trying to think of a kind way to say this: finances may not be the only reason they are together. People have all kinds of reasons for remaining together besides love. Get on with your life. If she really cares about you, she will move out. She can get a roommate, 2 roommates, etc. If she stays anyway, at least you will be living your life. One can't live on hope. Take it from one that wasted a lot of years doing just that. I hope it works out for you. __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner

11-12-2011, 03:05 AM	#8
msW8ing Member How Do You Identify?: multi-faceted gem, femme, submissive babygirl if the chemistry is there. Preferred Pronoun?: lady Relationship Status: working on myself Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Lewiston, Idaho Posts: 920 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,700 Thanked 2,498 Times in 655 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	Did you meet her online?? Have you met her in person if you did? Do you know anyone that can back up her "were broke up but still living together for financial reasons"? I agree with sunshyne be very cautious..and I agree with Strappie..there is more to this story than what we were told. Whether you are aware or not..this isn't the whole story. Not trying to be cold here but I've seen so many of my friends go through this to end up heart broken and taken advantage financially. With them getting the "well if you love me and want to move out of my ex's house then help me pay for it" story. Sad but true. __________________ *Don't judge me by my past..I don't live there anymore* A lady who knows the ropes..will never be bound. ~Mae West

11-12-2011, 07:21 AM	#9
Blade Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: TG Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Down on the farm Posts: 5,492 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,850 Thanked 14,401 Times in 4,049 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	I'd have to agree with the other posters, all gave honest sound advice. The only thing I would add is turn around don't walk but RUN from this situation as fast and far as you can. Likely you will find your emotions in tiny bits and pieces if you choose to stick around and wait. Probably it is a very toxic situation for you. __________________ Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it.

11-11-2011, 11:32 PM	#4
MissItalianDiva Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Miss Twiggy Preferred Pronoun?: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious and that shit doesn't sound atrocious! Relationship Status: divorce happens..all that glitters ain't gold Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: SLC Utah Posts: 2,284 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,768 Thanked 7,161 Times in 1,793 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I am with Anya on this one but I don't have a kind way to say it really. Don't fall for someones excuse who seems like they want to have their cake and eat it to. Another lesson I learned long ago is that if someone creeps around or cheats on someone to be with you then don't for one minute think at some point they won't do it to you since they have already proven to be untrustworthy and capable. Lastly I think it is bad karma....we reap what we sow so watch where and how you mingle with something that is taken

11-11-2011, 11:46 PM	#5
little_ms_sunshyne Senior Member How Do You Identify?: . Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: . Posts: 3,312 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,339 Thanked 12,242 Times in 2,540 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Seems like there is dishonesty going on. Caution!!!

11-12-2011, 07:39 AM	#10
Jett Member How Do You Identify?: Hardcore bullheaded grown-ass Tomboy Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: she loves my shaggy hair Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The backroom of a night cafe plotting world domination Posts: 1,028 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,054 Thanked 3,299 Times in 568 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Can you call her anytime on the landline? Have you all been together in the same room? Does she talk to you differently when her "ex" is in the same room w/ her? Is it ok for you to just show up at the door while her "ex" is there (I say ex b/c you said g/f I assume it it supposed to be her ex). I ask these questions b/c sometimes- often I bet that two people that break up live together for awhile out of convenience. I wouldn't write her off, anyone off unless there is evidence, signs that she's keeping you a secret... if it's all very open I'd say give it a good go. __________________ .......... In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer. ~Albert Camus

11-12-2011, 07:57 AM	#11
1QuirkyKiwi Senior Member How Do You Identify?: BBW. Unique femininity that does not encompass the western paradigm. Preferred Pronoun?: Anything Respectful! Relationship Status: Single, Happy, not Desparate or Looking, but Open to Possibilities... Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Europe and Aotearoa on a 5:2 ratio. Posts: 2,308 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,003 Thanked 6,035 Times in 1,617 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	What does your gut-feeling tell you? Can you call her anytime? As the other posters have said; are they limitations of when and where you can spend time together? Have you seen where she lives? Does ahe have a Polyamourous relationship with her 'girlfriend' and hasn't said? It's hard not to build your hopes up about someone, but, sometimes, we have no control over who our heart desires, so caution is needed to protect yourself from getting hurt. I'm upfront with the fact I share a house with my English cousin - I've also posted often on here that I do. __________________ What will make the difference to me is your strength of character and what's in your heart...

11-12-2011, 08:03 AM	#12
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,958 Times in 13,923 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	Yes your gut. Your alarms have got be be going off all over the place. Use your common sense, if we were presenting this to you, what advice would you give? Even if you have seen where she is, lots can be hidden or covered up, even innocently in a one time visit. If it is this complicated from the beginning, guess what....

11-12-2011, 08:05 AM	#13
Dude Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Relationship Status: Perusing Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: exit 5 with an exit 21 goal Posts: 1,725 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 15,351 Thanked 10,606 Times in 1,477 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Move on and go about your own buisness. You are being set up to rescue her and her pattern of finding a new one while still with someone else could go on the rest of her life. 9 times out of 10, she will be lining up her next one while your still living with her or your stuff is still there. Find a woman who is okay being single and has been for quite some time. Otherwise all the bullshit overlaps and you are in a relationship that is anything but healthy. She will project all her insecurities and trust issues onto you. All patterns tend to repeat themselves, until people take the time to work on their shit.

11-12-2011, 08:09 AM	#14
Peach Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: happily married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: where my hat is Posts: 173 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 69 Thanked 641 Times in 129 Posts Rep Power: 5775546	IF she lives with the girlfriend, (I noticed you didnt say ex-girlfriend) for financial reasons, make sure she has her finances in order before she moves in with you. Do not offer to help her out with those finances, dont send her money if she cries help. I dont know you, I dont know the girl, but I've read MANY MANY stories on how someone helped the love of their lives, financially, and never saw the girl, or the money again. call me a cynic if you please, but reality costs far less than fantasy.

11-12-2011, 08:35 AM	#15
KimbaYLRF Junior Member How Do You Identify?: I originally posted femme, but not quite I am femme. Maybe a 'tweener. Relationship Status: On the way to being single Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: MA Posts: 61 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 149 Thanked 331 Times in 48 Posts Rep Power: 3875345	Have to agree with everyone. The red flag should have been when she said she lives with her gf for financial reasons.

11-12-2011, 10:26 AM	#17
ruffryder Senior Member How Do You Identify?: FTM Preferred Pronoun?: guy ones Relationship Status: ... Join Date: May 2011 Location: chillin' in FL Posts: 3,690 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 21,951 Thanked 9,678 Times in 2,875 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Is this like a friend girlfriend or an ex girlfriend or what?? I'm confused. LOL Everyone is quick to tell you to run. I understand what you are going through however. Sounds like you already fell for the girl. Do you spend time with her? Can you spend time with her at your place? Someone else asked if you are able to talk to her whenever? As I see you may or may not have her. Not sure what is going on with her living with her "girlfriend." Not sure why you are calling this person her girlfriend. I've been in a situation when I've had an ex living with me after we just broke up do to finances and I was dating someone else. It can work and it doesn't have to be all about sex people! Exes can remain friends. They can be respectful of you trying to move on even if they are living with you. Sometimes it's a mutual breakup but they may live together till they figure out finances or out of a lease, etc. What I would consider in this situation is do you believe you have her, is she with you? Is this supposed to be a committment? Maybe you need to ask her what it is if you are confused.. I say go with your gut. If you feel it's fishy it probably is my friend. Good luck. If you like who she is though I wouldn't give up to easily. You'll figure it out.

11-12-2011, 11:05 AM	#19
Sachita Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Goddess Relationship Status: Completely in love Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Southern Virginia Posts: 3,225 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,564 Thanked 8,994 Times in 2,249 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Don't be the solution to someone's problem. Let her first work out her problems and challenges, find a place and then begin a new relationship with you. __________________ You either like me or you don't. It took me Twenty-something years to learn how to love myself, I don't have that kinda time to convince somebody else. ~ Daniel Franzese

11-12-2011, 11:14 AM	#20
Hollylane Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: . Relationship Status: . Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: . Posts: 11,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 34,694 Thanked 26,373 Times in 5,877 Posts Rep Power: 21474860	Black & white: She has not broken up with her girlfriend. Make it a no go. Grey area: I live with my ex, we own the home, we live peaceably and amicably under the same roof with separate finances. I am becoming friends with the ex's new girlfriend, who has learned to appreciate me, and I her. The ex and I were always great friends, and made the friendship official by mutual agreement. If she were in the grey area, in my opinion, there wouldn't be a question, other than your comfort level. In the black & white area, unless she is in an open relationship(and the girlfriend knows and agrees with this too), again, it is a no go.