For anyone who has ever had a LDR

[Julie]

They can be amazing and beautiful...
They can be lonely and sad...
They will work or they will not...
They are Hard!

But as so many have said... Those that work have great rewards - those that haven't - have been lessons learned.

They are Hard and if you plan on getting involved in one... Know they take WORK - so much work, especially if they are an airplane away or a continent (lol). Work and Communication.

[iamkeri1]

Originally Posted by MidnightBlueEyes

Sometimes I have to remind myself that our time together is even more special BECAUSE it is short. Its easy to get caught up in the missing of that person when you are apart. So do what you can to make that time special.

Midnight,
Thank you for this post. I need this reminder to enjoy the time we have together. I will be meeting my LDR in person for the first time soon. We both count the days. I am so looking forward to that time together, but feeling that it will be so much harder to be away from him after we have been together. (Why on earth am I stressing on this instead of concentrating on the pleasure of seeing him?)

He says it will be easier because then at least we will know that we actually do like each other in person and we won't have that worry any more. (Though I am not super worried about whether I will really like him as I have had kind of a crush on him for three years, and we had talked casually several times before things kind of "caught fire" between us.

This is my first really long distance LDR. We are most of the continent away from each other. Some days are lots of fun with all the phone talk and the great things we share. Other days are very hard because are so far apart. Good news for us is we are both in a position to be able to move and we are both willing to move.

I very much want for us to be the "ever after" kind of LDR.
Smooches,
Keri

[oblivia]

Sparx and I 'met' long distance. She was in Canada.... way far away... like 3,000 miles.... and I was in Washington. Neither of us even considered it could turn "serious" because of that. I didn't know Canadian Geography... I just knew she was far away.... and she knew I was far away.

But we became fast friends. We clicked from a chemistry standpoint from the beginning and a friendship one. We talked for 4-5 hours minimum every day (yay for chat, and then webcam/voice chat on the computer). The only reason we even met was because a friend of mine was getting married somewhere far away and, out of curiousity, I checked to see how close I was going to be to where Sparx lived... turned out - only a very short flight... so we planned our first visit. We spent a week together, and after all those many hours of talking - of not trying to impress each other, and of just being ourselves (what did we have to lose, since we figured we'd never even meet), we discovered we were in love.

We had some hard conversations, then. Okay, we were in love, but what were we going to (or willing to) do about it? What were our options.... we had two different countries to deal with.

Ultimately, the best for all involved was to settle in Canada, marriage was legal and I could immigrate as Her spouse once we were married... and we picked Vancouver. She and the boys needed to move away from the small town they were in as they were in an economically depressed area. Vancouver was further than they'd planned but had a LOT of opportunities for her and the boys (one of whom is officially gifted - tested etc, the other classified as a gifted underachiever) and school, etc. AND this would keep me a reasonable drive away from some of my closest friends and family members.

The nice thing about this choice was that we ALL moved to a new place... a new city... and began our life together, there, fresh. It wasn't anyone's home turf. This was a HUGE advantage because we all had to learn and adapt together. Additionally, during the immigration process, we were married but living apart, so we transitioned from a cross continent LDR, to a three hour commute LDR as I could come up to Vancouver to visit most weekends until my paperwork was finished.... i temporarily relocated just a wee bit closer during the interim period which made a huge difference.

Look, the thing is, that LDRs ARE hard... but if it's the right relationship, if it's healthy and you've taken the time to get to know each other, there are ways to make it work... but the best advice I could give anyone is that really old fashioned advice. Get to know each other with less strings attached, first. Get comfortable, really comfortable with the person - get to the point where you know you're able to totally let go and be yourself - before you uproot yourself or ask your partner to uproot themselves. Find out what makes sense, together.

Sparx and I had these tough conversations, we had to be brutally honest with each other. We talked about the impact our decisions and plans would have on us if, ultimately, the relationship and/or marriage didn't last. We had to know that moving to Vancouver would ultimately be a wise choice - no matter what. Risk vs. Benefit. Neither of us wanted to have big regrets if things didn't work out. Those conversations were hard. We were in the swooney honeymoon romantic stage. I didnt' want to talk about "What if we break up", but looking back five years later - I am so glad we did.

I don't have to wonder, now, if some part of Her or the boys regrets moving here. I know they don't. I know they wanted this, not JUST because of me, but because it was the right thing for the three of them.

As so many have said - communicate, communicate, communicate! Be authentic. Really hear each other.

There really are some magical love stories out there that began as LDRs....

~o

[T D]

I have, and it is very doubtful that I will ever again. I don't even consider it as a viable option anymore.

[LipstickLola]

Originally Posted by MsW8ing

Can’t you see me for who I am.
I stand here in the corner invisible to everyone.
I’m not that young pretty one all the bois talk to.
I’m not that eager one to please you.
I’m not that one who flirts and teases with all the bois.
I’m’ not that one willing to forget herself to be with you.
I’m not the selfish one that uses people and then tosses them aside.
I am the one older and wiser one with life experience and intelligence.
I am the one that knows how to make a house a home.
I am the one that knows who she is and what she wants.
I am the one that is the slow, giving lover for my butch only.
I am the one that will be by your side when all others have walked.
I am the one that you will desire and want, once your youth and ego is gone.

That is really beautiful!!!

[kookybroad]

LDR's are definitely hard, I have also had a couple and they were very nice. My thoughts on it, and again...only my thoughts are this "where is it written that the person that is right for us, has to live in the same city as we do". I just find borders very restricting.

I actually moved once for a gal and it was very good at the start, but her family had a hard time with us and she found the family pull much tighter and our relationship ended. However, that doesn't make me lose my optimism that there is someone out there for me.

I know they aren't for everyone and that hearts can get hurt. We can only do what makes our heart and soul happy.

[Logicaly]

I have had more than my fair share of LDR's, in fact for the longest time I preffered it because I figured if they wherent near me they couldn't hurt me. Boy was I wrong with that. I actually hurt more with the LDR's than I did with anything local. I was able to develop a deep mental and emotional connection with them, and it took work and there was many times it was lonely as well.

You learn to find ways to integrate the person into your life though. You go on dates through the distance by watching movies together that you both rent, by spending time talking, and being on web cam. You mail gifts back and forth, cards and letters just to say I am thinking of you. You save up money and vacation time through all this, just so you can spend even just a few days together in person. You learn to be creative, and find ways to express your feelings for each other.

Much like others have said though, it comes down to communication. If you don't make the time, and don't make it a point to do so, it is not going to work. In the long run, it can pay off, it does however take a lot of work.

[iamkeri1]

I am winging my way to meet my LDR for the first time today. Send lots of good energy our way, please.
Smooches,
Keri

[Nat]

I met her right before I moved back to Texas (and after I'd decided to) and I see her every chance I get. Every time she has a break from school, or every time I can come up and see her even while she's in school (though then I have the sneaking suspicion that I affect her studies), we spend as much in-person time as we possibly can. It's funny, I thought I wanted to be alone for a very long time, especially after the last relationship I had. I don't hold any blame for that other party, but it was a devastating experience and I was forlorn and exhausted and frightened when it was over.

We met the week before I moved away from her, and I knew in my gut that I was set on Texas forever - or at least for a very long time. Our first real date was my last day in California. I drove away from her, but she never left my thoughts again. She is so filled with light. There's a certain moment at dusk when the moon is out and the sky is a darkening blue that the moon looks almost translucent with the blue seeping through. When I drove away from California, I was driving away from so much loss and so many tears, but there in my line of sight was this translucent radiant waxing moon and it reminded me of her.

I didn't plan on having another long distance relationship ever ever ever. I was in a place (heartbroken) - and only looking for a little adventure when our paths crossed. But she wasn't the type of person you can just have a little adventure with and then forget. Over time we realized we were short-changing ourselves to not attempt a Relationship.

I knew on our first date that whomever found themselves lucky enough to have her love would be a profoundly lucky person. I could tell that she was a person who very much deserved to be treasured, and I hoped that whomever she ended up with would treasure her the way she should be. I knew I would deeply treasure her if I ended up being that person. She is beautiful, she is kind, she is generous, she is understanding, she is compelling, she is intelligent, she is full of fire.

A few months ago she proposed to me on the anniversary of our first meeting. I accepted gladly. She has a year left of school. I am looking forward to the time when she and I can live together and make a life together. I see her pretty often, but I know living together will be something else entirely. We are both passionate and willful, but also kind and flexible. I remind her of my flaws as much as possible because I do not want her imagining I am somebody I am not.

The distance has its advantages. It's allowed me time and energy to mourn the relationship that ended so shortly before I met her. I needed to mourn and recover - it was a profound and profoundly heartbreaking few years for me. And I needed to build a life where I have the capacity to contribute to a future - and she's in a similar place. I am still in the process of building that life.

Anyway, I know the beautiful things about LDRs and I know the amount of hope and idealization that can build inside of one. I know for myself not to let myself idealize her entirely, but also to enjoy the beauty of that first piece of time - that first flush, that newness, and to understand that I don't even know what our relationship will be like once we live in the same place day after day. I also know that even when a person shares a city with you, there is no knowing what it's like to live with them until you do.

I know most of all to enjoy this time because time never stands still. She may be far away from me right now, and she may be sleeping beside me tomorrow, but wherever she is, this is a period of time we won't be getting back. I want to have with her a forever type of love, a mutually supportive type of love, a sustaining type of love. The kind where we both accept each other for who we are and also accept our changes over the course of our lives. I want to live and let live - and love and let love. I know she cannot save me from the agony of living, but I also know she's familiar with what it looks, sounds and feels like to be intimate with said agony. And that makes me love her more. I don't know if I could really love a person who had no familiarity with pain.

I warn her I am messy, impulsive, political, obnoxious, obtuse, bombastic at times, stubborn, as well as hoarding, internet-addicted, bfp-addicted, food-addicted, sex-addicted, pleasure-addicted and generally slothful. I have my moments of confession and am impressed by how unphased she is by them. She seems to understand me more than I do myself. She is this perfect mixture between science/math-mind and empathy and intuition. She has a kind of wisdom that outstrips her years. Or my years added to hers even.

And she has this beautiful heart, and these beautiful lips, and this beautiful soul, and this beautiful body, and this beautiful darkness and this beautiful light, this beautiful youth and this beautiful age, this beautiful hope and this beautiful cynicism.

I was listening to this song the other day -



and I do feel this way about her.

One thing my last relationship taught me is that nobody is going to save me but me. I'm the only one who has the tools, even if saving me is a highly experimental project. I loved and lost big time that go-around, but when I look back I know I wanted my last relationship to save me and to heal me, and I wanted to save and heal another person who was beyond the help of any mortal person - and maybe that person wanted the same stuff from me.

I won't be burdening anybody else with the onus of saving me. There is no saving me if I don't do the job. But I know how to be faithful and I know how to love a person right, and if she lets me I will do exactly that until I keel over dead.

I think perhaps I've deviated from the topic here. LDRs suck. I'm in one, I don't like that I'm in one, but it's definitely the lucky sort, where she (thank goodness) has the funds to fly (or fly me). And so we spend a lot of real time together. There is regular satisfaction to the ache of separation and we have the fortune of long stints of time together. I think LDRs are so much harder when there is no money for travel or not enough vacation days to be had.

I spend a lot of time in the meantime. Trying to make my life a life in which we both can thrive. She will be moving down here following her graduation, Goddess willing. I want to give her the softest, lovingest landing she can have when she gets here. Hopefully in the next year, I can get into a place of prosperity enough to make her landing a light one.

[Passionaria]

I was in LDR that was beautiful, fun and fulfilling. Coast to coast. We saw each other every 3 months for a year and a half, before moving in together. It was romantic and exciting and led to a 7 year relationship, that I will always be grateful for.



I am not fond of LD internet dating though. It has taken me some time to be honest with myself about this, because it really narrows the dating pool. I need to meet people the old fashioned way, and build trust by real time experiences. I need to look in their eyes before sharing my intimacies, and treasures. But that's just me, it is fabulous for many others....

As I get older, I don't think I want to do it again, even though I am intrigued by the thought of having a lover in another city, to go and play with. I just want it simpler than that these days.

Pashi

[Jet]

Never again. It's totally unrealistic and foolish.

[Blade]

None for me thanks. I need regular skin to skin contact, be it a hug, holding hands, sex or whatever might make our skin touch. 200 miles is the most anyone has lived from me, that's not real far. Long as we can at least meet in between regularly.

[LipstickLola]

It's hard, it sucks, and honestly? if you'd told me ten years ago I would be in one? I'd have laughed hysterically in your face.....(wipes spittle from face standing in front of me.....)
But? one cannot help with whom one falls in love with......

[Kätzchen]

Originally Posted by MsW8ing

Thank you so much for sharing with me. I appreciate your thoughts and opinions.

Originally Posted by MsW8ing;217378[COLOR=purple

] ... [/COLOR]Can’t you see me for who I am.
I stand here in the corner invisible to everyone ...

*Hi, MsW8ing*

I happened to be here today reading your poetry and felt led to lift a single line from your poem because over the years in my life, I've felt that - who I am & how I present - as a Femme, caused me to feel as if no one could see me for me; that I was 'invisible.' It's only been since the past summer that I was able to internalize that by being who I am, as I present myself (here online or in everyday life itself), that I am visible: I have come to learn that when I am true to myself and express myself in all the myriad ways I identify; my doing so causes another to notice me and find me (so to speak). I enjoyed your poetry today and thanks for sharing your talent in our online community!

[msW8ing]

Thank you for sharing that part about yourself ALovelyKiss. It is much appreciated.I'm so glad that you found yourself so to speak. Self esteem and pride in ourself is so important I hope that everyone can find thiers.

[T4Texas]

I was in a LDR that recently ended for nearly two years. It was an 800 mile distance and while that might not seem a lot to people that commute from other countries, it seemed like an ocean to us. We tried to meet every couple months and sometimes met halfway in places like New Orleans which was always a lot of fun, but I always felt constantly frustrated by the distance , the logistics involved and the fact I really wanted to spend a lot of real time with this woman and not just be on the phone. My job did not allow for a lot of time off and hers became less flexible later on. When starting the relationship, I tried to keep a lot of space in it because I did not see it as something permanent and that fact probably didn't help the situation to grow either. We spent a lot of good times over those two years, and I do not regret one minute of it. I loved the girl and would have liked to have it turn into something more permanent, but it didnt and the distance problem was a part of the reason. So consequently, I will not ever do another relationship of that type. Relationships with people are hard enough to maintain without adding additional obstacles.

[msW8ing]

T4Texas unfortuneatly thats the bittersweet of the internet and meeting people from all over the world. We cannot control our hearts or emotions no matter how hard we try. And although I know couple that lived states and even countries apart that have made it work for them. I celebrate thier love and thier solid relationships. But, personally for me it never does. I'm with you in that I don't think I would do another LDR. Thank you for your response I do appreciate it. Have a great Sunday.

[msW8ing]

Passionatley exploring my body, gently nibbling my breast,
Running my hands softly along the hard muscles of Hys shoulders and chest,
Penetrating my soul with every aggressive, deep, thrust,
O/our bodies entwining deeply, in a love filled lust,
My body, my mind, my heart, my soul, everything about me is Hys.
The way Hy fills me so completely in each and every way, the world ceasing to exist in Hys presence,
Hy slowly slips out of me, sadly, painfully ripping apart my soul,
i feel Hym enter me, once again, i am whole,
i wish for Hym never to stop, begging Hym with my entire being, please, please no.
Wrapping my legs tightly around Hys waist, never wanting to let Hym go.
Gazing deeply into my eyes, as W/we climax together, making O/our two souls complete as one,
To spend eternity by Hys side, tending to Hys every need, Hy is my love, my soul, Hy is my Stone.