What are your three non-negotiables (in a relationship)?

[Ciaran]

Three of my non-negotiables:

• Respect for my private space and alone time. Even if I'm madly in love with you, I often need downtime alone. This includes a recognition and desire that we should not do everything together in our spare time i.e. having some separate interests and separate friends should be encouraged.

• Awareness that my politics are likely to be very different from yours. I don't ask you to like or agree with my politics but I ask that you tolerate my views and, assuming we do disagree politically, keep political conversations to a minimum.

• Please don't get jealous of my love of Kermit but there needs to be room for three in our relationship. Be comforted that my love for Kermit is platonic and non-threatening to our relationship (for the time being at least).

[1QuirkyKiwi]

Originally Posted by Ciaran

• Please don't get jealous of my love of Kermit but there needs to be room for three in our relationship. Be comforted that my love for Kermit is platonic and non-threatening to our relationship (for the time being at least).

Hands off he's mine.... I'm older than you and saw him first! LOL!

I had a large Kermit that sat on my bed with his legs dangling over the side.

[Ciaran]

Originally Posted by 1QuirkyKiwi

Hands off he's mine.... I'm older than you and saw him first! LOL!

I had a large Kermit that sat on my bed with his legs dangling over the side.

I'm not possessive - we can share him

[1QuirkyKiwi]

Originally Posted by Ciaran

I'm not possessive - we can share him

It's a deal! Which half do you want?

[Ciaran]

Originally Posted by 1QuirkyKiwi

It's a deal! Which half do you want?

I'll take the top half. You're welcome to the dangling legs.

[ButchKnight]

ok here it goes

smoking cigs
excessive drug alcohol use
being a republican

there are more but theses are biggies

BK

[1QuirkyKiwi]

Originally Posted by Ciaran

I'll take the top half. You're welcome to the dangling legs.

Errr....hang on! Just because I'm part French doesn't mean I like frog legs, ya know! LOL! I was thinking more on the lines of splittin' 'im straight down the middle....equal halves an' awl tha'! LOL!

[adorable]

There are more non-negotiables in a relationship, but these are my top three:

Know the rules of engagement. Nothing else is attractive. My home is a sanctuary, a safe base. I have never had a relationship (after age 17) where there was fighting, intense disagreements, screaming, or even slamming of doors. (I did have a significant relationship, where, when she became very sick five years in, it resulted in some Jerry Springer like stuff – it was understandably different and not the norm for us.)

Know thyself. It’s hard to convey the importance of this or how seriously I take it. I have no desire to be your therapist, mother or boss. I don’t want to figure you out or sort through your problems. I want to be me and for you to be you. Yes, we all have issues sometimes. At this point in our lives though, we should have a good handle on our inner core – the shaky ground should be long behind us. I am a rock that can manage almost any situation. I want a fellow rock, not the person that depends on one.

Be passionate. About something. Anything. The things you can’t wait to do in your free time. Those things that you never get tired of reading about, thinking about, participating in, or fighting for. There is nothing more exciting or engaging than talking to someone that is passionate about something. I’ve had some of the most fascinating conversations with someone who writes mathematical theory that only he and four other people in the world understand. (I'm still not one of those four.) It’s mind boggling to me, but his intensity is awe inspiring. I am passionate about several things. To me those are the most authentic of human interactions. I treasure sharing them.

[SweetJane]

Non-negotiables?

Excessive alcohol

Lying

Cheating


(Already dealt with all three. Don't want to go back there.)

[genghisfawn]

Dishonesty

Dishonour

Disrespect

[Talon]

Intellect....Integrity....Powerfulness.

[thedivahrrrself]

3 must-haves:

Intellect/Wit/Humour - they all go together. Conversation is the root of any good relationship, and without these things, our conversations would be dull.



Passion - I would prefer you to be passionate about me, of course, but you should be passionate about something else, or several somethings. I often refer to this as geekiness. You should know more than I do about something, be willing to educate me on the subject, and be willing to listen to the things I am passionate about, which you may be surprised to learn, is more than just shoes. But you're probably going to have to listen to me chatter about shoes too.



Physical affection - some people are just not huggers, or touchers. They should find people like themselves to couple up with. I need to be touched, hugged, kissed, etc (etc etc etc) as often as possible.







3 must-nots:

lying jerks - I could probably forgive a cheater if they were at least HONEST about it. It's the lying that kills me.



lazy fucks - I'm too hyper for you. I am not one just to sit around all day.



mean/rude bastards - If you're can't be nice to your waitress, the homeless guy you see, or the people who work for you, odds are you won't be nice to me for very long. My theory is, you can treat anyone the way you treat anyone else. I'm not special. You can't say, "Oh, I'm a jerk to this guy, but I'd never treat you that way." Yes, you would. I just haven't pissed you off yet.

[Beloved]

Let's see...

Mine are...

Must be intelligent
Drug or alcohol addiction (in the past is ok, just not current)
Dislike of children because I have one
Dislike of animals
Unemployed, you must have job or actively seeking one. I am not your sugar momma.
Smoking if they are not trying to stop
Conservatives (sorry but we would fight all the time)
Hygiene and clean teeth (I'm a dental hygienist)
Must treat people with respect
People who need anger management
Lying
Cheaters
Responsible
I require attention. Must be attentive.
Must be emotionally available

I may have more. I need to think about it.

[Amber2010]

!) Respect: Honesty is something everyone wants but if you respect the person than you are honest anyways on the things that matter in that relationship. You shouldn’t have to tell the person your life story the honesty I am talking about is in the respect of the person and your relationship. So I would have to say being respectful of the others wants, needs, and desires and wanting to give them what makes them the special person you believe they are.
2) Non Judgmental: Since we have the respect of the person in all things that pertain to our relationship by not judging the person from their past or what they are looking for. Sometimes in a relationship someone will tell you they want “such and such” and you feel that is not what you ever even thought about. By not judging and wanting to give that person their fantasy in the relationship not only is this a great relationship but a loving one as well.
3) No trashing when the end comes: Everything that goes up must come down. We all want to say our relationship with “such and such” will last forever but things happen. People grow apart; want different things or whatever the reason it becomes time to move on. On a good or bad note or however it ends we must realize there was and always will be that special place for that person inside of us. Some of us may not want to believe that or even understand it but we changed in some way because of that other person. By trashing that person’s name or whatever way anger brings you there you are not only hurting that other person but yourself even more. That old saying “If you don’t have something nice to say doesn’t say anything at all!” Is so true.
These are just mine. You don’t have to agree with me. Thanks for listening.

[bcelly1894]

I consider myself a strong woman but I cant handle some things.
So, Not One Word of What My Choices Listed Below, Is meant to attack, offend or judge anyone.

I will break up with a woman in a heartbeat, If she has lied to me about any of my dealbreakers. No matter how much I have fallen in love with her, Because clearly I had fallen in love with just the character that she was portraying, And not her true real self.
(by the way where is the funny icon of the butch kicking the femme out the door, lol).

The Femme Has to be Born Female, Be 100% Lesbian, Not BiSexual or Curious. Be Open And Out to most even Her own Family. Without A lot of Unhealthy family issues or Mommy-Daddy Issues.


The Femme that Im with has to be Completely Single. Be Legally Divorced If ever married. Not just Separated.
I would love to be with a Femme who has a Humanitarian Type Heart. Who wont mind helping those in need, like donating toys to kids who dont have them.

I would love to be with a Femme Who Has A Faith Based Belief System.

I would love to be with a Femme that is Accepting of A Pet-Free Relationship and Home life with me. I have many Pet Allergies.
I would love to be with a Femme who is Family Oriented, Wanting to get married, Having kids or more kids. Who loves monogamy.
I would love to be with a Femme Who has Mental Stability and/or Good Sexual and Physical Health.
-Its fine with me if she has to take medications or goes to a mental health therapist. What Im talking about is having a History (past or present) of the following:
Talking to herself, Seeing and Hearing things that arent there, Excessive Rage, Cutting or Hurting herself, Eating Disorders, Or a History of Being In and Out(repeatedly) of the Psych Hospitals Or Drug and Substance Abuse Treatment Centers.
-I personally cant handle if my Femme has or has ever had A Drug And Or Alcohol Abuse Problem. I think Alcohol in moderation. And I am Pro-Weed, Its just not for me.
-I like femmes who actually have regular pap tests and breast exams. And who gets checked for stds, hiv, and hepatitus before entering into a new sexual relationship with me.
-Keeping good Dental Hygiene and that means going to the dentist 1-3 times a year for teeth cleaning.
-Having a Family doctor(s) that she sees in case she gets sick. That she's taking care of her health even if she has to take medication regularly.

I would love to be with a Femme who hasnt had Troubles With The Law
-Having a History(past or present)of being Arrested, Ever in Jail, Have/Had Warrants, Tickets for D.U.I or wreckless driving, License ever Suspended.-Or Trouble with Child Protective Services.-She Must have Valid Identification Driver's License or some type of Non Driver's I.D.

[Scuba]

1. Dishonesty
2. Dishonesty
3. Dishonesty

Most of everything I have dealt with all comes down to dishonesty...

[Kätzchen]

The Culture of Perfection

The way I see it, we're already perfect just like we are. It's our job to make sure we have fun being our totally imperfect human selves and enjoy the mistakes we make or the mess that might have gotten just a little bit too big for us to handle. Because that's what being together should be like, right??? Building a mysteriously lovely, sexy, sweaty, gigantic orbit of love we can share together, happily. Now that's the 'culture of perfection' I'm talking about. Zero expectations of perfection; 100% expectation that we be ourselves, no matter what!

*** This is the only deal breaker I abide by. Everything else is negotiable.

[*Anya*]

My nonnegotiables:

1. Honesty always.

2. If commitments made: fidelity and monogamy.

3. Willing to do whatever it takes to solve communication problems in the relationship because issues and differences arise in all relationships. This is an important value of mine.

This does not include abusive behavior or lying. Those behaviors are unsalvageable to me.

[CA_BabyCakes]

Originally Posted by Ciaran

Three of my non-negotiables:

• Respect for my private space and alone time. Even if I'm madly in love with you, I often need downtime alone. This includes a recognition and desire that we should not do everything together in our spare time i.e. having some separate interests and separate friends should be encouraged.

• Awareness that my politics are likely to be very different from yours. I don't ask you to like or agree with my politics but I ask that you tolerate my views and, assuming we do disagree politically, keep political conversations to a minimum.

• Please don't get jealous of my love of Kermit but there needs to be room for three in our relationship. Be comforted that my love for Kermit is platonic and non-threatening to our relationship (for the time being at least).

Ciaran i have already told you that Kermit is MINE and i do not share. Im a stingy girl. Thank you for your understanding.

[DamonK]

Dealbreakers....

I am poly. MBE and I tried monogamy, but I didn't do well with it. My reasons are simple. I'm very sexual. I have to be able to appreciate someone other than my partner without feeling guilty. For example, "Oh that guy's hot baby. What do you think?". Being poly alleviates that. It doesn't mean you don't make me happy.

I've learned some lessons the hard way. Therefore, violating my privacy is a big one. Just because you and your best friend talk about everything does not mean talking about me is. Obviously, hypothetically we have a fight. I don't care if you vent. I mean in context of my past, my family, my personal issues. I also understand this can be blurry, so I try to talk about it first.

You don't have to like my family or friends. You will be civil.


Those are the big 3. The others:

You don't lie to me.
You don't disrespect yourself, me or others.
You don't use me.
You don't throw my past in my face. This one is highly important. If you know anything of my past, you know why.
You must be willing to compromise in general.
If you're hearing, you must compromise with my deafness. I will work to meet you, but you need to work to meet me.