Something horrible just happened

[anaisninja]

I don't even know where to put this post.

(And for the first time since I joined this forum, the chat room is not working tonight.)

The woman I thought liked me, went up to move her truck and never came back.

On our date.

I feel... like I've just been stabbed. Like there is something deeply, terribly wrong with me. Like I'm not worth loving. Or even fucking.

This has never happened to me. No one has ever treated me this way. Except for the woman in Illinois. So that is twice in 2 weeks now.

For a split second, when she went to go move her truck, I thought - if she doesn't come back I'm going to quit my job and leave the state. But I didn't believe it. I didn't believe a person could be so cruel. But then, she never came back.

Maybe this is a message from the Universe. I can't go to work tomorrow, even though it's my 3rd day on the job. That's it. I give up. I'm done.

[MsTinkerbelly]

Originally Posted by anaisninja

I don't even know where to put this post.

(And for the first time since I joined this forum, the chat room is not working tonight.)

The woman I thought liked me, went up to move her truck and never came back.

On our date.

I feel... like I've just been stabbed. Like there is something deeply, terribly wrong with me. Like I'm not worth loving. Or even fucking.

This has never happened to me. No one has ever treated me this way. Except for the woman in Illinois. So that is twice in 2 weeks now.

For a split second, when she went to go move her truck, I thought - if she doesn't come back I'm going to quit my job and leave the state. But I didn't believe it. I didn't believe a person could be so cruel. But then, she never came back.

Maybe this is a message from the Universe. I can't go to work tomorrow, even though it's my 3rd day on the job. That's it. I give up. I'm done.

I feel your pain and your confusion...i wish i could hug you!

You see, i had the same thing happen...but i had been living with him for six months. I lived with him in Oregon, and we decided to move back to California for awhile and were staying with his Mom until we found a place. We went to dinner at my Dad's house, and he excused himself to get some tums out of his truck.

He never came back.

I ran up and down the street, and around the corner to the store (no cell phones then), and when he wasn't laying dead somewhere i called his Mom. I told her that the least he could do was bring my luggage to my Dad's and leave it in the driveway. He did, and i didn't see him again until he brought my car from Oregon...he wanted to "talk it out", and i told him to fuck off.

I already had trust and abandonment issues, and i gotta tell you i was at the point where i had relationship issues for a very long time...but my wife finally broke through.

Please remember that it is smethng lacking in their very soul, and it is not you.

God bless

[Martina]

She is a coward. I know it hurts, but it's not worth risking your new job for. Your life is more than whether a stranger wants you or not. Over a long life, you'll find that lots of them will, and lots of them won't.

Dating can be cruel. It's hard. You might want to take a break, but don't stop taking care of yourself.

The job, your health, your basic needs, your friends -- all that comes first. Fuck that woman. What a jerk.

[Mar]

Man, I feel for you that is an awful thing to do to somebody. You know I been through my share of rotten things being done to me trust me, so I can relate. Try not to let one persons rude behavior make you feel bad about yourself. Whatever it was probably isn't as bad as the conclusions you try to make of it will be. People tend to think what did I do, what's wrong with me? etc when something goes wrong...but a lot of the time it's not you, it's them. From the sounds of it she has issues, we at least know one of them is not being able to be a polite considerate adult that is direct enough to say im sorry xyz, but we can be friends. Regardless of what it was, it isn't worth feeling bad about. Her opinion not only shouldn't matter, but it does not make up who you are. I know you want to know why this happened but she will probably never tell, and someone like that isn't worth your time.

[~ocean]

seems like she did u a favor ~ if u knew she was this ignorant u prob never would have went out w/ her sooo u lucked out she left ~~ her loss ~~

[WildHorses]

I am sorry that happened to you anaisninja but you MUST go to work.

Taking care of you and what is best for you is what counts. I am NOT saying
it is easy. But in the end we are really the only ones who "look after" ourselves.

Many times when we give our hearts it gets handed back to us looking like
it was in a blender for a month.

YOU take care of you which includes (in my pea brain) going to work and doing what you need to do.

WH

Originally Posted by anaisninja

I don't even know where to put this post.

(And for the first time since I joined this forum, the chat room is not working tonight.)

The woman I thought liked me, went up to move her truck and never came back.

On our date.

I feel... like I've just been stabbed. Like there is something deeply, terribly wrong with me. Like I'm not worth loving. Or even fucking.

This has never happened to me. No one has ever treated me this way. Except for the woman in Illinois. So that is twice in 2 weeks now.

For a split second, when she went to go move her truck, I thought - if she doesn't come back I'm going to quit my job and leave the state. But I didn't believe it. I didn't believe a person could be so cruel. But then, she never came back.

Maybe this is a message from the Universe. I can't go to work tomorrow, even though it's my 3rd day on the job. That's it. I give up. I'm done.

[Smiling]

Once upon a time when I was going through a particularly nasty breakup, a dear friend gave me a piece of advice. He told me, "Throw yourself into your work."

In retrospect, this was good advice for the following reasons -
First of all, it keeps you busy and your mind on something [else] productive. Secondly, it increases your self-esteem when you do something, do it well, and can take pride in it. And finally, maybe you have some ambition and might like to move up the ladder. Being good at what you do will always help in that regard.

I, of course, took his advice to the extreme and became focused on my job to the exclusion of everything else, lol. Please don't do that; just know that his advice really does work.

What has happened to you is a reflection of your date's character and says nothing at all about you - except maybe that you really got lucky and dodged a bullet. Whew!

Try to force yourself to go to work tomorrow. It won't do you any good to stay home and fixate on it.

(I realize this is easier said than done, of course, so take what you can from my advice and leave the rest; but please do try to realize that the problem isn't yours).

[Gráinne]

My flabber is gasted.

I'm sorry about what happened. It says nothing about your date-ability or lovability, but everything about how this person is not someone you want in your life. They are cruel and a coward.

I too think it's vital that you go to work. You are obviously capable to them, so they hired you. It will get your mind off of things. As I was advised long ago, take care of your business, even throw yourself into it.

Dating is not essential, and taking a break isn't forever. Your work, your life, and your goals are infinitely more important.

[imperfect_cupcake]

It happened to me. I had someone come to stay the weekend and the next morning after her sleeping over, I had a bath and she drove off while I was in the tub LOL.

Perspective. Its about her, not you. All that says is she's a rude and socially incapable twat. It says nothing about you.

I called my best mate immediately and laughed and said "guess what just happened!!! Someone did a runner while I was in the tub!!! Hahahahahahahahahaha"

Seriously, when you understand its not about you, but utterly and only about them, the cowardice and absurdity will have you seeing it very differently. People are hilariously rude bastards.

[Femmadian]

Wowww, what a dirtbag this person turned out to be.

This whole situation sucks and I know you can't help but wonder what you did wrong for the first little while because it's a major blow to your ego, for sure. That's natural, but I think ultimately it's misplaced blame.

Think of two things that you can learn from this experience:
1) what this means about them as a person and,
to drive it home and really help squash any remaining feelings you may still have for this person,
2) what this could have meant for your future together should it have gone on any longer.

For example:
What you learned about this person is that they:
- run away from their problems (literally and figuratively) - what do you think this might mean for their financial stability...?
- cannot handle conflict - what kind of partner do you think she might be when life is no longer smooth sailing? Would she even be a partner to you at all?
- cannot deal with confrontation - what happens when you need to have those serious adult relationship conversations with her? What happens when you run into those normal everyday situations (or people) which call for (firm, respectful) confrontation? Is she going to just flake out or leave you to deal with everything by yourself?
- dishonest - the possibilities with this one are endless...
- no tact whatsoever! She could have taken the kinder, gentler way out and excused herself with a believable excuse, like sudden illness, but instead she didn't even have the decency. Think of how this could manifest itself in your relationship down the road...

This exercise I find helps me when I'm in a similar situation and have to break the bonds of attachment. Rip off that sticky bandaid and see what's underneath.

I know it's clichéd, but you really did dodge a bullet with this one.

Also, one piece of advice that a great feminist friend told me once: a job/career will take far better care of you than any lover ever could.

If you're only a few days into your new job, you really cannot afford to take time off right now. You're still very much in the "trial period" in your employer's eyes right now and taking any time off right now is going to have a lasting negative effect on the initial impressions of you as an employee. They're not going to take you seriously as a person or an employee and this may affect your chances of future advancement if that's something you may be interested in down the road (or references for future employers at the very least). Don't give her that power over you. She's not worth it.

Are you going to be distracted at work for a while? Sure. Is your work quality going to be temporarily affected for a bit? Maybe... but not as much as it would be if you just didn't go.

Take some time for yourself on your days off. Meditate, do yoga, see a comedy film, go out and explore the city or town where you live as a tourist with camera in tow. Whatever. Just do something for you that you wouldn't normally do (or that you haven't had a chance to do lately) and remember the importance of self-care.

Eventually this is going to turn into one of those stories you look back on and regale your friends with over drinks or Ben and Jerry's. Until that time comes, you just take care of you. The rest will take care of itself.

[Teddybear]

First off let me say that if I step on any toes with my response I'm sorry.

Anaisninja I think she did a WONDERFUL thing. I know it hurts but she opened the door for the love you want and deserve.

Know that she realized that you ARE better then she deserves or will ever be able to have. I hope you realize that she has a self esteem issue about herself and NOT you.

Thank your lucky stars she left before taking your money, your heart or your LIFE !!

Grab your boot straps and dust yourself off knowing that the ONE that is right for you is looking for you just as you are looking for her. Know that love grows so prepare the soil for the seed.

Good luck

[*Anya*]

Oh Anais,

I, too, wish I could hug you right now. I am sending you a virtual hug.

We always think it is somehow our fault if something like you experienced happens. She could have had a family emergency, she could have developed an awful virus that caused her to have an urgent need to go to the bathroom or she could have realized that you two were not a match.

Regardless: she handled it about as badly as a human being could handle it. Instead of talking to you, face-to-face like someone with a backbone would do-she cowardly got in her truck and left.

It is difficult to not feel rejected because how she handled whatever the hell was her issue; was thrown in your lap. Our self-esteem feels pulverized.

This was her. All her. It may have had zero to do with you. That little nagging self-doubt about ourselves can grow into a mountain if we feel rejected or humiliated.

Try as best as you can to look at this as though you dodged a big bullet. Just imagine dating or living with someone that runs away, instead of communicates.

You are at the beginning of the dating world. Truly, one has to kiss a lot of frogs to find our (butch) princess or prince.

Dry your tears, realize that this is on her, change your dating strategy ( meet them somewhere for coffee or tea first, separate cars if either of you can tell it won't work-just tell them when you sense no chemistry and tell them it was nice to meet them).

Please do go to work.

It gives you something concrete to hold onto right now while you are realizing that you did nothing wrong-she did.

Take care of yourself.

You are worthy.

You will find love.

[princessbelle]

I know it is earth shattering today. But, in the big picture, it will be a slight memory. Please make the decision to not let anyone determine your self worth. Dig deep and become familiar with the person you are, dig so deep that you love yourself without relying on anything or anyone around you to dictate one single thing about the person you are.

Take a breath, you will be fine. Move on and don't dwell on their problems and don't make them yours.

I know it stings but smile and go on into work and love yourself. Loving yourself is honestly the only unconditional love there is. Good luck to you and a huge hug sent your way.

[starryeyes]

I have had this happen to me, so I know what you are going through... It isn't about you it's about her. Use this as an opportunity to make yourself a better person. Look at why you picked a partner with this potential, dig deep to see why you are attracted to people who have these tendencies. Has it happened before? In my case when I stepped back, I saw my pattern and I am working on me. I am so much happier and becoming much more healthier. Therapy is a good thing and can really help you recognize what's going on.

[MysticOceansFL]

Sorry that happened to you dear young lady, Just put that person in your past , continue with your job , it will seem hard at first but over time it will get better, an Just to let you know I'm sure it had nothing to do with you , it appears that person was afraid or who knows what for sure , cant go around judging people cause they are going through different situations but just focus on you! and everything else will fall into place!

Wishing you well stay calm! Look ahead cause the light is at the end of the tunnel!

Originally Posted by anaisninja

I don't even know where to put this post.

(And for the first time since I joined this forum, the chat room is not working tonight.)

The woman I thought liked me, went up to move her truck and never came back.

On our date.

I feel... like I've just been stabbed. Like there is something deeply, terribly wrong with me. Like I'm not worth loving. Or even fucking.

This has never happened to me. No one has ever treated me this way. Except for the woman in Illinois. So that is twice in 2 weeks now.

For a split second, when she went to go move her truck, I thought - if she doesn't come back I'm going to quit my job and leave the state. But I didn't believe it. I didn't believe a person could be so cruel. But then, she never came back.

Maybe this is a message from the Universe. I can't go to work tomorrow, even though it's my 3rd day on the job. That's it. I give up. I'm done.

[Liam]

I'm sorry this happened to you, Anais. It really isn't about you; and work has been a wonderful place for me to be, while dealing/healing with/from feelings and emotions around loss, betrayal, and rejection. Don't give up!

[anaisninja]

Hi, someone stayed with me overnight so I wasn't alone. I'm safe, but I feel shitty. This is going to take some time to process. I appreciate your kind words.

[QueenofSmirks]

Anais, I can imagine how horrible this must have felt. I'm glad you got through the evening and feel a little more grounded today, although I understand that this might sting for awhile.

This is in no way a judgment, but I'm curious about something in your post... you said, "For a split second, when she went to go move her truck, I thought - if she doesn't come back I'm going to quit my job and leave the state."

What led you to think at *that* moment, when she got up, that she might not come back? Was the date not going well? I only ask because if you had any inclination that she might not come back, then subconsciously, or perhaps even consciously, you already knew this probably wasn't going to work out or that the connection you were hoping for wasn't there -- and I mean that in a positive way, to point out that, although it hurts, your instincts were spot on.

I know it can take some time to rebound from something like this - give yourself the time to do so, and then get back out there and give yourself another opportunity to find someone wonderful.

[Queenie]

Originally Posted by anaisninja

I don't even know where to put this post.

(And for the first time since I joined this forum, the chat room is not working tonight.)

The woman I thought liked me, went up to move her truck and never came back.

On our date.

I feel... like I've just been stabbed. Like there is something deeply, terribly wrong with me. Like I'm not worth loving. Or even fucking.

This has never happened to me. No one has ever treated me this way. Except for the woman in Illinois. So that is twice in 2 weeks now.

For a split second, when she went to go move her truck, I thought - if she doesn't come back I'm going to quit my job and leave the state. But I didn't believe it. I didn't believe a person could be so cruel. But then, she never came back.

Maybe this is a message from the Universe. I can't go to work tomorrow, even though it's my 3rd day on the job. That's it. I give up. I'm done.

I'm so very sorry, sweetie. I know how you are feeling.

This happened to me years ago. I met someone online we started to talk, we realized we lived in the same city. So, we met up later that evening. Hy picked me up at my house and I just knew that it wasn't going to be a good date. He took me to a movie. I could feel from the way hy looked at me that hy found me to be ugly and tooo shy. So, me knowing this made the whole date even worse. I just wanted to leave, but I couldn't as hy drove. Right after the movie ended, hy got a phone call and told me hy had to leave as something had happen. Hy drove me home as fast as hy could. I got out of the car and that was it hy drove off. I never heard from hym again.
It was so gut-wrenching. I wanted to crawl into a little ball and die!!!!! It had to be the worst date I have ever had.
But time went on and I ended up going on a really lovely date with a sweet ftm. I will always remember when I opened the door and he smiled and told me, ''Oh good you are cute!''
So, it will get better it just might take time as most things do take time.
Hang in there, sweetie! xxxooo

[Ms. Tabitha]

Good Heavens, I'm sorry this happened to you but, don't take it personal, it seems they just saved you a lot of heartache and drama that could have been even worse in time.

Don't let something like this break your spirit and ruin your new job and destroy your self esteem, that is a knee jerk reaction.
There are people that enter your life and leave an impression, some good, some bad.
Try not to take it personal (easier said than done) and realize that some people just are not as they seem.
Hang in there