Parenting

Jess · 03-09-2010, 08:18 AM

I just realized that we don't have a thread or area for folks to discuss parenting. We have a lot of parents here, so here goes.

Will start with a link that I posted on another area here for KIPP schools. I think as parents we are charged with the duty and honor of getting involved with our children's education. I think the failure of public schools to educate our kids with even the basics of social history is in great part why we see so many of the "isms" still rampant in this country. Sexism/ racism etc as well as basic math/ grammar should be part of our curriculum.

The drop out rate of kids is still way too high. The rate of kids graduating and then going to college is still too low. The effectiveness of teachers is still not where it should be. I commend teachers who really giving our kids the attention and tools they need to become healthy citizens. I think a well rounded education is work on both the part of the system ( schools/ teachers) and the parent. It should be a parental contract to agree to help every child do the work needed to become "educated".

I just learned about these schools and urge parents to become involved in their school boards to find ways to make EVERY school as successful as these models.

http://www.kipp.org/

So, education is a huge issue for parents. What issues do you face as a parent? Terrible twos? Terrible teens? IVF? Where are we as a community in raising our kids?

I think sometimes it is easy to forget we are "parents" because we are queer and by and large "queers don't have kids". I have met some amazing moms and dads in my time at the b-f communities. My hat is off to you all!

Here's a spot to talk about your highs and lows in the journey of sharing our child's path. Ideas for making the world a better place for them? Field trips? Resources? Healthy snacks? Protecting without being "over protective" ?

Hope to see some of you sharing how you do it!

Thanks!

Lusciousblondefemme · 03-09-2010, 09:30 AM

Ok so .. I am the mother of two wonderful children Krystal is 15 and Kevin is 13. They truly are amazing children who have wonderful hearts and souls. But it has been a long journey to be able to sit back and say,"Hey, I did a damn good job", i raised my children basically by myself. My ex husband was there but not a hands on parent. He was alittle too concerned with his own life to realize that he should be part of their lives. That has changed some but still I feel like I did it all and he got just the easy parts.

So the discussion at hand .. I definately think that schools need to be brought up to date on the lessons and classes that they teach. I think that they need a class in tolerance, maybe anger management. I think that schools should prepare children for LIFE. I look at my daughter when she comes home from school and is taking a computer class that honestly she knows more about computers than the teacher does. Why not instead of teaching computers to children who have been using them for years teach something that will help them in life.
Another thing is that I believe that teachers should be tested as well as kids. When i was a preschool teacher I always made everything I learned fun. Why can't they make school fun, i find that if you can actually get a child interested in what they are learning, maybe by making your lesson plan fun, that children retain the information alot better.

Ok i have a good question, Why is saying that someone is Gay or Lesbian considered using vulgar language in schools? I will never forget when my daughter was in middle school I got a call at work telling me that my daughter was in the principals office. Well when i talked to Krystal she explained that there was a fight between two of her freinds and Krystal said hey why dont you kiss and make up. I always say that to my kids.. it makes them laugh and they forget the reason they are mad. So Krystal thought it was funny to say it. Well she got pulled down to the principals office for accusing two girls of being gay. I was appalled when she told me this. I asked her to give the phone to the principal and I asked the principal what was going on. She told me " Krystal has accused two girls of being gay and that is just not right and against school policies, for her to even discuss such a subject is not right." I said, " Well if you knew fucking anything you would know that I AM A LESBIAN, and my daughter would never accuse anyone of being a LESBIAN or being GAY because she knows better than to judge people." I went on to say that if they would have asked her what happened she would have told them the story. If they asked her why she said what she said they would have had an explanation instead of accusing her of being rude and cruel. I went on to say that As a LESBIAN, I find it very insulting that they are saying basically that if she talks about me that it's against their school policies. This principal didn't know what to say to me. I heard her tell Krystal to go back to class and that she was sorry. She than stated Have a nice day Ms. M****.
My thing is why is it wrong for children to talk about gay and lesbian issues, why is it ok for another child to call another child a faggot, but god forbid my children discuss the fact that I am a lesbian it violates their code of conduct at their school?

When is society going to start realizing that we are here, we are queer and WE ARE NOT going anywhere. That children they are teaching can come from gay families. They should be teaching tolerance in schools towards all people. Hazing should extend to sexuality.

I am the token lesbian at my daughters school because I am out. All her friends know that I am and she is very proud of me. She tells everyone that she talks to that I am gay and that if they don't like tough shit.

Kevin is still kinda quiet so he hasn't gotten to that stage yet. But i can imagine when he starts talking about me that his friends of course will find it fascinating. LOL.

So now the next hurdle that I shall be getting into with Krystal is she gets her permit in December. GOD help me please.!

I am sure that until December that we will have a few more obstacles to overcome but i look forward to them.

I find that as a parent the best approach is to be open and honest with your children. Krystal and Kevin know that they can come to me with anyone. They know that there is nothing that they will say that will shock me and/or make me upset with them. We talk about sex, sexuality, and drugs on a daily basis. I make sure that they know that no matter what I love them unconditionally, but that I hope that they make wise decisions in life, not for me but for themselves.

On a funny note.: Ok so Krystal, Kevin and I were in the grocery store. We are standing in the frozen food aisle and Krystal turns to me and goes ,"Mom what is Masturbation?" I very calmly said " This is not something we should discuss in the store, I will tell you when we get to the car." just as I finished telling her that I saw some guy looking in astonishment at me and run away. I was laughing my ass off. Kids definately do say the Darndest things

Rockinonahigh · 03-09-2010, 09:57 AM

One thing I found out about parenting is, dont expect a rule book and that Dr.Spock must have not been a hands on parent when he wrote his book on parenting all those years ago.
I had kids when I was 19 & 23 so as they grew up I didnt get all in a wad about much of what they did cause I really wasnt that much older than they were..but I definatly could see things from both sides of the parent/child world.It would drive my mom nuts cuse I would always take the time to talk to my boys about everything that was age appropreate aaaannnnddd if they ask about something that I felt wasnt really time for them to ask..well I just gave them the anser to the question without going overbore with it cause sometimes it was just something in passing.
My kids are as diffrent as day light and dark..the oldest is hell on wheels adhd hyper overdrive kid into it all..my youngest is calm,quite ,funny,a book worm that approaches the world and life with a purpose and goals of wich he has made nearly everone he set out to do..When ask how I managed to raise kids of such a diffrent personality I say ..easy they are both sides of who I am.

morningstar55 · 03-09-2010, 09:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lusciousblondefemme

On a funny note.: Ok so Krystal, Kevin and I were in the grocery store. We are standing in the frozen food aisle and Krystal turns to me and goes ,"Mom what is Masturbation?" I very calmly said " This is not something we should discuss in the store, I will tell you when we get to the car." just as I finished telling her that I saw some guy looking in astonishment at me and run away. I was laughing my ass off. Kids definately do say the Darndest things

oh my........ lol .. i couldnt help but chuckle about this.. lol
i remember once... when my daughter was .. hmm 11 or 12 i think..... im driving , and she suddenly ask this ?? out of the blue......
"mom, does it hurt to have a baby?"
my eyes im sure poped wide open.. and thought. whaat??
where did that ? come from??
but i just calmly .... said.... " well , hate to say it , but yes it does hurt very much. but its something alot of mom's go thru if they want a baby,Its all part of life..and silly thing is as much as it hurts, some want another one.... heh....
kids do say or ask the darnest things sometimes

Rockinonahigh · 03-09-2010, 10:15 AM

My oldes son has two kids so one weekend we were out about town just kicking around.Well we all know how kids do say the darndest things at some really crazy times.We were in chucky cheeses and the grand daughter who was 13 at the time out of the blue ask me what it was like to have an orgasm.This caught me fixing to take a bite out a a pizza,the room was packed with people of all ages and her voice is like mine ..u cant miss it.I thing I took on second to take a deep breath( remembr I raised her dad) and said we will take a walk to settle this pizza pie when we are done and talk about it...she said ..ok.Btw the folks siting at any table near enough to hear it was either silence or stares or deep chuckles.I turnes out she has followed her grandbutch into queerdome.

Rockinonahigh · 03-09-2010, 10:36 AM

Andrew,how ar ya bro?
All I can say its your nices wedding and she should feel free to honor her aunt as she wishes and I think her ideas is a sound one that will be great for her.Now as for the rest of the family,ya know its hard when a parent starts dateing again cause then the kids will be shareing dads time with someone new.Now if he is just dateing and it not overly serious they should be remeinded somehow that its just dateing.If its serious dad needs to sit down with the kids involved alone and have a talk with them about it all to reashure then that no on will ever replace mom ever.Both sides need to really listen to each other cause what ever happends in this will be something that will be remembered by all in the future and should be in a possitive way.I think the older folks /kids could be a little easyer on dad cause he has a right to a life of happyness if he loves this woman...she needs to understand the foundation both of them put down now will set the tone for the future with the other folks involved as well.A possitive relationship is far better than a neggetive one and all need to work to that gaol.

Lusciousblondefemme · 03-09-2010, 05:11 PM

Andrew,
I would tell your neice that since it is her big day that she should do what is in her heart. If she feels that she wants to honor her aunt than so be it. You should also ask them When exactly they think that its enough time or the right time for her husband to move on. Unfortunately everyone deals with heartache differently and no one can tell another person when its time to move on. Tell them that its not that he is trying to replace their Aunt, it's just that he wants to feel happiness again.
I hope that her wedding is amazing and that the day goes off without a hitch... There truly is something to be said about your neice who wants to honor her aunt. That is something very special she has inside of her heart.

Andrew, Jr. · 03-09-2010, 10:04 AM

Jess thanks for starting this thread.

Right now I can use some advice. I am being bombarded with all of my nieces and nephews coming to me. In 3 weeks one of my nieces is getting married. My niece getting married wants to honor her aunt (who died) by placing a photograph of her on the alter in the Church. My late sister's husband is bringing a date to the wedding, and his 2 sons will be there as well. The issue is that he is dating, and that the kids feel Aunt Jo is being replaced. I constantly tell them all that nobody is ever going to replace Aunt Jo. Nobody. But when dealing with children, it is different. And I am not one to really help them. I can say the words, but it is just sinking in with them. The ages range from newborns all the way up to early 20's.

Help me with this, please.

Much thanks.

Love,
Andrew

03-09-2010, 08:18 AM	#1
Jess Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: decidedly indifferent Preferred Pronoun?: other Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Patrick Springs, VA Posts: 2,812 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,247 Thanked 5,702 Times in 1,684 Posts Rep Power: 0	Parenting I just realized that we don't have a thread or area for folks to discuss parenting. We have a lot of parents here, so here goes. Will start with a link that I posted on another area here for KIPP schools. I think as parents we are charged with the duty and honor of getting involved with our children's education. I think the failure of public schools to educate our kids with even the basics of social history is in great part why we see so many of the "isms" still rampant in this country. Sexism/ racism etc as well as basic math/ grammar should be part of our curriculum. The drop out rate of kids is still way too high. The rate of kids graduating and then going to college is still too low. The effectiveness of teachers is still not where it should be. I commend teachers who really giving our kids the attention and tools they need to become healthy citizens. I think a well rounded education is work on both the part of the system ( schools/ teachers) and the parent. It should be a parental contract to agree to help every child do the work needed to become "educated". I just learned about these schools and urge parents to become involved in their school boards to find ways to make EVERY school as successful as these models. http://www.kipp.org/ So, education is a huge issue for parents. What issues do you face as a parent? Terrible twos? Terrible teens? IVF? Where are we as a community in raising our kids? I think sometimes it is easy to forget we are "parents" because we are queer and by and large "queers don't have kids". I have met some amazing moms and dads in my time at the b-f communities. My hat is off to you all! Here's a spot to talk about your highs and lows in the journey of sharing our child's path. Ideas for making the world a better place for them? Field trips? Resources? Healthy snacks? Protecting without being "over protective" ? Hope to see some of you sharing how you do it! Thanks!

03-09-2010, 09:30 AM	#2
Lusciousblondefemme Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: single Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 73 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 22 Thanked 104 Times in 39 Posts Rep Power: 17	OOO Lordy I am a Lesbian Mom :) Ok so .. I am the mother of two wonderful children Krystal is 15 and Kevin is 13. They truly are amazing children who have wonderful hearts and souls. But it has been a long journey to be able to sit back and say,"Hey, I did a damn good job", i raised my children basically by myself. My ex husband was there but not a hands on parent. He was alittle too concerned with his own life to realize that he should be part of their lives. That has changed some but still I feel like I did it all and he got just the easy parts. So the discussion at hand .. I definately think that schools need to be brought up to date on the lessons and classes that they teach. I think that they need a class in tolerance, maybe anger management. I think that schools should prepare children for LIFE. I look at my daughter when she comes home from school and is taking a computer class that honestly she knows more about computers than the teacher does. Why not instead of teaching computers to children who have been using them for years teach something that will help them in life. Another thing is that I believe that teachers should be tested as well as kids. When i was a preschool teacher I always made everything I learned fun. Why can't they make school fun, i find that if you can actually get a child interested in what they are learning, maybe by making your lesson plan fun, that children retain the information alot better. Ok i have a good question, Why is saying that someone is Gay or Lesbian considered using vulgar language in schools? I will never forget when my daughter was in middle school I got a call at work telling me that my daughter was in the principals office. Well when i talked to Krystal she explained that there was a fight between two of her freinds and Krystal said hey why dont you kiss and make up. I always say that to my kids.. it makes them laugh and they forget the reason they are mad. So Krystal thought it was funny to say it. Well she got pulled down to the principals office for accusing two girls of being gay. I was appalled when she told me this. I asked her to give the phone to the principal and I asked the principal what was going on. She told me " Krystal has accused two girls of being gay and that is just not right and against school policies, for her to even discuss such a subject is not right." I said, " Well if you knew fucking anything you would know that I AM A LESBIAN, and my daughter would never accuse anyone of being a LESBIAN or being GAY because she knows better than to judge people." I went on to say that if they would have asked her what happened she would have told them the story. If they asked her why she said what she said they would have had an explanation instead of accusing her of being rude and cruel. I went on to say that As a LESBIAN, I find it very insulting that they are saying basically that if she talks about me that it's against their school policies. This principal didn't know what to say to me. I heard her tell Krystal to go back to class and that she was sorry. She than stated Have a nice day Ms. M***. My thing is why is it wrong for children to talk about gay and lesbian issues, why is it ok for another child to call another child a faggot, but god forbid my children discuss the fact that I am a lesbian it violates their code of conduct at their school? When is society going to start realizing that we are here, we are queer and WE ARE NOT going anywhere. That children they are teaching can come from gay families. They should be teaching tolerance in schools towards all people. Hazing should extend to sexuality. I am the token lesbian at my daughters school because I am out. All her friends know that I am and she is very proud of me. She tells everyone that she talks to that I am gay and that if they don't like tough shit. Kevin is still kinda quiet so he hasn't gotten to that stage yet. But i can imagine when he starts talking about me that his friends of course will find it fascinating. LOL. So now the next hurdle that I shall be getting into with Krystal is she gets her permit in December. GOD help me please.! I am sure that until December that we will have a few more obstacles to overcome but i look forward to them. I find that as a parent the best approach is to be open and honest with your children. Krystal and Kevin know that they can come to me with anyone. They know that there is nothing that they will say that will shock me and/or make me upset with them. We talk about sex, sexuality, and drugs on a daily basis. I make sure that they know that no matter what I love them unconditionally, but that I hope that they make wise decisions in life, not for me but for themselves. On a funny note.: Ok so Krystal, Kevin and I were in the grocery store. We are standing in the frozen food aisle and Krystal turns to me and goes ,"Mom what is Masturbation?" I very calmly said " This is not something we should discuss in the store, I will tell you when we get to the car." just as I finished telling her that I saw some guy looking in astonishment at me and run away. I was laughing my ass off. Kids definately do say the Darndest things __________________ You asked me whose life was more important- yours or mine and I answered "mine" ; you walked away angry not knowing that YOU are my life Last edited by Lusciousblondefemme; 03-09-2010 at 09:39 AM. Reason: spelling I suck at it rofl*

03-09-2010, 05:11 PM	#7
Lusciousblondefemme Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: single Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 73 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 22 Thanked 104 Times in 39 Posts Rep Power: 17	Andrew, I would tell your neice that since it is her big day that she should do what is in her heart. If she feels that she wants to honor her aunt than so be it. You should also ask them When exactly they think that its enough time or the right time for her husband to move on. Unfortunately everyone deals with heartache differently and no one can tell another person when its time to move on. Tell them that its not that he is trying to replace their Aunt, it's just that he wants to feel happiness again. I hope that her wedding is amazing and that the day goes off without a hitch... There truly is something to be said about your neice who wants to honor her aunt. That is something very special she has inside of her heart. __________________ You asked me whose life was more important- yours or mine and I answered "mine" ; you walked away angry not knowing that YOU are my life

03-09-2010, 10:04 AM	#8
Andrew, Jr. Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Over the Rainbow in a House Posts: 5,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,004 Thanked 5,249 Times in 2,216 Posts Rep Power: 0	I'm the queer Uncle Jess thanks for starting this thread. Right now I can use some advice. I am being bombarded with all of my nieces and nephews coming to me. In 3 weeks one of my nieces is getting married. My niece getting married wants to honor her aunt (who died) by placing a photograph of her on the alter in the Church. My late sister's husband is bringing a date to the wedding, and his 2 sons will be there as well. The issue is that he is dating, and that the kids feel Aunt Jo is being replaced. I constantly tell them all that nobody is ever going to replace Aunt Jo. Nobody. But when dealing with children, it is different. And I am not one to really help them. I can say the words, but it is just sinking in with them. The ages range from newborns all the way up to early 20's. Help me with this, please. Much thanks. Love, Andrew

03-09-2010, 09:57 AM	#3
Rockinonahigh Senior Member How Do You Identify?: stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: makes no diffrence,I know who I am. Relationship Status: single,maybe looking if the right person comes along. Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: shreveport,Louisiana Posts: 4,907 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,682 Thanked 14,937 Times in 3,936 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	One thing I found out about parenting is, dont expect a rule book and that Dr.Spock must have not been a hands on parent when he wrote his book on parenting all those years ago. I had kids when I was 19 & 23 so as they grew up I didnt get all in a wad about much of what they did cause I really wasnt that much older than they were..but I definatly could see things from both sides of the parent/child world.It would drive my mom nuts cuse I would always take the time to talk to my boys about everything that was age appropreate aaaannnnddd if they ask about something that I felt wasnt really time for them to ask..well I just gave them the anser to the question without going overbore with it cause sometimes it was just something in passing. My kids are as diffrent as day light and dark..the oldest is hell on wheels adhd hyper overdrive kid into it all..my youngest is calm,quite ,funny,a book worm that approaches the world and life with a purpose and goals of wich he has made nearly everone he set out to do..When ask how I managed to raise kids of such a diffrent personality I say ..easy they are both sides of who I am.

03-09-2010, 10:15 AM	#5
Rockinonahigh Senior Member How Do You Identify?: stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: makes no diffrence,I know who I am. Relationship Status: single,maybe looking if the right person comes along. Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: shreveport,Louisiana Posts: 4,907 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,682 Thanked 14,937 Times in 3,936 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	My oldes son has two kids so one weekend we were out about town just kicking around.Well we all know how kids do say the darndest things at some really crazy times.We were in chucky cheeses and the grand daughter who was 13 at the time out of the blue ask me what it was like to have an orgasm.This caught me fixing to take a bite out a a pizza,the room was packed with people of all ages and her voice is like mine ..u cant miss it.I thing I took on second to take a deep breath( remembr I raised her dad) and said we will take a walk to settle this pizza pie when we are done and talk about it...she said ..ok.Btw the folks siting at any table near enough to hear it was either silence or stares or deep chuckles.I turnes out she has followed her grandbutch into queerdome.

03-09-2010, 10:36 AM	#6
Rockinonahigh Senior Member How Do You Identify?: stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: makes no diffrence,I know who I am. Relationship Status: single,maybe looking if the right person comes along. Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: shreveport,Louisiana Posts: 4,907 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,682 Thanked 14,937 Times in 3,936 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Andrew,how ar ya bro? All I can say its your nices wedding and she should feel free to honor her aunt as she wishes and I think her ideas is a sound one that will be great for her.Now as for the rest of the family,ya know its hard when a parent starts dateing again cause then the kids will be shareing dads time with someone new.Now if he is just dateing and it not overly serious they should be remeinded somehow that its just dateing.If its serious dad needs to sit down with the kids involved alone and have a talk with them about it all to reashure then that no on will ever replace mom ever.Both sides need to really listen to each other cause what ever happends in this will be something that will be remembered by all in the future and should be in a possitive way.I think the older folks /kids could be a little easyer on dad cause he has a right to a life of happyness if he loves this woman...she needs to understand the foundation both of them put down now will set the tone for the future with the other folks involved as well.A possitive relationship is far better than a neggetive one and all need to work to that gaol.