Personal Space -- In Your Face

[Jude]

Wondering if I'm just socially atypical............. What is the level of your need for personal space? Does the suggestion of "in your face" send an involuntary shiver up your spine? Do crowds ever overwhelm you? How do you feel about the person behind you in a que (how close is too close)? The hug from a mere acquaintance?

This is wholly apart from sexual intimacy - talking physical, personal space here; not even about emotional need for space. (That may be my next query!)

[princessbelle]

I know what you mean. I think i'm sorta ordinary when it comes to space. But omg i have a coworker...geeze louise she gets like two inches from my face when she talks.....i back up, she walks forward and sometimes i'm going in circles trying to get away basically. It's weird how personal space is diff for diff folks.

And the elevator? OMG it's funny to me. If there are two in there it seems you stand on opposite sides..then more come in and they take the back and so on. Like there is little tabs on the floor and everyone knows where their spot is when getting on to give equal space on all sides. Unless of course it is full then everyone just sucks it in and prays the ride is a quick one, looks at the ceiling or someones shoes, because then someone is definately in your space.

That is something to think on and it will be interesting reading others responses.

[suebee]

"They" say that personal space is about 18". If you take your hand, put it about two feet away from somebody and move it in slowly you'll usually find their aura - a feeling of slight heat and resistance - at about 18". That's about where mine is. We all have to compromise in crowds, on the bus etc. Sounds like yours is greater than that. Have a friend try the aura exercise. It would be interesting to see what the results are.

[katsarecool]

I feel uncomfortable when people get too close to me; strangers. It does not seem to bother me when in a crowd; a crowd that is entering or leaving an event. But when someone stands to close to me it feels like an invasion. Sometimes I will back up into that person on purpose and then look them in the eye as I say excuse me slowly but with a aggressive "protetcing my personal space" look. It does the trick always.

[bigbutchmistie]

I cant take crowds at all...

I dont like people behind me

At work there is a wall behind me and everyone is around me

If I know you hugs dont bother me.

[Blade]

OMG I think I'm on both ends of the spectrum. I am a touch person. I hug everyone, I feel very at ease in a crowd of "my peeps". However I don't like to be crowded by folks. Like at a movie or concert or something like that. I don't like anyone sitting behind me, like in a office or out to eat I sit facing the door, I wanna see who's coming and going.

Like Belle I have a cousin who almost touches noses with you when she talks to you and I'm all over the place trying to get away from her. Touch me ok but don't breathe my breath please.

[DapperButch]

When I first started being a part of the lesbian community, I had to get used to all the hugging....you meet a person through a mutual friend at a gathering and two hours later when you are saying goodbye to them they hug you. Huh? Do I know you?

I learned that indeed talking to them for five minutes did qualify as "knowing them" and this qualified us for "hug status"....I just went with the flow and got used to it...now I can hug anyone.

In general though, I think that my comfort level of space between myself and another person would fall under average to wanting a bit more space than the average person.

[rlin]

i do okay in crowded spaces... its like my psyche knows it just has to deal with it...
but... in a normal environment... nope... i have a pretty good idea of my space... i think it is deeper than 18"...
and... even hugs from folks i like are iffy... i think i need a real physical relationship with the person...
i think that personal space is the lesson i beat into my kid the most...
even when he was 2 or 3 and had no idea of personal space... i was teaching him... now... he has hangups with it... so... i think i created a monster... its few and far between that i get a hug from him unless he wants it... of course... he is 21... so i consider myself lucky that he ever wants a hug...
damn...
i think i got off topic...
hmmm
yeah...
space is really flipn important...

[suebee]

One of my fav people on the planet is my cousin. She's just a great all-round person. But she does not like to be hugged. Her mother says she was that way even as a baby. It's always kind of seemed like a mystery to me. She's such a warm person, yet obviously is wired to not accept much in the way of casual physical contact. Anybody know someone like that?

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Jude

Wondering if I'm just socially atypical............. What is the level of your need for personal space? Does the suggestion of "in your face" send an involuntary shiver up your spine? Do crowds ever overwhelm you? How do you feel about the person behind you in a que (how close is too close)? The hug from a mere acquaintance?

This is wholly apart from sexual intimacy - talking physical, personal space here; not even about emotional need for space. (That may be my next query!)

I don't have a set level or physical amount of space that is THE amount for me. It depends on the situation, the people involved, whether I'm ovulating, etc.

Crowds don't bother me unless the other people consistently get in my way. Then, I begin to take it personally and the teeth begin to clench. I get more irritated than overwhelmed.

As for lines, I prefer enough room for there to be a distinct difference between them and myself and their stuff and my stuff. I'll keep the cart behind me in order to get that space, if I see or feel a space hog coming.

Like Blade, I'm a touchy feely sort. I touch people. I do understand that others are not as touchy as I am and try to remember who is less inclined to be okay with a touch on the shoulder or a pat than others. I hug lots. If I feel someone is not too huggy and/or not comfortable with hugging but we're already going through the motions, I'll spare them and make it a super quick half hug, like teachers have to do in schools now.

Someone mentioned elevators. That's an excellent analogy for how I handle personal space. I give others as much personal space as I can, fitting the situation. As more people come into the space, there's going to be some adjusting and shuffling around, but if all are respectful of one another's space, it's more tolerable than if you have someone literally in your face.

I have no qualms with telling someone to back up or give me space if there is space to be given. Sometimes it's a simple "Excuse me" and a simultaneous shifting of the eyes in the direction I want them to move and either a shoulder shrug or actual movement of my arms in that direction.

I've also addressed personal space with children in front of their parents, not that it did any good for the parents. The children seemed to be more aware of the space issue than the parents were, actually.

[asphaltcowboi]

personal space... i do not like to be touched by new people or drunks or hardley anyone but my partner in public. i get nervous in crowds and do anything to get away into my own space. when i met a new person a hand shake is fine.. i dont like the hugs..i put up with it from friends but only because they are friends and i try to limit the touching. ive been known to throw a mean right hook when someone sneaks up behind me or startels me. then when im home i love being cuddeling and sharing my space with my partner but even there im funny about it sometimes.

[Pixie]

I know for me it totally depends on my mindset and situation. Most of the time I am fine, love being around people, I can talk to someone up close and personal......
........and others....I get claustrophobic, I get overwhelmed, I need to escape to my space and breath and purge all of the energy other than mine back onto the atmosphere away from me.

[girl_dee]

i love my space

i love the people i live with and being around them, but i love my very own space to just *be in* and i try to give them this too.

what i do not like is people who lack respect of privacy. I don't like having my physical or emotional boundaries crossed. (Unless your name is SYR)

Yah i like my own space to be in.

[RockOn]

I have no problem being in a crowd with one exception - Christmas shoppers are far too intense for me. There have been times I have been in a Mall before Christmas and had to literally run out of the Mall like a wide receiver - dodging and ducking. I have an affectionate nature and enjoy being touched/hugged by people I know and trust ... Like my 72 year old neighbor lady who moved next door a month ago. Sometimes she takes both my hands in hers when she talks to me. That feels really good to me.

I will say I become very rude in lines at the grocery store or places like WalMart if someone behind me bumps me more than once. Everyone gets the benefit of a "bump once" free card. After that, they will notice I have turned into an instant asshole, stand my space, capable of a nudge back. I never say a word. They will find they have no opportunity to look over my shoulder while I pay cashier. Years ago, I was at an ATM withdrawing cash - broad daylight. The fellow behind me was very close on my back. Before I punched in my secret code, I turned around, his face was very close to mine, looked at him hard directly in his eyes and told him to back off. He took 2 steps back and began ranting how he did not need my money because he had much more then me. I thought I would surely end up rolling there on the sidewalk with him, my body had already prepared itself and took over by hardening and bowing up ... adrenaline was flowing through my veins like hot lava. Thankfully nothing happened.

[Smiling]

What I have noticed about myself is that the more physically attracted I am to someone, the closer I will allow them to be in my personal space. With close friends, I will be okay with it occasionally, but typically only as long as is necessary.

lol, now that I think of it, it's actually probably a really easy way for someone to discreetly ascertain exactly where they stand with me. For instance, I have a coworker who really likes to get right up in my space a lot when we talk - we both do it - and it totally turns me on, lol. (And I always make sure I have plenty of interesting things that need to be discussed, lol).

As far as everyone else is concerned, I want room. Lots of it. And I hate it when people come up quietly behind me - I have an exaggerated startle reflex, so it pisses me off.

[dale2555]

Originally Posted by Jude

Wondering if I'm just socially atypical............. What is the level of your need for personal space? Does the suggestion of "in your face" send an involuntary shiver up your spine? Do crowds ever overwhelm you? How do you feel about the person behind you in a que (how close is too close)? The hug from a mere acquaintance?

This is wholly apart from sexual intimacy - talking physical, personal space here; not even about emotional need for space. (That may be my next query!)

With family, and this includes my friends who have meshed into family through the years, I rarely feel the need to pull back. With anyone else, there is a definitive line drawn and any push over that line is received with my physically stepping back to regain my necessary distance. How much distance is determined by who that person is and the context of the situation.

I have recently been told that I am an "in your face person" and this surprised me. Never saw myself that way. I asked a friend who has known me a long time and she said yes. However when I asked for clarification, she said I get in people's faces when I find their behavior or conversation offensive, which is totally different from the discussion here.

I am a touchy, feely person with those I care for and enjoy being touched by them. However, to be thought of as someone who doesn't sense anothers "personal space" has given me pause. Not saying I feel horrible about it, but I will be more attentive to it now.

[DomnNC]

Strangers I keep at arms length. I find it totally inappropriate for someone I don't know to be hugging on me, touching on me or getting in my face, as someone else said in that situation a handshake is the appropriate thing to do, in my opinion anyway. My family and close friends, I have no problem with hugging me, touching me etcetcetc.

As far as outdoor events, those things don't bother me, I just make sure I'm aware who is close to me and keep whomever is with me close to me as well. It's just a matter of personal safety nowadays.

[weatherboi]

hi folks!!!

What is the level of your need for personal space? Does the suggestion of "in your face" send an involuntary shiver up your spine? Do crowds ever overwhelm you? How do you feel about the person behind you in a que (how close is too close)? The hug from a mere acquaintance?


my level of personal space is dictated by the type of energy that surrounds me or approaches me. i was born with something that attracts predators(good and bad) and i have been painfully and blissfully aware of this since i was very very young.

i crave touch and when i lack in being touched my physical tick emerges...my parents weren't touchy, weren't emotional and lacked kindness.waiting in line and hugs don't bother me. i mean, hug or handshake away, it doesn't matter because i am gonna read/feel that persons energy whether i want to or not. sometimes they can energize me and sometimes they can drain me to where i need a nap after the exchange. everybody hugs differently and i am ok with that.



navigating crowds is really just a matter of waiting and deflecting. i used to get overwhelmed when i was younger until i learned to block people and their energy. now i just remain alert and anticipate, especially when i am out with my Ms and loved ones.

[Julie]

Personal space is dictated by my mood, and this can change from touch me to get the hell away from me in an instant. I am a recluse... I do not like people very much, especially in my space. Though, I love humanity and work for it. If I never have to leave my home, it is huge which is why I work at home - I don't have to see people.

I grew up with parents who were part of the "love" generation (60's hippies) and grew up with intense beautiful touch. A family bed, where we could sleep whenever we chose. I touch my children whenever I can. My partners, well - they can suffer from my coldness, if I go there. I am not sure where it comes from. It is not how I grew up and I think I should to therapy. Serious!

If you are invited into my home - it will become your home and you will be loved. You probably will be touched if you are in my home, because I love you and have invited you there. I will probably even tuck you in when its time to say goodnight (well maybe not, but I will want too). If I have invited you into my home, it is because I trust you.

I am having a hard time with this thread, writing - because people see me as all warm and bubbly - friendly... Especially because of my work. And I am all of those things, but it is really hard and scary for me to put myself out there.

I do not like to travel for work, it scares me - because then I have to be in spaces I have no control over. I need my space - I do not like having to put a smile on my face. Same with personal travel - out of my element and really hard for me. It shocks me still, as I sit here in Australia that I have left and am here - out of my space and element.

It's four in the morning for GOD SAKE and what am I DOING UP? I should probably re-read what I wrote, but I am not going too. I should be snuggled in bed with this other human being who craves touch (at least mine).

Oh... I am really good at warning prospective partners, that I come with major issues attached to my being. I am not sure why I warn them, except to say - maybe they will leave me alone. Those that don't - usually get me. And then I tend to feel really bad for them. I generally spend the next amount of years apologizing for my behavior.

It's 4am and my brain is not working so well.

[TickledPink]

I love me time! It's important to me to soak up the silence and gain energy from its source. I can still have music flowing and be in silence. I can still have my pack around me and be in silence.

Total me time would consist of being in a candle-lit room, aromatherapy and some good ole meditating. Or a hot bath with some good-smelling bubbles! It's amazing what it can do for your psyche!

As for crowds, they bother me more in my old age. I loathe Wal-Mart and anywhere I have to stand in line. Folks like to strike up a convo with me for no reason. Total strangers open up to me and I'm always left going, WTF?

However, I'm a hugger! I can't help it! I mean, I wouldn't just hug a stranger or let said stranger touch me. I don't care for anyone being in my face or touching my face period. But I love some hugs