Ireparably Broken?

[JustJo]

Originally Posted by ButchEire

I'm not sure if the book is suggesting that someone who has an insecure attachment style should seek out someone with a secure one, but this simply won't happen. A person who exemplifies genuine secure attachment won't engage in a relationship with someone who isn't. It's counterproductive and counterintuitive to the nature of secure attachment.

Hi ButchEire...and sorry it's been so long before I responded. I haven't been back in the thread until today and didn't see your post.

I have to respectfully disagree.

Attachment style is important, no doubt...but it is far from the only factor in attraction or relationships. I could point to numerous examples....first being my dearest friend, clearly an anxious, who's been married to the same securely attached man for over 20 years.

Sure...it may mean that their relationship is more work than a secure/secure attachment...but it doesn't invalidate it. And, over time, she has become more secure herself because she is getting the stability she craves and needs.

You're making a pretty absolute statement there...and implying that the only factor in a relationship is attachment style. I think there are others...like chemistry, shared values, common interests, shared lifestyle preferences...

Saying that people who are securely attached would only pick another secure implies that they would be ignoring all of these other factors...which I sincerely doubt. Do you pick your relationships based on how easy or logical they are? How secure the other person is? Or do you pick someone that makes your heart sing and swell?

I know how I pick.

But then again, I'm an anxious....