For those for whom Mother's Day is not a Good Day

ruthie14 · 05-04-2010, 04:18 AM

I have a very hard time with Mother's day. I was never able to have any children of my own and My stepchildren no longer talk to me , even though I raised them when NO one else wanted them. If it wasn't for my own mother I would just hybernate for the day. As it approaches, I get increasingly depressed and weepy.

Here's to all of us who for whatever reason, have a hard time with mother's day. This is the place to vent, gripe, cry, and to comfort.

Peace,
Ruthie

Miss Scarlett · 05-04-2010, 04:25 AM

(((((ruthie14)))))

Thanks for this thread.

The only problem I have with Mother's Day is that my Mom isn't here. She died in March 2007. Because her birthday is towards the end of the month we seldom celebrated Mother's Day on the actual day. So I won't really miss celebrating with her this Sunday. Rather it will be over the next 2 Sundays.

I'll go out to the Cemetery but that's not the same and it really sucks.

I will honor my Stepmother and Shelia's mom but it's still not the same.

ruthie14 · 05-04-2010, 04:32 AM

((((Miss Scarlett)))) It does suck. Noone can take the place of your Mom in your heart. Hopefully those in your life can make it a little easier for you.

Ruthie

Blaze · 05-04-2010, 04:34 AM

As miss Scarlett expressed, Thank you Ruthie for making this thread.
I find it a tad difficult myself to be happy on Mothers day. My Mother passed away 1998. It's harder for me because she buried in Hawaii. I cannot rely on my brothers to take flower to the cemetery for me. So in stead I have to light a candle in remembrance of her and all the laughter and joy she had invested in me. She was my best friend as an adult and the best mentor one could ask for as a child.
Sometimes I feel sad because as the years go by, it's harder for me to remember her scent, her laughter, her mischievous smile, and her loving hugs. Her memory lives on, but her memory image in my mind is fading...
To all the Mothers out there. Bless you...

NJFemmie · 05-04-2010, 05:00 AM

Mother's Day used to be hard for me - but now, it's just any other day.
My mother died when I was young, so it's been quite a long time - I still light a candle, or acknowledge her in some way. I try not to think too much about it, because amazingly enough, it can still make me cry.

Diva · 05-04-2010, 05:09 AM

Mother's Day for me is bittersweet.

I lost my Mom in 1999, just before Christmas. And, while I miss her terribly, she was very ill, and her death was a blessing for her sweet, pure spirit.

And many of You know that I lost my oldest child, Melody Claire, in 1996. She was 16. The phrase 'miss her terribly' doesn't even begin to cover it.
It is a unique kind of torture that I don't wish on any mother.

But what makes this day tolerable for me is that I have another ~ amazingly wonderful ~ daughter who will be moving to Austin next week! She will be here the day after Mother's Day, and I have to say that I believe this year's Mother's Day will be the best I have experienced in quite a long while!!!

I'm grateful and blessed to have been touched by the two who have gone on and by the one who remains.

Andrew, Jr. · 05-04-2010, 10:21 AM

I am not sure of what I feel on Mother's Day.

I have no connection with my bio-mother. It is more of a superficial relationship than anything at all. She is just a woman with children who gave up her children a very long time ago. I have no respect for her at all because of that.

Now my Grandmother has been gone a number of years. She was my mother by all accounts and purposes. She is the one who raised me. She was the one who fought for me when everyone else failed me. I feel her loss each and every day. Not just on Mother's Day.

My sister who died, at the age of 50 from skin cancer, has 2 boys. They try to forget Mother's Day. For them it is another day of heartache, but it is getting better (thank God).

For those who have a loving, accepting, and wonderful mother, I hope you have a fabulous day!

Jett · 05-04-2010, 10:58 AM

It's still pretty hard to think about, especially in the month of Mothers Day and her Birthday.

R.I.P. Mom... May. 18, 1940 - Feb. 28, 2008... you are missed terribly.

Guy · 05-04-2010, 11:00 AM

I lost my Mom on November 15, 2008.

I could have never imagined my life without her unconditional love, trust, unselfishness, support, advice and her beautiful smile that always lit up the room.

Instead of getting easier it just gets harder, I miss her terribly.

suebee · 05-04-2010, 11:09 AM

I live next door to my parents, but I treat them more like elderly neighbors than parents. That's how I manage to live so close and get along reasonably well with them. I feel like a bit of a hypocrite "celebrating" Mother's Day, because my mother was not a very good mother. But it would hurt her if there was no recognition, so I get a small gift and wish her a Happy Mother's Day. No big deal, and no hard feelings. Sometimes ya just gotta know when to bend a little.

Gemme · 05-04-2010, 11:21 AM

My mother died a few years ago and, as sad as it may seem to say, it was a blessing. Her mental and physical health had been declining for many years but, honestly, it also took a weight off of my shoulders. I liked her as a person and could see that she did the best she could for me, but there was no connection beyond that (due to many, many circumstances), and playing along with the loving mother/daughter facade had become draining on my spirit and soul.

I do think of her on Mother's Day, acknowledge her efforts, and wish her the happiness wherever she is that she couldn't find on this Earth.

Apocalipstic · 05-04-2010, 11:23 AM

My mother died in 1976 and I miss her still. It is difficult to see commercials and all the flurry around Mother's Day.

TickledPink · 05-04-2010, 11:33 AM

Thanks for starting this thread. Hugs for you!!

I miss my mother terribly. No one can replace that kind of unique spirit, and, I believe it lives on; through my sister, my nephews, me and anyone she touched while her physical being was here.

I don't have children either, but, I do have a wonderful SON dog!

cinderella · 05-04-2010, 11:57 AM

The one great love of my life - my mom, passed in 1996. Tho she did not approve of my lifestyle, she did love me completely - this I know.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her...she is still very much a part of me and my daily life. Sadly, Mother's Day, Christmas, Easter, and all the holidays have lost their joy for me - life in general has dimmed for me, as she was the light of my life. It's just not the same world without her.

As Diva said above, to say I miss her terribly, doesn't begin to express my loss and pain. She was my idol, my mentor, and a very strong woman of values and morals. She taught me to be the strong woman I am today - thank you mom.

ruthie14 · 05-04-2010, 06:55 PM

Thanks for sharing everyone. I'm sure there are those on the planet who will appriciate your stories and realize that they are not alone.

WingsOnFire · 05-04-2010, 07:02 PM

{{{{{{{{{{Ruthie}}}}}}}}}} I remember last year's Mothers day and how hard it was for you.... I am here for you sweetie if you need me.....

I lost my mother 1 month after I graduated highschool. I was devastated... I cant wait to go back to florida and visit the ocean where her ashes were strewn.

katzietootle · 05-04-2010, 07:15 PM

first year without my mum during nana's day...(sigh)

Jet · 05-04-2010, 07:20 PM

My mother was found dead of unknown causes in 2001. I think of her often.

Kimbo · 05-04-2010, 09:23 PM

As someone who gave a child up for adoption, Mothers day has always been a good/bad day. My son and i reunited when he was 18.

So as you move, as you fly, think of me watching
the river go by
I'm no good at saying goodbye
so hello from the river and I
You're so far away making a life of your own
I'm amazed by what you've done
You're so far away in a world I'll never know
I'm amazed by you my son
So as you move, as you fly, think of me
watching the river go by
I'm no good at saying goodbye

Sunny · 05-04-2010, 09:41 PM

Ruthie I want to thank you for starting this thread.
My Mother passed away on June 6th 2000. Mother's Day is hard for me because it is in your face. Everywhere you go you can cannot avoid seeing the ads to celebrate. My Mother was not perfect. She had alot of issues that she had to deal with. However, she was a good Woman. She had a great sense of humor, intelligent, caring and she never put herself first before her children. Whenever I was upset as a child, she would hug me and I would lay my head on her lap and she would stroke my hair tell me everything would be ok.
When she passed away I was at her bedside. She had a stroke and she did not come around after that. She lasted one day. I remember the nurse told me that she was passing. At my Mother's bedside, I told her to go into the light that Grandma and Grandpa were waiting for her. I told her that twice and each time she let go a little. Then I promised her I would see her in Heaven and she passed from her body. This experience I will never forget for as long as I live.
Thanks for letting me share. I honor my Mother for the gifts she gave me. Sunny

05-04-2010, 04:18 AM	#1
ruthie14 Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: NJ Posts: 844 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,904 Thanked 1,243 Times in 461 Posts Rep Power: 5731586	For those for whom Mother's Day is not a Good Day I have a very hard time with Mother's day. I was never able to have any children of my own and My stepchildren no longer talk to me , even though I raised them when NO one else wanted them. If it wasn't for my own mother I would just hybernate for the day. As it approaches, I get increasingly depressed and weepy. Here's to all of us who for whatever reason, have a hard time with mother's day. This is the place to vent, gripe, cry, and to comfort. Peace, Ruthie

05-04-2010, 05:00 AM	#5
NJFemmie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: The original lime-twisted femme Preferred Pronoun?: I answer to most things, especially lesbian. Relationship Status: Still loving my Mare ;) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: New Jersey Posts: 4,683 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,343 Thanked 11,425 Times in 2,978 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Mother's Day used to be hard for me - but now, it's just any other day. My mother died when I was young, so it's been quite a long time - I still light a candle, or acknowledge her in some way. I try not to think too much about it, because amazingly enough, it can still make me cry. __________________

05-04-2010, 10:58 AM	#8
Jett Member How Do You Identify?: Hardcore bullheaded grown-ass Tomboy Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: she loves my shaggy hair Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The backroom of a night cafe plotting world domination Posts: 1,028 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,054 Thanked 3,299 Times in 568 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	It's still pretty hard to think about, especially in the month of Mothers Day and her Birthday. R.I.P. Mom... May. 18, 1940 - Feb. 28, 2008... you are missed terribly. __________________ .......... In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer. ~Albert Camus

05-04-2010, 11:09 AM	#10
suebee Member How Do You Identify?: TOWANDA! Preferred Pronoun?: Queen Bee Relationship Status: Good 'n married. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Eastern Canada. But if I make a wrong turn at the lights I get stopped by a border guard. Posts: 1,499 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,355 Thanked 2,759 Times in 820 Posts Rep Power: 16450091	I live next door to my parents, but I treat them more like elderly neighbors than parents. That's how I manage to live so close and get along reasonably well with them. I feel like a bit of a hypocrite "celebrating" Mother's Day, because my mother was not a very good mother. But it would hurt her if there was no recognition, so I get a small gift and wish her a Happy Mother's Day. No big deal, and no hard feelings. Sometimes ya just gotta know when to bend a little. __________________ "Compassion, in which all ethics must take root, can only attain its full breadth and depth if it embraces all living creatures and does not limit itself to mankind." -Albert Schweitzer

05-04-2010, 11:21 AM	#11
Gemme Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?: She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The roads are narrow here Posts: 36,587 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 182,179 Thanked 108,771 Times in 25,659 Posts Rep Power: 21474887	My mother died a few years ago and, as sad as it may seem to say, it was a blessing. Her mental and physical health had been declining for many years but, honestly, it also took a weight off of my shoulders. I liked her as a person and could see that she did the best she could for me, but there was no connection beyond that (due to many, many circumstances), and playing along with the loving mother/daughter facade had become draining on my spirit and soul. I do think of her on Mother's Day, acknowledge her efforts, and wish her the happiness wherever she is that she couldn't find on this Earth. __________________ Gemme's Journal I'm misunderestimated.

05-04-2010, 04:25 AM	#2
Miss Scarlett Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: . Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: . Posts: 5,530 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,478 Thanked 12,949 Times in 3,419 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	(((((ruthie14))))) Thanks for this thread. The only problem I have with Mother's Day is that my Mom isn't here. She died in March 2007. Because her birthday is towards the end of the month we seldom celebrated Mother's Day on the actual day. So I won't really miss celebrating with her this Sunday. Rather it will be over the next 2 Sundays. I'll go out to the Cemetery but that's not the same and it really sucks. I will honor my Stepmother and Shelia's mom but it's still not the same.

05-04-2010, 04:32 AM	#3
ruthie14 Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: NJ Posts: 844 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,904 Thanked 1,243 Times in 461 Posts Rep Power: 5731586	((((Miss Scarlett)))) It does suck. Noone can take the place of your Mom in your heart. Hopefully those in your life can make it a little easier for you. Ruthie

05-04-2010, 04:34 AM	#4
Blaze Senior Member How Do You Identify?: With my drivers Lic. Preferred Pronoun?: Gentleman.. Depends on the Situation. Relationship Status: Last Rodeo, what a ride, many sunrises & sunsets to be had... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: where a realtor had me sign the dotted line Posts: 1,901 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,466 Thanked 5,470 Times in 1,450 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	As miss Scarlett expressed, Thank you Ruthie for making this thread. I find it a tad difficult myself to be happy on Mothers day. My Mother passed away 1998. It's harder for me because she buried in Hawaii. I cannot rely on my brothers to take flower to the cemetery for me. So in stead I have to light a candle in remembrance of her and all the laughter and joy she had invested in me. She was my best friend as an adult and the best mentor one could ask for as a child. Sometimes I feel sad because as the years go by, it's harder for me to remember her scent, her laughter, her mischievous smile, and her loving hugs. Her memory lives on, but her memory image in my mind is fading... To all the Mothers out there. Bless you...

05-04-2010, 05:09 AM	#6
Diva Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Diva Preferred Pronoun?: Diva Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Chez Diva Posts: 11,879 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,263 Thanked 17,180 Times in 5,238 Posts Rep Power: 0	Mother's Day for me is bittersweet. I lost my Mom in 1999, just before Christmas. And, while I miss her terribly, she was very ill, and her death was a blessing for her sweet, pure spirit. And many of You know that I lost my oldest child, Melody Claire, in 1996. She was 16. The phrase 'miss her terribly' doesn't even begin to cover it. It is a unique kind of torture that I don't wish on any mother. But what makes this day tolerable for me is that I have another ~ amazingly wonderful ~ daughter who will be moving to Austin next week! She will be here the day after Mother's Day, and I have to say that I believe this year's Mother's Day will be the best I have experienced in quite a long while!!! I'm grateful and blessed to have been touched by the two who have gone on and by the one who remains.

05-04-2010, 10:21 AM	#7
Andrew, Jr. Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Over the Rainbow in a House Posts: 5,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,004 Thanked 5,249 Times in 2,216 Posts Rep Power: 0	I am not sure of what I feel on Mother's Day. I have no connection with my bio-mother. It is more of a superficial relationship than anything at all. She is just a woman with children who gave up her children a very long time ago. I have no respect for her at all because of that. Now my Grandmother has been gone a number of years. She was my mother by all accounts and purposes. She is the one who raised me. She was the one who fought for me when everyone else failed me. I feel her loss each and every day. Not just on Mother's Day. My sister who died, at the age of 50 from skin cancer, has 2 boys. They try to forget Mother's Day. For them it is another day of heartache, but it is getting better (thank God). For those who have a loving, accepting, and wonderful mother, I hope you have a fabulous day!

05-04-2010, 11:00 AM	#9
Guy Senior Member How Do You Identify?: . Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: . Posts: 1,858 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,258 Thanked 2,574 Times in 889 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I lost my Mom on November 15, 2008. I could have never imagined my life without her unconditional love, trust, unselfishness, support, advice and her beautiful smile that always lit up the room. Instead of getting easier it just gets harder, I miss her terribly.

05-04-2010, 11:23 AM	#12
Apocalipstic Pink Confection How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, Ma'am Relationship Status: Dating Myself Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Nashville Posts: 4,266 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 17,195 Thanked 11,383 Times in 2,840 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	My mother died in 1976 and I miss her still. It is difficult to see commercials and all the flurry around Mother's Day. __________________

05-04-2010, 11:33 AM	#13
TickledPink Member How Do You Identify?: Queer Girly Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Miss Pink Relationship Status: Shacked UP Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The Holt-Mason Chateau Decherd/I'm a NashVegas Girl! Posts: 1,041 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 586 Thanked 1,998 Times in 607 Posts Rep Power: 9218475	Thanks for starting this thread. Hugs for you!! I miss my mother terribly. No one can replace that kind of unique spirit, and, I believe it lives on; through my sister, my nephews, me and anyone she touched while her physical being was here. I don't have children either, but, I do have a wonderful SON dog!

05-04-2010, 11:57 AM	#14
cinderella Member How Do You Identify?: Pinky's mommy :) Preferred Pronoun?: Su Majestad Relationship Status: Happy with my puppy Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Pocono Mtns., Pa. Posts: 1,238 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4 Thanked 1,502 Times in 637 Posts Rep Power: 14266107	The one great love of my life - my mom, passed in 1996. Tho she did not approve of my lifestyle, she did love me completely - this I know. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her...she is still very much a part of me and my daily life. Sadly, Mother's Day, Christmas, Easter, and all the holidays have lost their joy for me - life in general has dimmed for me, as she was the light of my life. It's just not the same world without her. As Diva said above, to say I miss her terribly, doesn't begin to express my loss and pain. She was my idol, my mentor, and a very strong woman of values and morals. She taught me to be the strong woman I am today - thank you mom. __________________ Who needs reality when you have Turner Classic Movies!! The is an organ of fire.

05-04-2010, 06:55 PM	#15
ruthie14 Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: NJ Posts: 844 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,904 Thanked 1,243 Times in 461 Posts Rep Power: 5731586	Thanks for sharing everyone. I'm sure there are those on the planet who will appriciate your stories and realize that they are not alone.

05-04-2010, 07:02 PM	#16
WingsOnFire Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Queer..femme.. .babygirl...girl Preferred Pronoun?: Female Ones... Relationship Status: Enjoying life but ready to meet someone Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Portland Oregon Posts: 3,945 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 12,015 Thanked 12,476 Times in 3,357 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	{{{{{{{{{{Ruthie}}}}}}}}}} I remember last year's Mothers day and how hard it was for you.... I am here for you sweetie if you need me..... I lost my mother 1 month after I graduated highschool. I was devastated... I cant wait to go back to florida and visit the ocean where her ashes were strewn.

05-04-2010, 07:15 PM	#17
katzietootle Junior Member How Do You Identify?: alien wandering Relationship Status: wandering Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: illegal alien on mars, permanent resident on pluto,migrating to planet kazoom Posts: 91 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 37 Thanked 57 Times in 35 Posts Rep Power: 23	first year without my mum during nana's day...(sigh) __________________ "The number of people watching me is directly proportional to the stupidity of my action."

05-04-2010, 07:20 PM	#18
Jet Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: .. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: .. Posts: 3,471 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 292 Thanked 2,646 Times in 1,293 Posts Rep Power: 0	My mother was found dead of unknown causes in 2001. I think of her often.

05-04-2010, 09:23 PM	#19
Kimbo Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Relationship Status: Eligible Butchelor Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Seattle Posts: 591 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 432 Thanked 551 Times in 257 Posts Rep Power: 118	As someone who gave a child up for adoption, Mothers day has always been a good/bad day. My son and i reunited when he was 18. So as you move, as you fly, think of me watching the river go by I'm no good at saying goodbye so hello from the river and I You're so far away making a life of your own I'm amazed by what you've done You're so far away in a world I'll never know I'm amazed by you my son So as you move, as you fly, think of me watching the river go by I'm no good at saying goodbye

05-04-2010, 09:41 PM	#20
Sunny Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: New Jersey Posts: 423 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 396 Thanked 745 Times in 283 Posts Rep Power: 6521616	Mothers Day Ruthie I want to thank you for starting this thread. My Mother passed away on June 6th 2000. Mother's Day is hard for me because it is in your face. Everywhere you go you can cannot avoid seeing the ads to celebrate. My Mother was not perfect. She had alot of issues that she had to deal with. However, she was a good Woman. She had a great sense of humor, intelligent, caring and she never put herself first before her children. Whenever I was upset as a child, she would hug me and I would lay my head on her lap and she would stroke my hair tell me everything would be ok. When she passed away I was at her bedside. She had a stroke and she did not come around after that. She lasted one day. I remember the nurse told me that she was passing. At my Mother's bedside, I told her to go into the light that Grandma and Grandpa were waiting for her. I told her that twice and each time she let go a little. Then I promised her I would see her in Heaven and she passed from her body. This experience I will never forget for as long as I live. Thanks for letting me share. I honor my Mother for the gifts she gave me. Sunny __________________ Sunny