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Old 04-12-2011, 09:17 PM   #21
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Ya know, it may sound like a downer when I post about the possible difficulties that a victim of abuse may face when trying to get help. I want them to be aware of the possibilities, but more importantly I want them to know that there ARE people out there who CAN and WILL help. I'm sure that if anyone on this site is having issues with abuse and don't know how or where to get help, I or a number of wonderful bfp folks would be more than willing to help, even if it's just by lending an ear or passing along a phone number/website.











Help a Friend or Family Member in Crisis
•Reach out to them. Ask them what type of help they WANT. What they need might not be what you expect.

•Believe them and keep whatever you're told confidential. More important than anything else, you must maintain their TRUST. If you take actions on your own, even with the best intentions, you may endanger them, and lose their trust.

•Don't blame them. The abused person is NOT responsible for being hurt and does not deserve to be abused. Wanting to keep a relationship alive is NOT the same as wanting to be abused.

•Take the time to talk privately with your friend or co-worker. Each person needs to tell their story in their own time and space.

•Provide opportunities for them to talk about what's happening. Ask about suspicious bruises or fights that you know about.

•Validate feelings. Your friend may feel hurt, angry, afraid, ashamed and trapped. Don't minimize or try to "talk them out of" what they are feeling, even if you don't understand it or think it's irrational. What they are feeling and experiencing is reality for THEM.

•Understand that it is difficult to leave a home or someone you love, and that your loved one may go back several times. Remember too that leaving is the most dangerous time as the overwhelming majority of domestic violence murders occur when a victim is trying to leave and within the first 6 months after they've actually done so. Your friend has the most information about the abuser, and THEY are the best judge of when and how to best make a break in the safest way. Remember that your friend's solutions may not be the same as yours.

•Help them plan how to stay safe when violence happens, and for longer term possible courses of action they might take.

•Avoid badmouthing the abuser or pressuring the victim. This can backfire! Victims may pull away and alienate themselves from those who are trying to help. Instead, help the victim to build confidence in themselves and what actions THEY may be able to take for themselves.

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Old 10-06-2014, 09:28 PM   #22
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October is officially Domestic Violence Awareness Month...
As a Survivor and trained Domestic Violence Advocate, every month, every day holds Awareness, Outreach and educational opportunities for me.

I have found that volunteering at my local women's shelter is very rewarding and also helps me cope/learn new healthy skills to deal with my PTSD.

As October moves forward, I will revist and make a personal dedication to post again, as I believe Dixie and others have provided extremely valuable information, especially on same sex relationships...instead of me starting a new thread. Working together to raise awareness, stamping out myths and stigmas about domestic violence within LGBTQ relationships, and to provide a stable support system for fellow Community members are my hopeful intentions...so I believe starting my own thread wouldn't be a good example of Team Work or "banding together" to prevent other individuals from becoming victims.

Years ago, I watched neighbors turn a "blind eye" or not openly acknowledge domestic violence, nor did they do ANYTHING to protect victims or possible victims. It SHOCKED me that they ignored victims or even worse, would do victim-blaming and inflict even more shame on the victim...and in extreme cases, the abuser and their neigbors/families would attempt to isolate, intimidate and indirectly-threaten the victim to inflict more control over them and further pain. Isolation and other types of nonphysical abuse are much more damaging (long term) than a physical "slap in the face"... Treating this subject as a "taboo" discussion or not worthy of addressing it (ie. Ignoring it's an issue) can be more damaging than many individuals know.

I understand this subject can cause overwhelming feelings and make *you* (general) feel like you "have enough to deal with" and "I have my own battles to face today"... I don't intend to offend anyone...but I would like to share my own daily dedication to work towards Awareness and brainstorming on how to improve public services without fear of stigma or being re-victimized by public officials....etc...

Thank you for reading my post and not "turning a blind eye" like my neigbors did 20 years ago.
Kenna


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Old 10-06-2014, 09:44 PM   #23
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Default after finding Dixie's thread... I feel my previous post in Affirmations would be appropriate here...

I will not apologize; not for finding my strength in 1996, and not for my courage and strength now.....I also will not be isolated and silenced as an Advocate and Mentor to other individuals that may benefit from my Voice, guidance and non-shaming support.

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Old 11-17-2014, 10:31 PM   #24
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Default I just lost a good post, so I'm gonna paraphrase or shorten the original a bit...

Many of the victims I have worked with have left their impression on my heart...especially when they say they "can never do or say anything right...they always get blamed for stuff they didn't do...or they are afraid of setting the abuser off, because they are afraid they will be the target or blamed for the abuser's random "bad temper"...they are afraid of walking on egg shells...

A comment made in a support group reminded me of this quote...

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Old 11-17-2014, 10:43 PM   #25
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Thank you for posting these!

I need to hear these and stop being in denial about it being my fault!
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Old 11-17-2014, 10:58 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by JDeere View Post
Thank you for posting these!

I need to hear these and stop being in denial about it being my fault!
You're welcome!! Each person that goes through any kind of abuse has their own individual journey. While you are walking yours, know you're not alone.
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Old 11-17-2014, 11:01 PM   #27
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Originally Posted by Kenna View Post
You're welcome!! Each person that goes through any kind of abuse has their own individual journey. While you are walking yours, know you're not alone.
I am now seeing that I am not alone. I agree while I am walking mine, I know someone else is walking theirs!
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Old 11-17-2014, 11:14 PM   #28
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I am now seeing that I am not alone. I agree while I am walking mine, I know someone else is walking theirs!
Sharing a favorite encouragement that several friends have quoted to me...
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Old 11-27-2014, 04:26 PM   #29
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Happy Thanksgiving to all that celebrate... to those that don't Happy Day of Thanks Just Because.. XOXO

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Old 11-07-2019, 12:22 AM   #30
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Default *** B u m p ***

I thought I would bump Dixie's Domestic Violence/Partner Abuse thread tonight, due to a breakthrough session I had with my trauma therapist earlier today. And also because I read a news article tonight, which spoke about how abusers/stalkers use technology to stalk and abuse their victims.

Super scary stuff, how stalkers/abusers use technology to accomplish their reign of terror.

Here is an excerpt from the article:
More than 50 percent of victim service providers reported that offenders use cell phone apps to track or stalk their victims, according to a survey from the National Network To End Domestic Violence. Forty-one percent of providers reported that abusers use GPS tracking.

"Digital abuse is both more mundane and more complicated than we might think," said Cornell sociology professor Karen Levy (writing in Slate last year.

"Many forms of digital abuse require little to no sophistication and are carried out using everyday devices and services," Levy wrote.
The article highlights other ways abusers try to control and continue abusing the victim, which I think is super important to read. Protecting your privacy and making sure your safety comes first, is not easily done. Especially if you are being victimized by an abuser who once had any access to your life (your phone number, email address or physical location address or … see article below, for more details).


A woman's stalker used an APP that allowed them to start, stop and track her car (The Washington Post. November 6th, 2019).
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