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03-09-2012, 10:13 AM
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#1 |
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Member
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Do you think saying "I love you" always has strings?
I love my girl... I fear saying so. I make a habit of reminding her I am not 'in love' with her. {sigh} ...but d*mn, it would feel so good to say it out loud.
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03-09-2012, 10:14 AM
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#2 | |
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Practically Lives Here
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03-09-2012, 10:20 AM
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MILLION $$$ PUSSY
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Oy Vey
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You could always let her read this thread so she has some inkling on what the hell is going on... You could write her a note that says I love you. Or sky writing I love you. You know it is possible to love someone and not "be in love" with them, maybe that's what needs to be examined, what kind of love you have for her and if it's not the kind she is wanting, needing, having to have then it's up to her to bounce you out her life or keep you around to remind her how much you don't love her.... One could have love with strings attached to it, I do though it's not really a string it's a nice leather leash  Oh and it's consentual, the leash and strings, or rope, or tape, or whatever else is laying around...
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03-09-2012, 10:52 AM
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#4 |
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I am not sure that it has strings. But I do know that it has responsibility.
"I love you but I am not in love with you" can be hard for people to hear-esp if they are IN love with you. But if you love her, tell her. Don't lose her! Love is hard to find. 
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There are beauties who stop traffic and then there are beauties who grow obsessively in the hearts of the susceptible. Last edited by LaneyDoll; 03-09-2012 at 10:58 AM. |
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03-09-2012, 11:18 AM
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#5 |
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Well I for one believe that love has no strings attached to it. If I love someone or they love me it is not a promise of some kind of particular outcome it's an emotional/energetic state of being for as long as it stays that way.
However, that being said, many others hear those words and suddenly are planning their future wedding. So I think it's good to be clear first about what love and in love actually mean to you. Perhaps have that conversation first? It might also be a way to see what page she is on as well. I agree with the others, it's also important to decide which of those two (love or in love) it is as well. It takes time and experience of someone in order to properly make that assessment imho. Good luck and enjoy the lovely feelings of joy you are experiencing with another human being 
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03-09-2012, 03:45 PM
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#6 |
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Unless you have a friendship relationship only and you both understand that, do not ever tell someone you love them. They may be in love with you and take that I love you the wrong way if you are not in love with them. They may think by you saying that, that you are in love with them and it might scare the hell out of them and scare them off. But if you are just friends and you both understand that and neither of you are expecting anything from the relationship but friendship then she will understand that I love you doen't mean I am in love with you. IMO....
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Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it. |
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03-09-2012, 04:27 PM
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#7 |
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Life has ways of making the simplest things complicated. I can say things like, "I adore you." - "You are importaint to me." - "I am so grateful to have you in my life!" --so I say it out loud in other ways-- but not, 'I L-O-V-E you.'
I feel the responsibility. Those words really mean something to me. And I posted this as a 'poly' thread because she is not my primary, and never will be. It is a 'friends with benefits' relationship, and she lives 4 and a half hours away, one way. We might get to see each other/ spend time together, 6 times a year and we are not fluid bonded. We have known each other over a year. I worry (sort of) about her getting hurt, I would like her to date others. But she isn't out. She was many years ago, but when that realtionship fell apart she married a man, and stayed with him 8 years, and has now been divorced from him 3 years. This is not a problem for me, just a bit of history to show why I worry about her feelings. She grew up being told and believeing she is going to hell... ~yadda yadda~ So, to shorten the story... I am her 3rd voluntary relationship in her whole life. She is 44 now, I am 47. (just for reference and I have had MANY relationships) regarless of how I 'feel' .. I think I need to protect her, form a lack of relationship experience... I have promised to always be her friend before anything else. So I struggle with the balance. (and I need to talk it out some of my own feelings and thoughts before I say something to her) We have talked frankly about the difference between "love" and being... "in love" we talk several times a week... she has been to my home and met my family I have been to /stayed with her at her home and met her family. I REALLY don't want her hurt! (chuckles) I did try to scare her off... but d*mn she has read almost everything I have ever posted on line. She knows almost as much about me as I do!
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03-19-2012, 07:36 PM
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#8 | |
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Love and accept me for me not someone you want me to be. |
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03-19-2012, 08:33 PM
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#9 |
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Erased post.
Last edited by RockOn; 03-19-2012 at 08:50 PM. Reason: Did not realize I was in a poly thread until after I posted. |
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03-19-2012, 08:52 PM
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#10 |
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I am all for showing and saying 'I love you'. BUT if your gut is telling you not to say it, then listen to your gut! There's a TON of shoulda, woulda, coulda's, forehead slaps and mangled screams of 'WHAT HAVE I GOT MYSELF INTO!!!' because they didn't listen to their (myself included) guts!
good luck! ~~~shark~~~~~~~~
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03-19-2012, 09:11 PM
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#11 |
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Pink Confection
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I am all for telling the people I love that I love them.
Femmes are not fragile. BTW. Or more emotional lol. Some of us are, but just as many of us are not. Lot's of butches and lot's of people in general are emotional. But back to the subject, if she knows she is in a poly relationship with you and everything is in the open and you love her, why qualify it? Love adds to love, it does not have to be I am INNNNNN love with one person and just love this other person like love has degrees. If she knows the situation and you have been honest, it seems a bit patronizing to try to protect her from herself. I would be more likely to say I love you and here is why and how.
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03-20-2012, 05:08 PM
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#12 |
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Love and In Love ? What are some examples of Love vs IN Love ? I think Love is Love !! Black and White no Gray area ! I have loved and been loved I have hurt and been hurt but it was issues that we had as a couple that destroyed the beauty of the love ...
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03-20-2012, 06:33 PM
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#13 | |
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Member
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How would you (as in anyone who reads this) feel -- to find out long after the fact (so to speak) that someone loved you and did not trust you with the whole truth? ... sigh... If she was in my face right now, ... telling me she had read this thread, and asked why I won't say it... I would have to look her in the eye and say, "???" (stalling for time to think of a good answer) I would say, "Because, what I feel, and what I am willing to stand by, as a commiment are not the same thing. Love beyond friendship is not what I am able to give to you. If my feelings are in conflict with my commiment to be your friend, then that is where the line is drawn. I promised to be your friend first. The rest takes second place to that."
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03-20-2012, 06:49 PM
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#14 | |
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Hybrid Mode
