Living Apart, Together (LAT) A Support Thread

[homoe]

Originally Posted by Chad

Sign me up, I need my space.

Chad, do you have enough acres there to build the little woman her very own La Casa if necessary?

[Chad]

Originally Posted by homoe

Chad, do you have enough acres there to build the little woman her very own La Casa if necessary?

Yes, absolutely.

[imperfect_cupcake]

I would love to go traveling together, going to films together, hanging out and binge watching sci-fi, grocery shop for a fancy night of cooking together, read on the couch together.

but at SOME POINT they go HOME.
Why?

because I like my shit on the floor, my dishes not done, none of their furniture there, and not doing their goddamned laundry.

stay for 2 nights of we get on well enough. Then go home for a couple nights.

This does not prevent me from going out with folks, cuddling with people, going on vacations with people, cooking with people, grocery shopping with people, window shopping with people, buying flowers for the kitchen with people, going to Ikea with people, having baths with people...

It does mean "my house, my rules" though which is what this is all about. And they get their rules at their house.

I went out with friends after work at 10pm tonight, to a 24 hour veg restaurant on the other side of town. I *didn't* call home to tell anyone that I was doing this. I didn't have to have a "discussion" - like the rest of my colleagues do when they call their partners to say they are going for a beer with me after work and won't be coming straight home. I didn't have to make that "er... um... I dunno if I can..." face when my friends asked me.

because I have my own place and live on my own. I get to make decisions about "being allowed" to do things I want to do after work without someone being welded to my hip.

I can love someone, want to spend time with them, want to spend the entire rest of my life with them even - and yet not want to have them watching me brush my teeth, know when I eat potato chips for dinner, chase the cat around with a squirt gun, call my friend in Brazil when I've had two beers and we laugh till she shows me her sunrise on Skype, spend all monday with mum at the hospital then decide I'm going to have dinner with dad and my step mum.

And I don't have to negotiate any of that. And I can *still* love someone and want to cuddle them on the couch, make cookies with them, and go on beach holidays with them, and go to the museum with them.

amazing. how could that possibly be true?

[WheatToast]

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

I would love to go traveling together, going to films together, hanging out and binge watching sci-fi, grocery shop for a fancy night of cooking together, read on the couch together.

but at SOME POINT they go HOME.
Why?

because I like my shit on the floor, my dishes not done, none of their furniture there, and not doing their goddamned laundry.

stay for 2 nights of we get on well enough. Then go home for a couple nights.

This does not prevent me from going out with folks, cuddling with people, going on vacations with people, cooking with people, grocery shopping with people, window shopping with people, buying flowers for the kitchen with people, going to Ikea with people, having baths with people...

It does mean "my house, my rules" though which is what this is all about. And they get their rules at their house.

I went out with friends after work at 10pm tonight, to a 24 hour veg restaurant on the other side of town. I *didn't* call home to tell anyone that I was doing this. I didn't have to have a "discussion" - like the rest of my colleagues do when they call their partners to say they are going for a beer with me after work and won't be coming straight home. I didn't have to make that "er... um... I dunno if I can..." face when my friends asked me.

because I have my own place and live on my own. I get to make decisions about "being allowed" to do things I want to do after work without someone being welded to my hip.

I can love someone, want to spend time with them, want to spend the entire rest of my life with them even - and yet not want to have them watching me brush my teeth, know when I eat potato chips for dinner, chase the cat around with a squirt gun, call my friend in Brazil when I've had two beers and we laugh till she shows me her sunrise on Skype, spend all monday with mum at the hospital then decide I'm going to have dinner with dad and my step mum.

And I don't have to negotiate any of that. And I can *still* love someone and want to cuddle them on the couch, make cookies with them, and go on beach holidays with them, and go to the museum with them.

amazing. how could that possibly be true?

Trust me, I've been looking for flies in the ointment but so far the concept sounds ideal for the way I like to live.
I am self employed and I often have trump-induced insomnia, so I've taken to working all night and crashing at sunrise, then sleeping till afternoon.
If I need to buy something at 3 a.m, I hop in the car and go get it.
If there is love combined with trust in a LTR and it leads to mutually agreed upon monogamy, there's no need to keep tabs on or check in with each other 24/7--you let each other be their best, most creative selves and let them know you adore them and want them madly, whether in person or apart.
I don't need another half to complete me--as some would agree, I'm already (an) a-whole.

[socialjustice_fsu]

if I read about LAT on here or in the AARP journal (yes, I am a card carrying member. I am simply more experienced - not old), however, this makes so much sense to me. I like quiet time. I like coming home to only my cats. If I want to stay up all night binge watching The Handmaids Tale and Madam Secretary back to back and then wail through Steel Magnolias, so be it. Although I keep a fairly orderly home - if I want to clutter it up, I will and answer to no one. I am not jaded on living together but I do think it can impact one's creativity and ability to maintain their individualism. I like the idea of looking forward to seeing her. I think I would be more vigilant to not ever take her for granted. Plus, I like to travel.
Count me in.

[FireSignFemme]

I'm not sure. My last live together relationship ended in the middle of 2005. I never planned to live alone this long, it just sort of worked out that way. Now I wonder if I could ever live with someone again. I mean it's been over a decade. I know I'd like to but wonder if I've become too set in my ways.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by FireSignFemme

I'm not sure. My last live together relationship ended in the middle of 2005. I never planned to live alone this long, it just sort of worked out that way. Now I wonder if I could ever live with someone again. I mean it's been over a decade. I know I'd like to but wonder if I've become too set in my ways.

That's the point of LAT, exactly! You can maintain your living environment the way you want and still spend quality time with a partner. Someone mentioned earlier that it's like permanently dating and I agree with that. There's an excitement about seeing and spending time with someone who is not underfoot all the time. Given where you are in life, and myself as well, I think this could work for you if the situation presented itself.