Permission to propose

stephfromMIT · 09-02-2012, 09:08 AM

Did anyone seek permission from their perspective father-in-law to propose? I was at a Super Bowl party at Mandy's house when I pulled her dad aside and asked if it would be OK to propose. He smiled,"Of course Steph!" He hugged me, telling me,"Welcome to the family."

Soon · 09-02-2012, 09:12 AM

Steph,

You may want to consider deleting the last name of Amanda's family.

stephfromMIT · 09-02-2012, 09:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soon

Steph,

You may want to consider deleting the last name of Amanda's family.

Good point!

Corkey · 09-02-2012, 09:24 AM

We both told the parental units that we were getting married. Somewhere down the line, they forgot. We were both older and independent of the family unit, so no I did not feel the need to ask. They don't believe in LGBT marriage so it's rather a moot point.

The_Lady_Snow · 09-02-2012, 09:31 AM

I'm not quite sure if I'll ask weatherboi's parents for permission to collar him. If I do I expect a long line of questioning regarding his security, well being, health so on. Mr weatherboi's Dad and I will probably go for some drinks and discuss these matters away from Mrs weatherboi's mom and him. We're old school like that

.

girl_dee · 09-02-2012, 09:33 AM

no, HELL no.

The_Lady_Snow · 09-02-2012, 09:36 AM

So Steph, is Amanda going to request your hand in marriage to your parental units?

BullDog · 09-02-2012, 09:38 AM

I would not ask any formal permission from parents and family because I feel it is the person I am proposing to that has that right to make the decision whether she wants to marry me or not.

If I were to ask parents as a gesture of good will, then I would ask both parents if possible, not just the father. In my situation unfortunately that is not possible, so it would be just her Mother and possibly her two sons. But to be honest I think I would just propose without checking with family because I feel it is our decision.

Soon · 09-02-2012, 09:38 AM

No lover would ever think to ask anyone's "permission" (not even a word I would use) but mine when it comes to sharing a life together.

weatherboi · 09-02-2012, 09:39 AM

Usually at this point we get permission to do shots and my mom or pa-paw as i like to call her will head to the bar and i am following.

The JD · 09-02-2012, 09:45 AM

One of the things I really like about being queer is that it gives me more freedom to move outside of the centuries-old gender patterns, and think about what they represent. I can pick and choose what works for me, and assemble the best fit.

Asking my girlfriend's parents for permission to make a lifelong commitment to her (or her asking my parents for that same permission) is one of those gender-ownership rituals I'm happy to throw out the window.

girl_dee · 09-02-2012, 09:48 AM

Maybe i am not as old fashioned as i like to think, but the thought of someone asking (only) my father to marry me seems pre-historic, to me.

i just could never conform to the whole father walking me down the aisle thing and *giving* me away, as if i am his property.

i know others i am sure embrace this sort of ritual, but for me i find it archaic, especially since the mother of the bride (and groom) is excluded basically from the entire sacrament.

Edited to add, if someone really knew me they would also know i would find it insulting to ask anyone's permission to marry me.

The_Lady_Snow · 09-02-2012, 09:55 AM

Since I'm the head of household cultural etiquette would require I ask his parents, cultural rituals for "me" are important and since in my family circle everyone knows I'm in command they aren't shocked nor is there a boy/girl assignment when these situations arise.

G Snap! · 09-02-2012, 09:58 AM

Since I asked chefhmboyrd to marry me, I would love to have the opportunity to ask his dad if I can marry him... but we lost the chef's dad two years ago.

Bard · 09-02-2012, 10:09 AM

I asked my dad and Desd'd dad before I proposed..

The JD · 09-02-2012, 10:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bard

I asked my dad and Desd'd dad before I proposed..

What would you have done if the answer had been no?

I think that's what I'm having trouble wrapping my head around...

The_Lady_Snow · 09-02-2012, 10:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The JD

What would you have done if the answer had been no?

I think that's what I'm having trouble wrapping my head around...

If Mr weatherboi's Dad says no, I'm going to have to be honest and tell him to damn bad he's been branded, NO TAKE BACKS!

It's not really about his parents for me, it's courtesy and a ritual.

bright_arrow · 09-02-2012, 10:23 AM

While I understand it is an old ritual, I do like that hy asked both father's. My family adores hym and we are all close as is, but I think it just made it go smoother, if that makes sense? No surprises, no omgwtfnooooo responses.. Of course, it dampened the moment when I went to tell my family and they all said "Yep we know!"

I asked hym what hy would of said had either one of our father's said no, and hy said hy would not have asked me then, hy would of proved hy was worthy of marrying me. I thought that was pretty sweet

(Of course, I would of said yes regardless!)

All in all I suppose I see it as a way of making sure everyone is on the same page and accepting, at least in our case. That, and I did not have to tell my extended family - my mom did that

Mrs. Coppah

bright_arrow · 09-02-2012, 10:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The JD

What would you have done if the answer had been no?

I think that's what I'm having trouble wrapping my head around...

Bard said had hy dad said no, hy would of done it anyways, hy just wanted his blessing.

If my dad said no, hy would talk to him to find out why.

Bard · 09-02-2012, 10:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The JD

What would you have done if the answer had been no?

I think that's what I'm having trouble wrapping my head around...

I have to say for me asking Desd' dad was more of a respect thing asking his and her mothers blessing on our union I love and respect her father so very much had he said no I would have asked why and we would have talked long and hard about what would be bothering him BUT I would have asked Desd and married her NO MATTER WHAT anyone said

My dad well I asked him if I could marry Desd cause he had asked me long ago not to get involved with anyone till Goose was adopted so that the EX could not use her against me

09-02-2012, 09:08 AM	#1
stephfromMIT Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Troll Preferred Pronoun?: she her Relationship Status: engaged to my fiancee Amanda Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: cambridge MA Posts: 230 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 703 Thanked 408 Times in 143 Posts Rep Power: 0	Permission to propose Did anyone seek permission from their perspective father-in-law to propose? I was at a Super Bowl party at Mandy's house when I pulled her dad aside and asked if it would be OK to propose. He smiled,"Of course Steph!" He hugged me, telling me,"Welcome to the family."

09-02-2012, 09:24 AM	#4
Corkey Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Human Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Very Married Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Where I want to be Posts: 8,155 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 47,491 Thanked 29,299 Times in 6,640 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	We both told the parental units that we were getting married. Somewhere down the line, they forgot. We were both older and independent of the family unit, so no I did not feel the need to ask. They don't believe in LGBT marriage so it's rather a moot point. __________________ "Many proposals have been made to us to adopt your laws, your religion, your manners and your customs. We would be better pleased with beholding the good effects of these doctrines in your own practices, than with hearing you talk about them". ~Old Tassel, Chief of the Tsalagi (Cherokee)

09-02-2012, 09:31 AM	#5
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,119 Times in 15,678 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	Thoughts I'm not quite sure if I'll ask weatherboi's parents for permission to collar him. If I do I expect a long line of questioning regarding his security, well being, health so on. Mr weatherboi's Dad and I will probably go for some drinks and discuss these matters away from Mrs weatherboi's mom and him. We're old school like that. __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden Last edited by The_Lady_Snow; 09-02-2012 at 09:34 AM.

09-02-2012, 09:36 AM	#7
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,119 Times in 15,678 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	Curious? So Steph, is Amanda going to request your hand in marriage to your parental units? __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden

09-02-2012, 09:38 AM	#8
BullDog Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Dominant Stone Butch Daddy Preferred Pronoun?: She Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: In A Healing Place Posts: 5,371 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 18,160 Thanked 22,783 Times in 4,470 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	I would not ask any formal permission from parents and family because I feel it is the person I am proposing to that has that right to make the decision whether she wants to marry me or not. If I were to ask parents as a gesture of good will, then I would ask both parents if possible, not just the father. In my situation unfortunately that is not possible, so it would be just her Mother and possibly her two sons. But to be honest I think I would just propose without checking with family because I feel it is our decision. __________________ Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other. - Rainer Maria Rilke

09-02-2012, 09:12 AM	#2
Soon Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: attached Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: . Posts: 6,896 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,046 Thanked 13,119 Times in 3,391 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Steph, You may want to consider deleting the last name of Amanda's family.

09-02-2012, 09:33 AM	#6
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,957 Times in 13,922 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	no, HELL no.

09-02-2012, 09:39 AM	#10
weatherboi Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Owned boy Preferred Pronoun?: Hey boy!!! Relationship Status: counting freckles slowly under Her direction!!! Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: i have 2 sets of geographic coordinates!!! Posts: 6,097 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 26,797 Thanked 12,559 Times in 2,993 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Usually at this point we get permission to do shots and my mom or pa-paw as i like to call her will head to the bar and i am following. __________________

09-02-2012, 09:45 AM	#11
The JD Be the Fearless Bunny How Do You Identify?: Hers. Preferred Pronoun?: he Relationship Status: Medusa’s Snake Charmer Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: This must be the place. Posts: 649 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,740 Thanked 2,686 Times in 540 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	One of the things I really like about being queer is that it gives me more freedom to move outside of the centuries-old gender patterns, and think about what they represent. I can pick and choose what works for me, and assemble the best fit. Asking my girlfriend's parents for permission to make a lifelong commitment to her (or her asking my parents for that same permission) is one of those gender-ownership rituals I'm happy to throw out the window. __________________ I don't deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it. ~Flannery O'Connor

09-02-2012, 09:48 AM	#12
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,957 Times in 13,922 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	Maybe i am not as old fashioned as i like to think, but the thought of someone asking (only) my father to marry me seems pre-historic, to me. i just could never conform to the whole father walking me down the aisle thing and giving me away, as if i am his property. i know others i am sure embrace this sort of ritual, but for me i find it archaic, especially since the mother of the bride (and groom) is excluded basically from the entire sacrament. Edited to add, if someone really knew me they would also know i would find it insulting to ask anyone's permission to marry me.

09-02-2012, 09:55 AM	#13
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,119 Times in 15,678 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	More stuff Since I'm the head of household cultural etiquette would require I ask his parents, cultural rituals for "me" are important and since in my family circle everyone knows I'm in command they aren't shocked nor is there a boy/girl assignment when these situations arise. __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden

09-02-2012, 09:58 AM	#14
G Snap! Member How Do You Identify?: gay. I'm very happy, thank you! Preferred Pronoun?: Miss Relationship Status: Chefhmboyrd's seeing eye blonde Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Nashvegas Posts: 253 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 412 Thanked 1,109 Times in 229 Posts Rep Power: 6596928	Since I asked chefhmboyrd to marry me, I would love to have the opportunity to ask his dad if I can marry him... but we lost the chef's dad two years ago.

09-02-2012, 10:09 AM	#15
Bard Family Man How Do You Identify?: TG Male Preferred Pronoun?: Masculine ones Relationship Status: She just gets me Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ..... Posts: 2,828 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,997 Thanked 12,786 Times in 2,431 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I asked my dad and Desd'd dad before I proposed.. __________________ This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill Fifteen percent concentrated power of will Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain And a hundred percent reason to remember the name! Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh - erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever. Can't you just see it? Don't dream it, be it.

09-02-2012, 10:23 AM	#18
bright_arrow ☆ the stars are aligned ☆ How Do You Identify?: strong, independent, badass redhead Preferred Pronoun?: babygirl, buttercup, sugah Relationship Status: married to my Boo Daddy <3 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: east bay, cali Posts: 2,907 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,643 Thanked 9,359 Times in 2,295 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	While I understand it is an old ritual, I do like that hy asked both father's. My family adores hym and we are all close as is, but I think it just made it go smoother, if that makes sense? No surprises, no omgwtfnooooo responses.. Of course, it dampened the moment when I went to tell my family and they all said "Yep we know!" I asked hym what hy would of said had either one of our father's said no, and hy said hy would not have asked me then, hy would of proved hy was worthy of marrying me. I thought that was pretty sweet (Of course, I would of said yes regardless!) All in all I suppose I see it as a way of making sure everyone is on the same page and accepting, at least in our case. That, and I did not have to tell my extended family - my mom did that Mrs. Coppah