Getting Rid of Flippant Language : Check Yourselves Here

[Medusa]

I was doing some thinking over the last few weeks and wanted to bring up a topic of discussion about hurtful language or the flippant use of words that might be super hurtful to other folks.

I have been making a concious effort not to say someone is "a pussy" if I feel they are acting in a rat-like, weasely, wimpish, or spineless manner. Because really, Im a feminist and using a word like "pussy" to describe bad behavior doesnt flow with my feminist roots all that well.

Im also trying to be more conscious of using the verbiage "someone is bitching and griping" because again, "bitching" implies "whining like a bitch". And I think we might all be able to see the problem with using the word "bitch" in this manner

Another one that I feel is particularly hurtful:

"r*tard" - as in "something is r*tarded"

Let's talk about it. Are there words that you find offensive when used flippantly? Have you done work around your own set of problematic language?
Let's talk about breaking those habits and developing new ways of speaking.

[Hudson]

whatever!










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[Selenay]

Gypped and Jewed.

gyp
"to cheat, swindle," 1889, Amer.Eng., probably short for Gypsy.

jewed
verb. To get screwed over or cheated out of something.


(Source and Source)

[Medusa]

Originally Posted by Selenay

Gypped and Jewed.

gyp
"to cheat, swindle," 1889, Amer.Eng., probably short for Gypsy.

jewed
verb. To get screwed over or cheated out of something.


(Source and Source)

Ah yes!

I think I was 18 or 19 before I knew that using those words to describe how I got a better deal on something was ignorant and offensive. I grew up with a Step-Father saying those words every Saturday at yard sales "Well, can I get you any lower on the price?"


GREAT examples.

[Medusa]

And I almost forgot:

the terminology around being an "Indian Giver"

ouch.

[Words]

Bastard.

My two adopted children are technically bastards. And yes, I'm ashamed of the fact that I sometimes use the word in jest when teasing folks I care about or else referring to someone I dislike or have issues with.

I am, however, working on not using it and wish other folks would do the same thing.

Words

[Apocalipstic]

Ohhhhhh, this is gonna be hard.

I actually am a bastard and still say it a lot. You are right though, I need to watch it.

[Just_G]

I see what you all are saying with this thread...I totally get it, but....yes the infamous "but", sometimes people don't think about certain meanings of words before using them. I know I say "you lucky bastard" all the time when a friend of mine wins money playing the lotto. I don't mean it in a bad way at all. I will be more aware next time.

Some words or phrases bug people and rub them the wrong way. I know because there is one that drives me nuts, but it is one of those things people say all the time and I know they mean no offense to me when they say it, so I let it roll off. That is: "I could pull my hair out", or "you are making me pull my hair out", and there is even a little smilie avitar guy that pulls his hair (not on this site). You see, I have a hairpulling disorder. I pull my hair, but I do it subconsciously...without knowing I am even doing it....and it is when I am really stressed out. I usually notice when I go to cut my hair and see thinning patches on my head. (it is called trichotillomania)

I know those phrases are ones that people use to show their frustration or stress level. I never say a word because 1. it happens all the time 2. people don't have a clue about hairpulling disorders 3. to me (and this is just ME and my opinion in this situation) it would be petty of my to say "don't say that" when it has nothing directly to do with me. (it could be their bills, or their kids, or their lovers, etc. that make them say that)

I guess all in all, I try not to use words or phrases that are offensive, but I get that they are out there...trust me.

[Medusa]

Originally Posted by Just_G

I see what you all are saying with this thread...I totally get it, but....yes the infamous "but", sometimes people don't think about certain meanings of words before using them. I know I say "you lucky bastard" all the time when a friend of mine wins money playing the lotto. I don't mean it in a bad way at all. I will be more aware next time.

Some words or phrases bug people and rub them the wrong way. I know because there is one that drives me nuts, but it is one of those things people say all the time and I know they mean no offense to me when they say it, so I let it roll off. That is: "I could pull my hair out", or "you are making me pull my hair out", and there is even a little smilie avitar guy that pulls his hair (not on this site). You see, I have a hairpulling disorder. I pull my hair, but I do it subconsciously...without knowing I am even doing it....and it is when I am really stressed out. I usually notice when I go to cut my hair and see thinning patches on my head. (it is called trichotillomania)

I know those phrases are ones that people use to show their frustration or stress level. I never say a word because 1. it happens all the time 2. people don't have a clue about hairpulling disorders 3. to me (and this is just ME and my opinion in this situation) it would be petty of my to say "don't say that" when it has nothing directly to do with me. (it could be their bills, or their kids, or their lovers, etc. that make them say that)

I guess all in all, I try not to use words or phrases that are offensive, but I get that they are out there...trust me.

Actually you have touched on something else that I am trying to learn to navigate. (and thank you for talking so honestly about this G, I know it can be scary!)

I have a cousin who has constant seizures and I know that my Aunt (her mom) had one really bad argument with someone in my family during a holiday several years back. Someone made the comment, "GOD! Dont have a fucking seizure!"
My Aunt let the other family member know really quick that it was hurtful and triggery.

I can see that. I can see how phrases that are entrenched in our culture can become the "catch of the day" but also might be triggery to someone dealing with real issues.

Much like you G, I try to leave room and humor where I can. Its a fine line and I think we all have to do what feels comfortable for us. For instance, my own 'ouchy' feelings around the word "pussy" dont feel ouchy when other Femmes use that word in the same way. Its just a choice I make for myself and no judgment on other folks who dont see it the way I do.

[Bob]

Originally Posted by Just_G

You see, I have a hairpulling disorder.

Not to make light of your condition, Just_G, but this is a good example of why it's impossible to speak in such a way that no one will ever be offended. Or, to use a more personal example, several years ago I was diagnosed with ADD. It annoys the living crap out of me (no offense to sentient crap intended) when people make silly remarks about ADD, about 'ooh, bright shiny' etc. They've got some sound-bite knowledge about it (ergo, none), and have no idea what the real experience of ADD is like (frequently, quite difficult and painful.) Be that as it may, it's an annoyance, not something that offends me. Because, after all, you can't LOOK at me at tell that I have it.

Using words that are clearly derogatory and directed at body parts, skin color, (obvious) mental handicaps and the like are used way too often by a lot of people who should know better. My theory? We're lazy and as a culture have become coarsened to certain types of language. (I'm so sick of hearing the word fuck and its derivatives used as a noun, verb, adjective, and gerund I could fuckin cut a bitch.) In Medusa's example of using 'pussy/bitch' around her femme friends and that being okay is no more so than blacks referring to themselves as niggas. The argument (which Medusa didn't make, I hasten to add) that it's somehow empowering, I think, is bullshit. I think it subconsciously reinforces negative stereotypes even within the groups that are 'taking back' the word(s) at issue.

I got off track here and can't find the rails. Nevermind.

[Medusa]

Originally Posted by Words

Bastard.

My two adopted children are technically bastards. And yes, I'm ashamed of the fact that I sometimes use the word in jest when teasing folks I care about or else referring to someone I dislike or have issues with.

I am, however, working on not using it and wish other folks would do the same thing.

Words

Thank you, Words. I had never thought of that type of implication around that word but absolutely see how it can be ouchy.

[apretty]

Originally Posted by Selenay

Gypped and Jewed.

gyp
"to cheat, swindle," 1889, Amer.Eng., probably short for Gypsy.

jewed
verb. To get screwed over or cheated out of something.


(Source and Source)

coming clean:

while the term 'jewed' makes my skin crawl--i never knew that 'gyp' was related to 'gypsy' until about 6 months ago, the reason it never occurred to me is because 1. i don't normally say, 'gypped' as it seems out-dated and 2. i had thought the spelling was, 'jipped'. i had occasion to write the word, and when i looked it up i was dismayed to find that it was 'gyp' and knew immediately that it had its origins in/of relating to 'gypsy'. i thought to relate this story because i don't consider myself to be unaware when it comes to language and origins of words--somehow this one got by me.

[Darth Denkay]

Hearing someone use the term "retarded" sets me off every time.

Another phrase that gets to me is when someone is having a bad day and someone says "oh, they must not have had their prozac today." That is insulting to anyone who takes psychotropic drugs. I call people on it. I realize that folks don't intend it as insulting but I will not sit by and let it go.

Bob, I get you that it is difficult to say things that will never offend others, but when something is said folks need to be called on it. Offensive language is not okay. I can give someone the benefit of the doubt if they simply don't know any better, but once it is pointed out if they continue to use it it is disrespectful to a group of us.

There are certain areas where we are frequently reminded that if a member of said group is offended by words/phrases then we need to respect them and refrain from said word/phrase. Why is this considered appropriate for some groups but not others? There is nothing remotely humerous about mental illness or the medications used to treat it. If someone makes a flippant statement utilizing that language they should be called on it. No excuses not to be or to continue to use that kind of language.

Can you tell that I'm passionate about this?

[Arwen]

Rape

"That ticket guy raped me for those tickets."
"I went to ths store and got raped. Did you see those prices."

And ad nauseum.

This is one word that makes me see red. I become so infuriated I need to b e .

It is a hurtful, ugly, nasty word that brings up so much pain.

If I could erase all use of this word other than what it is actually mean for, I would be happy.

[WolfyOne]

Great topic Medusa. I'm not usually one to use words that hurt others intentionally and rarely swear unless quite angry and provoked at that time. I wasn't raised around it and think there is little use for those words. I will say there is one word that will get me riled up in a heart beat and I will go off on the person that uses it around me. That word would be cunt and writing it here doesn't make me feel good, but if I didn't, you wouldn't know the word.

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by Arwen

Rape

"That ticket guy raped me for those tickets."
"I went to ths store and got raped. Did you see those prices."

And ad nauseum.

This is one word that makes me see red. I become so infuriated I need to b e .

It is a hurtful, ugly, nasty word that brings up so much pain.

If I could erase all use of this word other than what it is actually mean for, I would be happy.

I know that Rush Limbaugh uses the term: "bend down and grab the ankles" to describe what the dems do to the republicans. It always irks me when he does that. He is not only implying rape, but also anal sex. While rape is a horrid thing (as someone who has experienced it first hand), the implication that anal sex is something equally horrible is a problem for me. It has homophobic implications as well.

[TruTexan]

BUMP BUMP BUMP

[JDeere]

I know this one word might be put in another thread but here goes:

Dyke, ohhh that word just irks me to the core

Retard why is that word even in existance anymore

Crazy as she is mentally messed up

Any thoughts?

[TruTexan]

for me I find the term Dyke to be offensive because I grew up being called DYKE by straight men yelling it at me meaning that they thought because I'm butch and look butch that I wanted to be a man and used in a very demeaning and derogatory way towards me and friends of mine when we were young. I'm 52 now and I still take it offensively if someone calls me a dyke. I know however that some other folks have reclaimed that word and are proud to be called a dyke and that it means something totally different to them, but for me, Don't.call.me.a.DYKE. period.
Anyone else who doesn't mind that term it's their choice, but I refuse to reclaim a derogatory word that was used towards me and be proud of it. Just my opinion.

Does anyone else have a word or words that they find offensive and other's don't? I see JD and I posted about the same time, and Yeah, don't call me crazy either I hate that word or the word Retard. Those words need to get gone from our vocabulary.

[Kobi]

Lesbians reclaimed the word dyke many decades ago. It isnt used much these days but it is a word of pride, identity, and recognition for me. Makes me smile. Havent run into anyone using it as a derogatory thing in years.

It irks me when anyone calls me "bro" even as a solidarity type thing. I am not a bro nor do I aspire to be a bro. It is insulting, demeaning, and derogatory to me.