LBD

[ErickaS]

We all know what it is... the dreaded Lesbian Bed Death!

So, does anyone have input on how to revive the "dead"?

I am inquiring because I am a femme lesbian, married to a butch lesbian, who is dealing with the above mentioned dysfunction. I dont know that dysfunction is the proper term for it... but it seems like it fits to me, so please dont blast me for a word.

My wife and I have been married for almost 2 years and after the wedding its like she just stopped wanting me. Its a painful subject for me. I just dont get it... literally and figuratively.

Im tired of not being in a sexual relationship with my wife. Im annoyed about it as well. We went from having sex daily to nothing for months.

Points of fact: there is nothing wrong with her physically - we've been to the doctor to check. She isnt cheating.

She claims that her mind wants to but her body doesnt connect with what her mind thinks.

All I know is that Im sick of it and something needs to change. Yes, Ive talked to her about it. So, now I'm wondering if anyone on here has suggestions.

Thanks,

Ericka

[always2late]

May I ask some questions? Have there been any major changes in your lives lately (new job, move, etc..)? Does your partner suffer from depression? I know you stated that you've been to a doctor to check for physical causes....have you also been to a therapist?

[ErickaS]

We havent have any major changes recently... This has been going on since Nov. of 2008. It's always "something" though, ya know? Stress happens!

She does see a thearpist. I told her that I want to go with her this time to talk to this woman about the concerns that I have. She seems open to that. She has a clinical diagnosis and is on medication. It started before the therapy and the medication though.

If she had always been a woman with a low sex drive, then I would be more understanding. However, there was a DRASTIC change immediately after we married. We married in Nov '08 and by Jan. '09 we had stopped having sex. We've only had sex three times since Jan. '09.

Before our marriage we were sexually active every day. Literally, every day. So, I am totally confused. Conversations about the subject always end up with me in tears and her angry.

On the flip side, she is my best friend. I love her dearly and deeply. We have great fun together the majority of the time. I am not ready to give up on the relationship. I am legally married to this woman and that is not a commitment I take lightly.

We went to couples counseling a couple of times but we didnt like the therapist. Once we move to Florida I will find us another couples counselor.

And in that one sentence... it basically sums it up. I do every thing. I think its a problem, she doesnt. I am bothered by it, she could care less. I'm just wicked frustrated (not sexually, but emotionally... ya know?) and dont know what to do to fix this!

[ErickaS]

I should clarify... I will not give up on my marriage until I know that every avenue has been explored and exhausted. Until that time, I will continue to search for answers and solutions.

<--- isnt this just too cute? I had to include it.

[adorable]

Depression is what popped into my head too!

If you've talked to her about it.....what is she willing to do about it?

What about watching porn together? Getting into something new together....a new kink or something that she's thought about but hasn't done. There are so many! I will PM you a couple of links.

[ErickaS]

Originally Posted by adorable

Depression is what popped into my head too!

If you've talked to her about it.....what is she willing to do about it?

What about watching porn together? Getting into something new together....a new kink or something that she's thought about but hasn't done. There are so many! I will PM you a couple of links.

I have no interest in porn, neither does she. She, at first, said "we" would work it out. Nothing changed. I asked the advice of some people... she flipped out, literally, because I was talking about what goes on in "her bedroom". To which I replied "Its my bedroom too". Then she agreed to a couples counselor.

Now we are in the process of getting ready to move and we did not click with the first counselor we went to up here so I will be looking for another one when we are down in Florida.

She's a pretty vanilla lesbian, all in all. We've talked about fantasies, etc. and nothiing sticks out to me as things to try that we have not already done.

I am open to any suggestions and look forward to the links. Thanks!

[Canela]

Hi Erika--

You say it started even before she started therapy. Could it be an emotional reaction/block to something big? Marriage is a big step. Some people have a mindset of being married = boring. Does she? When y'all were single, you were going strong, then marriage and nothing? Doesn't make sense.

Maybe she should also try another medication. After 2 years she should have had some stabilization, but no libido is an indication that that particular medication isn't working, or has peaked with no change. You can plateau on the effectiveness of your meds especially for depression. There are plenty out there...something to ask your dr.

Just my .02 cents.

I wish you lots of luck with this situation. Will pray for things to get better for you, too.

Shug

[ErickaS]

(((((((((hugs)))))))))))) and thanks to each of you that posted here and PM'ed me. I appreciate it more than I can express. Its helpful to know I'm not alone and to have the input of some wonderful, strong women.