How Do You Self-Identify...and why.

[little_ms_sunshyne]

Lesbiana Femme

Lesbiana~ I am latina through and through lol

Femme~ I know no other way

[Corkey]

Human
TG Butch male ID'd.
Human resonates more with me than ever.

[suebee]

I'm a gay woman. Hadn't thought about it before coming to b-f sites. It was just who I was. I've certainly learned a great deal about our community and the various I.D.'s since I came here though. Especially since I fell in love with a butch woman. However, gay, or queer or lesbian.....it's not necessarily the most important part of my identity. Of course that's probably in part because I've never lived anywhere where there's been a sizable gay community.

Sue

[EnderD_503]

Cool thread. I've been thinking a lot about why I identify the way I do lately, and increasingly I'm finding myself feeling a bit indifferent as far as my identity, but at the same time feel like it becomes clearer every day. It makes me wonder what role it plays in my life.

I identify as queer, stone butch and transguy. The first I see as my sexuality, the second a combination of my gender and sexual boundaries, and the third my sex, but all of them a bit of a mixed of meaning for me.

As far as my queer orientation, the reason I identify that way is very similar to the reason given in the OP, as far as it's ability to mean both nothing and anything/everything. Queer for me means very little about the gender/sex of the people someone chooses to fuck, and more to do with a detachment from a heteronormative framework so that anything flies. I don't see queer as something necessarily opposed to any other sexual orientation, but something that is so open-ended that it is pretty much inclusive of anything...and by that nature is non-heteronormative even if some under the queer banner choose to replicate some aspect of it for the shits n' giggles, or somehow incorporate some similar aspect into their relationship. The important part, to me, is that lack of restriction and ability to be anything without worrying about maintaining an image of what sexuality should/shouldn't be. I also see it as an important show of strength and unity politically/socially, as far as working together with others that count themselves a part of the queer community. Queer means having a community that doesn't exclude you.

I see stone as representative of my sexual boundaries, though I'm not sure how I feel about calling them boundaries. I feel like if they were boundaries for me, then they would be impeding me or restricting me, but I don't feel that way. It's just another marker of sexuality...which kind of leads me on to butch. Butch to me is both about gender and sexuality. For me (though evidently not for everyone) it's about the dynamic I enjoy in a relationship, and a dynamic that isn't really predefined the way I see it. On the other hand, it acts as my gender, too. Gender for me has kind of become a "how do I feel" vs. "what do I find desirable" kind of deal. I've kind of become disenchanted with masculinity/femininity as far as using them to define myself, personally, and I don't feel either fits me, whereas butch feels right on all accounts because it doesn't have to depend on either of those words. Its another one of those words for me that can mean a million different things to a million different butches, and no one ever has to (or at least shouldn't) worry about living up to expectation. There's no butch "archetype," and so there's no pressure to be anything but yourself. It's greater proof that gender isn't as black and white as the mainstream world would have people believe. It also allows my gender to be completely detached from sex, because butch has nothing to do with other people's thoughts on my "biological sex," nor even my thoughts on my own sex. It just is.

My trans identity is both related to the way I view my own sex, as well as the need I feel to pursue obtaining basic rights/protections for trans people. I feel that it's necessary for me to be visible as some form of trans identity in order to help gain certain rights for myself and other trans people in Canada. I also view my sex through the lens of "trans." I prefer trans alone, instead of tagging on any suffix to it, because I really don't feel like I'm going from one gender or sex to another. I just view it as a way of differentiating me from other sexes. I identify my sex as transmale, which I view differently from those born XY and assigned male at birth, as well as those born XX and assigned female at birth, and who agree with those sex assignments. I also don't see my sex as dictating my gender in any way whatsoever. More and more I feel its ridiculous for me to continue to view my sex or gender as dictated to me by non-trans people who see trans people as a "threat" to their own sense of normalcy.

[PumaJ]

When I first came out, I just called myself Gay. That was back during the days of "Gay Liberation" before the Women's Liberation movement & feminism swept up those of us who were lesbians. Then I called myself a "Dyke" & sometimes a "Queer". Even in those days, I never gave up my mascara;-) & sewed flower appliques on to my denim overalls, and my lovers were very, very Butch. It was so very uncool to acknowledge Butch & Femme, though, so we didn't even if we were. Eventually, I came around to just being my fabulous High Femme Lesbian feminist self & owning that ID in the context of my personal life.

To me saying lesbian implies a woman who loves & is sexually attracted to another woman. Which I am sort of, but when I am totally honest with myself about who I'm attracted to, it isn't just other women. Rather, I am very specifically attracted to those who run so much of their female masculinity that they really are 3rd gender, i.e. neither male or female gender, but both in one female form. Though none of them have wanted to be men, they are rather strongly male identified while still being female & wear all male clothing down to the underwear. I am not attracted to men. No. It is the male energy in female form (female masculinity) that gets me going. So, to me that is something other than just being a lesbian, it is being Queer. I am attracted to 3rd gender females. My current partner IDs as Boi & uses alternative pronouns.

I am friends with other femmes, be they in female or male bodies. I am friends with some straight women. So though I am very Femme in appearance & dress, I've been a career woman my whole adult life. I am fiercely independent, never wanting or needing to be financially supported by anyone else. For a long, long time I was in managerial positions due to my intellectual & clinical ability which in some ways is very male like. I've owned my home for a long time. So, all in all Queer seems more appropriate.

[J. Mason]

Transexual Male (FTM)

plain and simple

[AlphaDrug]

I usually identify as a femme dyke, femme, because I'm girly and I love my butches in their boxers and baggy jeans, and dyke because (a) I like the sound of it and (b) it's a word that tends to make people pay more attention... make people uncomfortable. You say lesbian and men go straight to the last porn they watched with two women with fake tits making out, say dyke and they're mind has less tendency to wonder.

Recently I've been contemplating changing to Queer Femme, because queer encompasses all that I'm interested in. If I were to date a FtM, or just someone who identifies as male or carries on in life with male pronouns, I feel like I might hurt their feelings by walking around calling myself a lesbian or dyke, because I'm not with a woman, in some amount of mindset both his and mine, I'm dating a man. Yet I'm sure as hell not identifying as straight, queer just covers the bases, and its a comfortable place to be for me. I say this because a friend of mine identified as lesbian for the longest time, began dating another friend who's FtM, she had a huge identity crisis within herself over whether or not she was still gay or accepted by the lesbian community for being with a "man"... very over dramatic, but I still understood where she was coming from in a way. I'm the kind of person to avoid drama and awkward situations, and Queer does that for me.

I hope my rambling made sense. Its late and I'm about to crash. <3

[foxyshaman]

Identity is tricky for me. I have always thought of myself as a red fox, ever since I was a little girl. Growing up in timberland gave me many opportunities to study foxes. I love being fox. I have nutured my fox self for close to 45 years.

Shamanism has been my gig for many years and I love it. My practice is exceptionally masculine allowing for my face to shapeshift during ceremony or healing work my inner face (male) becoming my outer face (you should see the shock on some of my patient's faces!!). Shamans are in-between persons and have been considered third genders for a long long time. When I first read about that I felt like my floor buckled and someone had reached inside me, turned on a light bulb, and read my soul. I finally fit. I embody third gender from a spiritual perspective. I have attempted to speak of this before in other threads and on other sites. What I have found however, was my claim for 3rd gender was soundly ignored. With a couple nasty PM's. <shrug>. I took it to mean that gender happened for most people in the physical and psychological realms. Where for shamans, it is in our spiritual/physical realm.

I identify as a spiritually minded dirt dog for the freedom. I know I am third gender by spiritual right and practice, but it takes an open mind to accept my designation. Dirt Dog though well, everyone who owns a dog knows that they are forever taking paths that others cannot see, let alone smell. And I know that when I go for a walk, no path ever ends the same as it starts.

That is me. You see a feminine woman. And I love being a woman, it is a funky gender with a nice bag'o'tricks. But what you see is not what you get. And just because a path looks simple and flat, well as a hiker I know that is soooo not true. As a dirt dog I can be whatever path I choose. Get as dirty as I want. Climb as steep as I want. Go as deep as I want. And always, always find my way. I have learnt through this life that every path leads me to exactly where I need to be, even if I don't know where I am going.

If pressed I call myself a Dyke. I love the word. I love the strength of the word. But yeah Fox is my wild nature. Dog is my domesticated nature. Shaman Third Gender is my true self.

[clay]

You iz so beautiful...and I like ALL those titles...HOTTTTTT!

Originally Posted by foxyshaman

Identity is tricky for me. I have always thought of myself as a red fox, ever since I was a little girl. Growing up in timberland gave me many opportunities to study foxes. I love being fox. I have nutured my fox self for close to 45 years.

Shamanism has been my gig for many years and I love it. My practice is exceptionally masculine allowing for my face to shapeshift during ceremony or healing work my inner face (male) becoming my outer face (you should see the shock on some of my patient's faces!!). Shamans are in-between persons and have been considered third genders for a long long time. When I first read about that I felt like my floor buckled and someone had reached inside me, turned on a light bulb, and read my soul. I finally fit. I embody third gender from a spiritual perspective. I have attempted to speak of this before in other threads and on other sites. What I have found however, was my claim for 3rd gender was soundly ignored. With a couple nasty PM's. <shrug>. I took it to mean that gender happened for most people in the physical and psychological realms. Where for shamans, it is in our spiritual/physical realm.

I identify as a spiritually minded dirt dog for the freedom. I know I am third gender by spiritual right and practice, but it takes an open mind to accept my designation. Dirt Dog though well, everyone who owns a dog knows that they are forever taking paths that others cannot see, let alone smell. And I know that when I go for a walk, no path ever ends the same as it starts.

That is me. You see a feminine woman. And I love being a woman, it is a funky gender with a nice bag'o'tricks. But what you see is not what you get. And just because a path looks simple and flat, well as a hiker I know that is soooo not true. As a dirt dog I can be whatever path I choose. Get as dirty as I want. Climb as steep as I want. Go as deep as I want. And always, always find my way. I have learnt through this life that every path leads me to exactly where I need to be, even if I don't know where I am going.

If pressed I call myself a Dyke. I love the word. I love the strength of the word. But yeah Fox is my wild nature. Dog is my domesticated nature. Shaman Third Gender is my true self.

[CherylNYC]

Lesbian, femme, feminist, dyke. 'Nuff said.

[Apocalipstic]

Dyke, Femme, Lesbian, Momi, Daddy, Sister, Friend, Auntie, Aunt, Girly Girl

In interchangeable order

[Gentle Tiger]

I identify as a freaky tiger. Why? Because I am of course. I will post a more complete answer when I am not waiting for my lunch.

[betenoire]

Originally Posted by Gentle Tiger

I identify as a freaky tiger. Why? Because I am of course. I will post a more complete answer when I am not waiting for my lunch.

I know, it's hard to post on an empty stomache.

[WolfyOne]

Many years ago, I had an ex tell me I was too obvious...she was still in the closet.
I can't change the way I look, talk or walk and don't want to.
I like the way I gradually came into my own.
I am gentle, I am butch and I am a woman.
So, I am a gentle butch woman.
I always oozed with tomboy growing up.
Played all the boy games and never the girl games.
I did like playing house with girls
I like being seen for who I am and not who you want me to be.
Seems we all have some kind of understanding about identity here.
Wishing some day the outside world would accept us as we are, labels included.

[starryeyes]

Super Femme Lesbian.. for sure!!! :-D

[LaneyDoll]

I like labels-they tell the world, in easy terms, how I identify. Labels save me lots and lots of explaining.

I am:
*an extremely girly girly girl-that spider crawling on the floor, someone better kill it/remove it and now!
*an ultra femme-I love my make-up, clothes, heels and sparkly things
*a bratty BDSM bottom-someone could bring out the submissive in me but they haven't yet

But:
I am also:
*a mother-and happily so
*a peacekeeper-I hate when people hurt
*a survivor-I am not a victim, or a statistic.

[imperfect_cupcake]

I've ID'd as many many things... an artist, a bisexual, a monkey wrencher, a socialist, a diesel femme, a radical queer, a punk rocker, a student, a primatologist...

on and on.



I am a traveller - not in the traditional sense, I'm not romany et al. I mean, my heritage of my blood family not being tied to a single place (ie, wanting to live some place forever) and that I seem to carry the same itch.

I am a west coastian of north america - North. I do have that enculturation I take with me everywhere and I cherish that way of seeing the world, dispite the ammount of flack I take for it.

I am an adoptee, that is a big part of what has shaped me. It' very much part of my identity as a human social creature

I don't have the words to describe the genders I have. One of them is a woman, so I am one. One of them is femme, so I am one.

My sexuality is dyke/queer, so I am one.

I am also a wife, which I'm proud of because of the long fight behind it.

I am a lover of science, that is my intellectual and hearts calling

I enjoy mythology and philosophy, especially eastern and I love the enactments to bring my body back in line and joined to my mind and my nature. That has been part of my identity for over 20 years.

I am a beloved daughter to people I love very much.

I was a sister, to a brother I deeply loved. even though he isn't here any longer to declare my social bond and role with, I still feel "sister" anyway. it's part of my ID.

None of these take precedent above or beyond the others. They are all part of who I am. All of my previous ID's that I am no longer were very real and deserved their moment. They were not "false" because they did not last forever. I wasn't "really" a lesbian when I was bi. I was bisexual when I was and I respect that part of my life as it's part of what made me who I am now.

[PumaJ]

I like reading all of the different ways we ID ourselves as Queers, Lesbians, Dykes, etc...including those of us who are transgender or transexual. No matter the semantics if it, we are all surely being powerful in the way in which we be human.

[iamkeri1]

These days I mostly identify myself to others as queer. For most of my life I have partnered with FTM individuals. I never FELT straight, though others saw/see me as such. Inside I think of myself as a lesbian, but I don't have the time or patience for the discussion over "how can you be a lesbian when your partner is male?" Callling myself queer, or gender queer shortens the discussion. Besides I think it is a very powerful word and I like reclaiming it from the folks who have used it to berate us and whip us into shape for centuries.

Yah - I'm queer!

Smooches,
Keri

[AlphaDrug]

Originally Posted by iamkeri1

These days I mostly identify myself to others as queer. For most of my life I have partnered with FTM individuals. I never FELT straight, though others saw/see me as such. Inside I think of myself as a lesbian, but I don't have the time or patience for the discussion over "how can you be a lesbian when your partner is male?" Callling myself queer, or gender queer shortens the discussion. Besides I think it is a very powerful word and I like reclaiming it from the folks who have used it to berate us and whip us into shape for centuries.

Yah - I'm queer!

Smooches,
Keri

That's exactly what I'm looking for too... switching to Queer in 1... 2... 3! <3