Caregivers and Stress

[GeorgiaMa'am]

My mom is 80 years old and lives alone in her own home. However, she is fast approaching the time when she should not live alone due to her mental faculties; physically, she's in great shape. My sister is her primary caregiver, and sees her about twice a week and talks to her on the phone 2-3 times a day. She has my mom signed up for Amazon Prime auto-shipping for house staples, and she goes to the grocery store once a week and cleans out her refrigerator. My sister refills my mom's pill dispenser and delivers it to her weekly.

Unfortunately, my sister and BIL have caught Covid-19. Fortunately, my mom isn't exhibiting any symptoms. One of my sister's daughters and her husband live the basement of my sister's house; they have barricaded themselves in and are hoping not to catch it, but their proximity to my sister and BIL means that my niece isn't a good candidate to take over caring for my mom. There is another niece, who is 18 years old, and semi-responsible for someone her age. She can be relied upon to deliver my mom's medicine and probably do her grocery shopping, but cleaning out the refrigerator may be a bit beyond her. If an emergency were to happen I don't think she'd know what to do (and emergencies/small concerns happen all the time with my mom: the air unit is making a funny noise and the filters need to be changed, the water tank needs salt added, the neighbor's cats won't get off her lawn, a tree looks dead and like it's about to fall on the house (it isn't), some strange man and his sons come to the front door looking for yardwork. Due to mom's impending dementia, these same concerns happen repeatedly - because she doesn't remember that she's already told you about it once or 40 times before.

My sister has a lot on her back, and she has a job and health concerns of her own. I'd do more to help, but I live over 100 miles away, and I'm not in the best of health myself. I do not know what else I can do to help her or my mom. Now with both my sister and my BIL carrying the threat of Covid infection, there aren't many options for other people to help. There's my semi-reliable niece, as previously mentioned, and a couple of elderly aunts who could look in on my mom and possibly do some grocery shopping. But every new person who is introduced into my mom's vicinity is just another chance for her to be exposed to Covid.

I'm not sure what we're going to do. Please, please don't let there be any true emergencies. If I can get a negative Covid test, maybe I can move in with my mom until my sister and BIL get over this. I can _probably_ step up to the plate and take care of us, especially since my mom can do the physical stuff like walking to the mailbox. I can do the grocery shopping, especially since Kroger has the we'll-shop-for-you-and-you-pick-it-up service. Amazon delivers, even to her house in the middle of nowhere. There are no food or drug store delivery services, but I can still go to drive-thrus in the nearby town, and my mom can help me cook as long as I gently direct her and don't expect too much. The trick for me will be not letting her wear me down or getting as frustrated as she is. I will have to put off starting my chemo for another month or so, which will probably be okay. I'll call my oncologist tomorrow and find out. If it can't wait any longer, probably my semi-reliable niece can drive me to the appointment, and my mom can just be alone for that day.

[Kätzchen]

Originally Posted by GeorgiaMa'am

.... I will have to put off starting my chemo for another month or so, which will probably be okay. I'll call my oncologist tomorrow and find out. If it can't wait any longer, probably my semi-reliable niece can drive me to the appointment, and my mom can just be alone for that day....

Rico has Stage 4 Kidney Cancer and his rounds of chemo leave him weak for around two days or so. In the beginning, when he first found out he had stage 4 Kidney cancer, he was reluctant to try chemo, out of the few strategies available to him. I'm glad he began chemo when he did because each day that goes by, is another day his health could fail without any other remedy that could help him battle this sort of cancer.

I guess I just want to encourage you to put your self first and give your health care choices the opportunity to enrich your life, right now.

Sending all sorts of positive energy your way and supportiveness while you battle this crisis in your life.

Wellness wishes for you and your entire family, Sister Georgia

[Kelt]

Originally Posted by GeorgiaMa'am

My mom is 80 years old and lives alone in her own home. However, she is fast approaching the time when she should not live alone due to her mental faculties; physically, she's in great shape. <snip>

You are entering the "interesting" years, no way of knowing how long until things change but when it happens it's NOW. I'm glad you have others to help and some flexibility of your own. Amazon is a life saver for sure. The time to figure out who can contribute what is right now, along with a complete document review while she can still sign things if needed. Things will likely also start getting more expensive, same thing, sort it out now because when you need the answers you won't have time to research then, have a plan B and C. I'm sure you have all this well in hand, if you think I can be of help, PM me.

I wish you the very best with all of this.

[Bèsame*]

Originally Posted by Kelt

You are entering the "interesting" years, no way of knowing how long until things change but when it happens it's NOW. I'm glad you have others to help and some flexibility of your own. Amazon is a life saver for sure. The time to figure out who can contribute what is right now, along with a complete document review while she can still sign things if needed. Things will likely also start getting more expensive, same thing, sort it out now because when you need the answers you won't have time to research then, have a plan B and C. I'm sure you have all this well in hand, if you think I can be of help, PM me.

I wish you the very best with all of this.

The "interesting" years are approaching me I feel. That's why I've been working on a plan to be closer to my Mom. First, it was a national company to work for with eligibility to transfer. Next, was to get her to agree to warmer weather.
Now, we are waiting for spring. She is packing things up and eliminating.
Having her closer, not only will it make me feel better, but she can depend on me with any help that she needs.

I've read this thread and watched what you all are going thru. It's getting closer to my "interesting" years of care. I'm already starting I think.

[Kelt]

Great news! Where my mother lives all four residents and six caregivers are getting their first vaccination today, with second already scheduled for February 15. After that happens I can unclench a little bit…