Lesbian bed death?

[Jane Bond]

Originally Posted by oboejive

The relationship I am in (which I have been for more than 5 years) is lacking in sex although not intimacy. We are still really close, but my partner admits that she might have a sexual problem because she doesn't have any sexual desire. This upsets me, because I tend to internalize and am also still very sexually attuned. I'm not sure how to help it. We've tried talking about it and making a schedule for it, but it never happens. For those who have had issues with this, what have you tried that has helped?

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There are many books about rejuvenating one's sexual desire, and for waning desire with a specific mate there are couple's books, too. There also are some meditative, Eastern philosophy practices that apparently ramp things up. Some therapists specialize in revving up couples. My GYN suggested replacement hormones after menopause, but one was an icky smelling cream used vaginally and the others were pills that could cause breast cancer. Living together gives some people the sense that it's too easy; it's always there, so why panic? It's definitely a use it or lose it thing.
I think the trick is to choose a partner whose sexual energy turns you on (and vise versa) at the beginning. If it's not red hot in the beginning, it will never get much hotter from what I've seen, heard, read about and experienced. If both partners work hard to once again be the sexy beasts they were when they first started chasing one another, that's a start.
Also, my wife and I tried this thing she read about where on day one you don't get to touch but you make sure romance is in the air, with music and candles, etc. Next day you get to hold hands but nothing more. One night was really fun when we got to touch all we wanted but not with our hands. By the time we were free to do anything, we did everything. A lot.