Cynthia Nixon says she's gay by 'choice.' Is it really a choice?

[Arwen]

I've run the gamut from straight to lesbian to bisexual to queer. I don't give a rat's ass what Cynthia Nixon calls herself. I think it's heinous, controlling and overtly something or other ogynist to say she has a duty (implied) to be the right kind of lesbian if she's going to be public about it.

That's bullshit and I call it bullshit.

I'm really tired of our community's attempt to control one another by not who we sleep with but HOW we sleep with them. BAH!

This rant was brought to you by Arwen who was a bit stressed out tonight and is taking that stress out on these nameless arbitrators of what constitutes a "good" public lesbian.

[blush]

Why are we still trying to find the origins of homosexuality like it is a pathology? We've never sought out the cause of heterosexuality. Homosexuality is unusual, but so is being left handed.

[Vlasta]

I really don't care how Cynthia Nixon chooses live her life . It's none of my business , it indicates she it's bisexual and it's her choice . yet , to us gay people going so public with this it's harmful to us since some people thinking we can be cure and we choose to be gay .
I born gay , but naive about my sexuality and growing up, I have a nobody to guide me and give me advice . As many of us I was doing so called "right thing " by society . I got married and have a child . Back then all my friends all ready have children and I was looked it like " what it's wrong with you ?" How come you don't have children , yet ?

I suffered a lot into my marriage which it's no need for me go to into any details . Until one day I met this butch women and it was like aha moment . I realized oh this is what is wrong with me .I haven't have a sex with men since then .

I know I will get it for my opinion , but I never been fond of bisexual people . It's really harming to our reputation since there are some homophobes they would like to cure me . No , thank you !

[Arwen]

I'm going to regret this.

Vlasta, how can you even say that you think bisexuals harm gays? How?

Hello. My name is Arwen. I partner with FTM's.

In some narrow-minded people's eyes, that makes me bisexual.

So I'm harming the gay culture now?

Really?

Can you take a step back and consider what you just said? Please?

[Vlasta]

Originally Posted by Arwen

I'm going to regret this.

Vlasta, how can you even say that you think bisexuals harm gays? How?

Hello. My name is Arwen. I partner with FTM's.

In some narrow-minded people's eyes, that makes me bisexual.

So I'm harming the gay culture now?

Really?

Can you take a step back and consider what you just said? Please?

I knew I will get it for this one lol . I was not talking about FTM's . I was partnered with them as well . However , when a public person steps out and say it's my choice it gives an uneducated heterosexual people impression that we are perverts, unable to raise children in healthy environment since they have a two mothers or two fathers and we choose to be gay . Which is ridiculous !.

I am sorry Arwen as I much I have respect for you this it's just MHO , with bisexuals it's like I want my cake and eat it too .

I am not thinking you are harming the gay culture , I just think you went though an evolution with your sexuality as many of us .

[Random]

I watched a utube by Ivan Coyote this morning and in it he was talking about how some person on a pride committee stated that Pride needed to be more *Family Friendly*

IE: show the straight world more *mainstream* people and less Butches and Drag Queens..

Blink

I'm no quite sure why this thread brought that to mind, other than I had the same reaction to both..

Fuck what the straight world thinks about my community..

ya ya... I know, not very realistic, not very practical...

Cynthia Nixon is in love with her partner...
Her partner is a female..

Is that love less valid because she can fall in love and maintain a relationship with both sexes?

Do any of us think about what it's going to do to the *Community* when we fall in love?

Should we keep in the closet about how we feel to reinforce the illusion that being gay is strickly a biological deal and it can't be helped?

Re: Choice...

I'm a firm believer in the Kinsey Scale...

I believe that someone can choose to be gay, just the same as someone is born gay... I also believe in all the shade inbetween.

One is not less valid than the other..

There are no *Gold Stars*

[Random]

Originally Posted by Vlasta

this it's just MHO , with bisexuals it's like I want my cake and eat it too .

Would you please elaborate on this statement?

How can someone being able to fall in love with either sex be *having their cake and eating it too?*

How is dating FtM's a *an evolution with your sexuality* but someone who is bisexual just playing around (that's how I interpreted your statement of having their cake and eating it too.)

[Vlasta]

Originally Posted by Random

Would you please elaborate on this statement?

How can someone being able to fall in love with either sex be *having their cake and eating it too?*

How is dating FtM's a *an evolution with your sexuality* but someone who is bisexual just playing around (that's how I interpreted your statement of having their cake and eating it too.)

Thanks , but no I will not elaborated on my statement here since I don't have enough bodies here to high 5 me . It's just MHO and you can't take it or leave it .

thanks for asking , I don't believe in self punishment neither to beat a dead horse .


have a great night

[Glenn]

At first I thought I don't give a rats ass either because I was also born this way and I am a lifelong butch, and I am very secure with it. But all night, I was thinking about the future generations of my brothers and sisters, and their security, and their future battles with the religious right and media steriotypes. A lot of heterosexuals literally raise their kids on what the media tells them. If everyone who is somewhat a star in the media gets up and states it is a choice, then, that may motivate some folks to choose their own, sometimes nefarious methods in the future to change us. I have personally experienced people who hated us, evolve into becoming more accepting when given reasons to believe we are born this way, rather than thinking my nature is just a choice. This thread has made me realize how important it is how my spokespeople respond in the media to people, especially movie stars, and attractive women, that heterosexuals admired. Because this may influence how my brothers and sisters in the future are treated, I am very proud of my people who questioned her "terminology" in the media, and reinforced the fact that for many of us, it never was, nor will be, just simply a... choice.

[T4Texas]

I think everyone is different in that we come to being gay in different ways and times. For me, as I look back, I was attracted to females at the age of six which makes me think for myself, it was a biological/DNA thing. For others, they are late bloomers who come out in their 40s/50s/60s and perhaps for them its more of a choice to leave their straight lives behind. Or perhaps the gene was always there and they are just now acting on it. Society conditions us to live the straight life and for some its harder to just stand up and say NO, Im not going to be conventional. It reminds me of a bumpersticker I saw once that said I wasnt born in Texas, but I got there as fast as I could. I feel we all try to get to that place we think we belong as we grow older. I dont think any person here can say their sexual/gender lives hasnt been some kind of evolutionary process.
As for Cynthia Nixon. I think its her business how she chooses to represent herself. We would all be up in arms if someone told us how we should ID so she gets her choice. The complaints of certain people in the community I feel are nitpicking. If the gay community would stand up and present a more solid front, we would probably have less problems with the religious right but IMO the gay community has always been hit and miss on matters of politics and subjects that relate to our wellbeing as gays.

[Kobi]

Originally Posted by Glenn

At first I thought I don't give a rats ass either because I was also born this way and I am a lifelong butch, and I am very secure with it. But all night, I was thinking about the future generations of my brothers and sisters, and their security, and their future battles with the religious right and media steriotypes. A lot of heterosexuals literally raise their kids on what the media tells them. If everyone who is somewhat a star in the media gets up and states it is a choice, then, that may motivate some folks to choose their own, sometimes nefarious methods in the future to change us. I have personally experienced people who hated us, evolve into becoming more accepting when given reasons to believe we are born this way, rather than thinking my nature is just a choice. This thread has made me realize how important it is how my spokespeople respond in the media to people, especially movie stars, and attractive women, that heterosexuals admired. Because this may influence how my brothers and sisters in the future are treated, I am very proud of my people who questioned her "terminology" in the media, and reinforced the fact that for many of us, it never was, nor will be, just simply a... choice.

This makes sense to me.

Having grown up and come out in an era when homosexuality was illegal and criminal, as well as a mental illness that needed treatment, I am always mindful that there are still folks out there who view my sexuality as a moral issue in need of fixing.

Those same folks are still looking to revoke those gains, rights, and freedoms that so many of our brothers and sisters died for.

I am also aware, that the terminology and concepts used within our community is understood differently by us than it may be viewed by outsiders who are still looking to annililate us from the face of the earth cuz we are a moral disease that must be eradicated.

Words can be tricky things that help or empower us in one way or potentially harm us in another depending on how they are interpreted by others. Others may not define us, but others may have the power and/or need to thwart us in accordance with their own beliefs.

For some people, being queer is a biologically based thing. They didnt choose to be this way. This is how they came. This can be very comforting and empowering.

In a society like ours, where science, genetics specifically is progressing, being queer, might come down to a gene. What is done with that information is a concern to me. Genetic engineering and genetic cleansing is a concern to me.

On the other hand, for some, sexuality is fluid and choice is indeed a big factor. It is who they are. It is how they came. This too can be very comforting and empowering. It may be the ideal, I dont know.

For me, when the media points the spotlight on folks like Anne Henche or Cynthia Nixon for how they personally see their own situations, I get antsy. And, I get antsy for the same reasons some of the transfolks got antsy about Chaz Bono. These people have the visibility to color others perceptions of who the collective, diverse "we" are. Like it or not, what they say and how they say it, has an impact. It is not seen as just their unique presentation of themselves. It is seen as representing a group.

What works for Cynthia Nixon, is great for Cynthia Nixon.

But, what is always lingering in the back of my mind is images of the likes of Matthew Shepard and Brandon Teena.

[BullDog]

If we make our official "stance" that we were all born this way and can't help it- the right wingers could go all out looking for the "gay" gene to cure us.

Why is someone proclaiming being gay as a choice more of a frightening scenario? I don't get it.

I believe I was born with same sex attraction. However how I choose to live my life in a homophobic world is full of personal choices I have made.

Making choices for oneself is powerful. There is no "cure" for that.

[Chancie]

For me, it's not important to explain or analyze why I am queer.

I don't need to say, I was born this way, or

I was made this way.

I am queer.

But it is my choice to be with butches.

I certainly could have continued to have relationships with men, and

Some of those relationships were lovely.

[apretty]

I think we all have the choice to believe whether or not we were "born gay."

I was not "born gay" and I do fully identify as Queer.

E and I have this conversation periodically and for E, it's not the same so I respect our different beliefs and experiences.

[pamela]

the important point is that she expressed her thoughts and was not afraid to do so.

[betenoire]

Originally Posted by Vlasta

I am sorry Arwen as I much I have respect for you this it's just MHO , with bisexuals it's like I want my cake and eat it too .

Well I do like cake as much as the next person, but you are wicked out of line. You're not talking about Arwen, fine. But you -are- talking about me.

In the future I would appreciate it if you would either back your ugliness up or back your ugliness off. Pick one. (Meaning - if you're not prepared to explain or examine your ugliness try and keep it to yourself.)

[The_Lady_Snow]

Nixon is not someone "I" consider a queer I look up to or one that inspires me, frankly I just read about her roll my eyes and go on to the next story, her comments can be ridiculous between this and " man boobs" I'm over her... I am a bit disconcerted with the comments made about bi sexuals that for "me" is more alarming than what Nixon is spewing out..

[JustJo]

I've stayed out of this convo because I don't have strong opinions either way.

I think it's perfectly possible that some of us are born this way, some choose this, some grow into it, some discover it....and I'm good with whatever. To each their own.

I also think it's very likely that the conservative voices that hate us for it will hate us all equally and try to find a way to eradicate it....whether it was born or chosen.

I think the most important thing is that we present a united front to those folks...even when we internally disagree...and not pick each other apart for our differences. This is why I have finally decided to participate....because I find the "anti-bisexual" stuff recently expressed in here as disgusting and mean.

I don't define anyone else, and they don't define me. I don't have to share someone's ID or preferences or lifestyle....or even "approve" of it. However, we are all in this community together...and throwing out those negative judgments based on who someone is, is just plain nasty.

[Arwen]

I realize this has warped a bit from Cynthia Nixon to other areas. I'm not going to support the idea that bisexuals are what's wrong with the queer community. That idea is repugnant to me for a lot of reasons.

A person gets to choose how they define themselves unless we are living in a country where that freedom isn't available any more?

Let me know so I can pack and move, mmmkay?

Honestly, some of the hate and loathing expressed here makes my skin crawl. I'm out for the weekend. Hopefully the air will be a little cleaner once I get back.

[Nat]

I think for Cynthia Nixon it's her choice how she defines herself her experience and am annoyed by the anger she's received in response.

I realized it was not a choice for me a long time ago, though I enjoyed men in bed just fine. My heart was the issue, not my loins. Lucky for me, it turned out where my heart lead, my sex happily followed.

I think the waters are muddied by our lack of equality. I think many of us believe - and many straight people are only able to accept us if they believe - that we are born this way. Then being gay seems to have a stronger foothold against the people who would like to call our love abominable, unnatural and the like.

But there are flaws to convincing the world that we are here by nature and not by choice. Flaws like the fact it is seen as a defect. How many gay babies would be aborted if they figured out a way to tell we would be gay? Any subtle or not-so-subtle eugenics movement would weed us out if they could find the markers.

Maybe for some it's a choice and for some it's not. It's annoying to me she's been backlashed for stating what's true for her.