A kiss is just a kiss

[tantalizingfemme]

So, I have an 18 year old son who will ocassionally allow me to kiss him; usually it is a congratulations, happy holidays or goodbye kiss.

Throughout his life, I was always very affectionate with him, as I grew up in a home with very little affection. As an adult, I have become more comfortable giving a hug or kiss to another adult with whom I am not partnered with.

So here is my question. When you kiss another adult, not a partner, but a family member or friend, do you kiss them on the lips or cheek? I kiss my son on the lips, as I did my father when he was alive, and family members and friends. Now, there are people where it is a cheek kiss, but I am very comfortable with kissing on the lips too. Is it odd?

I have had a conversation recently where the other person thought it was odd that I kiss my son on the lips, and I thought it was odd that I wouldn't.

I am curious as to other peoples thoughts and experiences on this.

[MrSunshine]

Inappropriate. I just had this conversation last night. I believe after age, baby, it's no longer acceptable to kiss on the mouth unless it's a lover.

[tantalizingfemme]

Originally Posted by MrSunshine

Inappropriate. I just had this conversation last night. I believe after age, baby, it's no longer acceptable to kiss on the mouth unless it's a lover.

Why do you think kissing on the lips is so intimate? I kissed my father and grandparents on the lips.... I would have never associated that kiss with an intimate kiss with a partner.

[MrSunshine]

I didn't say it was intimate. I said it was inappropriate.

I actually have had this conversation many times with sisters and lovers about their children. I just feel there is nothing "right" about letting a child (or you doing it) kiss your mouth. I haven't known or met anyone so far that disagreed.

[tantalizingfemme]

Originally Posted by MrSunshine

I didn't say it was intimate. I said it was inappropriate.

I actually have had this conversation many times with sisters and lovers about their children. I just feel there is nothing "right" about letting a child (or you doing it) kiss your mouth. I haven't known or met anyone so far that disagreed.

okay, so what is inappropriate about it? To say it is only okay to kiss a lover on the lips, to me, insinuates that kissing on the lips is an intimate act; sexually intimate. Maybe I am reading you incorrectly?

[Thinker]

We (my siblings and I) kissed our mother and father on the lips......hello, goodbye, goodnight kisses.....even as adults.

I remember seeing my adult nephew (then in his early 30s) kiss his father on the lips (hello greeting kiss).

These are quick pecks; nothing more than that.

There are families where that is the norm, and I don't think there is anything wrong with it. In my opinion, it's only inappropriate if something inappropriate or illegal is going on.

[The_Lady_Snow]

I kiss my cubs on the lips, cheek, hands or I still do a lil "muah" on their owies. Im affectionate with the cubs since when I was a kid there was no affection.

There are some friends I'd lip smooch with once again it's cultural a kiss on the mouth is not frowned upon or looked upon as anything other than a greeting, affection, salutations.


I know it's not often seen in American culture.

[genghisfawn]

Snow made a good point about what's acceptable in cultural context... My family kisses on the lips (even grown men kiss their grown men friends on the lips) because people with Ukrainian heritage are very sentimental and loving that way.

[grenade]

Originally Posted by MrSunshine

I didn't say it was intimate. I said it was inappropriate.

I actually have had this conversation many times with sisters and lovers about their children. I just feel there is nothing "right" about letting a child (or you doing it) kiss your mouth. I haven't known or met anyone so far that disagreed.

I disagree. I'm not sure where you're from but in a lot of places it's cultural to kiss on the lips and to not do so would be offensive.

I kiss family members on the lips. Aunts, Uncles, Father, Brother. Always have, always will. It's just how we do. I kiss my children on the lips and will continue for as long as they let me. For now, I get big brown eyes looking up at me and a pouty little set of puckered lips if I try a quick forehead kiss. Im hoping this never changes.

She's been gone 18 years but I can close my eyes and still recall my mother's lips. The way she pressed them to my forehead or a gentle peck on my lips. I'm so thankful for this specific memory. It calms me sometimes when nothing else can. Kisses are good, sometimes they last forever.

[princessbelle]

I've never really thought about this before. Good thread.

I believe it's just how you were taught or brought up, right? Traditions in our families and how we were taught to kiss seems to just keep flowing to the next generations, at least for the most part.

I only kiss my partner on the lips. For one thing, i'm sorta a germ freak, and germs can be transmitted by saliva and i don't want to catch or receive anything, especially from Uncles and Aunts and stuff...just my hangup.

As far as my kids, i've always just kissed on the cheeks, but again if i had been raised to kiss on the lips i would continue to do so. There is nothing icky about that or wrong or inappropriate in my book. I think it's just what you are used to doing.

A kiss is a sign of affection, not intimacy. We all love many people. There is nothing wrong with the way any of us do it, IMO.

We do way more hugging in my "family" than kissing. I dare say we hug about everyone that walks in our doors.

My little momma i kiss on top of the head, cause, well, she is about 4'10 and that's just handy for me.

[JustJo]

My immediate family was not at all affectionate growing up...no hugs, no kisses, no "I love you's."

When I had my son, my natural affectionate nature came out...and there were lots of hugs and kisses and cuddles....and yes, kisses on lips, cheeks, foreheads, and owies.

Somewhere around age 12 he stopped offering lips to kiss and started giving me a cheek instead. I respected that....they are his lips after all....and once jokingly kissed the top of his head instead.

He loved that.

Now, even though he's taller than me and has to bend over so I can, he gives me the top of his head to kiss goodnight. He's a big hugger too....so I get everything from the very supportive, loving hugs when my mother passed, to his famous "bone crushing Rooster hugs." I did draw the line at the "knock Mom off her feet" hugs though......I'm getting too old for that!

I don't think it's inappropriate to kiss on the lips....depends on the people and the culture. I don't kiss, except for my partner, but that's just a personal preference.

[JAGG]

I have always kissed my father, and grandmother on the lips and so have my siblings. I still do kiss my dad on the lips, and if my grandmother was alive her as well. As an adult, I also kiss my siblings on the lips . Same way a child kisses you on the lips, there is nothing sexual or sensual about it. I kissed my grandmother goodnite every night , until I left home. Nothing about it seems weird to me. Just a gesture of love and respect. I never gave it much thought until now. I also have a few very close friends I kiss too.

[MrSunshine]

Interesting. It's funny, I was never told not to or taught that. It's how I feel personally.

[PinkieLee]

Another kisser here!

I see my parents all the time, and everytime I say goodbye to them I hug, give them a kiss on the lips and say I love you.

This also is true with friends that I don't get to see very often and goodbyes are always emotional. Some get quick kisses on the lips, others it's the peck on the cheek.

But then again, I'm a big hugger... and even with my friends that I see everyday I hug them goodbye & tell them I love them.

Yeah, I'm a big ol' mush bucket!

[Gráinne]

I never kissed my parents on the lips, but they weren't demonstrative physically.

My daughter (13) will do that, always has, and I never thought anything of it. It's certainly not sensual, only affectionate. Some close friends, also, male and female.

My son, ever since he was 10, has flatly refused any kisses at all. I miss being affectionate, but it's his body. He will let me muss his hair.

[Amber2010]

I agree with Princessbelle, I also think it is what you have grown up with. In my family we didn't do much in affection then I met my dad's side of the family "divorce of course" they are pure italian and wow they hug and kiss and it felt so weid to me. Now I can kiss family and friends without feeling strange about it. I have a teen son who gives me the eye roll every time I do it in front of family so I try to respect that but as long as it feels good in your family and with your friends I don't see anything wrong with a kiss or a hug.

[iamkeri1]

We are big kissers in my family. Parents, aunts uncles, cousins, all got kisses - lips or cheeks - and still do. We sit comfortably with our arms around each other as well. My daughter started resisting lip kisses at about age 12, but hugs easily. My sons (all grown) will still give me a quick greeting kiss hello (or on New Year's Eve as that is our family custom.)

No big deal, nothing sexual about it. And I will say, additionally, that kids can differentiate between "good" kisses and bad kisses. My kids are adopted, and at least two of them were sexually molested as toddlers. It has had many effects on their lives in general, but they know who is "safe" and who is not, and they still want those mommy kisses.

I have lots of friends I exchange kisses with, the culture of my church includes kissing (the kiss of peace) and it would feel wierd to not get these kisses I think.

But as others have said, we are the owners of our own bodies and no one should have to endure an unwanted kiss.

Smooches, (but only if you're comfortable with it, LOL)
Keri

[Apocalipstic]

I have have friends I kiss on the lips, some on the cheek, some on both cheeks and some I hug.

Cultural differences. As as child, when we would visit the US, I was told it was inappropriate to kiss people like I do, but being inappropriate in small ways made it even more appealing!

Kissing is fabulous! Great thread TF!

[Novelafemme]

We kiss lots in my family. I kiss my girls on the mouth, cheek, forehead, where ever! My biological family is the same way as is my partner's family. All lip kissers. I don't kiss my friends on the mouth, but I am a big cheek kisser and hugger. If it's someone I don't know very well I will ask if I can hug them or just let them know in advance that I'm coming in for a squeeze.

Lip kisser here. Still pucker up for my Pops every week. Always did with my Ma and grannies too. Brothers not. Wider family not. Some chosen family get the lip thang some don't.

Tinkerbell and her four sons (17-26yrs) do lippage too.