Are you OUT at work?

[MsTinkerbelly]

Once I came out and divorced my daughter's father, I never went back into the closet.

Anya has a point....

My last place of employment (before I became disabled), was a 10 year run at a company where it was not completely safe to be out and loud about it. It was an engineering firm/manufacturing plant where a large portion of the workforce were very macho men, of many races and nationalities.

My employer and all of the office people knew, but my employer actually told me that it would probably not be safe for myself or my car to have rainbow stickers and such. When I began in 2003 it was good advice, and by 2013 when I left it was still something I kept in mind. I had let a few people know when they saw a picture on my desk, and I was made aware that I was an oddity to be gossiped about.

In any case, I probably should have shoved it in their faces...but being queer is only a part of me, not who I am. It was my place of employment, NOT my home.

[TL1]

Originally Posted by Orema

I'm lucky too, T1. And, things weren't like this 20 years ago where I work. No one was out, though there were whispers and probably campaigns to prevent lesbians and gay people from advancing.

The first person who came out where I'm employed was a manager in the technology department. He came out during a black-tie event. Employees were allowed to bring guests and he brought his partner. They did a slow dance that was very nice. Thank goodness no one applauded.

Yeah, I'm lucky too.

That took guts for him to do that. There are many brave and strong souls in our community and it's because of those people things are how they are today.

many places of employment are accepting now. And I'm thankful to be in the now and not as you said..... 20 years ago. (And beyond)


Yes we are very lucky indeed.

[catlady]

I wish I can be out, but it's not "safe" around my environment which is conservative.

So I pretend to be the single business woman cat lady who wants nothing to deal with relationships My boss thinks that I'll meet "Mr. Right" one day and want to start a family hahaha. Little does he know I'm a lesbian engaged to my tom and both of us plan to start a family of kittens in the future.

Maybe in my future next job, I can comfortably be out.

[Gayandgray]

Yup, I'm out at both my jobs and have been from the start. However, I'm NOT out to my patients. I'm a cna in a nursing home and a lot of the elderly patients are not accepting of homosexuality at all. I can remember about 12 years ago at another nursing home I worked at, one of my idiot coworkers decided to tell my 90 year old patient and her daughter that I was a lesbian. It did not go over well at all! The patient refused to let me bathe her or take her to the restroom, and her daughter made nasty comments and my Director of Nursing told me not to take care of the woman anymore, to not even go in her room. So I just don't tell my patients that I'm a lesbian, but everyone else knows including the corporate office.

[FireSignFemme]

Sometimes, for some people, it is not to live in "opulence and splendor" to remain closeted; it is simply to survive.

Well, I don't know about what other people need to survive. I only know for myself I couldn't be tempted to live in the closet for all the money in the world. So I sure as heck wouldn't be tempted to do it for fair to middlin or even worse - lousy wages.

[stargazingboi]

My theory is this..I'm at work. I'm not there to date, hit on or even be friends with them..so, I don't tend to talk about my personal life. I am there to work.

That being said; if I in fact I do become friends with someone at my place of employment, then I may confirm their suspicions or answer question they may have regarding my life. I also have an open door policy. If you have balls enough to ask me in a respectful manor, then I have the balls enough to tell you who I am.

Mind you, I'm TG....I medically can not take hormones. So, if they can't figure it out my looking at me and don't bother to ask, then they don't need to know. *shrugs*

[easygoingfemme]

I recently added in some work hours at an inner city after school teen drop in center. There are rainbows and gender neutral/trans acceptance stickers and posters everywhere. So I have a rainbow GBLTQ safe zone poster on my office door and a rainbow flag on my desk but so does everyone else there so it doesn't out me. I love it. Not that it doesn't out me, but all of the staff are waving the flag for any of the kids who need it.But it's funny that my "signal" isn't a signal there!

[Chancie]

As many of you know, I'm a public high school teacher in a small town in Western Mass. Pete worked for a locally owned lumber yard for about five years, though she's back in school now. She's knows almost every contractor and handy fixit homeowner around.

I guess I'm outish. We attend school events together, and she occasionally goes grocery shopping with me, which is very exciting to my students, when they catch us fighting over canned tomatoes or frozen vegetables.

I mostly look like a chubby middle aged math teacher, though I have a tattoo climbing up my left leg and purple highlights in my hair. I wear a traditional wedding band and an engagement ring. I suspect many are stymied.

[Slow breath]

To my school staff, absolutely. There was a time at the beginning of my career I wasn't, but I was young and naive. I bought my house with a "friend." Then it became difficult to tell a staff, that I loved, the truth. I had a lesbian principal for a few years, and through her visibility learned just how important it is to be visible to others who struggle with coming out at work. It is so important to be able to see ourselves in our leadership. So I don't look back and proudly share my life.

Because I work with little people, I don't hide who I am, but I don't advertise it to them. Although, if you stay at a school long enough, parents start to figure it out, and it has never caused a problem. I look forward to the day where I do share that part of me with my students.

My classroom has Pride safe space posters, and I have a collection of Pride buttons on a board that is visible to all, and it becomes a safe haven where I do discuss LGBTI issues, but I mediate and let the kiddos do the talking.

[afrcnqueen]

Yes, I am OUT at work.
I am OUT to friends and family. I have also lived for a few years (teen until I was 22)denying who I was, but once I came out I can't imagine my life any other way. I know not everyone can for many reasons. I'm very happy where I am :-)

[Shystonefem]

I don't walk around with "I'm a lesbian" pin or anything. If someone asks, I will tell them. I love in NH and I believe it is easier in the Northeast than some other places.

[Stone-Butch]

People have asked me when I came out, I just say I was never IN. I think I am obvious enough that people know what I am. I don't offer but if you have to ask I will be honest. Back in the day you payed dearly for being out and many times I have been struck or spit on or otherwise engaged especially with men. Go figure. It was very hard back then but you were either who you were all the way or were considered a tweener and that was not a good position to be in. It was butch and femme and easily recognizable unless the femme was alone and mistaken for straight. All my buddies dressed as they wished, mostly on club night suit and tie. Bars were hectic at times LOL. I could never have hid who I was as I wore it on my sleeve. Take it or leave it. I think my family always knew and aside from my parents my siblings said little. Yes I was to grow out of it and get married. I think not. Never dated a man, I am queer but not that queer.

[Bubala]

I'm a very private person. I do not share any personal items at work. That said I'm starting to wonder just how much this wall I have built is helping my career and how much it's hurting it at the same time...

I guess people take one look at me and just assume that I'm straight. I'm don't like to mix personal data with business so I stay clear from any and all personal conversations.

On the other hand, when I started this (my current) job, about 1 week in, my assistant (a sweet, chatty girl, who was never introduced to basic etiquette and does not have much respect for code of business conduct... who I've later learned is the giggling office bimbo, with skirts and cognitive ability always falling a bit too short... etc.) bluntly asked me in from of my entire team : "so are you married? I see you have a wedding ring on your finger, its a nice ring...so who is he when are we going to see his picture!?" Call me a bitch but I resounded with a cold stare (while screaming inside and wanting to run the F*&$ out of the office with my hair on fire! lol) and said "yes, I am, however, I'd prefer not to bring my personal life into work, so let's keep that separate.".

Ever since then, this person has speed the "news" that I'm married, so everyone throughout the company now "knows" that I have a "husband" .... It's annoying... I am not going to fight them, or hit anyone with a hammer over their stupid little head to sober them up from making assumptions. I feel trapped at times and think that at 31 years of age I have decided that once I switch companies again I will just bluntly tell them that I'm a lesbian straight up... maybe even at the interview...so the air is clear.

However, then again why should I make details of my personal life a cornerstone of my existences in a company? Take me for my education, my knowledge and my skills.... I prefer to take those into work with me... I don't bring my work home nor my home to work. Why can't we have it simple as that?

[girl_dee]

i am not out at work, it feels weird but then again why would I be?

I have been there less than a month, and so far I see no need to come out as queer, none of the others have come out as straight or queer or anything else to me.

It would be nice to be amongst family at work but I am extremely private as the norm.

[*Anya*]

Yes, I am out at work to co-workers. It used to be harder/less comfortable when I was younger because it was a federal production with the usual femme bull-shit of "Oh my gosh, I had no idea, I never would have guessed, blah, blah..., etc."

Now that I am older, I don't hear that any more and it is a relief.

I do not discuss my sexuality or private life with clients (and neither does my uber-butch coworker). She told me clients ask her all the time if she is gay as it is pretty obvious that she is butch.

It is not therapeutic and we keep tight boundaries; clinically, it is not appropriate to get into personal information.

My straight co-workers pretty much respond the same way.

I simply say, when clients ask if I am married or have a husband, "We are here to discuss your concerns and your issues. How are you doing today?".

That gets them back on track.

[kittygrrl]

I usually am "out" sooner or later but I've never felt the need to announce it, it just comes out when you talk about about your life outside work. Sometimes it can create problems if you live in a conservative area (even in this day and age) but as a general rule I don't think about it as a worry...of course with Trump in office people may feel the need to go back in the closet for safety reasons....honestly, this is the most stress I've ever felt about a president. I can only believe he is the result of our own lack of moral principal or a general ambivalence regarding evil-

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

I usually am "out" sooner or later but I've never felt the need to announce it, it just comes out when you talk about about your life outside work. Sometimes it can create problems if you live in a conservative area (even in this day and age) but as a general rule I don't think about it as a worry...of course with Trump in office people may feel the need to go back in the closet for safety reasons....honestly, this is the most stress I've ever felt about a president. I can only believe he is the result of our own lack of moral principal or a general ambivalence regarding evil-

Yes exactly. I don't feel a need to *out* myself but if it comes up I am not going to deny it.

[Blade]

That is the thing in a nutshell. I am a private person and have always been. I do not feel the need two discuss my private life with my coworkers. That said I also do not feel it is any of their business who I date or who I sleep with. It has nothing to do with my job or my performance at my job all it is is an item for gossip.

[JDeere]

Originally Posted by Blade

That is the thing in a nutshell. I am a private person and have always been. I do not feel the need two discuss my private life with my coworkers. That said I also do not feel it is any of their business who I date or who I sleep with. It has nothing to do with my job or my performance at my job all it is is an item for gossip.

I feel the same way, I work with ALOT of gossipy/nosey type women. It is hard for me not to say anything but again with me, it's obvious what I am, when I walk in the room.

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by JDeere

I feel the same way, I work with ALOT of gossipy/nosey type women. It is hard for me not to say anything but again with me, it's obvious what I am, when I walk in the room.

yes thats the thing, Its NOT obvious for me, although if one wanted to they would figure it out. I am tossed between wanted to represent and keeping my privacy. At this place I don't think anyone cares one way or another.

I am lucky at this company because they do not seem to be the gossipy nosey women I worked with in NOLA. I came out right away there for some reason.