Caregivers and Stress

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by TruTexan

Is there some type of community center that is open to the elderly during the day near you so you can get your mom some activity going like being around folks her age and playing dominos and card games , bingo, etc. That tends to help if you can find some stuff for her to do during the day. Here where I live, the elders get together and do those things so they aren't stuck at home bored and such. They can visit and talk, etc. I kinda figured that your mom was as you described above. She's bitter about not being able to work. Heck, it might even help if you got her into therapy if you could so she can talk to someone else besides you about how she's feeling. My mom doesn't think she needs any help so I have no way to get her behavior any better, so It's me that gets the therapy.
I get you when you need to have a life of your own and need not to be smothered by your mom. I think I"d go nuts if my mom smothered me on top of all the other stuff that goes on. I KNOW I'd lose my coping skills in some way. When I Lived with her, it was worse than it is now, so I moved out, couldn't take it anymore. It's better than it was at least for now.

This past year, my sister bought a place that she remodeled, in TN down the road about 10 mins from her house, so she could try to convince mom to move into so she could be closer to her when she needed to be. I"m game for her moving, but mom is adamantly saying NO WAY. She doesn't understand that she can't afford to move into low income housing and her house is falling apart due to termites over the years. I"ve done all I can do with keeping if livable, but the time is coming soon that she will need to move out of it. Thanksgiving my sister will be here a week staying at mom's and I'm sure she's going to talk to her once again about her moving to TN to live in that home she got her and fixed up. It's in excellent shape and is on a beautiful piece of property. Mom could live there and not have to pay rent, just bills and if she can't afford all of them, my sister would help her pay them. I hope that she comes to realize that it's the ONLY option she's got. I can't help her financially.

Trust me i've thought of this. My mom is only 75. She does not resonate with older folks and has never, ever had friends. She won't go anywhere unless it's with me or someone close.

[TruTexan]

Originally Posted by girl_dee

Trust me i've thought of this. My mom is only 75. She does not resonate with older folks and has never, ever had friends. She won't go anywhere unless it's with me or someone close.

I hear ya, my mom is 72 and hates visiting anyone. She doesn't have any friends that she talks to and mostly it's ME and I hear the same stories ,etc all the time. Wears me out as I'm sure it does you as well.I wonder why it is that our 2 moms are like this? It's like they don't wanna do nothing to make themselves happy at all or bring them joy. Almost like it's TABOO for them. SMH*

OH and I'm still having to deal with mom's benefits issues. Damn social security hasn't done entered into the computer the manual request for medicaid so mom's benefits are restored and so I can get Austin health and Human services to FIX the problems with her benefits and benefit amounts. This is a fucking nightmare. I've contacted my state senator and gotten them involved in it and now today contacted my local congressman to get them involved in this and to make a formal complaint on mom's behalf that there is a fucking problem with the system checks and balances betweent the VA computer matching program and Social Security Doubling the benefits and knocking her out of SSI benefits which in turn cause the fucking nightmarish snowball effect for ALL of her state benefits. Hopefully sometime next week this will ALL be resolved so she is restored in the system BEFORE DEC> 1st when her benefits are due to come for that month. And BEFORE THE END OF NOV 30th when they are to STOP existing for her.
I wouldn't wish this shit on anyone I hated ..........just saying.

[TruTexan]

ok, I"ve been running my ass off this week to take care of sending paperwork and make phone calls to diff. agencies to help mom get her benefits back. Today, I was so damned tired I laid down to take a short nap, and slept for over 4.5 hours. I think my body and mind just needed to shut the hell down and regroup because of all the stress. I woke up still feeling tired though and I hope I can sleep tonight. I know when this is all over with in the next few months, omg that long?, I will probably sleep for a freaking week, just to regroup. UGH.

[girl_dee]

Even with all the stress, smothering and clinging on to me for dear life i am thankful that my mom isn't as sick as she was and will enjoy a nice holiday with the family together again.

Last year she was pretty much near death and none of us really knew. She hid it well. She told me she is very afraid of dying. i know she thinks about it a lot.

[PoeticSilence]

It took me a while to catch up, but I'll toss in a couple notes. When I was trying to figure out how wait on disability to kick in (still waiting) I started looking up state agencies for aide, and my pharmacy and my doctor worked out something where I get all but one of my meds for free. The other one I pay seventy five dollars a month for. That's a four hundred dollar a month burden lifted from my shoulders.

The other program was with NE state social services. They set me up with foodstamps, and Medicaid for my wifes' son, we are still working on me and my wifes' Medicaid. They also gave us utility assistance, it was only like four hundred dollars for the entire year, but believe me, that was very helpful because I live in a very cold place when winter hits.

I have totally humbled myself while I wait for my long term disability to recognize my inability to work, and for my SSD to kick in, and I called every charitable organization in my city, including churches to see what sorts of aide I could get. One place that was invaluable was a place that rents out things like wheelchairs and reclining chairs that help you stand, and oxygen concentrators. My concentrator costs me four hundred dollars a month to rent it out, but I'm working something out with them right now since I no longer have insurance. If that doesn't go through, I'll go back to the place I got my wheelchair from and rent that concentrator they have for like fifty dollars a year.

Call everyone, even your local YWCA and see if they have any programs to help an elderly woman and give them your specifics. I've even been offered a weekly class for free on dealing with my disability stress. At one of the hospitals they have a special swimming pool for disabled people and I'm waiting to be notified of my SSD before I can apply to use the pool. Now remember, I'm the caregivee, not the caregiver, but I'm sure they'll have something for you as well. There are plenty of potlucks and meetings for caregivers in my community, you really just need to check around.

My AARP newsletter and the AARP site also had a ton of information about services available to me and my caregiving wife. Don't forget to give them a shout out.

[TruTexan]

OK, good news: My mom's state benefits have been reinstated as of today, but they are still working on reinstating ALL of her food stamp benefits like she had before in the special SNAP Cap program. Since I had to re-enroll her for Snap, they cut her food stamps down from 65 to 29 without the special program she was in. So, they are working on that part of the last thing to fix, and I Hope they can give them all back to her, she needs every bit of them she can qualify for under that program.The Bad News: My sister found out my mom's SSI check and Social Security check will both be late in December and the only thing on time will be her tiny VA check on the 1st of Dec. So, my sister took mom to walmart and got her some stuff she needed and I hope she went to the grocery store as well. I'll be helping mom with money come the 3rd of Dec when I get my own disability check so if she needs anything else, she wont be going without.
My younger sister and family are down from TN for Thanksgiving, and are staying at mom's so, no stress on me having them in my 1bdrm apt. I"m happy she was able to come down because we wouldn't get to see her for Christmas this year.

Dad is coming down day after Thanksgiving to stay with me for a week, that's a bit stressful, but I"m going to try and make the most of it, I haven't seen him in a few months and he's had another stint put in this past month. He's only got the upper part of his heart that works due to a major heart attack years ago causing the lower half not to pump. He is not that healthy with a bad heart, but he gets around ok. He's also diabetic and starting to lose his eyesight in his right eye he had surgery on it a couple years ago that didn't help any. I"m glad I get to see him and spend time with him. At anytime, he could have another major heart attack and I could lose him. I wish grandma was coming with him, but she's staying home and is going to enjoy her time alone from dad. She deserves it since dad can be a real pain in the ass to her.
Anywho, I hope all of you have a Happy Thanksgiving and are able to share it with loving family and friends.

[TruTexan]

I finally got my mom re-instated for her medicaid, medicare savings program, etc and still working on her Snap food stamps.....I just have to wait 48hrs to see if they are activated by then. By Jan.1, her Snap foodstamp benefits should be all on one card and not 2 because they had to do a supplement to make sure she gets her full amount she is due like she had before all this stuff got messed up. I'm glad the Congressman and State Senators for my district were able to assist in the matter and getting things going again. I'm grateful for their help. It's been very frustrating. My younger sister spoke to a head supervisor at social security and got them looking into the matter of the doubling of benefits to see if it's human error or computer issues. I also have my congressman and state rep. working to see if that is a nationwide problem. I hope it's not, if it is, man o man, it's affected thousands that are on SSI and VA widows benefits. I just hope it's fixed before Jan.1st so it doesn't happen again with the cola raises.

Hope everyone else is doing great !