VANILLA THREAD Who can initiate sex in your relationship? VANILLA THREAD - Page 2

iamkeri1 · 02-07-2012, 12:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LipstickLola

My first r/s was all about great communication and so we both freely initiated.
I'm sad, (embarrassed too) to say that I'm recently out of a r/s where I was always shut down, it really is tough on your self-esteem

I shoulda known the first time she wiped my lipstick off her mouth that I was in the wrong r/s, live and learn, eh?

Oh, did I say I have a healthy sex drive and am totally open to either person and unless i had a fever of umm 106, id never turn you down, LOL

Excuse me ... ahem! I would like to ask a question. I hate to admit I don't know what it means, but, oh well, I don't know what it is. What does r/s mean?
Smooches,
Keri

Gráinne · 02-07-2012, 12:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iamkeri1

Excuse me ... ahem! I would like to ask a question. I hate to admit I don't know what it means, but, oh well, I don't know what it is. What does r/s mean?
Smooches,
Keri

I think, relationship. I had the same question.

midwest chick · 02-07-2012, 12:31 AM

I'm one of those people that can express it without words...

I kiss the neck, run my fingers through the hair, and sigh while stretching, and FEEL it run through my body...if you have any intelligence or thought at all, you know what I want when I run my nipples up your back, and thrust my hips onto any available body part.

I've had lovers that were totally still when I did this, not because they wanted me to stop, but because they wanted more, but couldn't express it, and this bothered me. How could I tell what was pleasing to them, without verbally asking? They thought that to show desire was to show weakness, but when I show my desire, I think of it as a strength. We are all different(YAY) but similar, and all have some fear or baggage. I refuse to hide desire when I feel it for someone special, but will joke about it with a more casual relationship.

Do I want to initiate all the time----HELL to the NO! I want to feel desired, adored, cherished, loved, and even lusted after....and I want hym to feel that too, so I crave the moments when my neck is kissed in just the perfect way, hys voice drops to that growl, and hys hands tell me that it's time.

Verbally? I can say I want you, let's take a nap, or I want you, and not feel any negatives, but I can, and have said "doesn't matter, I brought my vibrator"

I prefer a 50/50, or 60/40, or 70/30, depending on day situation and time....flexibility is hotter, and sexier, than always the same.

Just sayin'....

both should show desire

AtLast · 02-07-2012, 06:32 AM

Either one in any manner chosen.

Okiebug61 · 02-07-2012, 06:50 AM

I'm a light butch and it is equal opportunity in our bedroom. We are both in our 50's now an frankly when the sparks are flying I'm not about to douse them out with a no. :-)

Stitch · 02-07-2012, 07:49 AM

I'm a boi

I love it when someone else initiates sex, or even just kisses me out of the blue. it makes me feel wanted and helps my confidence sometimes.
Also, sometimes I need it because I need to be hit with a 2x4 to figure out whether someone likes me or not.

However, if I am upset I hate it when she tries to initiate sex thinking that is going to cheer me up. It kind of makes me angry and I say no.
I would rather have someone just hug me and spend time with me instead.

OS Butch · 02-07-2012, 08:10 AM

I may be an Old School Butch, but I am perfectly ok with not always being responsible for initiating intimate times. Sometimes, being a senior, it may require a 2x4 to get my attention...other times a little kiss on my neck gets my little old motor going.

Gemme · 02-07-2012, 09:36 AM

I am femme and I like the flexibility in my relationships of either partner feeling comfortable enough to engage the other in any intimate endeavor.

It feeds both souls to know that not only are they still desirable and attractive to the other, but that they can give their partner what their partner wants and needs. That they are both the fuel and the fire to their partner. That's hot on a variety of levels.

LipstickLola · 02-07-2012, 03:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iamkeri1

Excuse me ... ahem! I would like to ask a question. I hate to admit I don't know what it means, but, oh well, I don't know what it is. What does r/s mean?
Smooches,
Keri

ohhh I sowwy

r/s=relationship
My apologies

AlexHunter · 03-02-2012, 03:09 AM

I am butch/genderqueer and I prefer when either partner initiates sex.

I will try to initiate sex when I'm turned on, but I would start to question my desirability and appeal to my partner if I was the one to initiate every time. There isn't much sexier to me than a hot femme showing me how much she wants me. At the same time, I have my moments where I am feeling devilish and scandalous beyond words and want to completely ravage my partner. So, both people initiating just makes sense.

Breathless · 03-02-2012, 04:15 AM

I am femme, and I have to say that I need it to be initiated by both partners.
I have a very high sex drive, in a previous relationship, I was the one who had to initiate all the time, and I began to feel resentful because of that. I was told no more often then yes. It begins to feel like you are trying to talk your lover into wanting you. Just not good.

However I do enjoy the initation And honestly, if I not in the mood at that second, give me a minute, if my partner is in the mood, I could never deny them affection and some good lovin

Tuff Stuff · 09-01-2015, 04:38 PM

I am a Butch,9 out of 10 times I initiate sex with strangers.With me and my gf its about 50/50.I usually tell her do you "wanna fuck?" or I press up against her from behind and grab her breasts..or I grab her ass.If i'm behind her and she bends over,oh its on

If I see cleavage,its on...if I just see her walk through that door,its ON!

If she's in the mood,of course *sigh*

JDeere · 09-04-2015, 08:38 PM

We both do. But more often it's her more then me and I am very okay with that.

pumpndude · 11-21-2016, 07:57 PM

I'm a ftm and like to initiate sex but its ok for a partner when in a relationship to also initiate it at times too...

easygoingfemme · 11-21-2016, 08:41 PM

I am femme. I prefer relationships where either partner can initiate (or say no-thank-you) to sex without it being a problem. I do prefer to be with someone who is a little more assertive than I am in initiating but not one who doesn't want me to also initiate. A healthy back and forth is a very good thing in my mind.

Deborah* · 10-03-2017, 11:45 PM

I believe both can initiate sex, that's just natural and honest in my opinion.

Deborah

02-07-2012, 06:50 AM	#25
Okiebug61 Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Light Butch Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Hitched to Red Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 1,528 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,261 Thanked 5,381 Times in 1,245 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I'm a light butch and it is equal opportunity in our bedroom. We are both in our 50's now an frankly when the sparks are flying I'm not about to douse them out with a no. :-) __________________ "Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawake." ~ Anatole France

02-07-2012, 07:49 AM	#26
Stitch Member How Do You Identify?: Sweetest Soft Butch you don't know yet Preferred Pronoun?: She, Hy, Relationship Status: Solo Artist Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Vancouver, Canada Posts: 191 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16 Thanked 305 Times in 111 Posts Rep Power: 2008423	I'm a boi I love it when someone else initiates sex, or even just kisses me out of the blue. it makes me feel wanted and helps my confidence sometimes. Also, sometimes I need it because I need to be hit with a 2x4 to figure out whether someone likes me or not. However, if I am upset I hate it when she tries to initiate sex thinking that is going to cheer me up. It kind of makes me angry and I say no. I would rather have someone just hug me and spend time with me instead. __________________ ~ Let me show you baby I'm a talented boi ~

02-07-2012, 08:10 AM	#27
OS Butch Member How Do You Identify?: Butch-BLW Preferred Pronoun?: Default-She Relationship Status: Closed Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Northern Virginia Posts: 636 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 488 Thanked 1,378 Times in 461 Posts Rep Power: 12988703	I may be an Old School Butch, but I am perfectly ok with not always being responsible for initiating intimate times. Sometimes, being a senior, it may require a 2x4 to get my attention...other times a little kiss on my neck gets my little old motor going. __________________ You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you. ~Tinkerbell~

02-07-2012, 09:36 AM	#28
Gemme Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?: She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The roads are narrow here Posts: 36,587 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 182,179 Thanked 108,763 Times in 25,659 Posts Rep Power: 21474887	I am femme and I like the flexibility in my relationships of either partner feeling comfortable enough to engage the other in any intimate endeavor. It feeds both souls to know that not only are they still desirable and attractive to the other, but that they can give their partner what their partner wants and needs. That they are both the fuel and the fire to their partner. That's hot on a variety of levels. __________________ Gemme's Journal I'm misunderestimated.

03-02-2012, 03:09 AM	#30
AlexHunter Member How Do You Identify?: With a greeting and a handshake, typically Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Houston, TX Posts: 150 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 469 Thanked 455 Times in 49 Posts Rep Power: 6000593	I am butch/genderqueer and I prefer when either partner initiates sex. I will try to initiate sex when I'm turned on, but I would start to question my desirability and appeal to my partner if I was the one to initiate every time. There isn't much sexier to me than a hot femme showing me how much she wants me. At the same time, I have my moments where I am feeling devilish and scandalous beyond words and want to completely ravage my partner. So, both people initiating just makes sense. __________________ Speak your mind even if your voice shakes. "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde

02-07-2012, 12:31 AM	#23
midwest chick Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: married Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: here. Posts: 398 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,201 Thanked 1,678 Times in 338 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	I'm one of those people that can express it without words... I kiss the neck, run my fingers through the hair, and sigh while stretching, and FEEL it run through my body...if you have any intelligence or thought at all, you know what I want when I run my nipples up your back, and thrust my hips onto any available body part. I've had lovers that were totally still when I did this, not because they wanted me to stop, but because they wanted more, but couldn't express it, and this bothered me. How could I tell what was pleasing to them, without verbally asking? They thought that to show desire was to show weakness, but when I show my desire, I think of it as a strength. We are all different(YAY) but similar, and all have some fear or baggage. I refuse to hide desire when I feel it for someone special, but will joke about it with a more casual relationship. Do I want to initiate all the time----HELL to the NO! I want to feel desired, adored, cherished, loved, and even lusted after....and I want hym to feel that too, so I crave the moments when my neck is kissed in just the perfect way, hys voice drops to that growl, and hys hands tell me that it's time. Verbally? I can say I want you, let's take a nap, or I want you, and not feel any negatives, but I can, and have said "doesn't matter, I brought my vibrator" I prefer a 50/50, or 60/40, or 70/30, depending on day situation and time....flexibility is hotter, and sexier, than always the same. Just sayin'.... both should show desire

02-07-2012, 06:32 AM	#24
AtLast Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Woman Preferred Pronoun?: HER - SHE Relationship Status: Relating Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: CA & AZ I'm a Snowbird Posts: 5,408 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,826 Thanked 10,830 Times in 3,200 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Either one in any manner chosen.

03-02-2012, 04:15 AM	#31
Breathless Brat Extraordinaire How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Happy Tournaments Won: 23 Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Alberta Canada Posts: 1,412 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,549 Thanked 4,101 Times in 958 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	I am femme, and I have to say that I need it to be initiated by both partners. I have a very high sex drive, in a previous relationship, I was the one who had to initiate all the time, and I began to feel resentful because of that. I was told no more often then yes. It begins to feel like you are trying to talk your lover into wanting you. Just not good. However I do enjoy the initation And honestly, if I not in the mood at that second, give me a minute, if my partner is in the mood, I could never deny them affection and some good lovin __________________ *BE the change you wish to see in the world. Gandhi*

09-01-2015, 04:38 PM	#32
Tuff Stuff Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Woman Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Married Join Date: May 2013 Location: California Posts: 695 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 904 Thanked 1,318 Times in 506 Posts Rep Power: 9408452	I am a Butch,9 out of 10 times I initiate sex with strangers.With me and my gf its about 50/50.I usually tell her do you "wanna fuck?" or I press up against her from behind and grab her breasts..or I grab her ass.If i'm behind her and she bends over,oh its on If I see cleavage,its on...if I just see her walk through that door,its ON! If she's in the mood,of course sigh

09-04-2015, 08:38 PM	#33
JDeere Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Transgender Preferred Pronoun?: He/him/his Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 17,752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 31,018 Thanked 28,871 Times in 9,718 Posts Rep Power: 21474863	We both do. But more often it's her more then me and I am very okay with that. __________________ Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. Albert Einstein

11-21-2016, 07:57 PM	#34
pumpndude Member How Do You Identify?: Good Guy Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Dec 2015 Location: Sonora, CA Posts: 108 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3 Thanked 211 Times in 70 Posts Rep Power: 1503250	I'm a ftm and like to initiate sex but its ok for a partner when in a relationship to also initiate it at times too... __________________ Everything Ending Is Also A Beginning We Just Don't Know It At The Time

11-21-2016, 08:41 PM	#35
easygoingfemme Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Lil' Miss Sassy Pants Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: My place by the river Posts: 3,377 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,732 Thanked 14,164 Times in 3,021 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	I am femme. I prefer relationships where either partner can initiate (or say no-thank-you) to sex without it being a problem. I do prefer to be with someone who is a little more assertive than I am in initiating but not one who doesn't want me to also initiate. A healthy back and forth is a very good thing in my mind.

10-03-2017, 11:45 PM	#36
Deborah* Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: single and not looking Join Date: Sep 2017 Location: Texas Posts: 354 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 304 Thanked 420 Times in 180 Posts Rep Power: 2658953	I believe both can initiate sex, that's just natural and honest in my opinion. Deborah