Have you met or know a psychopath/sociopath?

[Softly]

It's a very sad mental illness.

Run away and never look back. I dealt with threats of suicide, ruining my life, excessive lies and lost a shit ton of money all because I was in love. Its even more sad when you realize that they never loved you, only what you could do for them.

Thankfully, I came out of it on my feet and learned a huge lesson.

[Sun]

My first experience dating someone that I met online was a total mind F*** in that she lied about everything. The woman said that she was single, 10 years younger, was enslaved to her successful sister as the babysitter of her sisters 4 kids, when she was not flying for a major airline as a flight attendant. Here is where laws were broken and this went way overboard: she sent me pics of her babysitter who was an attractive 15 yr old, whom she had styled up to look mid 20's. Hair, makeup, clothing. Wow. It was a very amazing job. Law #2 broken: She rented a mailbox under her assumed name and accepted gifts from me. Fraud. Child endangerment. The list goes on. When I found out that she was actually married to a man and had 2 kids of her own I was floored, but she claimed to have been in an abusive relationship, depressed and suffering from borderline personality disorder so I fell for the excuses and tried to be forgiving. Mind you I was recently out of a long term relationship and really liked this woman so I bought the bait.


My one request of her was to get psych help and get on meds if needed because part of her lie was that she had been abducted as a child and molested. The story was elaborate, and she claimed that it was "all over the news" at the time. This was very much pre-internet and news archives are hard to access but I tried and found no such information regarding a high profile abduction at the time that she claimed that this occurred. I made excuses because I refused to believe that anyone would make up a story claiming to have been abducted and she gave me graphic details. The details included her cousin being raped. They were supposedly young girls. This same woman by the way freaked out over the concept of any Butch claiming to be a "Daddy" and having a "Daddy/girl" dynamic, so I suspected that there was some deep trauma there and as is my inherent style, I wanted to help. Ive since backed away from the "rescuer" mentality with the help of a good therapist and the CODA book.


I do not wish to trash this woman or speak ill of her nor do I wish to "out" her, but I must say that when she came clean with me I could not let go of the "abduction" fraud and asked only that she get some pysch help for what seemed to be obvious trauma. She promised to do so and then refused. I tried really hard to be forgiving and focus on what I saw as really important stuff such as her fun personality, and so many things that we had in common. But faking an abduction and molestation, as well as involving a teenager in her game went way beyond bored bisexual housewife playing in an AOL chatroom. This was emotionally terrifying to me on many levels. As I am not a Pscyh professional I will not assume to name the illness that this woman suffers from. Labels get tossed around too easily. I will say that this situation made me aware of how some married bi women struggle with identity and will do almost anything to find someone on the queer spectrum to connect with.

Many people have excuses for their behavior such as feeling trapped in a marriage and so on, but if a person truly has mental health issues and works on them, God bless them. Those that blame others for their behavior and refuse treatment seem like they are just potential loose cannons. They look for people who have big hearts and are compassionate, people who will listen and want to help. My advice to all is to proceed with caution and dont believe everything that you hear. See with your own eyes and believe with your own heart.

[musicman]

Oh, I know of one. nuff said.

[Sun]

Adding....the way that I learned that the "abduction & molestation" story was a fraud was that she told me "go ask my sister and she will tell you what happened". The sister is a PhD in education and I was hopeful that she and I could have a dialogue about how this woman suffered from the abduction. So I did. The sister looked at me and said "My sister is a pathological liar and needs to be hospitalized!!" she was in a rage. I was beyond humiliated. When I confronted the woman who I will refer to as "M" (no relationship to her real name" with this utter humiliation I was told that she only made the story up because she believed that my "ex partner" had invented a story about being molested just to keep me in the relationship. My mind was toasted. I did understand fully that I was dealing with some sort of mental illness, no idea what kind, but I was so devastated and sick over this that I could barely function. In my mind, detaching enough to invent a crime that so many people suffer from was unreal to me. Again, my denial kicked in and I had to find some justifiable way to make sense of this (co-dependent behavior to the max). It was as though I had found someone wonderful and then started to uncover so much deception that I did not want it to be real. When I shared this with a close friend her only response was "run". Humiliation is a form of abuse and while I do believe that M was humiliated as a child, as part of an abusive parent/child relationship, I had hoped that she would get help. M has 2 great kids that would never believe that their Mother was capable of this. The really scary part however is that when she spoke to me, justifying the abduction/molestation lie, she seemed emotionally detached.

Trauma is a fascinating thing in that any new trauma can bring up past trauma so I do have compassion for people that act out in trauma. M had a huge fear of losing me once she realized that I was much more than the booty call that she had logged online to find. The whole situation was very sad. Tragic even and it has impacted my ability to trust strangers. Today I am much more cautious and also very curious as to what could have been had she received good Psychological care as she had vowed to.

[NJFemmie]

What's interesting is - when you deal with someone like this - especially within a close intimate relationship - you start to question your own sanity. "How did you not see this coming? How could you let this happen? Why didn't you see the red flags?" They are so good at what they do, you don't see all of this until it's too late - then it all makes sense. They damage you, even when you think you aren't damaged at all.

[Scota_Parisi]

Interesting topic. Would have to say yes to that question. And the internet hasn't helped people stay safe either. But, I did find an interesting article on the net.

Really, pay attention the warning signs. The last one kinda caught me when I was at a serious low point, eventually I saw those flags.

http://www.drjoecarver.com/clients/4...ingLosers.html


The part that speaks volumes is here:

"The Loser" may have two distinct reputations - a group of individuals who will give you glowing reports and a group that will warn you that they are serious trouble. If you ask ten people about a new restaurant - five say it's wonderful and five say it's a hog pit - you clearly understand that there's some risk involved in eating there. "The Loser" may actually brag about their reputation as a "butt kicker", "womanizer", "hot temper" or "being crazy". They may tell you stories where other's have called them crazy or suggested that they receive professional help. Pay attention to the reputation. Reputation is the public perception of an individual's behavior. If the reputation has two sides, good and bad, your risk is high. You will be dealing with the bad side once the honeymoon is over in the relationship. With severe behavior problems, "The Loser" will be found to have almost no friends, just acquaintances. Emotionally healthy and moral individuals will not tolerate friendships with losers that treat others so badly. If you find yourself disliking the friends of "The Loser", it's because they operate the same way he or she does and you can see it in them.

[J. Mason]

Oh yeah I know of a few.

[T D]

Originally Posted by adorable

http://www.cix.co.uk/~klockstone/teleg.htm


http://www.cassiopaea.com/cassiopaea/psychopath.htm


These are a couple of interesting things that I've discovered in researching personality disorders. Some people say "Oh, I have the craziest mother!" in almost a cute way. I say it because I mean it. The woman is dangerous.

She was diagnosed at one point, as we were kicked out of mandated family therapy with a team of psychiatrists at one of the best teaching hospitals in the state. The things that she has done in her life, to her family and still today are just so unbelievable that people tend to actually NOT believe it. For the first time in our lives, professionals have SEEMED to catch on and something might be done before she kills someone again ( kills someone again - I wish that wasn't true. But it is - she has killed once already.)

It's only by actually interacting with her for more than a week, that you realize you are dealing with someone who is an expert manipulator devoid of true emotion. If you are invested with her at any level, it's impossible not to sense that something is very wrong. She has no friends, can't hold a job and carries herself like royalty.

I think that when we think of psychopaths we think of Ted Bundy or other serial killers. We don't think of the people we work with, live with or meet on the street. They usually appear normal and the only way you can tell is by the path of destruction left in their wake. They are expert cons, who lie when it's easier to tell the truth. They use people to their gain and people who believe them, they consider foolish/gullible. They have the ability to even pass lie detector tests.

My brother and I have always known that she was this way. She has done things and gotten away with things that are both horrific and shocking. When it seems like "FINALLY" she is going to be locked away forever - poof - she seems to walk away unscathed.

One of the more bizarre characteristics of psychopath's is that things that would normally cause people great angst, like homelessness, a horrible life event, major disease, ect. doesn't come with the emotion that you would expect. They are only able to parrot the emotion they think they should feel, they don't actually feel it. So it doesn't effect them the way it would you or I.

And there is no treatment. They are incapable of looking at themselves and blame everyone else for their problems, arrests, difficulty or situation. There is no medication because there is no chemical imbalance. Some psychiatrists say they simply have no soul.

The statistics I'm reading claim that one in nine or ten is a psychopath. So it's likely that we know one (or ARE one lol but if you have the ability to question yourself (I have read) that almost certainly disqualifies you.) I know that how I was raised screwed me up for life - I have had to learn social skills that other people take for granted. I married a psychopath at 17 and divorced shortly thereafter. Even after years of therapy, I lived a "sane" relationship with someone who was unmedicated and bipolar for several years. Insanity can seem normal to me. I have to constantly watch and question myself in a way that others don't need to.

I wonder if anyone else has had the experience of living with or knowing someone who is a psychopath/sociopath? (most psychiatrists consider the terms interchangeable.) I wonder if there is way to ever actually protect ourselves or defend from such an invisible threat?

Not only have I known people who fit this criteria, but I've also been involved with them.... Needless to say I'm now incredibly careful who I date, talk to, or befriend. It really shrunk my life in a lot of negative ways, which I find very sad.

Interesting topic!

[NJFemmie]

Originally Posted by Scota_Parisi

If the reputation has two sides, good and bad, your risk is high. You will be dealing with the bad side once the honeymoon is over in the relationship. With severe behavior problems, "The Loser" will be found to have almost no friends, just acquaintances. Emotionally healthy and moral individuals will not tolerate friendships with losers that treat others so badly. If you find yourself disliking the friends of "The Loser", it's because they operate the same way he or she does and you can see it in them.

One comment I'd like to make here is that it is not always possible to determine what type of relationship this "loser" has with other people right off the bat. Take for instance, the long distance relationship - where not being around this person makes it very easy for them to camouflage.

Most, if not all, "buy" their relationships in one form or another - and to the outside world - that is difficult to see until you are actually in it to see it. Those on the receiving end of this "buying" will claim that this person is "too nice" to be anything other than exemplary. Granted, they have a different investment in knowing this person than "you" (the sincere) would - which makes determining the healthy and moral individuals that surround them another hard call to make. They could be just as bad. "Birds of a feather...." It takes time to get to know them as well - and by then it's usually too late.

[Amber2010]

The person in my life that has this disorder is my oldest daughter. I saw it very early on in her life. I felt like there was always a tug a war with good and evil. I was always trying to get her to see the way things should be and she always took the path of destruction and pain. The Pathological liar that was in her. I started taking her to shrinks by the time she was 9 years old. After 6 months the doctor told me he did not see any lies coming from her. It must be me. She was that good. She ran away at 17 with a 26 year old and had a baby. I looked everywhere for her. Spent any time I wasn't working on the road with her picture and flyers and talked to law enforcement. When I finally found her I got to meet my little granddaughter. After a year of thinking well maybe she is finally at peace and happy my granddaughter started talking and was telling me things that were happening to her. She was being molested by my daughters boyfriend. I made the mistake of talking with my daughter of what I knew and sure enough she had the police at my place accusing me of doing it. As we all know in this case you are guilty until you can prove your Innocence. I did after spending everything I had on lawyers. I now realize I can not have this person in my life. She knows I am the only one who sees through her and she hates that. I will always love her but I must not let her hurt me or my other children ever again. It is the hardest thing I have ever done to let go. You want to be there and help always but sometimes you have to just put it in the Lords hands.

[Scorp]

I'm reading a lot of the posts and so many of these qualities/details are familiar with people I've encountered over the course of the years. Whether it be personally/professionally and even online. Sad, but true.

I think the human race in general have also encountered such observations.

Thankfully when I sense any of the above, I put my guard up. In the end my gut is always right and I'm glad I have that ability. I try and warn people about others who have such characteristics, but that can come off like it's "me" have a problem with those individuals and I may end up looking like a troublemaker. All I can do is say it once as a "heads up" and that's that. In time what usually happens is I'm told "you were right about so-in-so"...

I have a sibling who has always had technique of being manipulative and a habitual liar. I need to keep my distance because it's very unhealthy to be around and they cause drama and believe their own lies and try using reverse psychology and they constantly play victim to everything in their life. It's very draining and I have to be a certain way with them and it in their mind it may come off as though I'm naive. Let's just I absorb and observe everything and I'm smarter than that and know better. Never underestimate me.

[Massive]

In all honesty, one of my best friends is borderline sociopathic, and I wouldn't change him for the world, because he is open and honest about it with everyone, he is the sweetest guy I know, and he tries so hard to fight against it and he knows that when he has an episode to just take a step back and he does listen to friends who give advice and keep him calm and centred. I can say, hand on my heart, that I love him regardless of what he may have to deal with in his life, he's honest and nothing but sincere and genuine, I feel blessed having him in my life, he's part of my chosen Family and I would die for him, as he would for me.

[Scota_Parisi]

Originally Posted by Scorp

In the end my gut is always right and I'm glad I have that ability. I try and warn people about others who have such characteristics, but that can come off like it's "me" have a problem with those individuals and I may end up looking like a troublemaker. All I can do is say it once as a "heads up" and that's that. In time what usually happens is I'm told "you were right about so-in-so"....

The first time I encountered an individual who tried to warn me about someone, I laughed it off. At the time I was a whole 20 years wise into the world. The price I've paid for not listening, was a high one that almost cost me my sanity. For a long time life was hard.

Warning others, not an easy thing. They don't often listen. But I take heart, knowing that there are resources online.

People just need to know that they are out there. This one is pretty thorough:

http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html

At least knowing what the pitfalls are out there in the road, can always help a gal. Think of it as "defensive romance."

[always2late]

Oh I had a doozy of an experience with a sociopath! It happened several years ago and went on for years! It was one of the most insane episodes I have ever experienced in my life.

Several years ago, I was involved in a relationship (neither of the people I am speaking of are on this site). He met a woman and the two of them became friends...she was involved with someone else, and at first, I saw nothing amiss with the friendship. Shortly thereafter, she began complaining to him about her partner...that her partner was abusive etc..and it seemed like he was spending all his time dealing with her "crisis" (there was a new one every day). This made me uncomfortable, and I told him so. He swore nothing was going on with the two of them...that they were just friends. And SHE also sent me an email, stating that she respected our relationship, and valued him as a friend, and that I had nothing to worry about....famous last words, right? lol

Anyway, she broke up with her partner (who apparently had NO idea hy was "abusive" (according to her)..and was completely shocked when she left)...and that's when the fun really started! Of course, I found out that she and my partner were not just "friends"...that it had crossed the line into the inappropriate (she was sending him naked pictures right around the same time she was sending me those glowing emails about how she "respected" our relationship). Naturally, this was not wholly her doing...he shared in the blame, and I am not one to totally point the finger at the femme...it takes two to tango, right? So, I ended it with him. Now, none of this is all that uncommon I suppose. I am sure that there are many of us here that have experienced this or something like it in our lifetime. However, this is where the typical screwed up drama veered off into the insane.

He apparently did not want us to end, and therefore, would not commit to her. Her response to this was to go on the attack....against me. And this is where the sociopathic/psychotic behavior began. She invented other email profiles, and began sending him letters about my character...some of these letters were from femmes I had "wronged", others from the butches I was "cheating" on him with, and still others from well meaning folks just trying to "warn him" that I was no good. She created whole chats between me and these other "people" and sent them to him. She created text messages, supposedly sent to her from me, calling her all kinds of vile things (apparently I guess she assumed this would paint me in a very bad light as a horrible person...forgetting I guess, that I never had her phone number, and that all the texts she showed him were saved in her drafts). She also created emails from me to her along the same vein...using an email address I no longer used. She even claimed that she had a friend who was a "computer expert" and could verify that the emails came from my address (my home address that is).

This did not go on for weeks, or even months...this went on for years! I have no idea why she decided to target me when I was out of the picture. I can only assume that her hatred toward me was motivated by the fact that he wouldn't commit to her...and she saw me as the cause. In between the malicious emails and texts were the threats of suicide, the never-ending crisis to gain attention, the constant claims of "victimization" at my hands...it was totally and completely insane and I've never experienced anything quite like it in my life. In the intervening years, I have met other people who have had experiences with this same woman...and have found that she completely fits the profile of a sociopath...the lies, the malicious behavior, the adoption of varying personalities to fit the situation and/or person she is with....the list goes on and on. Fortunately, I am no longer the object of her "attention"...and can only hope that no one else is suffering the ill effects of her disorder.

[Softly]

Advice!

Keep everything!! Emails, pictures, texts, chat logs.
They sometimes pop up when they get bored and the more you have to go to the cops with the better.

Keep it forever. No joke.

[Quintease]

Originally Posted by Scota_Parisi

"The Loser" may have two distinct reputations - a group of individuals who will give you glowing reports and a group that will warn you that they are serious trouble. If you ask ten people about a new restaurant - five say it's wonderful and five say it's a hog pit - you clearly understand that there's some risk involved in eating there. "The Loser" may actually brag about their reputation as a "butt kicker", "womanizer", "hot temper" or "being crazy". They may tell you stories where other's have called them crazy or suggested that they receive professional help. Pay attention to the reputation. Reputation is the public perception of an individual's behavior. If the reputation has two sides, good and bad, your risk is high. You will be dealing with the bad side once the honeymoon is over in the relationship. With severe behavior problems, "The Loser" will be found to have almost no friends, just acquaintances. Emotionally healthy and moral individuals will not tolerate friendships with losers that treat others so badly. If you find yourself disliking the friends of "The Loser", it's because they operate the same way he or she does and you can see it in them.

I nearly choked on my coffee when I read this. Someone actually pointed this out to me when I first started dating my loser, only I ignored it. It did all seem very weird, so weird that I ignored it thinking there must be a perfectly rational explanation for it... which there WAS as it turned out

[Tawse]

You know... I didn't realize until I read this whole thread that I'd been involved with a psychopath...

I figured my closest run in was with the narcissistic mother - but nope. I've been duped by a psychopath as well... *shakes head. Thank god she's in the past.

[Reader]

The thing about most sociopaths, those with personality disorders or character disorders and the like is that they either do not know they are ill, or they know but are excellent liars without a conscience. They lie even to themselves.

As someone dear to me used to say "Crazy people don't know they're crazy. It's up to you to avoid them."

[Dominique]

Every time I see this thread pop up, I think Scott Peterson.

[Reader]

Originally Posted by Yellow band

Every time I see this thread pop up, I think Scott Peterson.

Yeah, and I think of OJ.