Getting Rid of Flippant Language : Check Yourselves Here

[Dragonfly]

I think that the word "whiner" can have a BIG negative result. I see when things are said about people in general "being like that" and how they are making a big To-Do about being a victim... it is harmful to the whole community. If the people you are representing when you use that word "whiner" are unable to recognize they are one, what good does it do for it to be said publically in the community forums?

What happens is a silencing in general, of people that you are probably not even talking about. No one wants to reach out for support and love if they worry that someone will label them a whiner. Psychologically speaking, a "whiner" has real feelings and are misunderstanding because they have been encouraged to feel free on these sites to be themself, share, and find acceptance and support here. Maybe they have no one to listen to them in the real world and I think the eye rolls can be "felt" if not seen.

Sometimes people are just uncomfortable and need to judge or be cold about that "whiner" person because they are just too tired to be a shoulder to another someone else. Some people may think if positive is the only type conversation then it will be a fun and pleasantly smiley place to be. But I saw that movie pleasantville. It wasn't real at all.... and it was NOT pleasant.

[Dragonfly]

Just because this was how I wanted to say it and I took myself to the red zone afterwards to make an angry rant. I regret that didn't help anything and was selfish of me. I was mad. And sad about what I was hearing/seeing. No excuse though. I still stand by what I said here.

[friskyfemme]

Originally Posted by WolfyOne

Great topic Medusa. I'm not usually one to use words that hurt others intentionally and rarely swear unless quite angry and provoked at that time. I wasn't raised around it and think there is little use for those words. I will say there is one word that will get me riled up in a heart beat and I will go off on the person that uses it around me. That word would be cunt and writing it here doesn't make me feel good, but if I didn't, you wouldn't know the word.

This word brings me to rage! I have a bad history related to hearing it and being called this word in a debilitating time of my life.

[friskyfemme]

Okay here is my 'offended by words' list.
(any word that slangs race, geographic orgin, religious belief or intellectual level / capacity, physical or mental disorders), asshole, bastard, bitch, cunt, fuck(er,'MF'), slut,
whore.

These are words heard/read recently. Most within this site. If you are willing to be educated and wish to be respectful take heed of what others feel/perceive as hurtful/offensive.

[friskyfemme]

Originally Posted by Bob

Not to make light of your condition, Just_G, but this is a good example of why it's impossible to speak in such a way that no one will ever be offended. Or, to use a more personal example, several years ago I was diagnosed with ADD. It annoys the living crap out of me (no offense to sentient crap intended) when people make silly remarks about ADD, about 'ooh, bright shiny' etc. They've got some sound-bite knowledge about it (ergo, none), and have no idea what the real experience of ADD is like (frequently, quite difficult and painful.) Be that as it may, it's an annoyance, not something that offends me. Because, after all, you can't LOOK at me at tell that I have it.

Using words that are clearly derogatory and directed at body parts, skin color, (obvious) mental handicaps and the like are used way too often by a lot of people who should know better. My theory? We're lazy and as a culture have become coarsened to certain types of language. (I'm so sick of hearing the word fuck and its derivatives used as a noun, verb, adjective, and gerund I could fuckin cut a bitch.) In Medusa's example of using 'pussy/bitch' around her femme friends and that being okay is no more so than blacks referring to themselves as niggas. The argument (which Medusa didn't make, I hasten to add) that it's somehow empowering, I think, is bullshit. I think it subconsciously reinforces negative stereotypes even within the groups that are 'taking back' the word(s) at issue.

I got off track here and can't find the rails. Nevermind.

Thanks Bob. (Not identifying you as this type of person).
I hear you that most of the time, people offend others with words out of ignorance. I use the word 'ignorance' as a lack of an understanding/awareness of misspeaks. We all grew up in our own community's rules, morals, language, and communication in which being apart of location, place in time, and in that social network , we knew exactly what was meant/intended by others' around us. But...PEOPLE, PEOPLE, PEOPLE!!!!!

Get a clue! If someone says they are offended by what I/You said, believe it! Apologize(unless it was intended, then shame on me/you, and shut up!). Use in the same forum 'public/private' they identified the offense. If you can't act as a responsible person, go away!

[Nat]

I did have a guy ask me not to use the word "bastard" because he was born without a dad and that word hurt him every single time he heard it. I managed to never use the word around him, but occasionally it still slips out. But then I think of him and regret saying it.

Words can hurt and I am more and more aware of that the older I get. I try to be respectful.

[AtLast]

[QUOTE=June;128651]Frisky. You just took away most of my vocabulary. Can you explain why asshole, fucker, bitch, cunt are problematic to you?

I get Bastard, (I still use it for special folks in my life) because of the origins of the word. Technically, my son is one because he was born out of wedlock 8^O however, when I used it, it has no reflection on the original meaning.

We have the capabilities with this software to make **** appear when people type certain words, but I wonder if that would be taking censorship too far?

For me, context means a lot:


QUOTE]



I find cunt extremely offensive, personally. Then, again, I don't much like any slang for female or male reproductive/sexual body parts. Just don't. On a website, however, I expect to see them used and I wouldn't react to usage overall, unless used to directly cut a person down (any person) or in a sexist manner. CONTEXT really does say a lot!!

I don't use foul language much in real-time. Just don't and I don't really have any kind of reason for this. Sure, If I whack a thumb with a hammer, f-u-c-k does come out of my mouth.

I also know that in my background, there was an unwritten code not to sound like the daughter of an uneducated immigrant garbage man... because that is what people expected of us.

Guess, I just try to understand what someone else migfht be feeling about certain terms and not use them here if they let me know it is offensive to them.

The key word for me in the title of the thread is flippant.... sometimes flippant gets old.

[Nat]

I curse like a sailor and I think part of that for me is the feeling of liberation from the good girl mold I still feel pressured to fit into.

But I think I'm gonna give up the foul language.

As I grow older, I am realizing that (for me) there is a correlation between respectful behavior and self-respect.

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by blush

"wife-beater" instead of tank top

Yeah, I've used this term, but I'm really trying to get it out of my vocabulary.

I really don't like this either. My oldest sister was with a wife-beating, cheating, alcoholic husband for 14 years and there is just not one redeeming quality about its usage to me. She left him, raised her kids (did not get one penny of child support and worked to provide for them even after remarriage, put all 3 through college/vocational school) and did remarry a great guy that loves and respects her and her kids.

Besides, some peeps look great in them and I just can't put that identification on them! My son has a great body and is a good man, husband and father. He (like most people) do not deserve to be having what they have on put in this context. Many peeps here do not deserve this, either!

[friskyfemme]

Originally Posted by June

Frisky. You just took away most of my vocabulary. Can you explain why asshole, fucker, bitch, cunt are problematic to you?

I get Bastard, (I still use it for special folks in my life) because of the origins of the word. Technically, my son is one because he was born out of wedlock 8^O however, when I used it, it has no reflection on the original meaning.

We have the capabilities with this software to make **** appear when people type certain words, but I wonder if that would be taking censorship too far?

For me, context means a lot:

That X, she's a real cunt <--- Bad
My cunt itches <--- Vulgar, but not offensive (for me)

I'd be very interested in hearing your thoughts on this

Ok, Here goes! Let me preface my response by saying all of these words have been directed toward me and my siblings in childhood by my father. Let's just say they weren't words of endearment. However, I have conditioned myself not to assume it is an intentional slur unless I have said so. I let others fight their own battles. But, I think awareness and intention are the keys for any social exchange. As in any situation, majority rules and the minority 'suck it up'. Determining which is which is the key!

[friskyfemme]

Originally Posted by Nat

I curse like a sailor and I think part of that for me is the feeling of liberation from the good girl mold I still feel pressured to fit into.

But I think I'm gonna give up the foul language.

As I grow older, I am realizing that (for me) there is a correlation between respectful behavior and self-respect.

I agree with you, Nat. I actually used most of the words I listed I find offensive before I became a mom over 40 yrs ago. It was somehow liberating and empowering for me too.

However, I finally realized, I was judged by how I expressed myself. I didn't want to pass that on to my kids. My own mom's strongest cuss words are 'shit and hell'. If she was that mad we knew to 'straighten up'.

Thanks for sharing.

[Nat]

I'm also trying to become more aware of my own able-ist language (metaphorical uses of blindness, hearing, standing, etc), and I'm trying separate/balance my moral and spiritual ideas from the concepts of light and dark because I think the correlation of lightness and whiteness with goodness and the correlation of darkness and blackness with evil or badness contribute (to some extent) to unconsciously perpetuated racism.

It's hard because both of these tendencies are built on a lifetime of interrelated, built-upon thoughts which are very much culturally re-enforced.

[friskyfemme]

Originally Posted by June

I do think it is fair to say that the "Majority Rules" when it comes to language on a site like this. For instance, if I was participating in a Theological site, or one geared towards parents or the participants were there primarily for support for illness, etc., I would think that we would all participate in a much different way. For me, when I am participating on this site, I often think of us as sitting at my table, and in real life, I am sometimes profane and even, vulgar. I do not however, think it's okay to use them against someone as a slur, here.

Hugs June,

The moderators and the members on this site do a good job of keeping things in check.
It is difficult sometimes to determine who is the majority because the one that is most vocal is often thought of as speaking for the majority if no one challenges them. If something is distasteful, hurtful, or a slur to someone, that person may not feel comfortable speaking up. So it goes.

[MsDemeanor]

I've developed a fondness for "asshat", which I often spell as "a$$hat" to bypass the profanity filters on some sites.

*wonders if a$$hat is offensive to milliners*

[Gemme]

I feel comfortable expressing myself in this medium as I see fit. As a result of that level of comfort, I often use profanity. Would I use that same profanity in the company of someone's grandmother? Um, no. Would I curse more if I were in the company of a bunch of sailors? No. If I were in a person's living room and I knew that s/he hated or had issues with a particular curse word, I would do my very best to avoid saying it. In someone else's world, I adapt. When someone is in my environment, I expect them to adapt to my preferences. If they can't, and it bothers me that much, then I am perfectly able and willing to show them the door.

In this medium, we're such a lovely mishmash of identities, genders, creeds, etc that it's like blending something in the blender. You have all of what you put into it, but the final result is something different, in all aspects. We all have to have a level of tolerance and acceptance when we log on here because some days we are the cursers and some days we are the squeaky cleans and those days can flip flop mighty quick.

[TruTexan]

BUMP BUMP BUMP

[JDeere]

I know this one word might be put in another thread but here goes:

Dyke, ohhh that word just irks me to the core

Retard why is that word even in existance anymore

Crazy as she is mentally messed up

Any thoughts?

[TruTexan]

for me I find the term Dyke to be offensive because I grew up being called DYKE by straight men yelling it at me meaning that they thought because I'm butch and look butch that I wanted to be a man and used in a very demeaning and derogatory way towards me and friends of mine when we were young. I'm 52 now and I still take it offensively if someone calls me a dyke. I know however that some other folks have reclaimed that word and are proud to be called a dyke and that it means something totally different to them, but for me, Don't.call.me.a.DYKE. period.
Anyone else who doesn't mind that term it's their choice, but I refuse to reclaim a derogatory word that was used towards me and be proud of it. Just my opinion.

Does anyone else have a word or words that they find offensive and other's don't? I see JD and I posted about the same time, and Yeah, don't call me crazy either I hate that word or the word Retard. Those words need to get gone from our vocabulary.

[Kobi]

Lesbians reclaimed the word dyke many decades ago. It isnt used much these days but it is a word of pride, identity, and recognition for me. Makes me smile. Havent run into anyone using it as a derogatory thing in years.

It irks me when anyone calls me "bro" even as a solidarity type thing. I am not a bro nor do I aspire to be a bro. It is insulting, demeaning, and derogatory to me.

[Angeltoes]

I used the word "gypped" all the time as a kid despite having a heritage that includes Romani people, otherwise known as "gypsies." When I was older I asked my grandparents why they never corrected me and they said, "it's just a word...you didn't mean anything bad." Personally, I think family members should let kids know how their words might sound to others, but I do agree that intention matters. For example, I've known straight girls who called everyone "bro." They weren't implying anything about gender or identity. It was just a habit for them. I might call a group of women "guys" like, "come on guys, let's go get a snow cone" Again, I may be a dork, but I'm not implying anything about gender or identity. it's just a speech habit.

I think "dyke" is a tough call since so many lesbians identify with that word. Yes, it's stupid to make assumptions or to go around randomly calling every lesbian a dyke. But we (the community) should also be sensitive to the fact that labels can be confusing. There has never been a time in history when people chose their own label based on sexual identity. Now gay women and transmen are almost expected to choose a label and make it known to the community. I don't mind conforming to that expectation. I consider myself to be a "queer femme" and I most definitely identify as a lesbian, but if someone makes an innocent mistake and calls me by another label, oh well. It's no big deal.

Of course, there are some words so loaded with historical baggage that they should never be used. But the constant censorship gets draining after awhile too. I think sometimes it's better to give people the freedom to show who they really are and what they're all about. That way we know who to avoid.