Coming out as trans

[Leigh]

This weekend I am embarking on probably the most scary part of My journey so far, and that is to come out to My parents as being transgender. I wrote My mom a fairly long letter this morning, coming out to her first before My dad because I know that she will love and support Me no matter what ........... however, I'm still prety scared about what their reaction is going to be. Its a pretty big subject to have to talk to them about, telling them both that instead of having to daughters that they actually have one daughter and one son.

I think My biggest overall concern is My 12 yr old sister, cheyenne, who is autistic. She only knows Me as her sister and she doesn't understand alot of things around her, as well as knowing that she doesn't respond well to change has Me concerned. Despite that, I am moving ahead with My plans to come out and then to transition .......... I already know that I wll be changing My name legally, take T (hopefully via injections) and then once I can afford it go for top surgery. I've explained all of this to My mom in her letter and will be sending it to her email tonight, so I'm nervous and scared but excited at the same time.

I guess My reason for staring this thread is to ask other FTM's (as well as My MTF sisters) about their coming out stories. How did each of you first come out? Who was it that you came out to? How did you find people reacted to the news? I'd love to hear about other's coming out stories, partly to get an idea of how people might react when I come out, but also mostly just to know that I am not alone in this first part of My journey.

I very much look forward to reading everyone's story

[Sachita]

I don't have a story but want to wish you the best of luck. I know how hard this must be, having dated trans years and years. Sometimes the first reaction is knee jerk and please be prepared for that. Don't react, act normal and then step away for a little while and let them process this. It might happen quickly, might take a long time and it might even happen in levels. The most important thing is that you spiritually ground yourself and stay centered. The reaction of loved ones can penetrate you like none other. Look at their point of view and be sensitive to what they are going through because ultimately they are concerned for your happiness and welfare. For instance if my grown son told me he was gay I would have a tinge of pain only because I know what a difficult journey it is even in todays times.

As they process call to say hello and do everything how you normally would. Over time they will see that you are still the same spirit and the child they've always loved.

I will pray for you and wish you the very best.

[Greyson]

Braedon, my best wishes and thoughts are with you. I have a few memorable moments of "coming out." Sometimes things went better then I anticipated, other times it was challenging for all involved. Initially when I first came out as a teenager, my entire family did not take it well. It took some time, tears, processing, getting kicked out of the family home and back again before there was some acceptance.

This may not be your story. Your family and the dynamic is unique to all of you. As for your baby sister, remember to let her know that no matter what, you will always love her and be her sibling. Change in everyone's life is inevitable. Good luck to you Braedon.

[Leigh]

Sachita ~ I truly appreciate the well wishes hun, its all going to help Me to feel better about whatever might come of My coming out

Greyson ~ I know that its going to be a long, hard road ahead of Me and that I should expect some (if not alot) of grief from certain people for My coming out. I already know atleast one friend that I will lose, as well as I know certain family members will probably disown Me but most family on both sides don't keep in touch anyways. Aside from that, I am doing what I need to do to be happy and if they cannot accept Me for who I am then I am sorry but I have to do this. Thank you for the well wishes, I will keep it close to Me while I begin the coming out process

[Linus]

Hey Braedon,

I came out to my family in a mass email. It was the best way to hit so many family members (we're kinda spread out between the US and Canada). The closest family members (my mom's relatives) were, for the most part, open and supportive even if they didn't understand it all. My grandmother was dead set against it and swore she'd never refer to me other than my birth name but still loved me.

A cousin of mine (were the same age) was very supportive. We have similar queer backgrounds and she said it made sense. An aunt of mine who is only a few years older than me was supportive enough to go to a support group to understand. She and my other aunt both said it would take some time to get used to (which I agree with since they've been used to calling me something one way for nearly 37 years -- at the time I came out).

My father and his wife never responded and seemed to have started to ignore me. This is kinda fine since we never were close and didn't meet until I was in my late teens. They are both lower case "c" conservative Christian types (he **LOVES** Harper and thinks he and Bush are awesome! --- that should tell you lots about him). It's kinda sad as I miss out on half of my family but..

As time has passed, things have changed. My aunt and her now-husband got married last summer and wanted to ask me to be their best man at their wedding. At this same wedding my grandmother called me by my chosen name. She looked at me and said, "you're happy.. that's all I ever need to know.".

Now, it hasn't been without other challenges. My half sister (my mom's second daughter) was born with a variety of aliments and mental challenges. As a result, my aunt (the oldest of my mom's siblings) asked that I not use my chosen name with my sister as she likely won't comprehend all this (she was born with schizophrenia and slight mental disability -- not quite Down's but close). This is something I respect and when I send gifts, I use my birth name. There are some battles that are ok to give up on because it doesn't affect me in the long run. I do know that I will never see her again in person because of the physical changes but I know that she is happy in her world and if she remembers me the way I was and is ok with that, then that's a good thing.

[alex k]

I waited til I was thirty seven before coming out to my family as trans tho most of my partners have known since i was seventeen. Only told mum and my brothers so far and they've all been great. One of my brothers said the only time he would have an issue is if i get hairier than he is

[Allison W]

I got lucky. When I came out, my family didn't approve at all, but they didn't outright reject me or throw me out or anything of the sort, and that I appreciate.

Though there was initial resistance--misunderstanding, anger, lack of concern, attempts to keep me from going through with it, etc.--when I actually did it, and my family was able to see that it really was for the better, they came around.

I can't say how your sister will take it (especially given her stated disability and difficulty with change), but I rather feared the reactions of my own younger brothers, whom I didn't get along with the best at the time. Strangely, they seemed to have the least trouble of anyone with it. Or, if they did, they didn't express it.

Good luck, Braedon. I hope your family is open-minded, and that any initial difficulty they have will be resolved once they see you come out the other side, new and improved.

[Jet]

Good luck Braedon. I know it's hard. I've already been in a fist fight with a bio male family member and disinherited just for my sexuality—let alone transition. I'll be glad to hear that your family receives this well—if not now—later. Keep us posted.

[Allison W]

Originally Posted by Ol' Jet

I've already been in a fist fight with a bio male family member

I hope you kicked his ass.

[Jet]

Originally Posted by Allison W

I hope you kicked his ass.

I started it because I punched him in the stomach for a remark he made. Then we ended up on the floor kicking and punching each other. This lasted for about 10 minutes until my aunt came home and broke it up. I have a terrible temper when it comes to these matters, and I will never go back home because of being TG. A couple of months ago, I came out to another aunt about being male. She was amazingly supportive and didn't bat an eye. I haven't decided how I will break things to the rest of my family.

[Allison W]

Originally Posted by Ol' Jet

I started it because I punched him in the stomach for a remark he made. Then we ended up on the floor kicking and punching each other. This lasted for about 10 minutes until my aunt came home and broke it up. I have a terrible temper when it comes to these matters, I will never go back home because of being TG.

I don't blame you. I can be rather temperamental about these matters, too--which is problematic, because some people think it's fair game for "friendly ribbing" when they really need to not go there.

[Jet]

Originally Posted by Allison W

I don't blame you. I can be rather temperamental about these matters, too--which is problematic, because some people think it's fair game for "friendly ribbing" when they really need to not go there.

I know. I've been known to start fights in restaurants because of some shitty comment or look. I've simmered down a lot in public now being older. But trust me when I tell you i dumped chili omelets on laps and grabbed one guy by the back of his hair so he would choke on his eggs. i am sick and tired of assholes.

[Allison W]

Originally Posted by Ol' Jet

I know. I've been known to start fights in restaurants because of some shitty comment or look. I've simmered down a lot in public now being older. But trust me when I tell you i dumped chili omelets on laps and grabbed one guy by the back of his hair so he would choke on his eggs. i am sick and tired of assholes.

This behaviour receives my seal of approval.

[Jet]

Originally Posted by Allison W

This behaviour receives my seal of approval.

well, i'm not proud of it at all. Let's just hope that Braedon has a much better time of being welcomed and accepted.

[Allison W]

Originally Posted by Ol' Jet

Let's just hope that Braedon has a much better time of being welcomed and accepted.

Agreed. (10chars, lol)

[Leigh]

Originally Posted by Linus

Hey Braedon,

I came out to my family in a mass email. It was the best way to hit so many family members (we're kinda spread out between the US and Canada). The closest family members (my mom's relatives) were, for the most part, open and supportive even if they didn't understand it all. My grandmother was dead set against it and swore she'd never refer to me other than my birth name but still loved me.

A cousin of mine (were the same age) was very supportive. We have similar queer backgrounds and she said it made sense. An aunt of mine who is only a few years older than me was supportive enough to go to a support group to understand. She and my other aunt both said it would take some time to get used to (which I agree with since they've been used to calling me something one way for nearly 37 years -- at the time I came out).

My father and his wife never responded and seemed to have started to ignore me. This is kinda fine since we never were close and didn't meet until I was in my late teens. They are both lower case "c" conservative Christian types (he **LOVES** Harper and thinks he and Bush are awesome! --- that should tell you lots about him). It's kinda sad as I miss out on half of my family but..

As time has passed, things have changed. My aunt and her now-husband got married last summer and wanted to ask me to be their best man at their wedding. At this same wedding my grandmother called me by my chosen name. She looked at me and said, "you're happy.. that's all I ever need to know.".

Now, it hasn't been without other challenges. My half sister (my mom's second daughter) was born with a variety of aliments and mental challenges. As a result, my aunt (the oldest of my mom's siblings) asked that I not use my chosen name with my sister as she likely won't comprehend all this (she was born with schizophrenia and slight mental disability -- not quite Down's but close). This is something I respect and when I send gifts, I use my birth name. There are some battles that are ok to give up on because it doesn't affect me in the long run. I do know that I will never see her again in person because of the physical changes but I know that she is happy in her world and if she remembers me the way I was and is ok with that, then that's a good thing.

This was a very good response, thank you Linus. Most of My family, on both My dad's and mom's side, really don't bother with us so I'm not really all that worried about whether or not they are okay with it. I have three cousins and one uncle that I still keep in vague touch with and I hope I don't lose them, but the rest its their loss if they can't accept Me. Where My sister is concerned, I would be devastated if I was told I could never see her again but I love her enough that if I had to I wouldn't however I hope that wouldn't be the case.

My dad and I have never really had a good relationship either; he is always comparing Me to others, calling Me down, telling Me that I'll never amount to anything etc so even though I admit that I would be abit upset if I didn't hear from him again I also know that in many ways I would be better off without that negative influence in My life. I can understand how your dad is just by him liking Harper and Bush, but I won't pass judgement on them just because I don't know them personally. I'm glad to hear that your coming out was for the most part positive, and I know that I will face many challenges bu I am ready to meet them head on

Originally Posted by alex k

I waited til I was thirty seven before coming out to my family as trans tho most of my partners have known since i was seventeen. Only told mum and my brothers so far and they've all been great. One of my brothers said the only time he would have an issue is if i get hairier than he is

I will be turning 30 next month, and part of My gift to Myself is coming out. I've pretty much known about Myself being trans for two years, but never felt that it was the right time to come out ......... now I feel its the right time. I've always done what others wanted Me to do and have not truly allowed Myself to live because I as always too afraid of what others thought of Me. I've now gotten to a point where I know that I can't keep being scared about what everyone else around Me thinks; this is My life and I need to start living it for Myself and not everyone else. I'm very much looking forward to beginning this new phase of My life, and I know that things can only improve from here

Originally Posted by Allison W

I got lucky. When I came out, my family didn't approve at all, but they didn't outright reject me or throw me out or anything of the sort, and that I appreciate.

Though there was initial resistance--misunderstanding, anger, lack of concern, attempts to keep me from going through with it, etc.--when I actually did it, and my family was able to see that it really was for the better, they came around.

I can't say how your sister will take it (especially given her stated disability and difficulty with change), but I rather feared the reactions of my own younger brothers, whom I didn't get along with the best at the time. Strangely, they seemed to have the least trouble of anyone with it. Or, if they did, they didn't express it.

Good luck, Braedon. I hope your family is open-minded, and that any initial difficulty they have will be resolved once they see you come out the other side, new and improved.

I don't know how My sister will take it either, since her type of autism doesn't allow her to really understand things happening around her. I have no doubt that she will still love Me no matter what as well as I know My mom will still love Me (she has always been very supportive of Me); the only person I'm most worried about is My father (we'll have to wait and see about that one). I will be coming out to My parents this weekend; I already told one of My closest friends yesterday and she said she'd love Me as a friend no matter what so that's atleast one positive response so far

Originally Posted by Ol' Jet

Good luck Braedon. I know it's hard. I've already been in a fist fight with a bio male family member and disinherited just for my sexuality—let alone transition. I'll be glad to hear that your family receives this well—if not now—later. Keep us posted.

I'm sorry to hear that you had such a hard time with that Jet, hopefully things will get abit easier for you as time goes on. I will definately keep everyone posted as things happen, both the good and the bad

Originally Posted by Ol' Jet

well, i'm not proud of it at all. Let's just hope that Braedon has a much better time of being welcomed and accepted.

I hope that I have an easier time being accepted and welcomed but if not, its still their loss ......... I will not stop being Myself for them or anyone else!!!

[Andrew, Jr.]

Braedon,

I wish you only the good things in life.

Love,
Andrew

[Leigh]

Thanks for the support Andrew, means alot coming for you bro

[Andrew, Jr.]

Braedon,

I think the world of you. I know what you are going thru. Just be yourself. You are a gift from God. A treasure. Never forget that.

Love,
Andrew

[Leigh]

Thanks bro, your a great friend and an even cooler guy