When a Femme meets a Butch... dating advice!

[ruffryder]

Originally Posted by JustJo

Yes, exactly this...especially if you're not sure if she's even a potential dating partner.

Here's the deal...even if she's absolutely straight, I've never heard of anyone objecting to "I've really enjoyed talking to you....would you like to go grab a coffee sometime?"

Once you're having that coffee you can have more conversation, and see if she's even dating potential for you, as well as a little more about her. If not, you may have set the stage for a friendship instead....and that's always a good thing too.

Nothing wrong with having friends! .. and my ex identified as straight and she took the initiative in getting to know me better since we were coworkers and it lead to more, a relationship of 3 years. So hey, you never know who may find you interesting or find you as a potential in their dating pool! It blew me away and then I was in bliss. haha.

[Rope]

And while we're on the subject of advice, Don't fuck where you make a buck.

SOOO not worth it.

[Dance-with-me]

Originally Posted by Rope

And while we're on the subject of advice, Don't fuck where you make a buck.

SOOO not worth it.

??!??!??

If you mean, don't get into a sexual or romantic relationship with someone who works where you do, then I completely agree -- I don't even like developing close friendships with co-workers because it just screws things up, and I would never date or get romantically or sexually involved with a coworker. But this is not a coworker.

And I wasn't asking for advise on fucking her, just trying to figure out how to "get this person alone for drinks, lunch, coffee, a walk down the street--[because otherwise I'm] not going to find out if they're single, interesting, crazy, date worthy, whatever" and yet since it's been probably 20 years since I've attempted to get someone alone for drinks, lunch, coffee, or a walk down the street, I was hoping for (and got from many others, thank you!!!) some advice on how to do this, considering that I don't know when I'm going to have any contact with her again.

[Electrocell]

Originally Posted by Dance-with-me

??!??!??

If you mean, don't get into a sexual or romantic relationship with someone who works where you do, then I completely agree -- I don't even like developing close friendships with co-workers because it just screws things up, and I would never date or get romantically or sexually involved with a coworker. But this is not a coworker.

And I wasn't asking for advise on fucking her, just trying to figure out how to "get this person alone for drinks, lunch, coffee, a walk down the street--[because otherwise I'm] not going to find out if they're single, interesting, crazy, date worthy, whatever" and yet since it's been probably 20 years since I've attempted to get someone alone for drinks, lunch, coffee, or a walk down the street, I was hoping for (and got from many others, thank you!!!) some advice on how to do this, considering that I don't know when I'm going to have any contact with her again.

You say that you are e-mailing her/hym right now why not slip in something like ----you wouldn't know any good butches out there looking for a good femme in one of the e-mails to see what kind of reaction you get. Not a face to face and if she says no then you got your answer but who knows it may lead to what you are looking for.

[Dance-with-me]

Originally Posted by Electrocell

You say that you are e-mailing her/hym right now why not slip in something like ----you wouldn't know any good butches out there looking for a good femme in one of the e-mails to see what kind of reaction you get. Not a face to face and if she says no then you got your answer but who knows it may lead to what you are looking for.

Well, I'm trying to slip in little personal stuff but I just couldn't realistically make the jump to asking that particularly question: it's just too personal and we haven't yet really established that personal questions are ok.

[Electrocell]

Originally Posted by Dance-with-me

Well, I'm trying to slip in little personal stuff but I just couldn't realistically make the jump to asking that particularly question: it's just too personal and we haven't yet really established that personal questions are ok.

Only time will tell then better not to rush into anything anyway. Do you know for a fact she is even gay? Try wearing earrings or necklace that shows you are see if that catches her attention.

[Dance-with-me]

Originally Posted by Electrocell

Only time will tell then better not to rush into anything anyway. Do you know for a fact she is even gay? Try wearing earrings or necklace that shows you are see if that catches her attention.

I did manage to fit that into the conversation, when she asked if I had any dogs, I replied yes, but when my ex closes on her house next month SHE was going to be taking them all because the pugs are HERS and HER granddaughter is bonded with the lab. So... yeah, she knows about me. So the next move is hers, I guess. Or I have to just be patient and wait for another opportunity to talk in person, whenever that might be.

[Electrocell]

Originally Posted by Dance-with-me

I did manage to fit that into the conversation, when she asked if I had any dogs, I replied yes, but when my ex closes on her house next month SHE was going to be taking them all because the pugs are HERS and HER granddaughter is bonded with the lab. So... yeah, she knows about me. So the next move is hers, I guess. Or I have to just be patient and wait for another opportunity to talk in person, whenever that might be.

Maybe she has already made her move lol think about it.Did she mention anything about her animals?

[Rope]

Sorry my bad- I thought you were co-workers.



Rope--

Originally Posted by Dance-with-me

??!??!??

If you mean, don't get into a sexual or romantic relationship with someone who works where you do, then I completely agree -- I don't even like developing close friendships with co-workers because it just screws things up, and I would never date or get romantically or sexually involved with a coworker. But this is not a coworker.

And I wasn't asking for advise on fucking her, just trying to figure out how to "get this person alone for drinks, lunch, coffee, a walk down the street--[because otherwise I'm] not going to find out if they're single, interesting, crazy, date worthy, whatever" and yet since it's been probably 20 years since I've attempted to get someone alone for drinks, lunch, coffee, or a walk down the street, I was hoping for (and got from many others, thank you!!!) some advice on how to do this, considering that I don't know when I'm going to have any contact with her again.

[Dance-with-me]

Saw her today right after work when I dropped some things off, briefly, no time to chat.

Went out early this evening to a popular spot loaded with lesbians (and one butch/femme couple friend of mine) this evening for just a bit, but she wasn't there and despite my friends encouraging me to stay, I just didn't feel like staying - I left because it was a little too crowded/loud for my mood, and I was hoping to maybe connect with some friends I thought were coming to town, but they didn't come and I didn't feel like going back.

So instead I went out to dinner solo and Easygoingfemme helped me muster the courage to send a short and to the point text asking if she'd like to do something because I'd enjoy getting to know her.

She texted back a little later. Yes. ::huge grin::

But the crazy thing is that she was at the same place I'd left earlier -- if I'd stayed just a bit longer, I would have run into her and could have just hung out and flirted with her instead of texting her.

But.... yes. We both agree that it's just some "getting to know you" time - not a date. Yet.

::grinning::

No plans set yet, but probably will do something this weekend or next week.

(Now, what the HELL do I WEAR for a notadate?!?)

Thank you for all of your ideas and encouragement!