What are your three non-negotiables (in a relationship)? - Page 10

Diablo · 06-23-2013, 06:27 PM

1. Honesty...all the time...all things..lack of trust is the root of all evil.

2. Respect....mutual respect is key...

3. Faithfulness....im not one for open relationships...i dont share.

Sweet Bliss · 06-23-2013, 08:15 PM

don't wipe your buggers on the furniture

bathe and perform dental hygiene BEFORE bedtime

have a regular income of your own

Soft*Silver · 06-23-2013, 11:20 PM

its been a couple years since this thread started and I posted my 12 must non negotiables (I got carried away..lol)

alot has happened in those years. Mostly, I have been away from some sad and hurtful relationships that influenced my posts. And thankfully, I have been in a wonderful happy relationship. And am about to be married to this person.

I have to say, being content in a relationships has made my list of non negotiables almost non existent. I mean, I wouldnt tolerate abuse of any kind, but I cant imagine being abused in any way by him.

I wouldnt want to get cheated on, but I would have to examine why he cheated and realize it was a symptom, not a character trait. I cant imagine him cheating on me. I could imagine him asking for a more open relationship...perhaps even poly. And in the past that might have been a deal breaker but not with him. Not now in my life.

Cleanliness is SO important. I gag over poor hygiene. But I dont worry about that with him. We meet each other's standards of hygiene very well. And when I have been sick, medically, with sugeries and looking my worst, he never flinched taking care of me and loving me.

I am just not sure what the non negotiables would be with us. I know what they have been with others...my list could have been alot longer than 12...but then, it has been narrowed down to....well...none.

its kinda nice not to have to put up defenses and stake out lines to be drawn...

this is so smooth...

imperfect_cupcake · 06-24-2013, 01:10 AM

in order of importance:

1) sarky, playful sense of humour - doesn't take things too seriously

2) kinky, higher sex drive

3) consistent with feelings, moody is fine as long as it's not shot at me, but I can't deal with being really into me for three weeks then weirdly distance for a week, then really intense for two, then distant for nine days... does my head in. At least a "I'm tired and need to slip off radar for a bit, see you in a few days" would be good and no four texts messages, two emails and a phone call every day during the "intense" phase. I know WAY too many people like this. I am a magnet for it.

CA_BabyCakes · 07-10-2013, 08:43 AM

1) Sense of humor a giant must!!!

2) Patience, im not always the easiest girl to deal with

3) Big boi physique! Im a big girl, don't wanna worry about hurting anyone

Genesis · 07-10-2013, 09:59 AM

My seven non-negotiables in a relationship are:

Integrity

Pro-active communication

Self-respect

Cheesy sense of humor

Live life to it's fullest potential

Love to dance, travel and learn new things

Versatility to know how to dance through life regardless of what blows come their way

I might edit later... but this is pretty solid for me....

Queenie · 07-10-2013, 10:37 AM

One: Humor I like them funny.

Two: knowing who Dr Who is. If you arent a nerd then you aren't for me.

Three: Loving my crazy family. My family means the world to me. You have to understand this and be willing to hear be bitch about them a lot.

Four: You cannot be pro-life or be born again in a shape or form nor can you want Jeb Bush or any other Bush to be the next president. Oh that one is a big one for me. I like em nice and liberal!

Five: If you and I were to ever have a kid. You do not in any way feel its normal to spank our kid. I had an ex that found it to be alright. Yeah and thats one of the many reason why hy is an ex.

Six: Your ex is your ex. I DO NOT need to know every single bit about them. Yeah that one has also happened to me.

Siren's Song · 07-14-2013, 05:37 PM

1. Emotional integrity.
2. Devoted to the process of evolving as a human being.
3. Has backbone.
4. Adventurous/S.E.X.Y.

batennisboy · 07-14-2013, 10:37 PM

1. Integrity
2. Sense of humor
3. Kindness

puddin' · 07-15-2013, 01:17 AM

non-smoker
honest as da day is long
can make a crock pot chili to die fo'...

Miss Scarlett · 07-15-2013, 05:00 AM

Honesty

Fidelity

Trust

Sweet Bliss · 07-15-2013, 05:44 AM

Ya gotta be able to laugh at yourself and be okay if I join you

Like my Little Mister, yes he is odd looking, get over it

Whatever happened with her, be over it please.

Miss Scarlett · 07-18-2013, 10:55 AM

3 more I require...

Emotional stability/maturity

Communication

Laughter

Gaige · 07-18-2013, 11:04 AM

be femme
love animals
be a mature, responsible adult

Sweet Bliss · 07-18-2013, 12:16 PM

Be able to travel with me would be nice

Play with clay with me (and other artsy stuff )

Be silly with me .... have a silly sweet side please

Well guess these are wishes .......

thedivahrrrself · 07-18-2013, 12:57 PM

Compassion for me and for others, nonjudgmental
An adventurous spirit
Intelligence, wit, and humour

QueenofSmirks · 07-20-2013, 10:09 AM

Encompass a superior work ethic

Contribute financially to the relationship

Communicate honestly

Butterbean · 07-20-2013, 11:52 AM

Be intelligent

Be funny

Have integrity

CherylNYC · 07-20-2013, 12:09 PM

While all the below are imperative, these two are the most important to any kind of human relationship with me:

(1)Trust. If you're a liar, or behave in a dishonourable way, or are given to meanness or sneak attacks, stay far away from me.

(2)Respect. If you are disrespectful towards me, or if you're in the habit of doing things that would lead me to lose respect for you, stay far away from me.

The other imperatives for a dating relationship, not in any order of importance are:

(3)A safe playing, dominant, sadistic butch leather top with a high sex drive.

(4)A butch who is either stone, or who will respect and be satisfied within my stonefemme boundaries.

(5)Someone who has her own income and is living within her means.

(6)Either a biker or motorcycle friendly.

(7)Smart and funny.

(8)Non-monogamous.

(9)Not politically conservative.

(10)Someone who is relatively local. She would have to live within a day's ride from NYC.

cinderella · 07-20-2013, 12:41 PM

Non-negotiables aka 'deal-breakers' for me would be a lot more then 3 things, but I'll try...
smoker

any substance abuse - this is a 'biggie'

lazy/unkempt/unambitious

And these are just starters. I would add that he would have to be very intelligent, witty/funny, a sense of fair play, honest, generous to a fault, and have an immense curiosity about life, and the world around us.

Oh, being an incurable romantic, a love for classic film and good music, would not hurt one bit!!

06-23-2013, 11:20 PM	#183
SoftSilver Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: rose cottage Posts: 5,502 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,428 Thanked 15,619 Times in 3,976 Posts Rep Power*: 21474856	its been a couple years since this thread started and I posted my 12 must non negotiables (I got carried away..lol) alot has happened in those years. Mostly, I have been away from some sad and hurtful relationships that influenced my posts. And thankfully, I have been in a wonderful happy relationship. And am about to be married to this person. I have to say, being content in a relationships has made my list of non negotiables almost non existent. I mean, I wouldnt tolerate abuse of any kind, but I cant imagine being abused in any way by him. I wouldnt want to get cheated on, but I would have to examine why he cheated and realize it was a symptom, not a character trait. I cant imagine him cheating on me. I could imagine him asking for a more open relationship...perhaps even poly. And in the past that might have been a deal breaker but not with him. Not now in my life. Cleanliness is SO important. I gag over poor hygiene. But I dont worry about that with him. We meet each other's standards of hygiene very well. And when I have been sick, medically, with sugeries and looking my worst, he never flinched taking care of me and loving me. I am just not sure what the non negotiables would be with us. I know what they have been with others...my list could have been alot longer than 12...but then, it has been narrowed down to....well...none. its kinda nice not to have to put up defenses and stake out lines to be drawn... this is so smooth... __________________ Pole bachit, a lis chuye. The field sees, the forest hears

06-24-2013, 01:10 AM	#184
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,727 Times in 1,613 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	in order of importance: 1) sarky, playful sense of humour - doesn't take things too seriously 2) kinky, higher sex drive 3) consistent with feelings, moody is fine as long as it's not shot at me, but I can't deal with being really into me for three weeks then weirdly distance for a week, then really intense for two, then distant for nine days... does my head in. At least a "I'm tired and need to slip off radar for a bit, see you in a few days" would be good and no four texts messages, two emails and a phone call every day during the "intense" phase. I know WAY too many people like this. I am a magnet for it. Last edited by imperfect_cupcake; 06-24-2013 at 01:13 AM.

07-10-2013, 10:37 AM	#187
Queenie Member How Do You Identify?: Queer Preferred Pronoun?: Her Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: East Finchley Posts: 752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 478 Thanked 1,891 Times in 523 Posts Rep Power: 16307163	My three non-negotiables in a relationship! One: Humor I like them funny. Two: knowing who Dr Who is. If you arent a nerd then you aren't for me. Three: Loving my crazy family. My family means the world to me. You have to understand this and be willing to hear be bitch about them a lot. Four: You cannot be pro-life or be born again in a shape or form nor can you want Jeb Bush or any other Bush to be the next president. Oh that one is a big one for me. I like em nice and liberal! Five: If you and I were to ever have a kid. You do not in any way feel its normal to spank our kid. I had an ex that found it to be alright. Yeah and thats one of the many reason why hy is an ex. Six: Your ex is your ex. I DO NOT need to know every single bit about them. Yeah that one has also happened to me.

07-14-2013, 05:37 PM	#188
Siren's Song Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Join Date: Jun 2013 Location: Deep at sea. Posts: 385 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 84 Thanked 168 Times in 62 Posts Rep Power: 1360610	3 plus one for me. 1. Emotional integrity. 2. Devoted to the process of evolving as a human being. 3. Has backbone. 4. Adventurous/S.E.X.Y. __________________ Life is the flower for which love is the honey.~Victor Hugo

07-15-2013, 01:17 AM	#190
puddin' Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: a genderqueer nuisance Preferred Pronoun?: bitchboi Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: new zealand Posts: 7,120 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,467 Thanked 7,973 Times in 2,344 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	non-smoker honest as da day is long can make a crock pot chili to die fo'... __________________ be true, be you, be brave.

06-23-2013, 06:27 PM	#181
Diablo Timed Out - Identity Issues How Do You Identify?: HUMAN Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Earth Posts: 843 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,128 Thanked 1,618 Times in 623 Posts Rep Power: 0	1. Honesty...all the time...all things..lack of trust is the root of all evil. 2. Respect....mutual respect is key... 3. Faithfulness....im not one for open relationships...i dont share.

06-23-2013, 08:15 PM	#182
Sweet Bliss Senior Member How Do You Identify?: I Am Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: solo Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: the Beach, Pacific side Posts: 4,160 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,354 Thanked 7,264 Times in 2,158 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	don't wipe your buggers on the furniture bathe and perform dental hygiene BEFORE bedtime have a regular income of your own

07-10-2013, 08:43 AM	#185
CA_BabyCakes Member How Do You Identify?: All Femme Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: \ Posts: 364 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 231 Thanked 1,174 Times in 282 Posts Rep Power: 7129096	1) Sense of humor a giant must!!! 2) Patience, im not always the easiest girl to deal with 3) Big boi physique! Im a big girl, don't wanna worry about hurting anyone

07-10-2013, 09:59 AM	#186
Genesis Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Femme on a varied spectrum/babygirl Preferred Pronoun?: she/her/hers Relationship Status: Loved ლ ⚢ Join Date: May 2013 Location: Devenir un avec l'immatérialité des étoiles... Posts: 9,392 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,594 Thanked 14,633 Times in 6,270 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	My seven non-negotiables in a relationship are: Integrity Pro-active communication Self-respect Cheesy sense of humor Live life to it's fullest potential Love to dance, travel and learn new things Versatility to know how to dance through life regardless of what blows come their way I might edit later... but this is pretty solid for me....

07-14-2013, 10:37 PM	#189
batennisboy Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Queer Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: In love with the fuzzy yellow objects of my affection. Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Bay Area, CA Posts: 82 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 284 Thanked 277 Times in 79 Posts Rep Power: 4135520	1. Integrity 2. Sense of humor 3. Kindness

07-15-2013, 05:00 AM	#191
Miss Scarlett Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: . Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: . Posts: 5,530 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,478 Thanked 12,949 Times in 3,419 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Honesty Fidelity Trust

07-15-2013, 05:44 AM	#192
Sweet Bliss Senior Member How Do You Identify?: I Am Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: solo Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: the Beach, Pacific side Posts: 4,160 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,354 Thanked 7,264 Times in 2,158 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Ya gotta be able to laugh at yourself and be okay if I join you Like my Little Mister, yes he is odd looking, get over it Whatever happened with her, be over it please.

07-18-2013, 10:55 AM	#193
Miss Scarlett Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: . Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: . Posts: 5,530 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,478 Thanked 12,949 Times in 3,419 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	3 more I require... Emotional stability/maturity Communication Laughter

07-18-2013, 11:04 AM	#194
Gaige Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Stone Butch Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: above my boots Posts: 2,097 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,649 Thanked 3,756 Times in 1,171 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Must... be femme love animals be a mature, responsible adult

07-18-2013, 12:16 PM	#195
Sweet Bliss Senior Member How Do You Identify?: I Am Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: solo Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: the Beach, Pacific side Posts: 4,160 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,354 Thanked 7,264 Times in 2,158 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Be able to travel with me would be nice Play with clay with me (and other artsy stuff ) Be silly with me .... have a silly sweet side please Well guess these are wishes .......

07-18-2013, 12:57 PM	#196
thedivahrrrself Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Queer Sapiosexual Femme Relationship Status: Mrs. Grumpy Cat Tournaments Won: 4 Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: 8,660 feet high in the Andes Posts: 2,640 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 10,519 Thanked 11,662 Times in 2,292 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Compassion for me and for others, nonjudgmental An adventurous spirit Intelligence, wit, and humour __________________ Small business owners around the world use microfinance to help expand their businesses and provide for their families. You can help! Click here to learn about Kiva.

07-20-2013, 10:09 AM	#197
QueenofSmirks Member How Do You Identify?: Just Me Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Relationship Status: Busy Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Phoenix - Valley of the Sun Posts: 1,429 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,010 Thanked 2,920 Times in 879 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Encompass a superior work ethic Contribute financially to the relationship Communicate honestly __________________ Stephanie "There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way." Christopher Morley

07-20-2013, 11:52 AM	#198
Butterbean Member How Do You Identify?: ---- Preferred Pronoun?: ---- Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: ----- Posts: 1,143 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,417 Thanked 2,220 Times in 772 Posts Rep Power: 17690475	Be intelligent Be funny Have integrity

07-20-2013, 12:09 PM	#199
CherylNYC Member How Do You Identify?: Stonefemme lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: I'm a woman. Behave accordingly. Relationship Status: Single, not looking. Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: NYC Posts: 1,467 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,474 Thanked 7,150 Times in 1,206 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	While all the below are imperative, these two are the most important to any kind of human relationship with me: (1)Trust. If you're a liar, or behave in a dishonourable way, or are given to meanness or sneak attacks, stay far away from me. (2)Respect. If you are disrespectful towards me, or if you're in the habit of doing things that would lead me to lose respect for you, stay far away from me. The other imperatives for a dating relationship, not in any order of importance are: (3)A safe playing, dominant, sadistic butch leather top with a high sex drive. (4)A butch who is either stone, or who will respect and be satisfied within my stonefemme boundaries. (5)Someone who has her own income and is living within her means. (6)Either a biker or motorcycle friendly. (7)Smart and funny. (8)Non-monogamous. (9)Not politically conservative. (10)Someone who is relatively local. She would have to live within a day's ride from NYC. __________________ Cheryl

07-20-2013, 12:41 PM	#200
cinderella Member How Do You Identify?: Pinky's mommy :) Preferred Pronoun?: Su Majestad Relationship Status: Happy with my puppy Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Pocono Mtns., Pa. Posts: 1,238 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4 Thanked 1,502 Times in 637 Posts Rep Power: 14266107	Only 3??? Oh boy...this is going to be hard! Non-negotiables aka 'deal-breakers' for me would be a lot more then 3 things, but I'll try... smoker any substance abuse - this is a 'biggie' lazy/unkempt/unambitious And these are just starters. I would add that he would have to be very intelligent, witty/funny, a sense of fair play, honest, generous to a fault, and have an immense curiosity about life, and the world around us. Oh, being an incurable romantic, a love for classic film and good music, would not hurt one bit!! __________________ Who needs reality when you have Turner Classic Movies!! The is an organ of fire.