How do you communicate when you're angry?

[Tuff Stuff]

Originally Posted by Sassy

But I guess mostly, I'm curious. How do some of you handle anger? Does anyone else out there have issues similar to either of ours? If so, how have you handled communication in relationships?

Listening is important in my relationship.I listen anytime she wants to talk,listen only,that's the trick for me and not try to fix 'it'.She's venting and my job is to listen.When i'm angry the last thing i want is to talk,i like to be alone and not get her involved.I won't bag doors or yell,that will disrupt the whole house.When i'm done figuring it all out she'll ask if i'm okay and I tell her yes,over and done.

[cinnamongrrl]

This is simple. I don't. I don't communicate when I'm angry. (or at least I shouldn't)
I get quiet...and I percolate. And if given the time to do such, I work it out in my head.
I live by the mantra, if it's not going to bother me a day/week/month from now...then let it go. BUT, it takes time for me to arrive at that logical conclusion.
When I'm angry/upset, I need time to diffuse...to come down from that place. I know it is the yin and yang of feeling ALL my emotions so intensely. But, I take the good with the bad. And there's far more good than bad. I just need to keep reminding myself of that...

[Happyfemme]

I don't get angry very often. When I do get angry I always try to get to the root of what is making me angry. I try to problem solve whatever the issue is by looking at myself. I never yell or scream in fact my voice becomes even calmer and softer as I work through the issue. I am always open to talking if the other person wants to talk. If the other person is not ready to talk I'm fine with that too. It always helps me if the other person simply says I know everything will be fine I just need to be quiet for now. If the person is not able to do that I'm ok with that too. I just feel a little better if they do say something like that.

[CA_BabyCakes]

Anger always turns into hurt for me. I'm a big talker, when I'm angry/hurt i have to keep talking until i feel better. This would probably annoy some people, but its the only way i can overcome things.

[Kätzchen]

When I'm upset or something causes me to feel angry, right as I am blowing all my 'gaskets' .... I think what describes me best is that I'm like a star that's dangling in the heavens, sparkling like a silent firecracker.

I become very quiet.


As much as I like to think that I'm listening to what's being said or to what is not being said, my process is sometimes circumvented by my own thinking processes that are trying to make sense out of what is upsetting me or causing me to feel angry. When this happens, most often I just quietly shut down.

[Greco]

Directly.


Greco

[Girl_On_Fire]

I think it's important to look at the cause of the anger. For example, if I'm angry about something that's going on in the world, I can get up on my soap box and be very passionate and opinionated. If I'm angry at something somebody said because I feel insulted, I might get quiet and just stare in disbelief because I can't speak. If you've triggered me, fear and pain is what leads to the anger and that can get ugly. I try to talk things out with people calmly and rationally but if I'm dealing with an unreasonable or uncaring person, I won't communicate with them unless I have no choice. If I have to communicate, there is a lot of swearing, hollering, crying, and irrational behavior. So, in other words, I don't communicate, I turn into a frightened, caged animal. Never good.

[Rockinonahigh]

I try very haard not to get to the point of anger,I would rather sitdaow then discus the issue and then work it out if anyway possable.On therare occasion I do get angry I just leave the room till the other party calmes down,I realise walkinh out of the room sets some folks off the wrong way but truely it's the best way to not get into a knock down chouting match wich I hate to be in.I grew up in a family that rarely had a kind word for each other unless they wanted something.When I had done my duity to my mother even then it took a while for me to compleatly getaway from all the b.s.At times I remeind myself I am nolonger in a negetive place....old scars are long in healing...I refuse to pass that pain to another.

[SirenManda]

I've noticed when I get angry, I go silent. I back away and physically get away from anyone who upset me. I can be very hurtful and tend to lash out when someone upsets me, I've learned this about myself and now I make space between myself and who ever theres tension with until I can emotionally calm down.

[MrSunshine]

It depends on the level of bullshit or jackassery I'm dealing with. If it's a big dose I am bound to explode. Which really has only happened at the V.A
fuck wits!

[traumaqueen]

Hulk smash!

[Gemme]

[CyberStud]

[Prudence]

If the anger is aimed at me.. to make me feel less than... I do the "well sorry you feel that way .. but Im sure Ive had worse said to me and about me by better people"

p.s. That usually leaves them with their mouth open as I walk out.

[bright_arrow]

It depends on the person, the topic at hand.

I've never been much of a physical person, or yelling. I shut down, I get quiet, I try to remove myself. Sometimes it builds up so much it is literally impossible for me to talk. Being continually confronted and pushed at this point, I start to seethe and detest the person pushing me on, particularly when they know how I react and try to keep me there without letting me walk out.

When it's quick irritation/dislike, I can be sarcastic and give off "vibes". If you can't pick up on what I clearly perceive as wrong, I likely won't say anything until some time has passed/we're not in that situation and then say "Hey, you know earlier? I didn't like ________".

If it's through text I will set it down and ignore it until I can settle my emotions and be kind without being snappy and aggressive.

If someone is quick to make a worse case scenario before they even clarify/inform me something is wrong, it triggers an instant F U attitude and I have to really repress it.

ETA: If all else fails, loud screaming rock music via headphones [no, seriously]. Quite likely with my head under a pillow or three.

[princessbelle]

Like most people who have posted, it depends...on a lot. As in; who, what, when, where and how.

But, i believe the wording is the key in this question and it is all about communication. If things can be communicated, generally, i've found two people, or more than two, or employers can at least agree to disagree. And with that communication MUST come listening and caring what the other person is trying to convey.

If communication does not work and things are still heated, after trying and trying and trying....I simply shut down, totally. No going back for me. When it gets to that point. I'm done either with the conversation, situation or people.

Case in point: I worked for a Nursing Agency for 14 years. I loved the job and the people i worked with and my patients. As time went on, they were more and more about the bottom line and less and less about patient care. Now, this is a not for profit agency, just to be clear. Either way though, even if had been for profit, the way they started treating their employees and patients was despicable. I became very angry. I talked to my boss. Then to my boss's boss. I had meetings. I wrote emails. I tried to communicate, but it was to no avail.

End of story, i took all i could take and when i was done. I was done. I walked away. Good news is this led me to the job of my dreams and i've never been happier.

Communicating when angry is hard. I believe gathering your wits, seeing things from all angles, regrouping and trying to communicate when things settle is most effective, regardless of the outcome. Listening being a major form of communication. And if all parties are not responsive to communication, either drop it if it's not that important, or do something about it.

[betruetoyoursoul]

....I am a person that tends to pick up emotions within a person and tension in all situations....My approach is to listen respectfully, share my perception of what I am hearing and ask for clarity , as I could be wrong.....I also tend to ask " What do you hear me saying?" ( in a tense situation) I can then clarify what my thought is and intention is/was if it has not been perceived/articulated in a way the other person heard me....I prefer not to sweep things under the carpet but to address things in a thoughtful way without degrading, yelling etc. and do a check in with the person....I have found this method to provide most often good results.....One of my personal boundaries is to never hit below the belt...... I tend to try not to provoke another person to anger...I would prefer a healthy conversation with respect....

[randrum]

I tend not to be real good at communicating when I'm angry. I have a habit of shutting down when I'm really angry. I need time to walk away, collect my thoughts, and come back to the topic with a level-headed, logical statement.

[oboejive]

I try to take some time to walk away from the situation to think, because I know that, when emotional, we all say things we don't mean. So, for me, letting myself just think things through before saying anything tends to help.

[homoe]

If someone is angry at me, I let them rave and rant and simply listen. When I'm mad however I tend to stay calm, take a deep breathe, gather my thoughts , and then hopefully convey in a civil manner my displeasure and the reason for it! I'm a cancer and it's often said "cancers don't get mad, they get even".