Negotiating Silence - Page 6

christie · 12-14-2009, 07:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

I struggle with this. I cannot figure out who is joking or who is threatening or who is asking a question. I find it confusing.

You might wanna check out this great thread:

http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/foru...+communication

Its all about online communication.

violaine · 07-29-2010, 12:06 AM

[QUOTE=NJFemmie;18678]I've witnessed "silencing" usually when someone tries to proclaim something as "wrong". Things may be wrong to (collectively speaking) you - but if you don't agree with something, find it useful or pertinent to YOU, it doesn't make it wrong for someone else.

I suppose it's human nature to attempt to convince others of one's own beliefs. The end result is usually silence or the feeling of alienation.

i have been looking through so many threads trying to find one on 'history', and instead, i keep stumbling across good topics.

i've noticed the same thing you are describing, and have wondered in situations why disagreeing is considered 'wrong' - or why is it 'wrong' to disagree? what if the word 'wrong' was switched to something else ?

AtLast · 07-29-2010, 03:10 AM

[quote=violaine;162771]

Quote:

Originally Posted by NJFemmie

I've witnessed "silencing" usually when someone tries to proclaim something as "wrong". Things may be wrong to (collectively speaking) you - but if you don't agree with something, find it useful or pertinent to YOU, it doesn't make it wrong for someone else.

I suppose it's human nature to attempt to convince others of one's own beliefs. The end result is usually silence or the feeling of alienation.

i have been looking through so many threads trying to find one on 'history', and instead, i keep stumbling across good topics.

i've noticed the same thing you are describing, and have wondered in situations why disagreeing is considered 'wrong' - or why is it 'wrong' to disagree? what if the word 'wrong' was switched to something else ?

It is odd to view disagreement as wrong. Thinking about putting negotiation into the mix and disagreement becomes a positive interaction. Sometimes I think people become silent because of fearing confrontation. Then, again, I have certainly known people in my life that simply want to be right and have no intention of communicating. Sometimes that is what it feels like online to me. A lot of grandstanding and not much in trying to understand what someone is expressing.

imperfect_cupcake · 07-29-2010, 01:00 PM

hmn. online is far different than in person. in person silencing happens - with me - if I perceive a threat. I will suddenly become very polite, cut the conversation short as possible and leave.

If I don't find it threatening, I'll mouth off.

On line... tbh, if I don't believe anyone will listen to what I have to say, my reasons, my logic, my experiences, and I think the people involved so far will only mock and belittle and dispute rather than honestly consider - rather than plan an articulate defence/forward demand/whatever - then I really can't be arsed. why should I waste my valuable time trying to engage, as far as I'm concerned, a bowl of screws and bolts? I might as well have an argument with my bathroom wall.

so when I stop talking is when I think others aren't listening. or aren't there to listen, discuss but merely to be right. I really honestly can't be arsed with that kind of stuff any more.

07-29-2010, 12:06 AM	#102
violaine Timed Out How Do You Identify?: atypical Preferred Pronoun?: plague words and phrases Relationship Status: love wise guys of the avian world Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: wekiva springs basin Posts: 3,236 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,934 Thanked 3,294 Times in 1,301 Posts Rep Power: 0	[QUOTE=NJFemmie;18678]I've witnessed "silencing" usually when someone tries to proclaim something as "wrong". Things may be wrong to (collectively speaking) you - but if you don't agree with something, find it useful or pertinent to YOU, it doesn't make it wrong for someone else. I suppose it's human nature to attempt to convince others of one's own beliefs. The end result is usually silence or the feeling of alienation. i have been looking through so many threads trying to find one on 'history', and instead, i keep stumbling across good topics. i've noticed the same thing you are describing, and have wondered in situations why disagreeing is considered 'wrong' - or why is it 'wrong' to disagree? what if the word 'wrong' was switched to something else ?

07-29-2010, 01:00 PM	#104
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,727 Times in 1,613 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	hmn. online is far different than in person. in person silencing happens - with me - if I perceive a threat. I will suddenly become very polite, cut the conversation short as possible and leave. If I don't find it threatening, I'll mouth off. On line... tbh, if I don't believe anyone will listen to what I have to say, my reasons, my logic, my experiences, and I think the people involved so far will only mock and belittle and dispute rather than honestly consider - rather than plan an articulate defence/forward demand/whatever - then I really can't be arsed. why should I waste my valuable time trying to engage, as far as I'm concerned, a bowl of screws and bolts? I might as well have an argument with my bathroom wall. so when I stop talking is when I think others aren't listening. or aren't there to listen, discuss but merely to be right. I really honestly can't be arsed with that kind of stuff any more.