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Old 02-13-2016, 08:38 PM   #21
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I'm very laid back! I tend to let things roll off my back and not take stuff to personally!
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Old 02-27-2016, 04:13 PM   #22
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I try hard to be PC or to say things in a diplomatic way. That said, I'm a Sagittarius and so I often speak before I think, and I can be blunt, which leads me to apologizing fairly often. I try to apologize if I notice offense; I rarely mean offense.

If someone offends me, I rarely say anything about it. Most of the time, it's not worth it to me. I am also rarely offended. I tend to be easy-going and just let stuff roll off my back. People have bad days, foul moods, etc.
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Old 03-28-2016, 07:49 PM   #23
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I am a thinker, that comes with it's benefits and it's drawbacks...one of the benefits is that I often think before I speak. So, when I do say something it has usually been run through my mind a zillion times so that I can say what I want to say in a constructive way...I rarely lash out...and in the heat of an argument if I can't think of something to say without hurt...I will leave and come back to it.

If someone should say something to me in a hurtful way...and it is meant to hurt me.....I shut down....and most likely won't contact them until they choose to contact me and then I will listen...being a communicator I try to surround myself with people who can communicate in a caring, thoughtful way.
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Old 11-24-2016, 05:02 PM   #24
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I heard this saying years ago, and I try to apply it in my life...before saying something to somebody, first determine these things...

Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? If these three things do not apply, say nothing.
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Old 11-24-2016, 05:49 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by introverted1 View Post
I heard this saying years ago, and I try to apply it in my life...before saying something to somebody, first determine these things...

Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? If these three things do not apply, say nothing.
This is an excellent saying I agree! Now if ONLY we lived in a perfect world where we could always practice this.
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Old 11-25-2016, 04:43 AM   #26
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Interesting post.

If I lash out with words they are deserved because for me like another poster I have already thought it through, so many different scenarios and given enough chances for that person to either back off, walk away or make effort to change.

I rarely use words when I do I'm fully aware of the damage I cause because of intuitive nature when I'm around people. Sometimes there is no going back if I have used words.

I'm fully aware of my ability to hurt with words and therefore I use silence as part of the arsenal. Silence is a communicator of high regard but very rarely used. Silence can say so much more than any words because it is felt more deeply.

I'm an analyser, insightful, tolerant person and a forgiver and this has meant that when people hurt me I don't allow them to see it. The only time they will see it is when I have walked away and I have walked even when I still love them.

I have been asked by two exes 'why' and though I said partial truths I still protect them because some hurts no matter how genuine the remorse over the hurt they remain with a person no matter how much they like to think it doesn't.

I have done this with friendships too for the same reasons.
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Old 11-25-2016, 10:12 AM   #27
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I do not think that I have ever thrown anything back at a person in anger that is something that they shared with me about their vulnerable self.

No attacks on their person, their hopes and dreams or something personal about themselves that they struggle with.

In short: no hits below the belt.

I have had it happen to me and they are the kind of things that I can never get out of my mind or my head.

I shut down if it is really hurtful.

It is a long-term behavior for me that I learned in childhood.

I can almost feel myself turning inward like a shell clamping down over my heart.

My recent ex did it so often, I wound up not being able to open my shell to her anymore.

I don't know if I have learned any lessons. I am working hard to understand what very early red flags are so I don't get sucked into something not good again.
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Old 11-25-2016, 10:58 AM   #28
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((((( anya ))))) i'm sry u had to deal w/ all that b/s ~ even tho I have never met you I can tell your awesome cover your butt on Valentines Day u need to heal lol arrow shots hurt ** rubs butt **
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Old 12-25-2016, 09:32 PM   #29
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Originally Posted by *Anya* View Post
I do not think that I have ever thrown anything back at a person in anger that is something that they shared with me about their vulnerable self.

No attacks on their person, their hopes and dreams or something personal about themselves that they struggle with.

In short: no hits below the belt.

I have had it happen to me and they are the kind of things that I can never get out of my mind or my head.

I shut down if it is really hurtful.

It is a long-term behavior for me that I learned in childhood.

I can almost feel myself turning inward like a shell clamping down over my heart.

My recent ex did it so often, I wound up not being able to open my shell to her anymore.

I don't know if I have learned any lessons. I am working hard to understand what very early red flags are so I don't get sucked into something not good again.

Anya, I think you've homed in on an integral aspect of personal and interpersonal communication.... the part where you mention that people step back from hitting below the belt, to stop attacking a another's dreams or hopes or any aspect of privately talked-about vulnerability.

That is a huge red flag, the person who attacks your character, your dreams hopes and desires.

The person who speaks to you while fully regarding your personhood? The person who is gentle, loving and kind? The person who does not need to destroy your confidence? Those types of people are the people who care about you, who won't put their pride above yours or let their pride dictate the process.

I think you should treat yourself kindly.
And, I hope the winter holidays bring you special memories.

Hang in there, ok?
Wishing you the very best!
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Old 12-25-2016, 10:26 PM   #30
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *Anya* View Post
I do not think that I have ever thrown anything back at a person in anger that is something that they shared with me about their vulnerable self.

No attacks on their person, their hopes and dreams or something personal about themselves that they struggle with.

In short: no hits below the belt.

I have had it happen to me and they are the kind of things that I can never get out of my mind or my head.

I shut down if it is really hurtful.

It is a long-term behavior for me that I learned in childhood.

I can almost feel myself turning inward like a shell clamping down over my heart.

My recent ex did it so often, I wound up not being able to open my shell to her anymore.

I don't know if I have learned any lessons. I am working hard to understand

what very early red flags are so I don't get sucked into something not good again.
I have been so fortunate in my life to have loved people that loved themselves enough to fight fair and not want to cause me pain. People that have respect for me, and truly want me to grow and be happy.

I say I have been fortunate, because people are very good at hiding their most unloveable/hate the world/want to make others feel the pain selves. Even if you know someone for several years, it is mostly a leap of faith when you partner with another person and open your heart.

You have proven once again that there is nothing wrong with you or your judgement. Despite (or because of) the abuse you suffered at the hands of your parents, despite the faithlessness of your long term ex, in spite of your most recent ex being cruel and unkind, you keep opening your heart and seeing the good that resides in most people.

You are not broken because you can love...you loved yourself enough to leave.
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Old 12-25-2016, 10:30 PM   #31
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kätzchen View Post
Anya, I think you've homed in on an integral aspect of personal and interpersonal communication.... the part where you mention that people step back from hitting below the belt, to stop attacking a another's dreams or hopes or any aspect of privately talked-about vulnerability.

That is a huge red flag, the person who attacks your character, your dreams hopes and desires.

The person who speaks to you while fully regarding your personhood? The person who is gentle, loving and kind? The person who does not need to destroy your confidence? Those types of people are the people who care about you, who won't put their pride above yours or let their pride dictate the process.

I think you should treat yourself kindly.
And, I hope the winter holidays bring you special memories.

Hang in there, ok?
Wishing you the very best!
I just sent you a pm that was meant for Anya...sorry!
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Old 10-01-2017, 05:01 PM   #32
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So this week has really be filled with drama. Maybe I should say that since meeting this person it has been.

She and I were close but not dating. I was a supportive friend. She began dating someone I gave congratulations and wish d them the best. Unfortunately it didn't last long really it was off but the other would threatened to harm themselves if she broke up with them.

She asked me to block the ex and I did. I didn't know her and really didn't want that BS in my life.

Well it has been ramping up the last month a d this week it really got to a jumping off place.

The ex started texting me from 4 different numbers with all kinds of garbage. I finally had my fill and let her have it.

Needless to say I lost a friend not because I let her have it but because I did as she asked. But she refused to see that.

I know ppl who r abusers can only NOT abuse for a short time and it will start again.

I didn't say anything negative about my friend don't get me wrong I wanted to. And I seriously doubt I will ever take anything back I said to on again off again gf.

What I regret is that I said anything at all to her to start with. It hurts that I was seeing her hurt so much and I wanted it to stop.

I know you can point out the trees but you can't make them see the forest
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