Making Peace with Exes

Daryn · 05-28-2010, 09:55 PM

Today I had lunch with an ex I have not seen in about 13 or 14 years. The break-up was a bitch, catty, ugly, etc. A few years back she called me at work. I thought she wanted to date again because of one thing she said and I was involved so I pretty much blew off any more conversations. I've been single again about a year and decided I wanted to see if we could just be friends. Googled and found a current email addy and sent a note. Eventually heard back.

It's all so odd why people get so bent when things are not working out. It wasn't working for me and communicating wasn't working either. We were stuck in our positions. And I was tired of it so I called it over and she wasn't ready to hear that.

A lot of time has passed. A lot of hard things have happened in both of our lives. But it was nice to just sit down, have lunch, talk, go for a walk after lunch, talk, and realize we could be friends. And I really hope that we do go kayaking a couple of times this summer.

I am also talking her into ditching the dash site and coming over here.

My last ex is still majorly pissed at me and it makes me sad since we were together for a long time by either of our standards. Today gave me hope that time may heal all things or not.....

bigbutchmistie · 05-28-2010, 10:30 PM

My last ex, my close friends know how bad of a break up it was, and how long we were together. Its funny, how we are friends now, and I look at her and wonder how we ever got to that place. I am good friends with her gf. As a matter of fact, I introduced my ex to the butch-femme dating site and that's how they met.

I enjoy our friendship now, and enjoy my friendship with her gf. I wouldnt trade it for anything in the world. For me it was difficult. But one thing I knew is that even though we werent meant to be, we both deserved to be happy.

Im very good friends with my first gf. We have been close for over ten years. Im good friends with another ex.

I by no means am perfect. I was just fortunate enough to be given the opportunity to be friends with the ones I made peace with. With the ones that stole a piece of my heart in friendship. I have no regets. Only sweet memories and learning experiences. They have taught me what I want and e not to accept anything less.

jey_z76 · 09-21-2010, 11:15 PM

I have tried to do the right thing, be the better person, and be civil or at least try to still be friends with my exes. Unfortunately, they never wanted to.... even though they were the ones who broke up with me! I have seen some of them out at clubs/bars that I was at and they would look at me like I was the bad guy in all of it. I have even gone as far as to text some of them on holidays and wish them the best of those days. I would always get a nasty response, like they thought I was trying to be sly with what I was saying. Even though it would say something like, Hope you have a great Thanksgiving.

The good thing about all this, is that at least I know I tried!

~J~

Tcountry · 09-22-2010, 01:47 AM

I think everyone has their own way of dealing with things...
It is my belief that if you don't wind up friends you probably didnt have that much in common to be great lovers anyway...I know it seems silly but it happens...
Some people are better off friends than lovers...
And some are better off learning that hard way that lovers was all it was...
But the best relationships start with friends and develop into lovers...

course that is the opinion of a cheezy hopeless romantic...what do I know!

Laerkin · 09-22-2010, 04:37 AM

I've been pretty lucky over the years with my exes.

My first boyfriend from high school was a dear friend of mine for many years after we broke up and I still care about him very much (though we lost touch and I haven't been able to find him in recent years).

The guy I lost my V-card to is a Facebook friend and we have stayed in touch over the years. We weren't great together at all, but he's interesting and we share similar politics so it's nice to touch base every once in a while.

My most recent ex, M, is a wonderful woman. She's funny and caring and has a huge heart. I wish we were closer than we are. There certainly aren't any hard feelings and our break-up was honest and timely. We've cross paths occasionally and we always enjoy catching up when we do see each other. Maybe down the road our paths will intersect again and we'll be friends.

Looking back, I think I've just been very lucky that the majority of my relationships ended at a point when both of us were ready to move on and, though painful or tear-filled, it was never nasty or hurtful.

Gemme · 09-22-2010, 05:12 PM

I haven't been fortunate enough to cultivate breaks ups that have easily mainstreamed into friendships. Some have found the way there, but it's been through time and patience, and there's been work put into each one. I do have hope that some other exes and I shall remain friends in time but I'm fully aware that it may never happen. All relationships take work and effort on the parts of all the participants, and if one isn't playing ball, then the game goes to Hell and gets called off.

chefhottie25 · 02-07-2011, 10:05 PM

some time ago an ex and i made peace...i am so glad that we did. i was struggling with addiction when we
were together. my using was too much for her. when i got clean a few years ago we reconnected. today we
are very close friends who love each other. we have found our love for each other is very strong. it isn't
romantic love but the kind of love that dear friends share. i am so grateful for what we have.

Luv · 02-07-2011, 10:09 PM

I only have contact with one of my ex's..despite all the hard feelings and hurt,,to all my ex's I wish you well and hope you find your own idea of happiness..life goes on,,and so should we..

05-28-2010, 09:55 PM	#1
Daryn Timed Out How Do You Identify?: genderqueer leaning male Preferred Pronoun?: he/ze Relationship Status: open to persuasion..... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: OR Posts: 185 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 209 Thanked 280 Times in 81 Posts Rep Power: 0	Making Peace with Exes Today I had lunch with an ex I have not seen in about 13 or 14 years. The break-up was a bitch, catty, ugly, etc. A few years back she called me at work. I thought she wanted to date again because of one thing she said and I was involved so I pretty much blew off any more conversations. I've been single again about a year and decided I wanted to see if we could just be friends. Googled and found a current email addy and sent a note. Eventually heard back. It's all so odd why people get so bent when things are not working out. It wasn't working for me and communicating wasn't working either. We were stuck in our positions. And I was tired of it so I called it over and she wasn't ready to hear that. A lot of time has passed. A lot of hard things have happened in both of our lives. But it was nice to just sit down, have lunch, talk, go for a walk after lunch, talk, and realize we could be friends. And I really hope that we do go kayaking a couple of times this summer. I am also talking her into ditching the dash site and coming over here. My last ex is still majorly pissed at me and it makes me sad since we were together for a long time by either of our standards. Today gave me hope that time may heal all things or not.....

09-21-2010, 11:15 PM	#3
jey_z76 Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Boi Preferred Pronoun?: I'm not picky Relationship Status: Still single Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Austin Posts: 28 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1 Thanked 17 Times in 8 Posts Rep Power: 14	I have tried to do the right thing, be the better person, and be civil or at least try to still be friends with my exes. Unfortunately, they never wanted to.... even though they were the ones who broke up with me! I have seen some of them out at clubs/bars that I was at and they would look at me like I was the bad guy in all of it. I have even gone as far as to text some of them on holidays and wish them the best of those days. I would always get a nasty response, like they thought I was trying to be sly with what I was saying. Even though it would say something like, Hope you have a great Thanksgiving. The good thing about all this, is that at least I know I tried! ~J~ __________________ *~ It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. ~*

09-22-2010, 01:47 AM	#4
Tcountry Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Country Boi Preferred Pronoun?: call it as u see it Relationship Status: Completely...complete ;) Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Either at the beach or in the pool Posts: 1,665 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,929 Thanked 4,287 Times in 1,181 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	I think everyone has their own way of dealing with things... It is my belief that if you don't wind up friends you probably didnt have that much in common to be great lovers anyway...I know it seems silly but it happens... Some people are better off friends than lovers... And some are better off learning that hard way that lovers was all it was... But the best relationships start with friends and develop into lovers... course that is the opinion of a cheezy hopeless romantic...what do I know! __________________ "You don't Find life worth living; You MAKE IT that way"

09-22-2010, 05:12 PM	#6
Gemme Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?: She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The roads are narrow here Posts: 36,587 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 182,195 Thanked 108,763 Times in 25,659 Posts Rep Power: 21474887	I haven't been fortunate enough to cultivate breaks ups that have easily mainstreamed into friendships. Some have found the way there, but it's been through time and patience, and there's been work put into each one. I do have hope that some other exes and I shall remain friends in time but I'm fully aware that it may never happen. All relationships take work and effort on the parts of all the participants, and if one isn't playing ball, then the game goes to Hell and gets called off. __________________ Gemme's Journal I'm misunderestimated.

05-28-2010, 10:30 PM	#2
bigbutchmistie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Since You Need A Label. Butch Relationship Status: Still Dreaming Of My Happily Ever After Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Arlington Texas Posts: 4,009 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,950 Thanked 5,364 Times in 1,941 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	My last ex, my close friends know how bad of a break up it was, and how long we were together. Its funny, how we are friends now, and I look at her and wonder how we ever got to that place. I am good friends with her gf. As a matter of fact, I introduced my ex to the butch-femme dating site and that's how they met. I enjoy our friendship now, and enjoy my friendship with her gf. I wouldnt trade it for anything in the world. For me it was difficult. But one thing I knew is that even though we werent meant to be, we both deserved to be happy. Im very good friends with my first gf. We have been close for over ten years. Im good friends with another ex. I by no means am perfect. I was just fortunate enough to be given the opportunity to be friends with the ones I made peace with. With the ones that stole a piece of my heart in friendship. I have no regets. Only sweet memories and learning experiences. They have taught me what I want and e not to accept anything less.

09-22-2010, 04:37 AM	#5
Laerkin Member How Do You Identify?: Girlie with a touch of bossy Preferred Pronoun?: She, but not hung up on the details Relationship Status: Parenting our furry family with SmoothButch Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Washington DC Posts: 385 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 772 Thanked 963 Times in 257 Posts Rep Power: 4366970	I've been pretty lucky over the years with my exes. My first boyfriend from high school was a dear friend of mine for many years after we broke up and I still care about him very much (though we lost touch and I haven't been able to find him in recent years). The guy I lost my V-card to is a Facebook friend and we have stayed in touch over the years. We weren't great together at all, but he's interesting and we share similar politics so it's nice to touch base every once in a while. My most recent ex, M, is a wonderful woman. She's funny and caring and has a huge heart. I wish we were closer than we are. There certainly aren't any hard feelings and our break-up was honest and timely. We've cross paths occasionally and we always enjoy catching up when we do see each other. Maybe down the road our paths will intersect again and we'll be friends. Looking back, I think I've just been very lucky that the majority of my relationships ended at a point when both of us were ready to move on and, though painful or tear-filled, it was never nasty or hurtful.

02-07-2011, 10:05 PM	#7
chefhottie25 Member How Do You Identify?: boi Preferred Pronoun?: hy Relationship Status: happily taken Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: ohio Posts: 1,406 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 26 Thanked 889 Times in 477 Posts Rep Power: 1175216	some time ago an ex and i made peace...i am so glad that we did. i was struggling with addiction when we were together. my using was too much for her. when i got clean a few years ago we reconnected. today we are very close friends who love each other. we have found our love for each other is very strong. it isn't romantic love but the kind of love that dear friends share. i am so grateful for what we have.

02-07-2011, 10:09 PM	#8
Luv Member How Do You Identify?: .... Relationship Status: .. Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: ..... Posts: 753 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,199 Thanked 1,216 Times in 366 Posts Rep Power: 12334991	I only have contact with one of my ex's..despite all the hard feelings and hurt,,to all my ex's I wish you well and hope you find your own idea of happiness..life goes on,,and so should we..