How do you communicate when you're angry?

[Rivkeh]

Originally Posted by Midnight

Ha! If I see you angry I'll keep my toes away from those heels!

...I don't get angry at just anyone

[Midnight]

Originally Posted by Rivkeh

...I don't get angry at just anyone

Good to know, but I think I'll still be wary Sunday :P

[sarahwho]

Hmmm, how to explain.

If it's my mother or my son, I yell. There is something about their personalities that makes my blood boil and I blow - like dropping nitro - boom!

At work.......I get super, super quiet. But I tend to have a bite to any comments I make for several hours. If pushed continually, I snap at them, and then leave so that I can cry. I always cry after I get mad, always!

Other people, I just shut up! I get super, super quiet and back off!

In a relationship, I tend to panic and get away from the situation as fast as possible until I "deem" it safe to return.

I guess I am a complicated person sometimes.....sigh.

[sylvie]

When i get angry about something, i step away from the situation or the person a bit and get myself back together.. i'm not a fighter, so for me i tend to figure it all out on the inside, and then i deal with the situation rationally, somehow.. if i can make peace or find forgiveness, that's what i work for..

But, if i can't, rather than stew in the stress or negativity of it, i will distance myself and move forward when that is possible.. But in terms of defending myself or the ones i love, then i will voice myself and then i'll shake it off, embrace the ones i love & defend and move forward..

i just don't have room in my life for anger, or dwelling on it.. i forgive easily in most instances.. Life is short.. And if i can't forgive it must be something big and probably is something i need to step away from altogether..

[Hollylane]

Never go to bed angry......

[scootebaby]

i prefer to be left alone until i can get things under control....sadly most ppl wanna just keep pushing and pushing til i lose my damn mind...yelling and screaming...storming off,slamming doors....its not a pretty site!

[bright_arrow]

More often than not I keep it to myself, and fume/huff/zone out while I cope with it.

Some things I need to hash over in my mind, others I will keep quiet but still continue with the hostile vibes.. very rarely do I come right out at that instant and bring it to the forefront. I stay quiet because I have to look it over and see, is it me and my mood today? Or was it something the other person should not have done?

Today is a good example. I woke up on the 'wrong side' of the bed + cramps + sore body from working out = grumpy bitch. Anything that I can ignore on a good day set me off in an instant. Loud/repetitive noises really grind on me and there are cases where I put on headphones or go in another room and read to try and curb my moodiness.

I think we all need our own "re-charge time", and if I spend all my time doing stuff without the occasional day in, pajama's, no need to go anywhere, I get frazzled. Eventually it builds until I snap

I don't want to speak entirely for my partner but I will say that hy has a temper, and when hy snaps hy gets loud. I do not respond well to people who do - I instantly shut down and look for the closest escape..however, there are the few instances where I get snarky passive-aggressive.. I will have to mull over it to see why there are the differences.

[RNguy]

I find the best way is to just say " honey I'm going to mow the grass and weed eat " that away I can mumble while the noise from the mower and weed eater drowns out what I mumble its a win win scenerio bc its thinking time for both girl and boi or boy . Boi or boy gets to sweat some energy . Girl gets to do whatever she does ( calls someone probably or turn on tlc or paints nails " I don't know I'm kidding there " ) but then when all is tame , then hopefully some loving gets done to make up - RNguy

[Lady Pamela]

I don't like to say things I will regret..soooo...I like to step away, clear my mind and come back later to discuss the issue.
But most people have a hard time honoring that.

[Sassy]

Hijacking my own thread 'cause I need somewhere to vent about the crazy.........
-----------------------------------

Just the facts:
In our home there are 2 bathrooms. Mine, which is the larger one that stays generally clean and presentable for company. And Hers, which is off the bedroom and I don't set foot in because she lives like a bachelor.

Set scene:
I'm on the couch, in pain with stomach cramps, doped up on percoset... I've been this way for 3 days. I'm in pain. I'm stoned. I'm one pitiful gal. Hair ain't been washed. Same PJs as I put on when I got home from the ER 2 days earlier, which is where I got the Percoset. I'm asleep. OK, more like comatose. I only wake up to dash to the bathroom. You see, I spent time at the ER in agony with stomach cramps because of stomach ulcers from stress. (Me? Stressed? Imagine that...) On top of that, the recent visit with family brought me into contact with my adorable, germ-toting nephews. So there's the scene. Pitiful, ulcer-having, stomach-bug sick me, on the couch, in a drug-induced coma....

Enter Significant Other:
Speaking in loud, short words as if she's ranting to an idiot child..... "IF YOU USE ALL OF THE TOILET PAPER YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO OPEN A NEW PACK AND PUT A NEW ROLL ON THE STAND. IT'S IN THE CLOSET. IN CASE YOU WEREN'T AWARE OF WHERE WE KEEP THE TOILET PAPER." *stomps off, (supposedly to now put the toilet paper on the fancy TP rack in MY bathroom... you know, the germ-infested room of doom that she never otherwise uses until today...)*

It took me a full 2 or 3 minutes to process what had just happened. And then I rolled over and closed my eyes again to endure more stomach cramps.

A few hours later I pointed out that she was a jerk. She grudgingly apologized for waking me up but continued to assert that she had cause to complain. (Huh?!)

[Trey339]

Its best to say nothing in anger,,,if you happen to find yourself there one day,,, walk away,,,keep your dignity and self respect,,, you can always say it later,,, but you cant take words back once theyre said

[mariamma]

Loudly. And I annunciate well in order that the listener may understand my words. Honestly, if I get to that point, you better make sure to listen well. If not, you might want to put some distance between us.

Badly.....

[pajama]

Usually with alot of expletives.

[*Anya*]

I work hard to verbalize how I am feeling and to be thoughtful about it. I can be reactive and do know this about myself so I am always paying attention to how I feel and to make sure I don't respond out of anger.

It makes it so much easier to have a partner that actually listens, evaluates what I have to say and does not become defensive.

When both involved do that, without defensiveness, resolution can occur and everyone feels heard.

I never hit below the belt, have power struggles or use knowlege of vulnerabilities as a weapon. That kind of ugliness will surely destroy a relationship and can never be forgiven.

Compromise is everything in a functional and loving relationship to me.

[JustJo]

I don't deal well with anger....not my own, and especially not that of others.

I can and will talk about anything...and I'm one that likes to actually understand and resolve and talk out an issue. For me, walking away and coming back to say all is fine....isn't fine...because nothing has been understood or resolved.

I will only scream and shout when I feel cornered or attacked. Generally, even when mad, I prefer to talk...although, if I'm really angry (or hurt) I will also be crying at the same time.

Now....when I'm angry at life, rather than a person....watch out. I have a mouth like a sailor, and have been known to raise a dinner plate over my head and launch it at the floor as hard as possible.

[Bard]

Desd was correct I do have a temper a bad one and when I was younger lets just say it got me into trouble. I try to keep in tightly controlled but as I get upset or angry I do tend to get louder. I can see this really effects Desd when this happens and that has been like a trigger for me showing me I am being stupid and I am causing her distress and a lot of times now it will make me stop and think cause I do not want her to feel like that. I try watch what I say because I KNOW to well words spoken in anger can never be taken back and I have far to many regrets. so I bottle and there are times I just have to go walk and decompress. in my worst days I would hit something inanimate and I have the scars to prove it. I also cry yeah and that has been used against me in the past so really if I am to that point I feel like a caged animal and I need to get away. I am also aware that I have a daughter who looks up to me and I want to be a good example yes there are times my ex her bio mom pushes my buttons big time but I have to control it. slowly I am finding my way I know that my anger and how I deal with it effects others and mostly the ones I love so I have to leash it

[Novelafemme]

Originally Posted by Hollylane

Never go to bed angry......

I used to swear by this, but as I get older and more in touch with the me that happens to process anger/issues/drama differently...I've come to accept that sometimes it's OK to go to bed angry.

When someone roars at me in anger (which really ever happens) I will 99.999% of the time retreat. It triggers old shit in my brain that signals a fight or flight response and only when physically threatened will I fight. My secondary response to being over-stimulated in such a manner is bizarre, but again, it's just me and I've come to accept it. I get very, VERY sleepy. I become like a little newborn who goes to sleep once you step foot into a busy grocery store. My brain just powers down and literally shuts off.

So, when things get heated I have learned that I need a little time and space before my brain can wrap itself around the situation. Otherwise, you'll find me curled up on the floor or in bed sound asleep.

If I get mad, I go for a walk. It always helps.

[adorable]

This is such an interesting thread. Anger is one of those things that for me, is not an emotion by itself, rather the combination of other emotions. Usually, based in some sort of fear and combined with something else. If I am angry, really angry, I get quiet. I am one of those people that doesn't act on it. Luckily, it's rare that I ever get angry about something.

No good ever comes from a place of anger. Being heated or upset is a different story. Actual anger is more of a demon where rational thought is lost. The older I get, the more I see everything as choices and feel less need for discussion. Normally, I am likely to say what I'm thinking right at the moment that I feel it. Not always such a great idea generally. In that moment though, it's what I happened to think. In anger, that would be the worst thing to ever do. There are times that not speaking is far better than talking things through. And I'm fond of just letting things go. Sometimes, you both just really had a bad day and it wasn't more or less or something to be read into.

When I feel the need to talk things through, because I like to analyze behavior, I generally need to cut that out. lol. No matter what I'm feeling, the best thing for me is to get quiet and sort myself out internally. When I am attempting (in a relationship) to get another person to talk to me, it's usually because I want to hear what they're thinking and change it to suit me. It's a control issue, not a discussion. One that keeps the focus off of me, where it should be. I spent several years with someone who was unable (which is different than unwilling) to discuss or process feelings at all. What I discovered was that it didn't matter. Honestly, how we feel at one moment can be entirely different then how we are going to feel tomorrow at the exact same time. Sleep alone changes things. I usually know (thank you therapy) immediately what I'm feeling and the best way for ME to process that. Everyone is different. My thinking that people process like I do isn't fair or true.

Anger is also fleeting. A feeling that passes, like all other feelings, AS LONG AS, I don't act on it. Unlike other feelings, it's one that by acting on it, will create more feelings. It's easy to go from a dust storm to a tornado and not know how you got there. I stop it when the dust starts to rise. It's not complicated for me. I just cut it out and don't go there. I can shut down completely. I have control over that today, that ability to chose when and where, which some people think is a bad thing. Not me. It also means that I can see it when it happens in someone else. For me, the worst thing is to be crowded. The more pressure, the more likely I'll withdraw. Most of us come around if we're left a lone for a while.

It's funny because I will say things like "I'm so mad right now," or "I hate this," or "This pisses me off," but only when I'm not angry, just upset. If I was angry someone would likely never know. Anger in myself is a place I take seriously. I talk in extremes generally because that is how I learned to talk, my feelings are not that way. I generally say "I hate" a lot which for some people is one of those words that is reserved for the lowest of the lowest of the lowest of everything. I use it to signify a more general dislike of something. As in, "I hate lemon meringue pie." (true story)

[Mr Nice Guy]

I get quiet. I dont yell unless I have to. I like to take the time to think my thoughts thru then I'll tell you why I'm mad.