Can a poly/mono work?

LoyalWolfsBlade · 09-21-2016, 01:10 AM

Way back when I first posted in this thread I believe I stated something along the lines of.
It would depend on the type of Poly relationship and frankly the type of person the "mono" individual is. For in my experience there are about as many different types of Poly, many different types of Poly Homes and even Leather Homes.
None of that matters without 100% open communication among all parties from the first that continues. As others have said I don't think jealousy is what could end it. Not if all involved are communicating needs, if all want the relationship, and in my opinion people are either hard wired to be Poly or to be Mono. Every relationship takes works sometimes question is are you and the others willing to do the gut wrenching wrok that may pop up.
Why turn away a chance from being happy unless of course you know you won't be happy.

JDeere · 09-26-2016, 06:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoyalWolfsBlade

Way back when I first posted in this thread I believe I stated something along the lines of.
It would depend on the type of Poly relationship and frankly the type of person the "mono" individual is. For in my experience there are about as many different types of Poly, many different types of Poly Homes and even Leather Homes.
None of that matters without 100% open communication among all parties from the first that continues. As others have said I don't think jealousy is what could end it. Not if all involved are communicating needs, if all want the relationship, and in my opinion people are either hard wired to be Poly or to be Mono. Every relationship takes works sometimes question is are you and the others willing to do the gut wrenching wrok that may pop up.
Why turn away a chance from being happy unless of course you know you won't be happy.

Taking a chance could be the best thing some folks ever do for themselves and their relationships.

kittygrrl · 09-26-2016, 06:48 PM

I don't agree that jealousy doesn't play a role in couples splitting. It is a symptom of issues in the relationship. Jealousy is alive and well in most of us. We all want to be cherished and poly play can make you feel less then-unless you live in SF then it's just same ole, same ole

JDeere · 09-26-2016, 07:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

I don't agree that jealousy doesn't play a role in couples splitting. It is a symptom of issues in the relationship. Jealousy is alive and well in most of us. We all want to be cherished and poly play can make you feel less then-unless you live in SF then it's just same ole, same ole

Jealousy happens in any relationship, poly or not.

kittygrrl · 09-26-2016, 07:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JDeere

Jealousy happens in any relationship, poly or not.

i'm not sure about that, it really depends, it shouldn't be a given.

JDeere · 09-26-2016, 07:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

i'm not sure about that, it really depends, it shouldn't be a given.

I'm just pointing out that it can happen in any relationship that isn't poly/mono.

Bubala · 09-26-2016, 07:54 PM

It depends on the people involved and the nature of their wants, their needs and their agreements. Every relationship is different in so many ways on so many levels, layers can be endless. Ultimately, in life, everything comes down to mutual respect and honesty (with ourselves and the rest of the world).

Tuff Stuff · 10-27-2017, 06:12 AM

So far it's worked for us.I could never fuck only one person for the rest of my life.That's the hard truth about me.
But when i'm in love, I can only love one.
I guess you figured it out that I don't do mono,oh gawd no.
She knew this about me way before we married.As long as it's not brought into our home(the people,the person)then she has no problem with it.One night stands she doesn't want to hear about,but with my regular fuck buddies..she's all ears.

When I'm out in public with her,my attention is all hers,i never flirt with others around her,because believe me,i will not hear the end of it.But she flirts all the time with others,and I like it.

She is mono and truthfully I prefer it like that.If she told me tomorrow she'd like to have a one night stand,or a friend with benefits(gulp)..see, already I'm having a problem with it.

I'm not a person who keeps tabs on people I love,they are their own entity.I'm not calling my wife every minute of the day and she doesn't do the same to me.I trust her not to go behind my back.

She tells me she can only love one person at a time spiritually,mentally,physically.To me, love is different from sex.. sex does not equal love in my book.

You have to keep communication open and honest.

LoyalWolfsBlade · 09-26-2016, 08:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JDeere

Taking a chance could be the best thing some folks ever do for themselves and their relationships.

Oh agreed but it could also be a ticking time bomb waiting for just that right moment. In my opinion you should prepare for both to minmize any damage. Just a thought.
Alix or al

JDeere · 09-26-2016, 09:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoyalWolfsBlade

Oh agreed but it could also be a ticking time bomb waiting for just that right moment. In my opinion you should prepare for both to minmize any damage. Just a thought.
Alix or al

Right, there are always risks and preparations are a good thing just in case.

JDeere · 10-31-2016, 10:23 PM

Bump bump.....

Tiffany Aching · 11-07-2016, 06:19 PM

In MY experience, yes.

I am polyamorous, and for the last 16 years I have only been with monogamous people. It was/are always committed long term relationships, and people I have been with and am with knew from the start my situation - it just happens that they were/are mono.

Honesty, communication and transparency and mutual respect were and are the keys for me and my partners.

JDeere · 11-07-2016, 08:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tiffany Aching

In MY experience, yes.

I am polyamorous, and for the last 16 years I have only been with monogamous people. It was/are always committed long term relationships, and people I have been with and am with knew from the start my situation - it just happens that they were/are mono.

Honesty, communication and transparency and mutual respect were and are the keys for me and my partners.

What about if one partner becomes controlling with the main partner, while the main partner becomes dependent on the controlling partner?

I'm the one partner in this poly mono deal that isn't controlling or dependent but this is what I'm dealing with in my current situation.

09-21-2016, 01:10 AM	#1
LoyalWolfsBlade Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Pre-Op FtM, Preferred Pronoun?: Masculine ones plz Relationship Status: Single but haven't given up on finding the One Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: I gaze upon the same moon as you do Posts: 3,827 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,214 Thanked 9,646 Times in 3,123 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Way back when I first posted in this thread I believe I stated something along the lines of. It would depend on the type of Poly relationship and frankly the type of person the "mono" individual is. For in my experience there are about as many different types of Poly, many different types of Poly Homes and even Leather Homes. None of that matters without 100% open communication among all parties from the first that continues. As others have said I don't think jealousy is what could end it. Not if all involved are communicating needs, if all want the relationship, and in my opinion people are either hard wired to be Poly or to be Mono. Every relationship takes works sometimes question is are you and the others willing to do the gut wrenching wrok that may pop up. Why turn away a chance from being happy unless of course you know you won't be happy. __________________ Life should never be stagnant hence my quest for new knowledge will continue until my last breath. Wolf

09-26-2016, 06:48 PM	#3
kittygrrl Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: her poison apple Preferred Pronoun?: b. grrl Relationship Status: xoxo Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: wrapped in a shawl Posts: 8,831 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 21,390 Thanked 21,402 Times in 6,744 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	I don't agree that jealousy doesn't play a role in couples splitting. It is a symptom of issues in the relationship. Jealousy is alive and well in most of us. We all want to be cherished and poly play can make you feel less then-unless you live in SF then it's just same ole, same ole __________________ "All cruelty springs from weakness" Seneca

09-26-2016, 07:54 PM	#7
Bubala Member How Do You Identify?: Lady Sunflower Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Join Date: Dec 2015 Location: San Fran Posts: 844 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 463 Thanked 1,669 Times in 615 Posts Rep Power: 9338275	It depends on the people involved and the nature of their wants, their needs and their agreements. Every relationship is different in so many ways on so many levels, layers can be endless. Ultimately, in life, everything comes down to mutual respect and honesty (with ourselves and the rest of the world). __________________ When life turns its back on you....grab its ass

10-31-2016, 10:23 PM	#11
JDeere Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Transgender Preferred Pronoun?: He/him/his Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 17,752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 31,018 Thanked 28,871 Times in 9,718 Posts Rep Power: 21474863	Bump bump..... __________________ Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. Albert Einstein

10-27-2017, 06:12 AM	#8
Tuff Stuff Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Woman Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Married Join Date: May 2013 Location: California Posts: 695 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 904 Thanked 1,318 Times in 506 Posts Rep Power: 9408452	So far it's worked for us.I could never fuck only one person for the rest of my life.That's the hard truth about me. But when i'm in love, I can only love one. I guess you figured it out that I don't do mono,oh gawd no. She knew this about me way before we married.As long as it's not brought into our home(the people,the person)then she has no problem with it.One night stands she doesn't want to hear about,but with my regular fuck buddies..she's all ears. When I'm out in public with her,my attention is all hers,i never flirt with others around her,because believe me,i will not hear the end of it.But she flirts all the time with others,and I like it. She is mono and truthfully I prefer it like that.If she told me tomorrow she'd like to have a one night stand,or a friend with benefits(gulp)..see, already I'm having a problem with it. I'm not a person who keeps tabs on people I love,they are their own entity.I'm not calling my wife every minute of the day and she doesn't do the same to me.I trust her not to go behind my back. She tells me she can only love one person at a time spiritually,mentally,physically.To me, love is different from sex.. sex does not equal love in my book. You have to keep communication open and honest.

11-07-2016, 06:19 PM	#12
Tiffany Aching Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Ankh-Morpork Posts: 5 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1 Thanked 25 Times in 5 Posts Rep Power: 0	In MY experience, yes. I am polyamorous, and for the last 16 years I have only been with monogamous people. It was/are always committed long term relationships, and people I have been with and am with knew from the start my situation - it just happens that they were/are mono. Honesty, communication and transparency and mutual respect were and are the keys for me and my partners.