Parker's Pad

[Parker]

Hopefully, it will be that way here - Zeke likes everyone so he wont be a problem - Harley is an old, cranky, protective bitch, so when you first meet her, she will have on her muzzle, just to be safe - but once you two have met and she sees you're ok, she will be a-ok for the rest of your visit.

But I fully expect my Taiwan boys to run away and try to hide; poor babies may have been with me for almost 2 years but before that, they were in hell and are still leery of humans.

Max is better with people than other dogs, but I am hoping he finds a friend in Bear because they can be small together in this house of crazy.



(from left: Zeke, Max, Jack, and Harley)

[gaea]

I think they will be ok here is a couple of pics with Bear and her best friend who is a great pyranese

this cracks me up every time




my friend was checking my breaks which yay they didn't need changed

[Parker]

Oh, they will be ok - they just may run and hide when you first get here!

Go 'head Bear - hump that dog!

I need to get my brakes checked - either my brakes AND shocks need to be replaced or my brakes are acting funny because my shocks are so bad ... either way, I have zero$ for either, so I guess it's moot!

[Parker]

6 years ago today, I hit Seattle, sight unseen, after taking my last final at ISU (I skipped my graduation) and driving with my (then) 2 dogs across the country for 3 days. I had never been to Seattle, I just picked it out of all the places I could live that had a good sized theatre community, packed up my stuff, and went for it.

Took me about a week to line up an apartment and another week to find a "regular" job and to get gigs in a couple of theatres, namely, Langston Hughes Performing Arts Center and Freehold.

I remember when I found that apartment, I couldnt move in until the 1st of June and I couldnt afford to keep living in the crack house they called a hotel so I put an ad in Craigslist and a lesbian couple just south of Seattle answered my ad. They had a house with an extra room upstairs - they also had 2 dogs, a few cats, and a fenced in backyard so I could bring my 2 babies. Their only stipulation was that I do some manual labor in the yard to earn my keep - they found a buried pond in their front yard and wanted me to dig it out.

This is actually the longest I've lived in one area since I was a kid living at home. lol

[Parker]

A story ....

Feeding my Taiwan puppy, Jack in the morning is easy because I went back to feeding him the refrigerated food roll once a day since he refused to eat the crunchy food twice a day - some days, he wouldnt eat at all, so I had no choice because he is a skinny little puppy.

Anyway, now he eats his morning meal with his doggie prozac and he gobbles it down in a couple minutes - but in the evening, when I put out the crunchy food, it is on. lol

Sometimes, he needs me to be in the room with him, sometimes he needs me to be away from the room, sometimes he needs it quiet in the house, sometimes not - the night before last, he sat in here for a couple of hours, refusing to eat until finally it was time for bed and I put the food away - and when I came in here, he was shaking so uncontrollably, it was pathetic. Last night, he laid down on the floor for over an hour - I called out to him from the living room to put that food in his belly and a few minutes later, he got up and started eating it.

This boy, I swear. He reminds me of me when I was a kid and my mom served us cooked beets for dinner. I hated beets (I think I was the only one though - everyone else loved them) and refused to eat them - she and dad said I would sit there until I ate the beets.

Well, I ate everything off of my plate except the beets, I just left them there and sat there with them on the plate in front of me. mom, dad, Julie, and Bill all finished their dinner - Julie and Bill were excused from the table and they went with dad into the living room to watch TV.

Still, I sat there with those beets on my otherwise empty plate while my mom cleared the table and did the dishes. She finished the dishes, wiped down the table around me, put the runner and centerpiece back on the table, turned off the lights and went into the living room, leaving me sitting there in the dark with my plate of beets.

Eventually - and I have no idea how long this was but in my memory and to my child's mind, it felt like hours went by - mom and dad sent me to bed as the plate of beets still sat there on the table.

What a frustratingly stubborn kid I was - I cant imagine having to deal with me as a parent, lol - but dealing with this picky, stubborn, anxious puppy at least gives me a hint. ;o)

[Parker]

I went out this morning to find a small hard back book out of which I could make a "book safe" because the last time I made one, I used a paperback book and used too much glue so it was obvious what it was before you even picked it up from the shelf. lol

But I digress; while I was wandering back and forth, looking for something that I could use and that wouldnt look out of place on my shelf, something caught my eye. It was hard back and the front/back covers were tied together over the bound pages. It was brown with a leaf pattern on it and the title "Leaves of Gold," which is "an anthology of prayers, memorable phrases, inspirational verse, and prose" from circa 1938 - this is the 1948 revised edition.

I bought it and at first, I didnt know what to do with it, but now as I am typing, it occurs to me that I might could send it to my nephew/godson and his fiance as a wedding gift -- it feels like a good gift to come from an Aunt/Godmother when you get married, yes?

This picture is of the cover and then I opened the book to a random page to show the inside.

[gaea]

Originally Posted by Parker

I went out this morning to find a small hard back book out of which I could make a "book safe" because the last time I made one, I used a paperback book and used too much glue so it was obvious what it was before you even picked it up from the shelf. lol

But I digress; while I was wandering back and forth, looking for something that I could use and that wouldnt look out of place on my shelf, something caught my eye. It was hard back and the front/back covers were tied together over the bound pages. It was brown with a leaf pattern on it and the title "Leaves of Gold," which is "an anthology of prayers, memorable phrases, inspirational verse, and prose" from circa 1938 - this is the 1948 revised edition.

I bought it and at first, I didnt know what to do with it, but now as I am typing, it occurs to me that I might could send it to my nephew/godson and his fiance as a wedding gift -- it feels like a good gift to come from an Aunt/Godmother when you get married, yes?

This picture is of the cover and then I opened the book to a random page to show the inside.

What a beautiful book...

[Parker]

I thought so - it really called out to me from the shelf and once I held it in my hands, I knew I wouldnt be leaving without it.

[Parker]

Heard a knock on my door - opened the peep-door and saw my next door neighbor standing out there with her arm in a sling.

Turns out she was motorcycle riding with some friends the other day, doing almost 60mph in a 35mph zone as she tried to catch up to them. She hit some gravel on a curve and broke, which stood the bike up - she lost control, her bike hit head-on into a pole and she went flying through the air, landing on her left side and breaking her collarbone.

She was wearing a full-face helmet and denim so other than the collar bone, there was minimal damage to her body but the bike was totaled. She is not sure she wants to get another motorcycle.

Needless to say, she will not be riding in Pride.


It is sometimes scary to think about, but so many bike accidents that I hear or read about - or watch on youtube lol - are due to loss of control because of speed and power. My neighbor admitted that her bike is really powerful and it was so easy to speed and not realize how fast she was going at times.

I know that we are supposed to go just a bit faster than all of the cars around us so that we are more visible, but I am more of a "Sunday driver" - I am out there to cruise along and enjoy the experience of what I imagine is the closest I will ever come to flying. I give the people around me a wide berth and keep my head on a swivel - which, once you've been surrounded by helicopters and jets, is kinda second nature. lol

I feel bad for her - she is pretty shell-shocked. I remember when I was a 21yo baby dyke on my first bike and I was riding, lost, in San Diego in the middle of the night right after it rained. I saw a car out of the corner of my eye braking and when I looked up, I saw a yellow light. Instead of just running the yellow light, I panicked, hit my front brakes, and my bike and I were one with the pavement for about half a block, sliding into home plate in the middle of an intersection.

I remember getting up after that, getting back on my bike, and driving for a few blocks before pulling over so I could stop shaking. I can understand her feeling of not wanting another bike but I kinda hope she is able to overcome that and get another one some day.

My friend Michele might be coming here for Pride from SE Washington - she rides a trike, so I am going to ask her if my neighbor could ride with her. If they both agree, at least my neighbor can have the feeling of riding with the Dykes on Bikes and maybe that will help her decide if she wants to ride again ....

[Parker]

I didnt even have to ask my friend Michele if my neighbor could ride with her on her trike - as soon as she saw the pic and heard the story, she offered.

Michele likes to play "dyke for a day" and come ride with the Dykes on Bikes in her trike - she did it the first time in 2010, which was my first time as well. She said she did it because she knew I wouldnt do it unless I went with someone, but she had such a damn blast - everyone stopped to oogle her trike and she loved riding in the parade so much she also rode in the Tri-Cities (eastern WA) parade with a gay youth. She volunteers with LGBT youth and had some sort of contest or drawing or something to give a kid a chance to ride with her in the parade and the kid in the below pic is the one who won.

She wasnt able to ride with me last year because she is a diabetic who has been battling some pretty serious infections in her feet and keeps having to have surgeries, toe amputations, etc - always with the wearing of those big giant boot things and last summer was surgery time so this Pride should be fun because she will be able to ride with us again!

Anyway, not sure if my neighbor will say yes, but I really hope she does - I really think riding in this trike will help her deal with her fears over what happened to her.

While I love Michele's little trike, if I was going to get one (which I really kinda want one now), I wouldnt get one like hers. Number 1, it is more like a tiny convertible car on 3 wheels with its car steering wheel, car pedals, trunk, and body; and number 2, it cost like $32k - wtf! No, if I get one, it will be the kind that looks like a motorcycle in the front and just happen to have 2 wheels (training wheel, lol) in the back.

[Parker]

Originally Posted by Parker

This boy, I swear. He reminds me of me when I was a kid and my mom served us cooked beets for dinner. I hated beets (I think I was the only one though - everyone else loved them) and refused to eat them - she and dad said I would sit there until I ate the beets.

Well, I ate everything off of my plate except the beets, I just left them there and sat there with them on the plate in front of me. mom, dad, Julie, and Bill all finished their dinner - Julie and Bill were excused from the table and they went with dad into the living room to watch TV.

Still, I sat there with those beets on my otherwise empty plate while my mom cleared the table and did the dishes. She finished the dishes, wiped down the table around me, put the runner and centerpiece back on the table, turned off the lights and went into the living room, leaving me sitting there in the dark with my plate of beets.

Eventually - and I have no idea how long this was but in my memory and to my child's mind, it felt like hours went by - mom and dad sent me to bed as the plate of beets still sat there on the table.

What a frustratingly stubborn kid I was - I cant imagine having to deal with me as a parent, lol - but dealing with this picky, stubborn, anxious puppy at least gives me a hint. ;o)

I posted this same story on my FB and my mom commented on it a few times - she didnt discount how things happened, but said I wasnt sitting there for hours lol. She also hinted towards the fact that making me sit there with those beets on my plate was a parenting mistake - and I think she feels bad about it.

What she doesnt understand - and I am not sure she ever will because we are so different in this respect - is that I love the hell out of that story and tell it with a smile. Anyone who knows me can picture my stubborn ass sitting there in the dark with those damn beets instead of just giving in and doing what mom wanted by swallowing them down so I could leave the table!

She probably thinks it's a bad story and that it makes me dislike her or think she was a bad parent or that my childhood was omg-ruined or something - whereas I think it is such a great story that perfectly expresses how frustrating it must have been to be my parent ... or boss ... or commanding officer ... or ... lol.

Poor mom - I should send her an e-book (she loves her Kindle!) or something.

[Parker]

An old friend messaged me on FB telling me she and her wife might be coming to Pride this year and she asked me what all was happening that weekend.

It was so weird talking to her because we knew each other 20 years ago when I was a baby dyke in the Navy stationed in San Diego (or San Dog) and holy hell, did I have it bad for her! lol

I had *just* come out, hadnt even dated any women, and spent most of my time either on the flight deck at my squadron or hanging in the local lesbo bar where I worked as a barback. I met her through a friend - they were also in the Navy - and I was hooked from the first hello.

She was a bit older and so confident - cocky, really - and in fact that was what stopped me from having her be my first .... she literally counted how many virgins she had had and while to some that might be a turn on, I didnt want to be another number - another notch on the headboard, so to speak. So we just became really good friends.

I remember once, she was stationed in Korea and I would send her tapes of me chatting with her instead of letters - I even mailed off a tape recorder with the first tape so she could listen to them all.

She was still there over Christmas so I sent her 2 things: one was a really small Christmas tree with tiny little ball ornaments and garland; and the other was her favorite beer - Corona - each wrapped individually in bubble wrap and then put into a box. She said when she got the beer it was still cold and none of them had had anything like that for months so she and her friends sat by the fire and each had a beer - it was the best beer they ever had.

Anyway, I digress ..... I think about that baby dyke and how silly she was, how little confidence she had, how scared she was of the world in general and when I chatted with J the other day, it felt like we had switched places.

She is physically disabled like me and also like me, she has gained weight (we are both carrying around a Back Street Boy - and they arent as light as they look!) ... but over the years, it seems that she has lost a lot of her confidence and while I dont consider myself cocky, I am confident in who I am and I am content with my life.

It's like we're two different people than those women from 20 years ago ... I look back and it feels like, literally, another lifetime and I have no idea who those people are!

[nycfem]

This is very moving. I love the combination of such vivid memories (the cold beer) and thinking how things have changed. I am enjoying your prose very much.

Originally Posted by Parker

An old friend messaged me on FB telling me she and her wife might be coming to Pride this year and she asked me what all was happening that weekend.

It was so weird talking to her because we knew each other 20 years ago when I was a baby dyke in the Navy stationed in San Diego (or San Dog) and holy hell, did I have it bad for her! lol

I had *just* come out, hadnt even dated any women, and spent most of my time either on the flight deck at my squadron or hanging in the local lesbo bar where I worked as a barback. I met her through a friend - they were also in the Navy - and I was hooked from the first hello.

She was a bit older and so confident - cocky, really - and in fact that was what stopped me from having her be my first .... she literally counted how many virgins she had had and while to some that might be a turn on, I didnt want to be another number - another notch on the headboard, so to speak. So we just became really good friends.

I remember once, she was stationed in Korea and I would send her tapes of me chatting with her instead of letters - I even mailed off a tape recorder with the first tape so she could listen to them all.

She was still there over Christmas so I sent her 2 things: one was a really small Christmas tree with tiny little ball ornaments and garland; and the other was her favorite beer - Corona - each wrapped individually in bubble wrap and then put into a box. She said when she got the beer it was still cold and none of them had had anything like that for months so she and her friends sat by the fire and each had a beer - it was the best beer they ever had.

Anyway, I digress ..... I think about that baby dyke and how silly she was, how little confidence she had, how scared she was of the world in general and when I chatted with J the other day, it felt like we had switched places.

She is physically disabled like me and also like me, she has gained weight (we are both carrying around a Back Street Boy - and they arent as light as they look!) ... but over the years, it seems that she has lost a lot of her confidence and while I dont consider myself cocky, I am confident in who I am and I am content with my life.

It's like we're two different people than those women from 20 years ago ... I look back and it feels like, literally, another lifetime and I have no idea who those people are!

[Parker]

Pride was so much fun this year. My friend, Michele missed it last year and she decided that come hell or high water, she was making the drive in her trike up from SE Washington to ride in the parade with me. She isnt gay, she's an ally, but no one seems to care if you are woman, man, gay, straight, or bi when it comes to riding with the Dykes on Bikes - if you have a bike and love Gay Pride, come on and ride with us. lol

Since it rained pretty hard on Friday, Michele drove up on Saturday, but it rained even harder on her drive up - she said there was rain, high winds, and some hail - and at one point, she had to pull over!

She also had some bike issues - her heater went out, her gear shift didnt want to work, and eventually, when she was in Seattle, her trike overheated to the point that I had to bring her some water - even though she had no clue where she was ... that was an adventure.

Her husband was worried that he hadnt heard from her since her road trouble, so he called and when she told him she overheated and her radiator was tapped out, he was concerned enough to make the 4hr trip out here to look at and fix her bike. Turned out, it was a blown fuse that just needed replacing. He spent the night and left Sunday morning.

So with Michele's trike in running order, all that was left was the weather - and just like last year, the Seattle skies decided that instead of opening up and pouring rain on all of us, it would instead push the clouds aside and let the sun peek through for a few hours.

We got there early enough to talk to a few people, wipe our bikes down, chill out before the start of the parade, etc. At one point, this woman (she is right behind me in the first pic below) walked up to me and asked me how long I'd been doing this. I told her 3yrs and she then asked what color my bike was ..... um, blue. She told me I was supposed to say something like cobalt blue, so I told her it was cobalt blue; and when she asked me my bike's name, I told her "for sale."

The DOB ride was wonderful - I knew it very well could be my last, so I rode slowly while all the crotch rockets zoomed on by and lapped me a few times lol. I gave high-fives to the crowd and found my friend Alan so I could toss him my Pride necklace again this year - and he took a couple of good pics of me. Towards the end of the ride, I kept seeing this woman - a tall butch with salt-n-pepper hair who was so excited to see us all. So when I lapped around for the 2nd to last time (I snuck in one more circle before going off to park), I grabbed my other Pride necklace, pointed to her as I drove towards her and tossed her the "beads" - she was so happy and it was so freaking awesome.

After the ride, we watched part of the parade and then left to go get a couple of Jimmy John's subs since she had never had one (they are SO much better than Subway, seriously). Then we went back to my house and took naps bc we are old and that evening, we went to a restaurant that we both thought might be interesting - the Celtic Bayou - which serves both Cajun and Irish cuisine. It was good.

The coolest thing is that I not only remembered my helmet cam this year - as well as the batteries and memory card to go with it (I forgot the card last year lol) - I was able to set it to record while it was strapped onto my headlight, so it caught the whole Dykes on Bikes ride from the rider's POV - save for the last 30 seconds or so when we all pulled around the corner and parked near the festival entrance.

Below are a couple of pics of me, a couple of Michele in her trike, and the whole 45 minute video of my ride - but feel free to skip the first 3 minutes because we are all just sitting there, honking our horns and revving our engines as we wait to get started during that time.

Oh - I try to look a little different each year - 2 years ago, I wore a fedora type hat, last year was my ball cap (CUBS!) and this year was my ball cap backwards. I am also wearing a shirt Michele got for me at Portland Pride last weekend (she took some LGBT youth from her area) - it says Veterans for Human Rights (VfHR.org).

[Parker]

I cant believe I almost forgot today was the 43rd anniversary of the Stonewall Riots. I knew there was something about today .....

Every year, I re-read info and accounts about the riots to remember the women and men who stood up to the police that night - and then came back a year later for the first ever Gay Pride March.


I posted this to my FB today:





43 years ago today - June 28, 1969 at 1:20 in the morning - the Stonewall riots occurred - when gay women and men decided enough was enough and fought back against police harassment & raids that always ended in violence. On this night, they stood up and said, "no more!"

It started when one butch dyke, while being beaten, asked the crowd, "Why dont you guys do something?"

"A scuffle broke out when a woman in handcuffs was escorted from the door of the bar to the waiting police wagon several times. She escaped repeatedly and fought with four of the police, swearing and shouting, for about ten minutes. Described as "a typical New York butch" and "a dyke—stone butch", she had been hit on the head by an officer with a billy club for, as one witness claimed, complaining that her handcuffs were too tight. Bystanders recalled that the woman, whose identity remains unknown, sparked the crowd to fight when she looked at bystanders and shouted, "Why don't you guys do something?" After an officer picked her up and heaved her into the back of the wagon, the crowd became a mob and went "berserk": "It was at that moment that the scene became explosive"."

43 years ago today, a movement started .....

[Parker]

I have really great dogs. For the most part, they are very well behaved and follow my verbal and non-verbal commands without fuss, save for the occasional stubbornness of my 15yo girl, Harley who is a dominant old bitch and the stubbornness/confusion of my little old man, Max who lived on the street for so long, some of this is hard for him to grasp. But I rarely have a problem with the puppy or my big boy not listening to me.

If I say "bedroom," they head straight for the bedroom; if I say "outside," they head outside; if I tell the boys to get their toys or if I am outside and I simply point at a toy, they grab their toys, one by one, and bring them inside.

They sit, they lay, they eat nice, they are not food or toy aggressive. They sit before eating or before being let out of confinement without my saying a word - even a friend who dog sat while I was gone for a week noticed that; she didnt have to say a thing, they just sat and waited for her.

I dont train them to do tricks though - I used to think that was cool and I still think it is fun to watch a dog doing tricks, but these are my companions, not my circus animals, so the commands they follow are just to keep them from being all rowdy and stuff.

So I've been watching this dog training show on CBS called Dogs in the City and when I watch it and see the problems with these other dogs, I realize what a great pack I have - and the only thing I would change is how they flip the fuck out when someone knocks on the door &/or comes inside:

The old girl and the puppy both bark bloody murder; my big Boxer/Pit, all 80lbs of him, tries to jump on people to give them kisses; and my little old man, Max, runs into the back yard and barks at the people in the house, endlessly.

Unfortunately, whenever I watched Cesar, I never learned anything - the only thing he would tell us, ever, is that we have -HAVE- to walk our dogs all the damn time. Well, sorry brother, but I cant do that, what else you got?

Also, whenever he did any kind of training, he was either did a bunch of stuff off camera or he was just generally very vague about what he was doing - so you didnt learn anything, you just felt like you should buy all of his books and DVDs. lol

But this Justin dude on DitC - the "Dog Guru" - doesnt just show the people with dog problems what to do, he does it on camera so we ALL get to see what to do in these situations.

One day, I finally saw a situation close to mine where the people couldnt answer the damn door because their dogs were going ape shit - so I watched what Justin did and saw that it was something I could do by myself, inside and suddenly, I felt empowered - like I could fix this issue without hiring outside help!

So, today, we did our first of many training sessions. When training, Justin likes to use deli turkey vs. dog cookies; but I wanted something uniform instead of just tearing off clumps of meat, so I thought of getting a package of pepperoni, but didnt like the idea of feeding them those spices, so I got a small package of Canadian bacon that was about the size of silver dollars.

One of the things he pointed out was that a lot of dog owners try to teach or train from a negative perspective instead of a positive one. When he asked the woman what she wanted her dogs to do when someone knocked on the door, she said what I also said, out-loud to the tv (lol), "I want them to not bark."

He said that's a negative, think of something positive - what do you what them to do? She thought about it, as did I, and no answer was forthcoming, so he suggested to have the dogs sit on the opposite side of the room as the door, leaving the space for the door to be answered and people to walk inside. Made perfect sense to me, so I decided my dogs should go to or on the couch when someone knocks on the door.

So, I started out by getting them all to sit in front of or on the couch and gave them a piece of ham. Then I walked back several feet while telling them verbally and with hand gestures to "stay." They did, so I gave them all another piece. I did this several times, moving farther and farther back each time - and even turning my back to them - and each time, I came back to give them a piece of ham.

Then I moved all the way to the door and knocked. The older dogs stayed sitting and quiet but the puppy (Jack) got up, startled and boofed. I gave him the hand gesture and verbal command to sit and stay and he did, so more ham. I did that several more times, each time knocking longer and louder and each time they didnt bark and rush the door, I gave them a piece of ham.

The puppy didnt bark after that first time until the last time because I was pounding on the door and it freaked him a little, but both times I was able to calm him down quickly and he stayed put.

This was not a bad start at all! My goal is 2-fold: I would like them to automatically go to the couch and sit on or in front of it quietly when someone knocks on the door and I would like for them to recognize the command "couch" the same way they do the commands, "bedroom" and "outside," meaning, when I say "couch," I would like for them to go to the couch and sit quietly.

If I am consistent with this training, they will eventually get it and I think we will reach our goals - because, like I said, they are great dogs.


Zeke, my 10yo, 80lb Boxer/Pit (L) and Max, my 7-ish yo 18lb Taiwan alley dog (R):



Harley, my 15yo, 45lb hound dog (L) and Jack, my 2yo, 35lb Formosan (Taiwan) Mountain Dog (R):

[Parker]

River

Standing on the riverbank
Snow falling all around me

Shadows floating overhead
Stealing the moon's bright light

I look into the darkness
Of the water

I see the reflection
Of the woman I once was

Now just a shell

Feeling the shadows recede
I look up at the full moon

Blinking the snow out of my eyes
Searching

Without hesitation
I look down into the water once more

I see the reflection
Of the woman I could be

Again

[Parker]

Born in February 1997, I met Harley about a month later at a pet store in CA - back before I knew any better about buying a dog vs. adopting a dog. She came home to live with me a month after that, when she was 8wks old.

Harley was with me through thick and thin, dozens of moves, a few girlfriends, the fostering of several other dogs, and the addition of 2 freaky little boys into our pack. Zeke came to us as a baby when Harley was 5 and she would not have any of this obnoxious little puppy who wouldnt stop trying to cuddle with her ... eventually, she gave in and accepted Zeke as her own - and last night, when Harley was laying on the floor in pain, they cuddled together again for one last time.

She became paralyzed from the waist down in 2007 - no one could figure out why or if it would be permanent, but a few months later I saw her tail wagging and a month or so after that, she was walking again - never 100%, her back legs and back gave her problems and she needed carpet or area rugs to move around, but she was my trooper .... I thought I was going to have to let her go then, but she came through it and was a happy girl for over 5 more years.

The cyst we discovered in her foot week before last became infected and while the antibiotics and anti-inflammatories helped a bit, the infection didnt seem to be getting better. She was in so much pain - which for her is saying a LOT because she has never really been affected by pain - that the tramadol, which, short of hospitalizing her and giving her morphine, was the best pain med she was going to get - and it wasnt even touching the pain.

The vet suspected that the cyst might have been malignant cancer that could be affecting the bone - which would have explained why she was in so much pain that the meds werent helping and why the infection wasnt passing.

My choices were: give these antibiotics and maybe some new ones a few more days to see if they could get the infection to dissipate, while leaving her in pain because there was nothing stronger to give her or let her go.

Watching her laying on the table, shaking from all of the pain, I decided to let her go.

I cant express my sorrow and guilt over this. She was my baby. I will miss her and love her forever.

[Parker]

I went on-line to order an urn plaque for my dog, Harley's urn and it came in the mail today (it came fast because they are here in WA). It's a little plaque for urns that cannot be engraved - it hangs on a 6" chain around the top of the urn and the chain was a bit too long, so I clipped it with a safety pin.

Anyway, it's engraved with:

Harley Bear
My Baby Girl - Always
1997 - 2012





That's her collar at the base of the urn - it's a leather, studded Harley Davidson collar that I got for her when she was like 2 years old or something - it was so her because she was a tough old dominant bitch.

[Parker]

Had a nightmare last night that we had a bad earthquake here and I was trying to get through the rubble with my 3 boys - my little old man Max was in a backpack, my big boy Zeke was on a leash, and I was having a hard time with my puppy Jack because he is afraid of everything, including his leash. I woke up afraid that I had lost him, but he was laying on the bed next to me.


I Googled dream interpretations and found a site that said the following about earthquakes:

Earthquake

To dream of an earthquake suggests that you are experiencing a major "shake-up" that is threatening your stability and foundation. The dream highlights your insecurity, fears and sense of helplessness. Is there something in your life that you feel at "fault" for?

If you find cover from the quake, you will overcome these challenges. If you become trapped or injured during the quake, you will suffer some sort of loss in your life. According to the bible, earthquakes symbolize God's anger and power.