For those who self-injurer

[Andrew, Jr.]

This thread is for those who self injure by breaking bones, cutting, skin picking, burning, and so on.

Namaste,
Andrew

[HeartBreak Kid]

Thanx for starting this thread Andrew....Although not usually a very Busy thread, I think it is always a Vital one to have. The wonderful thing about BFP is its diverse inhabitants, and having places set aside just for healing.
That being said....I am a cutter...I cut on my legs, shoulders, thighs, wrists, and most prevelantly on my left arm...When questioned by people about it growing up I often told people "when you cant hold any more pain or ugliness inside of you, the scars begin to manifest on your outsides...
Why do I/did I cut? many reasons, and sometimes for no reason at all...As I am getting older I am starting to think part of it was control..having something that was all mine (my body) and being able to do ANYthing I wanted to it....

[Andrew, Jr.]

I have two friends of mine who cut. The anxiety they have inside just blows me away. I have never experienced something like what they do. They even have ritual boxes with fresh razor blades, and bandages. It never crossed my mind in a million years.

I have a sense of the pain they feel internally, and it is heartbreaking.

I cannot promise safety - ppl turn on each other here at the drop of a dime. It happens on all sites. I am not one who runs this site, and have no authority in how it's run. I leave that up to Jack and Medusa. I am not computer savvy at all. I leave all of that up to Jack and Medusa. They are the bomb!

[LadyRain]

a friend just told me that she cuts. I was like a deer caught in the headlights when she told me. At first (being honest) I wanted to scream at her....WHAT THE HELLLL. I did not though. I sat and listened to her. This scared me cause at first i thought it was a suicidal thing....now i know better. I want to help her but no idea what to do. I am open to her, i mean she can come to me with anything.Maybe listening is the best thing a friend can do....RAIN

[Andrew, Jr.]

Listening is the best thing hands down.

[Leigh]

Hi everyone,

First of all, I would definately like to thank My friend Andrew for making this place for us to come and talk about our feelings and why some of us do the things that we do. It is also a good place for people who are friends of self-injurers to come in for support from people who have been there as well as those who love someone in this position.

I come from both sides of the fence, caring about someone who self-injures as well as being (in My on right) a self-injurer as well. I don't cut or burn, but I do alot of skin picking as well as severe nail biting (often to the point of bleeding). Much of this comes as a way of not being able to express the anxiety that I am feeling on the inside, thus is comes out as an injury to Myself to say to people "hello, I'm hurting!".

We can't always verbalize what we are feeling internally, and often it stems from many things (abuse, confinement, teasing/bullying, etc). Each of us has our own reasons for doing what we do, whatever kind of self-injuring that may be, and it affects all aspects of our lives. Speaking only for Myself, I suffer from severe panic/anxiety attacks and often I cannot for the life of Me talk to anyone about what I am feeling because I just have never really been able to properly verbalize Myself in words (unless its on paper). I've also gotten to the point where I will freeze up so bad inside if I have to share My feelings that internally it feels like I'm about to explode.

When I get to feeling this way, which is much more often now than it used to be, I will get into a headspace where I can't think of anything else but showing what I am feeling inside on the outside. I'll pick at pimples until the bleed, chew on My nails or the skin around My fingers until they either bleed or are very raw and sore, and will even take small scratches on My breasts and tear at the scabs bad enough that they go from little specs to big circles that I can't help but play with. Its not something that I am proud of, and revealing this anywhere is a big step for Me ........ I feel comfortable enough with My friends here, moreso than 3/4 of My own family members, to reveal these secrets of Mine (hopefully to help others to understand this subject abit more) which just felt natural to Me.

Andrew - Its true that when you have never experienced something like that and you find someone who has, it can completely blow someone's mind as to how a person can do something like this to themselves. Its not easy, believe Me its hell on wheels, but most times this is the only way that a person can tell someone that they are hurting when they can't verbalize those internal feelings.

Rain - I can understand how you must have thought that your friend's self injuring may have been a suicidal thing, its not uncommon for self-harming to be viewed as a way to commit suicide. I never used to do alot of what I do, or atleast not to this extent, and never truly 100% understood it until I met someone very special to Me. He is in his late 30's and has been self-injuring since he was very young; he burns and cuts and before him I had never met anyone before that I truly knew self-injured. He has been through complete hell in his life and when he cannot talk to someone about how he is feeling, it manifests into a cut of a burn (thank goodness he hasn't burned in a long time though he still cuts). In his situation (only speaking for him), he has other things to deal with as well (schizophrenia/depression/bipolar) so it all wraps up into one with his self-harming. He has often gone to the ER with injuries due to self-harming, and the first thing he is always asked is if he feels suicidal (as if its somehow tied to self-harming). Its not that way at all, and he has personally told Me that honestly if he wanted to commit suicide, he could do it but do it properly and not just hurt himself ............

The absolute best thing that you can do for your friend is to be her friend, listen to her when she needs a shoulder to lean on and just be there for her as you always have been. I also would recommend going to the library or a bookstore to see if you can find books on the subject and read about it - educating yourself on the subject will also to help you to know how to better handle your friend's situation (especially if ever your there with her when it happens). I have read one book in particular that helped Me to much better understand what My friend was going through, plus a second one that he has in which I hope to borrow one time to read:

1) Cutting: Understanding and Overcoming Self-Mutilation by Steven Levenkron (can be found on amazon.com) - this is the one I've read and I **highly** recommend it

2) A Bright Red Scream: Self-Mutilation and The Language of Pain by Marilee Strong (also found on amazon.com) - this is the one I wanna borrow and read one day

Other then that I think that this thread is fantastic for all of us, whether we injure or know someone who does, to come together and have a safe space to talk and bond over a very touchy subject. I'm glad we have this space, as its important for all of us to have a place to come and be able to open up without being scolded for speaking from the heart ........... I'm glad this thread was created, thank you again Andrew for making it

[Andrew, Jr.]

A lot of people hide in their pain. It is a fractured sense of one's soul. Some people take another's pain and find joy in that. Twisted, yes. My father did that with my family.

Just remember nobody is an island.