Lesbian sites actually done by men??

[Linus]

Geez. So "A Gay Girl in Damascus" and "Lez Get Real" are actually men who pretended to be lesbians. To me , it feels offensive and just gross. It's bad enough that men control the majority of media (All?). Can women not have their own sites that are protected and true and honest?

And if it's a question of being supportive, can they not be supportive as men and presenting themselves as who they truly are?

More details here and here.

[tapu]

OH, well! Lots of women pretend to be men in the same circumstanc.... oh, wait. No, they don't.

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by Linus

Geez. So "A Gay Girl in Damascus" and "Lez Get Real" are actually men who pretended to be lesbians. To me , it feels offensive and just gross. It's bad enough that men control the majority of media (All?). Can women not have their own sites that are protected and true and honest?

And if it's a question of being supportive, can they not be supportive as men and presenting themselves as who they truly are?

More details here and here.

Oh god I agree Linus. This is just sickening to me. It's a violation of women's space and right to their own voices. Men have no business doing this shit.

[dreadgeek]

Originally Posted by Linus

Geez. So "A Gay Girl in Damascus" and "Lez Get Real" are actually men who pretended to be lesbians. To me , it feels offensive and just gross. It's bad enough that men control the majority of media (All?). Can women not have their own sites that are protected and true and honest?

And if it's a question of being supportive, can they not be supportive as men and presenting themselves as who they truly are?

More details here and here.

The thing that was so galling about this is that they did not realize how offensive their actions actually were. If I wanted to show someone what male privilege looked like, I could do no better than to point out these two men.

Cheers
Aj

[Waldo]

As with anything - if there is money in something someone, somewhere is going to abuse it. That appears to be the case with LGR - it's monetized with ads and what not. I can't say for GGiD. I don't understand the thought process that goes with this in any other way though.

I get that some people get a kick out of pretending to be someone else for a short period of time. But to keep up the charade over the course of years? There's got to be more of a reason. No?

For what it's worth - I launched lez.org yesterday. I hereby solemnly swear it's all me. And my first post? All about LGR and DDiG.

[Apocalipstic]

I wish people would just be truthful.

[wolfbittenpoet]

In a way I can understand portraying a different gender online. But to exploit so damn many people simply for entertainment purposes is just cruel. It also speaks about how some people believe that nothing they do online matters. The worse thing is the people that were organizing petitioning and trying to figure out how to rescue the girl in Damascus including me.

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by dreadgeek

The thing that was so galling about this is that they did not realize how offensive their actions actually were. If I wanted to show someone what male privilege looked like, I could do no better than to point out these two men.

Cheers
Aj

Absolutely, spot on, Aj!!

[Quintease]

I'd just like to say that I'm a woman, and I'm um.. a sort of lesbian, I go to gay bars, I'm not married and I haven't had any trips to Turkey recently.

Just in case anyone was wondering.

Not that I have a blog, website or an online girlfriend.

[princessbelle]

I think this goes on a lot more than we know about.

Being honest, i'm afraid, for some people is not a way of life. I have known people who have done this to be excepted into a certain group that they have felt people would perceive them as less than if they knew their real gender.

Sad for the people that call them friends and don't know. More sad for the people that do it and are what IMO is an identity they are ashamed of.

[JustJo]

Originally Posted by princessbelle

I think this goes on a lot more than we know about.

Being honest, i'm afraid, for some people is not a way of life. I have known people who have done this to be excepted into a certain group that they have felt people would perceive them as less than if they knew their real gender.

Sad for the people that call them friends and don't know. More sad for the people that do it and are what IMO is an identity they are ashamed of.

Sad....but also true. I'm all too aware of the misrepresentation that goes on online...up to and including gender.

Originally Posted by June

I would like to say that I've never been in a Turkish Prison. I plead the 5th on Turkish Baths, though.

I will plead the 5th on both Turkish prisons and Turkish baths....but will confirm that I adore Turkish Delight.

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by June

I don't think it's okay to misrepresent your gender online. Ever. Be who you are or don't show up.

I am so sick of people hiding behind the anonymity of the Internets. It is to the point where if I don't know you, and no one I know, knows you then what the hell are you trying to hide?

I know that sounds really cranky, doesn't it.

I should go back out to the garden now.

*Muttering "sorry" on the way out*

Might sound cranky, but I am with you on this 100%. I have become so much more cautious online due to this kind of activity. And also with meeting anyone connected with even our site! Just too many bizarre things have happened to me and people I do know in person. Although compared to people much younger than myself and generations that have had the internet as part of their lives much, much longer, my experiences are probably less in numbers.

I hate feeling this way sometimes because I enjoy and do have a positive connection with our site here and do read many folks as being most likely good people. Having gone to some conferences and social events when I could do so in the past had both positive and negative consequences, yet the positive outweighed the negative in making a couple of good friends that I do trust very much.

A long time ago- way back on the PNO personals area, I was lied to by a MtF concerning her gender. I did have some consideration for her in some ways about the difficulty she might be in with her transition and transphobic bigotry surrounding her- and this was at least 10-12 years ago. But, I did not appreciate being lied to at all. It ended up with our becoming good friends and I actually introduced her to a friend of mine and they have been together ever since. I have dated a MtF since and would again if we both had chemistry and common values along with mutual relationship goals and could belly laugh together. laughter. (OMG! - Can’t wait for the comments I might get for this disclosure! Between this and loving my female body with a pride as a masculine butch women and these kinds of disclosures usually brings out Butch-Card validity BS- which is SO weird when I think about just how gender-ignorant some can be on this very site and within this very community). Something rather humorous is that a close FtM friend that is an activist keeps trying to set me up with his MtF friends and I always know when James calls and the convo starts with.. “Seeing anyone right now?,” he wants me to go on a double date with his wife and a single woman they know that is most likely (not always) a MtF. I just think he and his wife just want me to find someone. Bozos! Good friends, however. At first when he was dating his wife it was about insecurity because she had a couple of LTRs with women. I called him on this - we had a good laugh and so did she and that took care of that. For a long time after his transitioning was in effect “complete,” he still had a difficult time believing that a woman would just love him as he was and had been. We all go through insecurities. I knew that his wife was not even the least bit interested in me in a romantic sense. Plus, that boundary is one I don’t cross- even when there is mutual attraction. So goes honor and the importance of truth with friends and lovers! Besides, I am a believer in the old adage of “if she will cheat with you, she will cheat on you.” Seen this come true far to many times eventually with friends and family.

Lies and lying have always just been a critical part of recognizing people as having dignity, integrity and honor. yet, I do sometimes struggle with my rigidity with this when it comes to gender identity as in this kind of interaction.

BUT, men posing as women and lesbians is just not OK. Women posing as men and being gay would not be OK for me, either in the context of a website. It's fraud, plain and simple as well as dishonesty at a very low level.

I have no idea why I am rambling on and on, other than I have had a bad pain day and on drugs… motor mouth font going on…

[Starrynightaw]

I just have one thing to say.

It's really easy to hide behind a screen and pretend to be something your not. One day you will end up meeting the people you deceive. I hope they have mercy on you. Cause I wouldn't.

Maybe they should "Try" being a better human.

Grr. My thoughts.

[girl_dee]

wait, people lie on the internet?

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by June

Atlast -- You know, I didn't even think about this when I posted. I was referring to cis-gendered (there's that word!) men posing as women and Lesbians. I was not in any way, shape or form referring to any of the women or men in our online or local communities.

I think I was posting in a bubble, because I sometimes forget when I am typing in this little box that my language is not necessarily the same as everyone elses (although, I don't know why it can't be! )

Women who live as women / Men who live as men do not fall into the same category for me as cis-gendered, heterosexuals pretending to be something they are not, and have not paid the price for. And no matter who we are, if we belong to this community, we have paid some kind of price for it.

I hope that clears things up.

Yeppers, it does.

And yes, we have paid a price, every one of us. It is interesting that my mind went to the place it did, but it all fits for mewhen I think about gender identity as it really is- multi-faceted, varied, complex and part of life.

[Quintease]

Originally Posted by AtLastHome

A long time ago- way back on the PNO personals area, I was lied to by a MtF concerning her gender.

Hmm... I friend of mine was lied to by an MTF in real life. I know it shouldn't matter, except that it mattered very much to my friend when they finally got down to it. With gender and sexuality issues I guess it's very hard to know where the line is, when do you tell someone that you are Trans, or gay, or even just that you are interested? One persons acceptable can be another's unforgivable.

What those two men did however is just wrong. Even without the moralising, it was still very very stupid.

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by Quintease

Hmm... I friend of mine was lied to by an MTF in real life. I know it shouldn't matter, except that it mattered very much to my friend when they finally got down to it. With gender and sexuality issues I guess it's very hard to know where the line is, when do you tell someone that you are Trans, or gay, or even just that you are interested? One persons acceptable can be another's unforgivable.

What those two men did however is just wrong. Even without the moralising, it was still very very stupid.

Yaknow, in reading all of this that is the one word that kept coming to me,

STUPID. What stupid fucks. But then again, they are getting lots of attention.

Could be brilliant.....

[Dominique]

Originally Posted by tapu

OH, well! Lots of women pretend to be men in the same circumstanc.... oh, wait. No, they don't.

Respectfully Tapu, I am wondering, where this fragmented thought was headed?

[Chazz]

Originally Posted by JustJo

Sad....but also true. I'm all too aware of the misrepresentation that goes on online...up to and including gender.

I will plead the 5th on both Turkish prisons and Turkish baths....but will confirm that I adore Turkish Delight.

Yepper on the gender misrepresentations.

But as anyone who has ever cyber searched the term lesbian knows, what you mostly get is male produced porn for men.

A Gay Girl in Damascus and Lez Get Real are just versions of male, voyeuristic porn.

[AtLast]

Thinking about my very early days online- how naive I was even though I was in my mid-forties. For awhile, I just didn't think that anyone would be untruthful or misrepresent themselves!! WTF was I thinking? That people are always honest? Silly me!