A newly dating/sex/corsets/butch appreciatin question

Dance-with-me · 09-13-2012, 02:23 PM

Hi, first post here. I am a 53yo femme, 5 months single after 11 year long and 8+ year sexless marriage (to a butch). I am overall doing GREAT, loving life again, loving myself again.

For the past two months I've been casually dating a total sweetheart butch who treats me like a queen, pampers me to no end, and in the past few weeks since we started being sexual (me for the first time in EIGHT YEARS), has totally rocked my world in bed.

I want to really show my appreciation, but I'm just not sure how.

She made a couple of little comments about liking lingerie, and I was thinking about showing up with a corset (custom made silk which I haven't worn in over 12 years) and stockings under my dress - she lives 100 miles away and I'm visiting for the weekend. FYI I don't actually have anything else that I'd consider sexy lingerie and I live in a rural area where there just isn't anyplace closeby where I could buy something classy and sexy in my size (16/18).

So here's my concern and question. I don't know for sure if she even likes corsets - are they pretty universally drool-producing, or is that an iffy choice? I'm also knocking up against some confidence issues - the last time I wore it I was maybe 41, and now I'm 53, and I'm a curvy (overweight) girl who has not totally escaped the perils of years and gravity, and at this point I'm generally a "low" femme and grandmother, not someone you'd immediately imagine in a corset.

So do I take the risk that it might produce a very awkward (and humiliating for me) moment? Or find a way to figure out if she likes corsets first?

Any other suggestions as to what sorts of things I could do as a treat and thank-you that would more likely be appreciated? I just don't know her well enough yet to know what she likes for sure, but I'd sure like to give back some of how she's made me feel!

Thanks for any advice you can give.

The_Lady_Snow · 09-13-2012, 02:26 PM

Go for it!!!!!!!

*Anya* · 09-13-2012, 02:40 PM

Oh sweetie!!

Please go for it! If your butch said she likes lingerie, a corset is the queen of lingerie!

Enjoy every curve of yourself because I promise you: your butch will

We are damn sight never too old for love or for a hot sex life!

chefhmboyrd · 09-13-2012, 02:41 PM

First off...
Welcome to the Planet....

second...
If I were the butch in question, I would be thrilled to have you show up in you corset and stockings. It sounds like she is in to you, and if you have already had sex, then it would be completely appropriate to have a little "surprise" for her to show your appreciation...

if she is a sweet and attentive as you described, and has openly expressed an interest in sexy lingerie, then you need not worry about any awkward moments...

as far as the age and gravity, full figured mature women are HOTTTT!!!!!

so put on your sexy gear and RAGE ON SISTER!!!!

Mr.Nobody · 09-13-2012, 02:44 PM

Speaking from the butch perspective...I believe this gesture will not only be apprciated greatly, but it will also get you enough sex to make up for those eight years!

Martina · 09-13-2012, 02:49 PM

I second or third the go for its

starryeyes · 09-13-2012, 02:56 PM

Work it girl!

Novelafemme · 09-13-2012, 03:07 PM

Oooooo...sexy dress-up is fabulous fun!

Welcome to the site and have fun!

The re-kindling of one's sex life is a beautiful thing.

clay · 09-13-2012, 03:08 PM

Hi Dance and welcome to the Planet!!!!
Rock that butch's world. You are a beautiful spirt and heart.....GO FOR IT!!!!!

Leigh · 09-13-2012, 03:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dance-with-me

Hi, first post here. I am a 53yo femme, 5 months single after 11 year long and 8+ year sexless marriage (to a butch). I am overall doing GREAT, loving life again, loving myself again.

For the past two months I've been casually dating a total sweetheart butch who treats me like a queen, pampers me to no end, and in the past few weeks since we started being sexual (me for the first time in EIGHT YEARS), has totally rocked my world in bed.

I want to really show my appreciation, but I'm just not sure how.

She made a couple of little comments about liking lingerie, and I was thinking about showing up with a corset (custom made silk which I haven't worn in over 12 years) and stockings under my dress - she lives 100 miles away and I'm visiting for the weekend. FYI I don't actually have anything else that I'd consider sexy lingerie and I live in a rural area where there just isn't anyplace closeby where I could buy something classy and sexy in my size (16/18).

So here's my concern and question. I don't know for sure if she even likes corsets - are they pretty universally drool-producing, or is that an iffy choice? I'm also knocking up against some confidence issues - the last time I wore it I was maybe 41, and now I'm 53, and I'm a curvy (overweight) girl who has not totally escaped the perils of years and gravity, and at this point I'm generally a "low" femme and grandmother, not someone you'd immediately imagine in a corset.

So do I take the risk that it might produce a very awkward (and humiliating for me) moment? Or find a way to figure out if she likes corsets first?

Any other suggestions as to what sorts of things I could do as a treat and thank-you that would more likely be appreciated? I just don't know her well enough yet to know what she likes for sure, but I'd sure like to give back some of how she's made me feel!

Thanks for any advice you can give.

I definitely also vote to go for it

Just because your a curvy older woman certainly doesn't mean that you shouldn't live life and enjoy it to its fullest. Absolutely go for wearing a corset; not only are they extremely SEXY but also I have no doubt in my mind that your butch will go totally nuts for it (she'd be nuts not to hehe). I'm sure whatever you do for her will be appreciated and she will be happy because she cares for you ~ that's what matters the most !!!!!!!!

have fun and enjoy it

SleepyButch · 09-13-2012, 03:20 PM

If someone were doing that for me.. I'd appreciate the hell out of it.

That being said.. if you are unsure, you could always put it on, take a picture of a very small part of it and send a message to your Butch saying something like is this what you had in mind? Nothing wrong with some good teasing.

That's just a thought anyway. If you wanted to totally surprise her... this scenario would not work.

I say go for it. If she appreciates you without it, she will also appreciate you with it.

girl_dee · 09-13-2012, 03:27 PM

my thoughts are anything that you feel sexy and confident in will exude that and you will be a knock out on all levels!

macele · 09-13-2012, 03:49 PM

i don't think it's universal. if it makes you uncomfortable, ask her what she likes. asking questions is a good thing, both ways.

Tommi · 09-13-2012, 03:49 PM

Dance-with-me, a romantic room, candles (lottsa battery operated tea lights are nice too) and you in whatever would be wonderful, because, you will have that self-confidence that you are worth every second of the mystique.

"Sexy is as sexy does" What makes a femme sexy, to me, is the way she carries herself. It's easy to spot and it is pretty awesome from across the room.

I have been with , Hmm, Anorexic to ample, youngish and mature (not all at the same time your honor . all of the above, in and out of corsets, garter belts, ....thigh high lacey nylons ~ All are a killer for me....and it is in our heads where the passion and acceptance live.

Yes. I agree , just do it if it feels good. If it doesn't , you can chalk it up to , getting out of the closet.

pinkgeek · 09-13-2012, 05:03 PM

Do it! Let me know if you need ideas on where to shop (online). I have a small (ok fine not small) collection of corsets that ranges from "jesus god why did I spend that much" to "really? it's only $50? I'll take one in every color". Nothing puts everything in all the right places quite like a corset.

*Anya* · 09-13-2012, 05:31 PM

We have a corsets thread.

I think it may be time to bump it and I think that I shall!

Pink, I would love to know where you got your "why did I spend so much" corset.

LeftWriteFemme · 09-13-2012, 05:35 PM

A corset allows us to defy gravity........the gravity of the world, time and the weight of apprehension. There is such sweetness in dressing to please a Butch who loves you; give this as a gift to yourself as well as your Butch. I wish you a very happy weekend!

Dance-with-me · 09-13-2012, 05:52 PM

Thank to all who replied! The deciding factor may end up being that I don't have anyone to help me get into it where the Butch lives (I have a friend who lives in the same city but she's not available tomorrow afternoon), and I'm not sure that driving two hours in a full corset is wise.

As for "dressing to please a Butch who loves you" - in this case, it's for the Butch who enjoys and lusts me, because we are a long way from getting serious. Does she have potential? So far, yes, but that's a LONG way in the future before I even seriously ask that question, and the likely outcome is that we're be no more than friends with benefits, since we live so far apart. But I'm seriously enjoying what we have in the moment, and there's still a LOT of pleasure in dressing to please the one who is making me feel so good about myself and making me feel so special!

Dance-with-me · 09-13-2012, 05:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pinkgeek

Do it! Let me know if you need ideas on where to shop (online). I have a small (ok fine not small) collection of corsets that ranges from "jesus god why did I spend that much" to "really? it's only $50? I'll take one in every color". Nothing puts everything in all the right places quite like a corset.

Yes!! I'd love to get your suggestions - especially for the "really? only $50?" ones -- the one I have is in the "jesus god why did I spend that much?" range and that's from a lot of years ago - it would shock me to spend that much on any one clothing item even today, so many years later!

Toughy · 09-13-2012, 05:58 PM

60 yr old butch here.......

Corset
garters
stockings

I'm there in a heartbeat........

I will say this........if you are going to wear it then own it. Confidence makes sexy much more than anything else.

Personally, I am attracted to 'age appropriate' femmes...........meaning femmes who are within 15-20 years of my age. I like what age and gravity does to a femme.......just as I hope she likes what age and gravity have done to my body.

The idea of a picture.....not revealing the entire thing....just a tease of what it is.....is not a bad idea. It will certainly get her imagination working....

For me butch/femme is an erotic dance and I love a femme who owns her body and her sexuality....actually for me that is part of what makes a femme

edited to add: if you don't do the corset............garters, stockings and one of my white shirts that hangs just to where the stockings and garters meet works too.....and you can easily accomplish that surprise when you go to the bathroom

09-13-2012, 02:23 PM	#1
Dance-with-me Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: earth Posts: 419 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 264 Thanked 1,926 Times in 378 Posts Rep Power: 21474848	A newly dating/sex/corsets/butch appreciatin question Hi, first post here. I am a 53yo femme, 5 months single after 11 year long and 8+ year sexless marriage (to a butch). I am overall doing GREAT, loving life again, loving myself again. For the past two months I've been casually dating a total sweetheart butch who treats me like a queen, pampers me to no end, and in the past few weeks since we started being sexual (me for the first time in EIGHT YEARS), has totally rocked my world in bed. I want to really show my appreciation, but I'm just not sure how. She made a couple of little comments about liking lingerie, and I was thinking about showing up with a corset (custom made silk which I haven't worn in over 12 years) and stockings under my dress - she lives 100 miles away and I'm visiting for the weekend. FYI I don't actually have anything else that I'd consider sexy lingerie and I live in a rural area where there just isn't anyplace closeby where I could buy something classy and sexy in my size (16/18). So here's my concern and question. I don't know for sure if she even likes corsets - are they pretty universally drool-producing, or is that an iffy choice? I'm also knocking up against some confidence issues - the last time I wore it I was maybe 41, and now I'm 53, and I'm a curvy (overweight) girl who has not totally escaped the perils of years and gravity, and at this point I'm generally a "low" femme and grandmother, not someone you'd immediately imagine in a corset. So do I take the risk that it might produce a very awkward (and humiliating for me) moment? Or find a way to figure out if she likes corsets first? Any other suggestions as to what sorts of things I could do as a treat and thank-you that would more likely be appreciated? I just don't know her well enough yet to know what she likes for sure, but I'd sure like to give back some of how she's made me feel! Thanks for any advice you can give.

09-13-2012, 02:26 PM	#2
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,119 Times in 15,678 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	You only live once! Go for it!!!!!!! __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden

09-13-2012, 02:40 PM	#3
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,791 Times in 7,290 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Oh sweetie!! Please go for it! If your butch said she likes lingerie, a corset is the queen of lingerie! Enjoy every curve of yourself because I promise you: your butch will We are damn sight never too old for love or for a hot sex life! __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner

09-13-2012, 02:41 PM	#4
chefhmboyrd Senior Member How Do You Identify?: man Preferred Pronoun?: beef Relationship Status: Uncle Daddy Snap Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: nashvegas Posts: 1,606 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,411 Thanked 2,845 Times in 898 Posts Rep Power: 14057154	First off... Welcome to the Planet.... second... If I were the butch in question, I would be thrilled to have you show up in you corset and stockings. It sounds like she is in to you, and if you have already had sex, then it would be completely appropriate to have a little "surprise" for her to show your appreciation... if she is a sweet and attentive as you described, and has openly expressed an interest in sexy lingerie, then you need not worry about any awkward moments... as far as the age and gravity, full figured mature women are HOTTTT!!!!! so put on your sexy gear and RAGE ON SISTER!!!! __________________ what's a cowboy got to do to get a drink around here?

09-13-2012, 02:44 PM	#5
Mr.Nobody Member How Do You Identify?: Niizh manidoowag... Preferred Pronoun?: I prefer amature nouns Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 840 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 370 Thanked 1,528 Times in 536 Posts Rep Power: 15623422	Speaking from the butch perspective...I believe this gesture will not only be apprciated greatly, but it will also get you enough sex to make up for those eight years! __________________ Noblesse oblige...

09-13-2012, 02:49 PM	#6
Martina Senior Member How Do You Identify?: * Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: * Posts: 4,999 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,409 Thanked 18,367 Times in 4,171 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I second or third the go for its

09-13-2012, 02:56 PM	#7
starryeyes Senior Member How Do You Identify?: a round peg in a square hole Preferred Pronoun?: Guess... Relationship Status: Seat taken Join Date: May 2011 Location: Rocky Mountain High Posts: 2,491 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,199 Thanked 10,056 Times in 2,077 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Work it girl! __________________ "It's ok to make mistakes. It's ok to fall down. Get up! Look sickening....and make them eat it!" - Latrice Royale Starry

09-13-2012, 03:07 PM	#8
Novelafemme Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: ........ Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ........ Posts: 2,402 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,981 Thanked 8,925 Times in 1,834 Posts Rep Power: 0	Oooooo...sexy dress-up is fabulous fun! Welcome to the site and have fun! The re-kindling of one's sex life is a beautiful thing.

09-13-2012, 03:08 PM	#9
clay Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Butch (Silver Fox) Dom Daddi Preferred Pronoun?: 50 Shades of Clay Darker & Deeper Relationship Status: married to my forever Join Date: May 2011 Location: salt air & sandy beaches Posts: 13,098 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 96,045 Thanked 31,691 Times in 7,716 Posts Rep Power: 21474862	Hi Dance and welcome to the Planet!!!! Rock that butch's world. You are a beautiful spirt and heart.....GO FOR IT!!!!! __________________ To find someone who will love you for no reason, and to shower that person with reasons, that is the ultimate happiness. ~Robert Brault

09-13-2012, 03:20 PM	#11
SleepyButch Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Dude Preferred Pronoun?: He, Him Relationship Status: Taken Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: Hidden Valley Ranch Posts: 3,510 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,220 Thanked 11,244 Times in 2,753 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	If someone were doing that for me.. I'd appreciate the hell out of it. That being said.. if you are unsure, you could always put it on, take a picture of a very small part of it and send a message to your Butch saying something like is this what you had in mind? Nothing wrong with some good teasing. That's just a thought anyway. If you wanted to totally surprise her... this scenario would not work. I say go for it. If she appreciates you without it, she will also appreciate you with it. __________________ . You cannot embrace those things that will not embrace you back.

09-13-2012, 03:27 PM	#12
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,957 Times in 13,922 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	my thoughts are anything that you feel sexy and confident in will exude that and you will be a knock out on all levels!

09-13-2012, 03:49 PM	#13
macele Member How Do You Identify?: a bold-assed maximus Preferred Pronoun?: she Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: mississippi Posts: 1,066 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,178 Thanked 3,238 Times in 849 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	i don't think it's universal. if it makes you uncomfortable, ask her what she likes. asking questions is a good thing, both ways.

09-13-2012, 03:49 PM	#14
Tommi Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Usually "Hello" Relationship Status: Married and Bound to Tommi's kaijira (Ts_kaijira ) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Suthun.... California that is. Across the ridge from Laguna Beach. Posts: 8,151 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,621 Thanked 21,337 Times in 5,968 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	Adventure Club Dance-with-me, a romantic room, candles (lottsa battery operated tea lights are nice too) and you in whatever would be wonderful, because, you will have that self-confidence that you are worth every second of the mystique. "Sexy is as sexy does" What makes a femme sexy, to me, is the way she carries herself. It's easy to spot and it is pretty awesome from across the room. I have been with , Hmm, Anorexic to ample, youngish and mature (not all at the same time your honor . all of the above, in and out of corsets, garter belts, ....thigh high lacey nylons ~ All are a killer for me....and it is in our heads where the passion and acceptance live. Yes. I agree , just do it if it feels good. If it doesn't , you can chalk it up to , getting out of the closet.

09-13-2012, 05:03 PM	#15
pinkgeek Member How Do You Identify?: that grrl Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, grrl, piranha, monkey Relationship Status: captured.... Join Date: May 2010 Location: Australia Posts: 377 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,054 Thanked 1,456 Times in 311 Posts Rep Power: 13998705	Do it! Let me know if you need ideas on where to shop (online). I have a small (ok fine not small) collection of corsets that ranges from "jesus god why did I spend that much" to "really? it's only $50? I'll take one in every color". Nothing puts everything in all the right places quite like a corset. __________________ ------------------------------------ ~pink "I‘m heir to madness. Vessel of perversion. Your nightmare should you cross me." ((Want to read about my life in Hawaii and my ongoing war against the roosters and my pony size dog and my wedding?)) http://www.alohafemme.wordpress.com/

09-13-2012, 05:31 PM	#16
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,791 Times in 7,290 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	We have a corsets thread. I think it may be time to bump it and I think that I shall! Pink, I would love to know where you got your "why did I spend so much" corset. __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner

09-13-2012, 05:35 PM	#17
LeftWriteFemme Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Daddy's good girl Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Jersey Posts: 16,642 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,529 Thanked 12,320 Times in 5,198 Posts Rep Power: 21474867	A corset allows us to defy gravity........the gravity of the world, time and the weight of apprehension. There is such sweetness in dressing to please a Butch who loves you; give this as a gift to yourself as well as your Butch. I wish you a very happy weekend! __________________ Clicking on these dragon eggs will take you to my new erotic novella: Dragon Bait .........Hope you enjoy it! ________________________________________________ Please take a look at my work Click on flashing smilie to see my website To look at my Daddy/girl erotica book Click on pompom girl to see Elbows on the Table, Palms Flat

09-13-2012, 05:52 PM	#18
Dance-with-me Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: earth Posts: 419 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 264 Thanked 1,926 Times in 378 Posts Rep Power: 21474848	Thank to all who replied! The deciding factor may end up being that I don't have anyone to help me get into it where the Butch lives (I have a friend who lives in the same city but she's not available tomorrow afternoon), and I'm not sure that driving two hours in a full corset is wise. As for "dressing to please a Butch who loves you" - in this case, it's for the Butch who enjoys and lusts me, because we are a long way from getting serious. Does she have potential? So far, yes, but that's a LONG way in the future before I even seriously ask that question, and the likely outcome is that we're be no more than friends with benefits, since we live so far apart. But I'm seriously enjoying what we have in the moment, and there's still a LOT of pleasure in dressing to please the one who is making me feel so good about myself and making me feel so special!

09-13-2012, 05:58 PM	#20
Toughy Senior Member How Do You Identify?: pervert butch feminist woman Preferred Pronoun?: see above Relationship Status: independent entity Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Oakland Posts: 1,826 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,068 Thanked 7,656 Times in 1,522 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	60 yr old butch here....... Corset garters stockings I'm there in a heartbeat........ I will say this........if you are going to wear it then own it. Confidence makes sexy much more than anything else. Personally, I am attracted to 'age appropriate' femmes...........meaning femmes who are within 15-20 years of my age. I like what age and gravity does to a femme.......just as I hope she likes what age and gravity have done to my body. The idea of a picture.....not revealing the entire thing....just a tease of what it is.....is not a bad idea. It will certainly get her imagination working.... For me butch/femme is an erotic dance and I love a femme who owns her body and her sexuality....actually for me that is part of what makes a femme edited to add: if you don't do the corset............garters, stockings and one of my white shirts that hangs just to where the stockings and garters meet works too.....and you can easily accomplish that surprise when you go to the bathroom __________________ We are everywhere We are different I do not care if resistance is futile I will not assimilate www.butchfemmesocials.com/ Last edited by Toughy; 09-13-2012 at 06:27 PM.