Are butches really a dying breed?

[dancer611]

I've heard time and time again that butches are "dying out," that there are tons more femmes than butches and that that trend will likely continue. I haven't been out long and don't know much about the overall community. Is this true, or a myth that people in femme-heavy areas like to throw around?

[MrSunshine]

Funny that, I feel the same way about femmes. I think they must be all out of our flavor.

[~ocean]

LOL mr. sumshine ... I love that flavor !!

[musicman]

I don't know about any other butches but I do know this butch is very much here and alive. I'm not going anywhere.

[Just_G]

I do believe that is myth...and I think it's a geographical thing. I have said for years that there are really no femmes where I live. Plenty of butches. Perhaps we need a resurging of the femmes in my town!! I sure wouldn't mind!

I think people say that because they want a certain type of butch or femme and when they can't find one they say there are none left. So not true.

[SelfMadeMan]

Emphatic NO!!! Butches are NOT a dying breed! I would argue that one of the reasons this myth is perpetuating is from a small, but persistent, group of radical feminist lesbians who are bent on somehow proving that the Trans community is recruiting Butches and that Butches are getting the message from Transmen and Transgender Butches, that they are "too Butch" - not possible - and that they should transition, AND that these Butches are following along like sheep to a slaughter. NOT TRUE. I'm not saying that there aren't Butches pressured to transition - I know it does happen - I have had a couple of friends tell me about other people pressuring them to label themselves TG or to consider transition. But I don't think that this is happening on the levels that some radfems would have us believe, and I don't think most Butches, even if pressured, are going to step off into something so major just because someone else tells them to. Not all Transmen even identified as Butch prior to transition - and Butch is NOT a precursor to transition! I think we have a huge population of wonderful, strong, PROUD Butches. I think one explanation is that perhaps there's been some relocation due to the economy, perhaps more concentrations in larger cities, and less in rural areas. But I don't think you have to look too far. I have some amazing Butch friends and I love them dearly - and I think they are awesome, brave people!
BUTCH does not = TRANS! Butch is an identity all it's own, and it isn't going anywhere!

[Scorp]

Perfectly said G...

Ladi & I have said that over and over. I (nor she) has ever seen a butch-fem couple out where we live and wish we had "more" of a community in that sense.

However, there seems to be a good amount of butches here. Maybe we just "don't know" if the females are fem or not. Meaning, it's very hard to detect or that just "may be" in general. Or am I just too oblivated to notice??? I guess that would be a whole other topic. I don't know.

That's why this website (and especially the yearly Reunion(s)) not only for me, but especially for Ladi is so very important. There are women (fems) there just like "herself" which she automatically has bond/bonded with.

Whenever we come home from being with our b-f family we of course have "bash crash" but the "yearning" for more peeps like ourselves out in our neck of the woods makes us sad until we get back to what we know as our "normal life". I miss having our community within arms length.

Hope this makes sense and if it doesn't, you'll have to excuse me because I have so much in my head that it gets a little difficult for me to express sometimes which I believe is A.D.D.!

Best,
-Scorp-

Originally Posted by Just_G

I do believe that is myth...and I think it's a geographical thing. I have said for years that there are really no femmes where I live. Plenty of butches. Perhaps we need a resurging of the femmes in my town!! I sure wouldn't mind! .

[FemmeAllae]

Originally Posted by Just_G

I do believe that is myth...and I think it's a geographical thing. I have said for years that there are really no femmes where I live. Plenty of butches. Perhaps we need a resurging of the femmes in my town!! I sure wouldn't mind!

I think people say that because they want a certain type of butch or femme and when they can't find one they say there are none left. So not true.

Plenty of butches, you say?! Where do you live?!

[Shadownthemind]

Originally Posted by musicman

I don't know about any other butches but I do know this butch is very much here and alive. I'm not going anywhere.

And this butch is here and not going any where

[clay]

as is this one...present & accounted for....grins

[Christy51274]

Originally Posted by dancer611

I've heard time and time again that butches are "dying out," that there are tons more femmes than butches and that that trend will likely continue. I haven't been out long and don't know much about the overall community. Is this true, or a myth that people in femme-heavy areas like to throw around?

@Dancer:

I'm so glad you've brought this up. Whenever I go out, femmes are the majority. I live near Baltimore and haven't checked out the D.C. scene yet, but butches, FtM trans guys, etc. are rare indeed! Oh well...I'm not really seeking them out, but would be nice to see more of them around.

[Toughy]

Originally Posted by Christy51274

@Dancer:

I'm so glad you've brought this up. Whenever I go out, femmes are the majority. I live near Baltimore and haven't checked out the D.C. scene yet, but butches, FtM trans guys, etc. are rare indeed! Oh well...I'm not really seeking them out, but would be nice to see more of them around.

actually I am tired of this....

stop looking where alcohol is prevalent and the music is so loud you always are saying 'what...huh....what" as you look around for the maybe next not perfect one standing at the bar who is bar dancing sexier than the one you thought might be a butch you want..........

please......

[SugarFemme]

Toughy, I TOTALLY agree with you on this. If someone is saying that want a relationship, bars typically are not the place to look for one. Between the music, the inherent issues with alcohol consumption and the all around "pick-up" attitude at a bar, chances are you are not going to find the "one". With that said, when I was 21 and just coming out, that was where I drifted to. Now, at 50, I have no interest in that type of environment for finding someone or really even to hang out in. If one looks, unless you are in BFE, most metropolitan cities have a variety of clubs, interest groups etc which do not include bars.

Originally Posted by Toughy

actually I am tired of this....

stop looking where alcohol is prevalent and the music is so loud you always are saying 'what...huh....what" as you look around for the maybe next not perfect one standing at the bar who is bar dancing sexier than the one you thought might be a butch you want..........

please......

[AlexHunter]

I do agree with the other posters - whether butches are a dying breed may depend upon where you are. I lived in DC for eight years and there were lots of butches. The butch-femme dynamic was a relatively common thing, especially the pinup femme + dapper butch pairing. Butch on butch was equally common.

Here in Houston, TX, butches seem to be much less prevalent, though not completely extinct. From my observations, there are plenty of people here who I'd say were somewhere in the middle.

I also agree that self-identifying as butch is not as common as it used to be. The butch-presenting people of my generation (I'm 28) have many more words to describe themselves. Terms like "stud," "boi," "genderqueer," and "androgyne" were not around for the generations before me. Some of the people who identify as the aforementioned terms also identify as butch and some people can find a version of the dynamic without the label.

However, I have met several masculine-of-center folks who have a deep aversion to the word "butch" despite looking the part and oftentimes "playing" it, too. They seem to dislike the implications of the word or feel it's not quite their word for some other reason.

I personally embrace the term butch (as well as genderqueer/transgender to represent my alternate gender identity and androgyne - by the dictionary definition - to describe my physical appearance) because I am a queer history buff and I appreciate the path the butches of old paved for the butches of my generation to be more readily accepted and because butch means masculine, which I am.

I (and plenty of other butches, I'm sure) have sometimes felt femmes were a dying breed. This has caused me to date my share of feminine-looking women who are usually bisexual and don't actively claim the term "femme" even if they mesh well with me.

I am more than a little old fashioned in some ways and the complete opposite of traditional in others. When it comes to the dynamic I have with a femme, I am what some would define as an old school butch and I definitely try to be a gentleman...

[morningstar55]

Yes.... they must b a dying breed, cuz must b y am still single . "sigh""

[kittygrrl]

Originally Posted by dancer611

I've heard time and time again that butches are "dying out," that there are tons more femmes than butches and that that trend will likely continue. I haven't been out long and don't know much about the overall community. Is this true, or a myth that people in femme-heavy areas like to throw around?

Possibly, life is in a constant rate/state of change.

[ConCrtAnge1]

i have went through and read this post. Although I am new here I felt a need to post... I live in So. central Il. And around here it seems there are more Andros then anything or a lot of butch on butch... Leaving a lot of femmes.. I am not a femme on femme kinda girl. I want my true butch. Don't get me wrong I want a true butch but one that enjoys her womyn side in bed ... A butch that know the true song and dance..

[always2late]

Originally Posted by ConCrtAnge1

i have went through and read this post. Although I am new here I felt a need to post... I live in So. central Il. And around here it seems there are more Andros then anything or a lot of butch on butch... Leaving a lot of femmes.. I am not a femme on femme kinda girl. I want my true butch. Don't get me wrong I want a true butch but one that enjoys her womyn side in bed ... A butch that know the true song and dance..

First, welcome to the site! I just have a question. I read your post, and I just wanted to ask for some clarification about what you wrote, specifically "A butch that knows the true song and dance."

[Jess]

Originally Posted by ConCrtAnge1

i have went through and read this post. Although I am new here I felt a need to post... I live in So. central Il. And around here it seems there are more Andros then anything or a lot of butch on butch... Leaving a lot of femmes.. I am not a femme on femme kinda girl. I want my true butch. Don't get me wrong I want a true butch but one that enjoys her womyn side in bed ... A butch that know the true song and dance..

Welcome aboard.

Don't get me wrong I want a true butch but one that enjoys her womyn side in bed ... A butch that know the true song and dance..

I am reading this as you want a butch who is comfortable receiving sexual activity/ pleasure as well as giving her partner pleasure. (Correct me if I am wrong, please) You may be able to meet some butches of this type on the Lesbian Zone threads. There are a couple specifically geared toward butches who share this quality. Good luck with that!

I do feel a need to add, that I was put off a little by your use of the phrase " the true song and dance". There is NO true song and dance. We each have a different drum, a different dance and I am willing to bet that each one is simply divine in their own right. It may have been easier for me to read, if perhaps you had said something like " someone who dances to the same dance I do"... When someone uses absolutes, like "the true", it is really off putting to me. I have no doubt you didn't mean it as a slight or anything, it just struck a hint of discord with me, so I felt a need to mention it.

I do wish you luck in meeting butches who suit your desires and hope you enjoy all of your visits at the planet.

[lamuymuyfem]

Originally Posted by ConCrtAnge1

i have went through and read this post. Although I am new here I felt a need to post... I live in So. central Il. And around here it seems there are more Andros then anything or a lot of butch on butch... Leaving a lot of femmes.. I am not a femme on femme kinda girl. I want my true butch. Don't get me wrong I want a true butch but one that enjoys her womyn side in bed ... A butch that know the true song and dance..

I have to say, when I lived in Iowa, the straight farm women looked pretty butch…….. So looks are sometimes not helpful. BF is a complex dynamic, and it's not easy to find a compatible partner, period.