So what does being Bisexual, mean to you ?

[Isadora]

I think it is about sex. That is why it is called bi-sexual. I have never had sex with a (omg what word do I use? breaths through a moment of language horror). But what do I know is that I have only been an out dyke for 35 years and it always meant the same.

[betenoire]

I self-ID as Queer. However, I -am- technically bisexual and will use that word when it's necessary to make my point or when I'm talking to someone who the word "Queer" is just too confusing for. I am legally married to a female (sex = female, gender = Butch) but things could have easily turned out differently for me. I am glad that things ended up how they ended up - because I think if I had ended up with a man that I would have lost my community...but I will never deny that the possibility of a legally binding monogamous relationship with a man was never off of the table for me.

For myself, the sex of the other person just does not figure in when I am evaluating if I am attracted to him/her. It's completely irrelevant.

Gender / gender presentation -does- factor in for me, however. I am attracted to masculine people. Butches and Men (both trans and non-trans) do it for me. (The only exceptions to that rule are Drew Barrymore and Rosario Dawson).

It's important to me that potential dates are clever, well-read, have irreverent senses of humour, like sarcasm, are politically compatible with me, have similar tastes in music, and interact with me the way I like being interacted with.

[Laerkin]

I am so inspired by all of the posts, all of the honesty.

I think bisexuality is the ugly stepchild of the gay community sometimes. One of my nearest and dearest identifies as queer even though she's fully bisexual, simply because she's afraid of the stigma that both straight and gay communities associate with the term - either she can't make up her mind, she's too afraid of being fully gay, she's only half-gay because of politics, she's a whore, she's a traitor...there's a long list of inadequacies that get thrown at people who identify as bisexual.

My understanding of bisexuality is that it's just as fluid and dynamic as any other sexuality or gender.

Some people identify as lesbian because it's about the sex - women just turn them on in a way that other genders never could.

For others, lesbian is more about the emotional and spiritual connection than the sex.

I think the same is true for bisexuals - some people are equally attracted to both sexes but gravitate towards one or the other because of emotional or spiritual connections. Others are split right down the middle. I wish more people who were truly bisexual would come flying out of the closet to help dispel so many of the assumptions and myths.

Personally, I am attracted to pretty much any kind of person (XX, XY, male, female, man, woman, gender-fluid, gender-variant, gender-queer, butch, femme, hym, hir) as long as the energy and the attitude and the charisma are there. I am equal opportunity that way when it comes to what turns me on and makes me horny (though I will say sperm kind of grosses me out no matter how hot the guy is - LOL).

The deciding factor for me is that I'm just naturally drawn to women and folks with women-bodied experiences. I feel more comfortable and open. I feel a connection that blossoms organically when the person I'm interacting with intrinsically understands a little bit of my story.

I don't identify as bisexual because while the sexual attraction may exist, the emotional and spiritual connection reaches it's true depths with women, butches, and FTMs more than the XYs of the world.

If I weren't in a relationship, I wouldn't exclude any possibility, though - I believe circumstances are constantly changing my perception of the world. Matters of the heart can be messy and complicated and I try not to be too rigid in my definitions.

A personal note to betenoire - your post was fantastic. Your last point about the importance of finding a match for your personality, your passions, your style is spot-on. I love it.

[Dragonfly]

Originally Posted by Laerkin

I am so inspired by all of the posts, all of the honesty.

I think bisexuality is the ugly stepchild of the gay community sometimes. One of my nearest and dearest identifies as queer even though she's fully bisexual, simply because she's afraid of the stigma that both straight and gay communities associate with the term - either she can't make up her mind, she's too afraid of being fully gay, she's only half-gay because of politics, she's a whore, she's a traitor...there's a long list of inadequacies that get thrown at people who identify as bisexual.

My understanding of bisexuality is that it's just as fluid and dynamic as any other sexuality or gender.

Some people identify as lesbian because it's about the sex - women just turn them on in a way that other genders never could.

For others, lesbian is more about the emotional and spiritual connection than the sex.

I think the same is true for bisexuals - some people are equally attracted to both sexes but gravitate towards one or the other because of emotional or spiritual connections. Others are split right down the middle. I wish more people who were truly bisexual would come flying out of the closet to help dispel so many of the assumptions and myths.

Personally, I am attracted to pretty much any kind of person (XX, XY, male, female, man, woman, gender-fluid, gender-variant, gender-queer, butch, femme, hym, hir) as long as the energy and the attitude and the charisma are there. I am equal opportunity that way when it comes to what turns me on and makes me horny (though I will say sperm kind of grosses me out no matter how hot the guy is - LOL).

The deciding factor for me is that I'm just naturally drawn to women and folks with women-bodied experiences. I feel more comfortable and open. I feel a connection that blossoms organically when the person I'm interacting with intrinsically understands a little bit of my story.

I don't identify as bisexual because while the sexual attraction may exist, the emotional and spiritual connection reaches it's true depths with women, butches, and FTMs more than the XYs of the world.

If I weren't in a relationship, I wouldn't exclude any possibility, though - I believe circumstances are constantly changing my perception of the world. Matters of the heart can be messy and complicated and I try not to be too rigid in my definitions.

A personal note to betenoire - your post was fantastic. Your last point about the importance of finding a match for your personality, your passions, your style is spot-on. I love it.

I so have to say I really get the fear stigma and traitor slinging that sometimes the bisexual experience. I have been left for the XY treated like a sex toy and been excluded as a possible parenting partner by my bisexual exes. I have seen both sides and I think our community is moving forward with terms like queer so we may look deeper an what we each project onto the term bisexual as a label.

[dreadgeek]

Originally Posted by Isadora

I think it is about sex. That is why it is called bi-sexual. I have never had sex with a (omg what word do I use? breaths through a moment of language horror). But what do I know is that I have only been an out dyke for 35 years and it always meant the same.

So, I presume, that you consider homosexuality to be about sex as well as heterosexuality? If not, may I ask by what possible logic you can use to say that bisexuality is about sex (since, according to you, that is why it's called sex) while neither hetero- nor homosexuality are about sex? Or do you concede as accurate the right-wing, anti-gay meme that anything that is *not* heterosexuality is about nothing more than sex?

cheers
Aj