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Old 05-12-2017, 10:15 PM   #101
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I love grrly things but on the other hand I enjoy working with screw guns, chainsaws, and jack hammers...
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Old 05-13-2017, 04:26 AM   #102
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I love grrly things but on the other hand I enjoy working with screw guns, chainsaws, and jack hammers...



YES...........
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Old 05-13-2017, 05:10 AM   #103
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If I may, being a Butch, share a story my femme told me a while back. When she was around 6 or so, at their usual evening meal, her dad was coaxing G into eating all of her spinach. She really was balking at eating such awfulness, so he says, "G, eat that spinach! It will put hair on your chest.!"

G began crying, and whimpered, "Daddy, I don't want hair on my chest."

She told me then, is when she realized being feminine was her path in life.
That story makes me smile each time I think about it.

*Hope I didn't break any rules posting this here.
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Old 05-13-2017, 11:17 AM   #104
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I don't know that I'm a femme. I know that most of the time I appear as one. I'd like someone to tell me if I am! But I know that's not realistic.
I like pink. I wear make up often. I wear skirts and dresses.
Does that make me femme? Sorry if not supposed to ask on here.
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Old 05-13-2017, 12:03 PM   #105
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Originally Posted by Contradictor View Post
I don't know that I'm a femme. I know that most of the time I appear as one. I'd like someone to tell me if I am! But I know that's not realistic.
I like pink. I wear make up often. I wear skirts and dresses.
Does that make me femme? Sorry if not supposed to ask on here.

no, none of that makes you a femme, because if it did, i'd lose my card.
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Old 05-13-2017, 12:08 PM   #106
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Thank you, that's helpful
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Old 05-13-2017, 12:54 PM   #107
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I think that in the same way that MOC women/butches know that they are not girly girls or feel very feminine or can't relate to the perceived feelings; femmes just "feel" it.

I have never questioned that I was female. It never felt foreign to me. I just "knew" that I was a girl and I have always liked that.

I never really integrated femme with female until I fell in love with my long-term ex.

She was very butch and heard sir pretty much everywhere she went. She did not identify as male nor felt uncomfortable in her MOC lesbian butch skin.

I met her in NOW in the mid-70's and was always, always, attracted to her but really did not understand why. We remained friends during my first relationship with a woman. I loved that first woman dearly.

She was very femme. I admired and loved her feminity but the sexual attraction was really not there. She was my bestie but we were both questioning our sexuality and fell into a sexual relationship. I also want to add that after we broke up; all of her girl-friends were butch...

When we broke up, the butch asked me out and we were together for 19-years. She came out in the 60's, when there were much more rigid roles. She was trained by a mentor in the ways of butch and recognized and appreciated the femme difference in me.

We were ying and yang and it was a real sexual spark for us.

She helped nurture the internal femme in me. I don't wear heels or dresses any more but those are externals and really have nothing to do, IMHO, with the internal identification as femme.

I went out to lunch with a butch dyke that I work with last week. She is questioning her gender identity but for now, still identifies as she/her so, I shall, too.

Somehow, we started talking about butch and femme (that is her chosen and soul dynamic also) and we were talking about butch and femme as we were driving. She always insists on driving. Surprise.

Anyway, i said something about being femme and was trying to explain it and she laughed (a quite hearty laugh I might add) and said:

"Yes, I know that you are femme. There is no question about that".

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Old 05-25-2017, 03:13 AM   #108
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oh god since forever i may but i have been in denial yeah ^^ i've tried to act masculine you know walking,talking... rated! i was feeling stupid i love clothes,make up,doing the minimum of sport ^^,checking masculine women yeap the mind can be a pervert lol i don't see myself with a boy,i'm not weak ok i am fighting not for me and talking can't always be effective but a protective,fierce,fun,... butch is perfect for me ^^
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Old 05-25-2017, 08:46 PM   #109
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I have always been a girly girl. I remember trying on my mother's high heels and jewelry from the time I was about five years old. I don't scream if I see a bug and I like being outside enjoying nature but I like to dress femininely so I guess I've always been feminine. The defining moment for me was when I saw the movie If These Walls Could Talk 2 when I was a teen. As soon as I saw that butch walk on screen it all clicked into place for me. I realized that I wasn't just feminine I was a femme who yearned for that female embodiment of masculinity to compliment my femininity. It was a feeling of coming home, and all of it suddenly making sense for me.
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Old 05-25-2017, 08:59 PM   #110
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I've always known I was very girlie and feminine. But I didn't know I was truly a femme until, millions of years ago, I had a crush that was so hardcore I couldn't see straight on a butch I worked with at the time.
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Old 05-25-2017, 09:01 PM   #111
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I had the same experience with this movie, which I watched I don't know how many times.

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The defining moment for me was when I saw the movie If These Walls Could Talk 2 when I was a teen.
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Old 05-26-2017, 09:39 AM   #112
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About seven years ago, I got sick. I was on bed rest for two years. After I got off bed rest, I was put on Prednisone for the next two years. I had to give away all my high heels, cause I couldn't walk, let alone walk in them. I had to cut my hair, because I couldn't take care of it. I didn't wear make up, because I mostly didn't leave the house. I was too sick. The Prednisone made me gain a hundred pounds, and literally changed the shape of my face from a side effect called "Moon face."
During that time, I had to figure out what femme meant to me, separate from all those externals, like long hair, pretty clothes, make up, shoes, or even flirting with handsome butches. I had to figure out what made me feel femme and why. What I came up with is that my femme identity is still there, no matter what. It's a core piece of who I am and how I am in the world. It's about my love of beauty, and my need to embody that in myself, even when that beauty is not reflected externally.
So, now I'm off the Prednisone, my face is going back to normal, I've lost some of the weight, and I can wear heels again. My hair is long again, and it's so pretty that Knight takes photos of it sometimes. Butches notice me again, and people flirt. That's all lovely, and I enjoy it, but now I know that without any of that, I'm still femme, and still a power house. It comes from a deeper place now.
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Old 08-05-2017, 08:54 PM   #113
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i love this thread, and being femme..........
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Old 08-05-2017, 11:25 PM   #114
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For me, if I'm to be dead honest, it was when I slept with a butch for the first time! I realized the label "femme" was gonna steer me in the right direction .
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Old 08-10-2017, 04:42 PM   #115
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.....when you are digging through your purse for keys and find 9 lipsticks, a nail polish, 2 rings, and a little sparkly bauble with "FEMME" on it that you used as a key fob before it broke.
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Old 08-10-2017, 04:48 PM   #116
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I knew i was a femme when i learned in 1987 that butches exist.

I knew what lesbians were and i knew (and was fascinated by) girls who were tomboys but i was not interested in being a lesbian until i put it together that a lot of the tomboys were lesbians and there was a kind of lesbian you could be where you ONLY dated tomboys

SIGN. ME. UP! (i said)
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Old 08-31-2017, 09:12 AM   #117
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I've never been a girly go. I prefer wash and go hair. Makeup is limited to my eyes and lips. I like dresses/skirts and hate hose so that limits when I can wear these.
When I came out (the second time) to myself, I hurried myself down to the gay bookstore. The first book I picked up was "The Persistent Desire: A Butch Femme Reader." God bless Joan Nestle. I cried, I drooled, I lusted and I knew I was femme and more particularly a butch loving femme.

Just as an aside, I lived in Big Bear, CA for the better part of a year. I moved up there in late fall; I say up there because it's about 8,000 above sea level and cold in the fall and winter. I thought I'd died and gone to my femme heaven. Every woman I saw had short hair, boots, jeans and flannel shirts. It took me about 2 second to realize most of them were practical straight women. ::::
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Old 08-31-2017, 01:23 PM   #118
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when I first came out I cut my hair short and wore jeans t-shirt and boots...loved it..but it never occurred to me (to doubt) I was a grrl 100%
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