Important things I learned from past relationships - Page 13

TruTexan · 09-04-2014, 11:29 AM

1. that MY feelings are important and they matter and should matter
2. that if they can't listen and hear at the same time then for me its time to walk away
3. that if they act like my feelings don't matter and do stuff anyways that it's time to walk away.
4. that some people think yelling is a change in tone of voice doesn't always mesh with my definition of yelling which means at the top of your lungs.
5. leave the past in the past and stop bringing it up
6. that it's okay for me to stand up for myself
7. that I've changed over time as to what is acceptable behavior from friends and relationships
8. that I need to put myself first because no one else will.
9. to take care of me first

~ocean · 09-04-2014, 01:52 PM

past is the past ~ I grew from my marriage of 17 yrs .~ hy never hurt me as a woman just a broken heart , hearts mend. I still love my EX as a person first . All experiences wether it has left a bad scent in the air ~ or not ~ is a learning experience. I would not have given up the chance to have shared my life w/ my ex.Today when we talk ~ and we laugh to the early hours of the night at times ~ we see eachother all over again ~ hys my best friend ~ there were times I wanted to walk away, then I would look at the happiness in their eyes , the children and hys . This taught me patience .We both worked hard, and hy is still accomplishing what hy set out to accomplish ~ I still love hearing all about it ~ I am hys friend to the end. ~ Hys recent concern and actions in something I had to face , a life threatening experience ~ hy is my friend to the end. I would have to say I learned from my past relationship , accept the big things , fluff off the small stuff, respect who they are as an individual, endure what they are to U . ~ treat yourself the same way ~

RockOn · 10-12-2015, 10:17 PM

I learned (and am still learning) that I allow good things or not so good things to come into my life ... no one does anything "to me" without my permission.

A decade or so ago, I was so vulnerable ... regarding trusting people. I thought because I was being open and honest, another would be too. It took me years to see the lies.

Today, I am not that person who wants only to see the good in people. The blinders came off. Sure, I still believe the goodness in people, unless the person shows me otherwise ... usually through their actions. Today, I won't get close enough to be hurt in case the "otherwise" might show up. I refuse to play the silly non-sense games - makes me weary just thinking about it. I am old-fashioned ... trust, honesty ... those things are important to me.

I love true and hard. My short-coming is I can be in too deep before I realize it is only fun and games for my partner.

signing off as ...
cut n run

Tuff Stuff · 10-12-2015, 10:58 PM

Boundaries..which was a very good lesson taught..I don't do well in a cell,they always want to

me.

The good,the bad,and the ugly(crazy)..the side they show and the side they hide..I can take it or leave it..ohh,yeah.

Crazy Love...it's the only kind I like.

Also,keep your eyes on the expensive toys..they tend to "walk off" after a breakup.

homoe · 10-25-2015, 03:37 PM

I learned it's best to let someone go! In time, it could prove to be the best thing ever!

cinnamongrrl · 10-25-2015, 04:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by homoe

I learned it's best to let someone go! In time, it could prove to be the best thing ever!

best advice ever. Sometimes people hold on too long...

Kätzchen · 08-26-2016, 08:40 PM

I know that for me, especially in the last romantic attachment (and the deepest relationship, I've ever experienced ), I learned that I have incredible worth, that I'm incredibly smart --- things I have not always truly believed about myself. But I have such a better, deeper understanding of who I am, thanks to the loving relationship I shared with my last romantic partner. He was absolutely wonderful to me, taught me so much about myself, and about who we could be, together as a team. And, we were such a great pair of like-minded hearts, souls.

And that age old cliché, "If you love someone, let them go, because if it's meant to be, it will be?"

Yeah, that is such an important concept to internalize, which I have, but it's so important to let go.... to trust that the universe knows exactly what is best for you, that what you need or want or desire, will be provided for: Even if it comes wrapped differently , at another time in life.

I've learned to own my own independence, to know that I'm enough....that sometimes I'm more than enough. To be satisfied enough with who I am, yet let my own evolution play out in its own course of timing.

My contentment satisfies my inner knowing that I've truly come to terms with my sense of well being. My sense of worth improved exponentially during my last romantic relationship, and I'm so grateful for that stretch of time in personal growth.

Amulette · 08-26-2016, 10:50 PM

I have learned that "love" is defined differently by each of us. That the words "I love you" mean different things to each of us. There may be a generic definition of love involving attraction, inspiration and happy feelings in our hearts but what is the true picture we are trying to create? Are the strokes bold , timid, languid, flowing or angular? What shades is it colored in? How does it taste, feel, express? How does it grow, nourish, merge and sustain? What does love need to flourish in your heart and in your life?

Oft times I see couples including myself say love and mean very different things with colliding unconscious needs. I feel that if we take the time to define what love means to us then we can begin a conversation that leads to clarity. From there we can grasp the picture of love held in the heart of the person we hope to share it with. I'm not sure we need to be painting the exact same thing but I do think the pictures need to hang well next to one another: with harmony and dynamics that please us.

The other is that people's hearts are precious. Even the hearts of people who are not "for us". Life has more meaning when I behave accordingly.

JDeere · 09-20-2016, 09:15 PM

Boundaries are important, very important!

Demure · 09-21-2016, 09:24 AM

Wow some very honest comments in here and just want to hug you all *squeeze*

anotherbutch · 09-21-2016, 11:07 AM

I have learned one should never lose their own identity... be your own person with your own thoughts and opinions.
Never lose what makes you uniquely you!!!

dark_crystal · 09-21-2016, 12:55 PM

When they tell you their aspirations, goals, things they want someday: remember that this does not actually say anything at all about them as a person.

Rattling off a list of good intentions takes zero effort and zero integrity. Are any of these projects actually in progress or within the realm of possibility, based on what you observe of their day-to-day attitudes and habits?

Do they get offended or defensive when you ask this sort of question?

Greco · 09-21-2016, 02:55 PM

Learned that I like children...miss them.

Greco

Talon · 09-21-2016, 04:11 PM

The biggest take away for me has been....that the other person did the best they could with the knowledge they had available to them at the time.
As did I.
In the end, we are human beings, just trying to navigate life.

homoe · 09-21-2016, 05:49 PM

Such a positive post above! Like I love saying 'life didn't come with a manual"

cinnamongrrl · 09-21-2016, 07:16 PM

This is semi negative but I stress it to my girls to this day

Keep your finances separate...

And never give up your autonomy for anyone.

Love isn't always equal on both sides. If you find an instance where it is, hold on for dear life.

Bubala · 09-21-2016, 09:23 PM

Never settle.
Know what NOT to compromise on.
Never let anyone treat you in a way lesser than what you deserve.
We only deserve to be treated as well as we treat others.
Relationships are a two way street.
Learn what you should compromise on at times.
Work on healthy communication.
Always pay attention.
Learn to listen.
Silence can be the best thing ever and the worst thing ever at different times.
Red flags only get redder with time - once you see a red flag , run!
Don't waste your time with fools who don't deserve you!
Love with all your being.
Laugh, with all your lungs.
Make your lovers laugh.
Be happy, share your happy.
Always find ways to be kind, kind to yourself and kind to others equally.

LoyalWolfsBlade · 09-22-2016, 12:20 AM

I learned that I have to continue to learn. After all no two people are alike.
To not compare current partner to past partner.
That I have to do it for myself before I can do it for anyone else.
To not just honor the person I am with but to honor myself.
That sometimes I let go to quickly, well once.
Sometimes I hold on way to long with a thousand reasons why to do it
Not to believe what others say unless I was there or saw the same thing with my own eyes.
Red flags stop ignoring them
I'm sorry are just words until there is behavior/change followed by it
Everyone has a bad day
Just because they are listening they may not be hearing you so ask..

Nattih · 09-22-2016, 02:34 PM

- Love is not enough to sustain a relationship
- Don't ruin a great friendship for possible romantic love
- You don't owe someone who is leaving your love and well wishes. Especially not your friendship. Its ok to be hurt and not want a thing to do with them, ever.
- The only mixed signals are the ones you send to yourself.
- Always leave the relationship with some trinket that you love. At least that will have been worth the trouble (got that one from my wealthy professor lol)
- My education, business, and sense of self-worth is never going to wake up and not want me anymore. Never allow a temporary relationship to interfere with permanent things again.

cassiopeia67 · 10-13-2016, 10:48 PM

1. To let go
2. I'm responsible for my actions, and choices..not theirs
3. That it is okay to do what is best for me
4. To make mistakes is human, and to learn from those mistakes
5. That even though two people love each other, sometimes it's not enough
6. To give myself time..

09-04-2014, 11:29 AM	#241
TruTexan Senior Member How Do You Identify?: lesbian butch Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Aug 2013 Location: in a one horse town in a large state, in the U.S. Posts: 3,952 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,112 Thanked 5,268 Times in 1,633 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	1. that MY feelings are important and they matter and should matter 2. that if they can't listen and hear at the same time then for me its time to walk away 3. that if they act like my feelings don't matter and do stuff anyways that it's time to walk away. 4. that some people think yelling is a change in tone of voice doesn't always mesh with my definition of yelling which means at the top of your lungs. 5. leave the past in the past and stop bringing it up 6. that it's okay for me to stand up for myself 7. that I've changed over time as to what is acceptable behavior from friends and relationships 8. that I need to put myself first because no one else will. 9. to take care of me first __________________

09-04-2014, 01:52 PM	#242
~ocean Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme blows a kiss off my finger tips * Preferred Pronoun?: ~ hey girl ~ Relationship Status: ~ single & content ~ Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Massachusetts ~coastal Posts: 7,905 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 22,958 Thanked 16,124 Times in 4,736 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	past is the past ~ I grew from my marriage of 17 yrs .~ hy never hurt me as a woman just a broken heart , hearts mend. I still love my EX as a person first . All experiences wether it has left a bad scent in the air ~ or not ~ is a learning experience. I would not have given up the chance to have shared my life w/ my ex.Today when we talk ~ and we laugh to the early hours of the night at times ~ we see eachother all over again ~ hys my best friend ~ there were times I wanted to walk away, then I would look at the happiness in their eyes , the children and hys . This taught me patience .We both worked hard, and hy is still accomplishing what hy set out to accomplish ~ I still love hearing all about it ~ I am hys friend to the end. ~ Hys recent concern and actions in something I had to face , a life threatening experience ~ hy is my friend to the end. I would have to say I learned from my past relationship , accept the big things , fluff off the small stuff, respect who they are as an individual, endure what they are to U . ~ treat yourself the same way ~ __________________ ~ Always, ocean

10-12-2015, 10:58 PM	#244
Tuff Stuff Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Woman Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Married Join Date: May 2013 Location: California Posts: 695 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 904 Thanked 1,318 Times in 506 Posts Rep Power: 9408452	Omg,that was long... *Boundaries..which was a very good lesson taught..I don't do well in a cell,they always want to me. The good,the bad,and the ugly(crazy)..the side they show and the side they hide..I can take it or leave it..ohh,yeah. Crazy Love*...it's the only kind I like. Also,keep your eyes on the expensive toys..they tend to "walk off" after a breakup.

09-20-2016, 09:15 PM	#249
JDeere Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Transgender Preferred Pronoun?: He/him/his Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 17,752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 31,018 Thanked 28,871 Times in 9,718 Posts Rep Power: 21474863	Boundaries are important, very important! __________________ Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. Albert Einstein

09-21-2016, 09:24 AM	#250
Demure Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Ma'am or Oi Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: England Posts: 43 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 47 Thanked 113 Times in 31 Posts Rep Power: 1718004	Wow some very honest comments in here and just want to hug you all squeeze __________________ So it begins ....

10-12-2015, 10:17 PM	#243
RockOn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: sitting over there ----->>>>> :) Preferred Pronoun?: .... Relationship Status: .... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: .... Posts: 3,522 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,081 Thanked 10,308 Times in 2,609 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I learned (and am still learning) that I allow good things or not so good things to come into my life ... no one does anything "to me" without my permission. A decade or so ago, I was so vulnerable ... regarding trusting people. I thought because I was being open and honest, another would be too. It took me years to see the lies. Today, I am not that person who wants only to see the good in people. The blinders came off. Sure, I still believe the goodness in people, unless the person shows me otherwise ... usually through their actions. Today, I won't get close enough to be hurt in case the "otherwise" might show up. I refuse to play the silly non-sense games - makes me weary just thinking about it. I am old-fashioned ... trust, honesty ... those things are important to me. I love true and hard. My short-coming is I can be in too deep before I realize it is only fun and games for my partner. signing off as ... cut n run

10-25-2015, 03:37 PM	#245
homoe Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Butch Relationship Status: ..... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: 30 minute ferry ride from Seattle Posts: 38,565 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 20,811 Thanked 33,586 Times in 14,918 Posts Rep Power: 21474889	I learned it's best to let someone go! In time, it could prove to be the best thing ever!

08-26-2016, 08:40 PM	#247
Kätzchen Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Monogamously Attached to my boyfriend and future husband. Join Date: May 2010 Location: He’s usually with me unless I am with Him. Posts: 15,084 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 36,003 Thanked 31,991 Times in 9,939 Posts Rep Power: 21474865	I know that for me, especially in the last romantic attachment (and the deepest relationship, I've ever experienced ), I learned that I have incredible worth, that I'm incredibly smart --- things I have not always truly believed about myself. But I have such a better, deeper understanding of who I am, thanks to the loving relationship I shared with my last romantic partner. He was absolutely wonderful to me, taught me so much about myself, and about who we could be, together as a team. And, we were such a great pair of like-minded hearts, souls. And that age old cliché, "If you love someone, let them go, because if it's meant to be, it will be?" Yeah, that is such an important concept to internalize, which I have, but it's so important to let go.... to trust that the universe knows exactly what is best for you, that what you need or want or desire, will be provided for: Even if it comes wrapped differently , at another time in life. I've learned to own my own independence, to know that I'm enough....that sometimes I'm more than enough. To be satisfied enough with who I am, yet let my own evolution play out in its own course of timing. My contentment satisfies my inner knowing that I've truly come to terms with my sense of well being. My sense of worth improved exponentially during my last romantic relationship, and I'm so grateful for that stretch of time in personal growth.

08-26-2016, 10:50 PM	#248
Amulette Member How Do You Identify?: Ma chérie, a sweet thing. Preferred Pronoun?: feminine Relationship Status: Following the scent of flowers. Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: La vie bohem Posts: 489 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 544 Thanked 792 Times in 232 Posts Rep Power: 0	I have learned that "love" is defined differently by each of us. That the words "I love you" mean different things to each of us. There may be a generic definition of love involving attraction, inspiration and happy feelings in our hearts but what is the true picture we are trying to create? Are the strokes bold , timid, languid, flowing or angular? What shades is it colored in? How does it taste, feel, express? How does it grow, nourish, merge and sustain? What does love need to flourish in your heart and in your life? Oft times I see couples including myself say love and mean very different things with colliding unconscious needs. I feel that if we take the time to define what love means to us then we can begin a conversation that leads to clarity. From there we can grasp the picture of love held in the heart of the person we hope to share it with. I'm not sure we need to be painting the exact same thing but I do think the pictures need to hang well next to one another: with harmony and dynamics that please us. The other is that people's hearts are precious. Even the hearts of people who are not "for us". Life has more meaning when I behave accordingly.

09-21-2016, 11:07 AM	#251
anotherbutch Senior Member How Do You Identify?: butch Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: single and very content this way... Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: the midwest Posts: 1,784 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 317 Thanked 1,300 Times in 367 Posts Rep Power: 9955619	I have learned one should never lose their own identity... be your own person with your own thoughts and opinions. Never lose what makes you uniquely you!!!

09-21-2016, 12:55 PM	#252
dark_crystal Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: jenny Preferred Pronoun?: babygirl Relationship Status: First Lady of the United SMH Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Houston, Texas Posts: 5,445 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,532 Thanked 26,589 Times in 4,691 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	When they tell you their aspirations, goals, things they want someday: remember that this does not actually say anything at all about them as a person. Rattling off a list of good intentions takes zero effort and zero integrity. Are any of these projects actually in progress or within the realm of possibility, based on what you observe of their day-to-day attitudes and habits? Do they get offended or defensive when you ask this sort of question? __________________

09-21-2016, 02:55 PM	#253
Greco Senior Member How Do You Identify?: GNC, not Trans, REAL. TIME. ONLY. Preferred Pronoun?: REAL. TIME. ONLY. Relationship Status: REAL. TIME. ONLY. Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: In a good life. Posts: 3,194 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,149 Thanked 6,639 Times in 2,288 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	k Learned that I like children...miss them. Greco __________________ "If you are losing faith in human nature go out and watch a marathon." Kathrine Switzer *"Me gusta andar, pero no sigo el camino pues lo seguro no tiene misterio." Facundo Cabral*

09-21-2016, 04:11 PM	#254
Talon Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Divine Feminine Preferred Pronoun?: . Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: . Posts: 4,921 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,246 Thanked 10,230 Times in 3,305 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	The biggest take away for me has been....that the other person did the best they could with the knowledge they had available to them at the time. As did I. In the end, we are human beings, just trying to navigate life.

09-21-2016, 05:49 PM	#255
homoe Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Butch Relationship Status: ..... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: 30 minute ferry ride from Seattle Posts: 38,565 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 20,811 Thanked 33,586 Times in 14,918 Posts Rep Power: 21474889	Such a positive post above! Like I love saying 'life didn't come with a manual"

09-21-2016, 07:16 PM	#256
cinnamongrrl Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: cleverly disguised as a responsible adult* Preferred Pronoun?: wild woman Relationship Status: No, thank you. Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: in my heart I'm going to Carolina...but I'm in MA for now Posts: 7,558 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 14,861 Thanked 27,369 Times in 6,858 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	This is semi negative but I stress it to my girls to this day Keep your finances separate... And never give up your autonomy for anyone. Love isn't always equal on both sides. If you find an instance where it is, hold on for dear life. __________________

09-21-2016, 09:23 PM	#257
Bubala Member How Do You Identify?: Lady Sunflower Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Join Date: Dec 2015 Location: San Fran Posts: 844 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 463 Thanked 1,669 Times in 615 Posts Rep Power: 9338275	Never settle. Know what NOT to compromise on. Never let anyone treat you in a way lesser than what you deserve. We only deserve to be treated as well as we treat others. Relationships are a two way street. Learn what you should compromise on at times. Work on healthy communication. Always pay attention. Learn to listen. Silence can be the best thing ever and the worst thing ever at different times. Red flags only get redder with time - once you see a red flag , run! Don't waste your time with fools who don't deserve you! Love with all your being. Laugh, with all your lungs. Make your lovers laugh. Be happy, share your happy. Always find ways to be kind, kind to yourself and kind to others equally. __________________ When life turns its back on you....grab its ass

09-22-2016, 12:20 AM	#258
LoyalWolfsBlade Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Pre-Op FtM, Preferred Pronoun?: Masculine ones plz Relationship Status: Single but haven't given up on finding the One Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: I gaze upon the same moon as you do Posts: 3,827 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,214 Thanked 9,646 Times in 3,123 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I learned that I have to continue to learn. After all no two people are alike. To not compare current partner to past partner. That I have to do it for myself before I can do it for anyone else. To not just honor the person I am with but to honor myself. That sometimes I let go to quickly, well once. Sometimes I hold on way to long with a thousand reasons why to do it Not to believe what others say unless I was there or saw the same thing with my own eyes. Red flags stop ignoring them I'm sorry are just words until there is behavior/change followed by it Everyone has a bad day Just because they are listening they may not be hearing you so ask.. __________________ Life should never be stagnant hence my quest for new knowledge will continue until my last breath. Wolf

09-22-2016, 02:34 PM	#259
Nattih Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Single Join Date: May 2010 Location: always on a plane Posts: 174 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 285 Thanked 633 Times in 164 Posts Rep Power: 13046649	- Love is not enough to sustain a relationship - Don't ruin a great friendship for possible romantic love - You don't owe someone who is leaving your love and well wishes. Especially not your friendship. Its ok to be hurt and not want a thing to do with them, ever. - The only mixed signals are the ones you send to yourself. - Always leave the relationship with some trinket that you love. At least that will have been worth the trouble (got that one from my wealthy professor lol) - My education, business, and sense of self-worth is never going to wake up and not want me anymore. Never allow a temporary relationship to interfere with permanent things again.

10-13-2016, 10:48 PM	#260
cassiopeia67 Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Anything feminine Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Sep 2015 Location: Toronto, Ontario Posts: 83 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 78 Thanked 257 Times in 67 Posts Rep Power: 3650735	1. To let go 2. I'm responsible for my actions, and choices..not theirs 3. That it is okay to do what is best for me 4. To make mistakes is human, and to learn from those mistakes 5. That even though two people love each other, sometimes it's not enough 6. To give myself time..