Butch Femme Planet  

Go Back   Butch Femme Planet > GENDER AND IDENTITY > The Butch Zone

The Butch Zone For all things "Butch"

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 01-19-2015, 09:21 AM   #81
imperfect_cupcake
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
feminine dolly dyke
Preferred Pronoun?:
Your Grace
Relationship Status:
I put my own care first
 
imperfect_cupcake's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: In a gauze of mystery
Posts: 1,776
Thanks: 2,426
Thanked 9,727 Times in 1,613 Posts
Rep Power: 21474852
imperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bèsame* View Post
Its all about timing and whether or not it's sincere. I can usually tell, if it's about the moment, something I'm wearing or was brought up in conversation. It's obvious if you pulled that compliment from out of no where. There is no face value, perhaps an ulterior motive would be suspected. But again, all about timing.
I think that's part of it for sure. If someone is wearing a tie I can't keep my eyes off, I'll say "that's a *cracking* tie you've got on" but I don't turn to someone in the morning and say "you look lovely today, my darling" just because they are standing there and I want to be nice. That feels awkward to be on the recivieng end for me - compliments to be gracious and positive and not deeply felt. Again, I hate excess of sentiment though and would prefer they made me laugh or giggle with a joke and a wink, if they want to be positive and make me feel good.

It doesn't mean I dont enjoy good manners, it means I wasn't taught that way and I don't fit into that formula of "how to be polite"

That's why when I date some one, compatible sense of humour is one of stop three traits I need in partner. Someone who understands I prefer wit, playful sarcasm, teasing and endearment rather than formal politeness, ritual gratuity, and sentimental outpouring. I know I don't fit into other peoples molds of "what girls like" but you know we are all individuals and I don't like people getting arsey because I don't fit into a math formula about "wot u do to treat girlz so they likes me".

Butches are blokey. Blokes like tools. I'm going to give a butch a saw cause that's what butches like, right? What do you mean not all butches want a saw? This is so complicated! Its like no one has old school values anymore.

I know the above is silly, but that's what it often looks like to me. How about, a butch is an individual person with individual family history and cultural upbringing as well as a personality. So I'm going to find out what that butch wants by talking to them and not taking it as a blow to my ego if I make a mistake. If they are a dick about it, then they can bugger off.

Edit to add: if they *want* me to verbally praise them I will do my best and find reason to. However if they want it more than what feels fun or natural to me and it feels like I'm trying to hard then its not going to feel good for them either. Just like me asking someone to " be more witty" is not going to really work. I do absolutely take my partners needs into co aideration, but again, if we are dating, rather than being a partner, it's going to be quite noticeable where something like this is really clunky in a way that won't jive.

Like one person I dated for a few weeks really wanted a lot of praise and reassurance. For me it was a lot. It found it to start to get on my nerves. To someone else, it may be natural to give that level. She also gave lots and lots of unasked for praise to me about stuff and again, I found that gave me a facial tick. It grated. Badly. Every time wed hang out shed tell me I was a "generous spirit" and I tried to get her to stop but she told me I didn't know how to take a proper compliment. And I'd better get used to it (boundary crossing alert...)

But I'm sire there would be others who loved it!

Again, for me, whole point of dating.

Last edited by imperfect_cupcake; 01-19-2015 at 09:50 AM.
imperfect_cupcake is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to imperfect_cupcake For This Useful Post:
Old 01-19-2015, 11:43 AM   #82
Cin
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
Butch
Preferred Pronoun?:
she
Relationship Status:
Truly Madly Deeply
 
2 Highscores

Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: In My Head
Posts: 2,805
Thanks: 6,326
Thanked 10,622 Times in 2,488 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851
Cin Has the BEST ReputationCin Has the BEST ReputationCin Has the BEST ReputationCin Has the BEST ReputationCin Has the BEST ReputationCin Has the BEST ReputationCin Has the BEST ReputationCin Has the BEST ReputationCin Has the BEST ReputationCin Has the BEST ReputationCin Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake View Post
Every time wed hang out shed tell me I was a "generous spirit" and I tried to get her to stop but she told me I didn't know how to take a proper compliment.
I dated this woman once who constantly told me how kind I was. "You're so kind", "You have such a kind way about you", you're really a kind and compassionate person" and on and on and on with that "kind" thing. It got so I would cringe every time I heard a hard K come out of her mouth. I started thinking about what I could do to change her mind about how kind I was. I fantasized how the next time she said how kind I was I would punch her in the face. I figured that would do it. What I ended up doing is what I always do. I talked the issue to death. Whenever she would say how kind I was I would engage her in conversation about what she might mean by kind and how it is a bit of an abstract concept and how can a person be kind, they can act kind sometimes but I doubt they can just be kind like they can be blond. I told her ways in which I was not kind at all. I asked her to consider the possibility that she was more invested in thinking of me as kind than I ever was in being kind. And so and so on. She grew weary of me.
Cin is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Cin For This Useful Post:
Old 01-19-2015, 01:38 PM   #83
imperfect_cupcake
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
feminine dolly dyke
Preferred Pronoun?:
Your Grace
Relationship Status:
I put my own care first
 
imperfect_cupcake's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: In a gauze of mystery
Posts: 1,776
Thanks: 2,426
Thanked 9,727 Times in 1,613 Posts
Rep Power: 21474852
imperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Have I told you lately how kind I think you are Miss Tick?
imperfect_cupcake is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to imperfect_cupcake For This Useful Post:
Old 01-19-2015, 01:54 PM   #84
Cin
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
Butch
Preferred Pronoun?:
she
Relationship Status:
Truly Madly Deeply
 
2 Highscores

Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: In My Head
Posts: 2,805
Thanks: 6,326
Thanked 10,622 Times in 2,488 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851
Cin Has the BEST ReputationCin Has the BEST ReputationCin Has the BEST ReputationCin Has the BEST ReputationCin Has the BEST ReputationCin Has the BEST ReputationCin Has the BEST ReputationCin Has the BEST ReputationCin Has the BEST ReputationCin Has the BEST ReputationCin Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake View Post
Have I told you lately how kind I think you are Miss Tick?
Well now there's that generous spirit I've heard so much about!
Cin is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Cin For This Useful Post:
Old 01-19-2015, 05:57 PM   #85
homoe
Practically Lives Here

How Do You Identify?:
Butch
Relationship Status:
.....
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: 30 minute ferry ride from Seattle
Posts: 38,565
Thanks: 20,811
Thanked 33,587 Times in 14,918 Posts
Rep Power: 21474889
homoe Has the BEST Reputationhomoe Has the BEST Reputationhomoe Has the BEST Reputationhomoe Has the BEST Reputationhomoe Has the BEST Reputationhomoe Has the BEST Reputationhomoe Has the BEST Reputationhomoe Has the BEST Reputationhomoe Has the BEST Reputationhomoe Has the BEST Reputationhomoe Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Miss Tick, it was so kind of you to post and share~thanks
homoe is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to homoe For This Useful Post:
Old 03-07-2020, 11:07 AM   #86
homoe
Practically Lives Here

How Do You Identify?:
Butch
Relationship Status:
.....
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: 30 minute ferry ride from Seattle
Posts: 38,565
Thanks: 20,811
Thanked 33,587 Times in 14,918 Posts
Rep Power: 21474889
homoe Has the BEST Reputationhomoe Has the BEST Reputationhomoe Has the BEST Reputationhomoe Has the BEST Reputationhomoe Has the BEST Reputationhomoe Has the BEST Reputationhomoe Has the BEST Reputationhomoe Has the BEST Reputationhomoe Has the BEST Reputationhomoe Has the BEST Reputationhomoe Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by C0LLETTE View Post
Perhaps "romance" and "romantic gestures" are a bit like the rapidly dying arts of giving and receiving compliments, increasingly fraught with awkwardness and suspicion. Personally, I'd rather just gratefully enjoy the moment and (maybe) worry about what you really had in mind, later.

Gosh I sure hope this isn't so!

I love romance and romance gesture, both giving and receiving. And as I always say a compliment costs nothing to give and it could make a person's day.....

Sidebar: When I say compliment it could be something as simple as telling someone how becoming their hairstyle is on them, or what a striking outfit, shoe, purse etc etc, perhaps even a compliment on the color/shade of said items.
homoe is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to homoe For This Useful Post:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 04:10 PM.


ButchFemmePlanet.com
All information copyright of BFP 2018