Asking for help.

aishah · 03-23-2012, 02:03 PM

hi loves,

i hope it's okay that i'm posting this here. my partner, who is ftm, is having a really rough time now and i'm just reaching out for ideas for things we can do. he lives in charlottesville right now (which is where i moved from, and he'll be moving to kansas in the next year hopefully). he hasn't had access to t. he was on t illegally last year, getting it through a friend, but it made him sick because it had potassium which caused his blood pressure to skyrocket, so he had to go off of it. recently he was able to get a diagnosis of gid (after having dealt with untreated gid for like two years now) and go on t legally. he got his first t shot three weeks ago and today his insurance company denied him coverage - they claim they don't cover the gid diagnosis and he cannot get anymore shots or see the endocrinologist. neither of us have money to do this on our own. he lives about an hour away from the fan free clinic, which is one possible option, but getting to/from the clinic is extremely difficult and the last time i talked to them they said they can no longer cover patients who have health insurance (he has to have insurance to cover his treatment for epilepsy). i have contact info for two other endocrinologists in charlottesville in case this one didn't work out, but it never occurred to me (because i don't have access to health insurance) that they would deny him coverage.

we are kind of at the end of our rope here. i'm looking into resources here in kansas (i live in lawrence, about an hour from kansas city) because if there are options here he might move here more quickly. i know some ftms here who have gotten treatment close by from private doctors. but we're probably going to still have insurance issues if he moves here.

having untreated gid for so long and feeling pretty much stuck no matter what has taken a huge toll on his mental health (and sometimes mine too). but the free counseling resources that are available to him are not trans* friendly and his argument is that getting treatment is the only thing that will fix the mental health issues...and that's a pretty good argument. it's hard to keep coming up with reasons NOT to despair.

does anyone have ideas or resources that might help? or even just solidarity if you've been in similar situations? thanks.

SelfMadeMan · 03-23-2012, 02:27 PM

Let me mull this over and see what I can come up with for you... and if he needs someone to talk to who's been thorough this struggle (lack of funds/lack of proper care) I'd be happy to chat him up. I'm glad he's off the illegal T - bad bad way to go there. I'll see what I can find out

princessbelle · 03-23-2012, 03:59 PM

Hey aishah,

I don't have any information for you but i just wanted to give you and yours a tight reassuring hug and to tell you i will send you both positive energy.

There will be peeps come through for you here and offer advice. I just know it. Self Made Man is on it as well.

As a nurse i am very glad he is off the illegal T. High blood pressures are nothing to mess around with.

Also wanted to bump this to the front page again, so some of our FtMs or peeps on T can see this and offer some help to you.

Hang in there!!!!!!!

aishah · 03-23-2012, 04:06 PM

*hugs* thank you both. the comments are really helpful. i'm encouraging him to try and appeal it, but he has to get support from his doctors to be able to go up against the insurance company, and the doctors he works with directly (who are residents) are supportive but their attendings (who would probably be the ones dealing with the insurance company) are not so supportive. we're going to call the fan free clinic on monday to see if they have any ideas, too.

i'm really angry and frustrated right now. people see suicide as some sad tragedy, but in this case, i'm having a really hard time talking him down from an incredibly depressed place, because i know what it is like to want to kill yourself because you don't have access to health care - i've been there with other conditions. i'm just...angry. i'm angry (at the medical industrial complex) that so many trans people commit suicide because of this and it's completely avoidable.

i don't think that there is a huge mental health crisis right now (i don't think that he needs to be hospitalized or anything, i don't want to alarm anyone), but we've had a lot of ups and downs mental health wise over this every time there's been some sort of positive change and then another barrier comes up. and it's becoming harder and harder to think positively or try another option when it seems like none of the options are working.

princessbelle · 03-23-2012, 04:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aishah

*hugs* thank you both. the comments are really helpful. i'm encouraging him to try and appeal it, but he has to get support from his doctors to be able to go up against the insurance company, and the doctors he works with directly (who are residents) are supportive but their attendings (who would probably be the ones dealing with the insurance company) are not so supportive. we're going to call the fan free clinic on monday to see if they have any ideas, too.

i'm really angry and frustrated right now. people see suicide as some sad tragedy, but in this case, i'm having a really hard time talking him down from an incredibly depressed place, because i know what it is like to want to kill yourself because you don't have access to health care - i've been there with other conditions. i'm just...angry. i'm angry (at the medical industrial complex) that so many trans people commit suicide because of this and it's completely avoidable.

i don't think that there is a huge mental health crisis right now (i don't think that he needs to be hospitalized or anything, i don't want to alarm anyone), but we've had a lot of ups and downs mental health wise over this every time there's been some sort of positive change and then another barrier comes up. and it's becoming harder and harder to think positively or try another option when it seems like none of the options are working.

Rather personal but ....is he taking any antidepressants? Maybe try and utilize what insurance will pay for and at least get that. If he is that depressed, he really should talk to someone and find a support group and quick. Even if they are not noted to be trans friendly, the mention that he may be suicidal sent my red flag waving high. It sounds like a desperate situation and maybe should treat with some "life worthy" therapy at the very least.

Another thought...have either of you tried writing to the drug companies that furnish the T? I am almost positive they run into this and may know of a possible solution for you or at least may be a guide. You would be surprised how many of my patients get free meds just by sending an email to the makers of a medication and explaining how they cannot afford it.

But the suicide mention still makes me uncomfortable...please try and see that he gets some type of help even if it is just someone professional to talk to.

Please keep us informed and another huge hug to you hon.

Liam · 03-23-2012, 04:33 PM

I realise that you and your partner are not in Colorado, but you might want to give the Gender Identity Center of Colorado, a call or send them an email. They might be aware of resources that you aren't, and they're an extremely compassionate and helpful bunch of folks.

303-202-6466
info@gicofcolo.org

Best of luck to both of you.

Random · 03-23-2012, 04:44 PM

One of my ex has GID and said there was a *easy* test...

Close your eyes and picture yourself in your mind...

Are you a girl or a boy or are you both?

I don't know if it's true or not... I see a girl when I think of myself..

But it popped into my head while I was reading your thread...

SelfMadeMan · 03-23-2012, 07:58 PM

I'm waiting to hear back from a couple of contacts about possible resources, but in the meantime, I did find that UVA has a Queer Student Union that has meetings and seems like lots of resources locally, and it isn't a student only group, but also welcomes community members as well. They have a website at: http://www.queeratuva.com/ - and if it's anything like the Queer group on my campus, he will find it to be a wonderful resource! I'll keep poking around and if I hear back from my contacts, I'll let you know!

aishah · 03-23-2012, 08:25 PM

we have both been involved with the uva queer community for a long time. my partner is the queer health coordinator person this year. the current leadership of qsu is really transphobic (going so far as to refer to my partner as "it" and dehumanize him in front of us, posting transphobic messages on facebook, etc.), unfortunately. the lgbt resource center is a bit better but there's not much in the way of trans* resources...there are a couple of other openly trans people in the community that we're friends with. but most trans folks i know in c-ville have found the university and the city as a whole to be a somewhat unfriendly place to live as a trans person, unfortunately :\

thank you so much for checking into other resources! i really appreciate it.

aishah · 03-23-2012, 08:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by princessbelle

Rather personal but ....is he taking any antidepressants? Maybe try and utilize what insurance will pay for and at least get that. If he is that depressed, he really should talk to someone and find a support group and quick. Even if they are not noted to be trans friendly, the mention that he may be suicidal sent my red flag waving high. It sounds like a desperate situation and maybe should treat with some "life worthy" therapy at the very least.

Another thought...have either of you tried writing to the drug companies that furnish the T? I am almost positive they run into this and may know of a possible solution for you or at least may be a guide. You would be surprised how many of my patients get free meds just by sending an email to the makers of a medication and explaining how they cannot afford it.

But the suicide mention still makes me uncomfortable...please try and see that he gets some type of help even if it is just someone professional to talk to.

Please keep us informed and another huge hug to you hon.

thanks love. i really appreciate it.

he was in a really bad dissociative headspace earlier but he's feeling more positive about it now. he can possibly pay out of pocket for the t (he has a little bit of money saved) if he can get them to teach him how to do the shots so he can do them at home - i'm hoping that might work while we work on appealing to the insurance company.

he's not on anti-ds - he's been on them in the past but they interact really badly with his seizure meds. he is in a counseling program for anxiety currently so i'm hoping he can get some support through that. i tried to get him into the free psych clinic at uva (where i went when i lived there) but unfortunately they turned him down because his case was "too complex." he'll have better counseling resources on campus when he starts school again in the fall, but that's not much help right now :\

the closest transgender support group is in richmond, which is where most of his close-by trans friends live (they all go to the fan free clinic for their t, from what i understand). but he's a bit isolated unfortunately as he can't drive. he has reached out to them online i think, so that helps.

Random · 03-23-2012, 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Random

One of my ex has GID and said there was a *easy* test...

Close your eyes and picture yourself in your mind...

Are you a girl or a boy or are you both?

I don't know if it's true or not... I see a girl when I think of myself..

But it popped into my head while I was reading your thread...

I'm sorry, I put this in the wrong thread... Not sure how it happened as I don't remember being in this thread...

aishah · 03-23-2012, 08:44 PM

that's okay! hehehehe. <3

aishah · 03-23-2012, 09:49 PM

i also wanted to say thank you. i'm really grateful to you all and to have this space. i was freaking out a bit earlier and we're both still stressed but we're feeling much better now. the support means a lot. <3

Corkey · 03-23-2012, 09:58 PM

Maybe he would like to be a part of our community?

aishah · 03-23-2012, 10:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Corkey

Maybe he would like to be a part of our community?

i've invited him a few times but he's not that familiar with how message boards work and doesn't spend a huge amount of time on the computer. he's browsed the boards a bit but i haven't managed to talk him into making an account yet. i also have a big community of trans* and genderqueer friends on fb (most of whom i know offline but only see a few times a year), but he's not super comfortable with facebook either. i'm working on it, though

Corkey · 03-23-2012, 10:07 PM

Well it does take some getting use to LOL.
We'll be here if he decides to come.

Andrea · 03-23-2012, 11:39 PM

Check with the local Planned Parenthood. My honey sees a doctor there for his T.

You might consider contacting Transgender Law Center. They respond to email questions and phone calls at no charge and may have suggestions for dealing with the insurance company.

aishah · 03-31-2012, 04:54 PM

we have a temporary reprieve - his pcp has agreed to do the shots for the next 12 weeks so that his insurance will cover it (i think). they won't cover labs or visits to the endocrinologist, though, and the pcp isn't willing to supervise long-term. but i'm going to contact the transgender law center and see if they have ideas for appealing to the insurance company.

thanks everyone.

03-23-2012, 02:03 PM	#1
aishah Member How Do You Identify?: queer stone femme shark baby girl Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, little one Relationship Status: dating myself. Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: dallas, tx Posts: 1,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,823 Thanked 6,437 Times in 1,288 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	Asking for help. hi loves, i hope it's okay that i'm posting this here. my partner, who is ftm, is having a really rough time now and i'm just reaching out for ideas for things we can do. he lives in charlottesville right now (which is where i moved from, and he'll be moving to kansas in the next year hopefully). he hasn't had access to t. he was on t illegally last year, getting it through a friend, but it made him sick because it had potassium which caused his blood pressure to skyrocket, so he had to go off of it. recently he was able to get a diagnosis of gid (after having dealt with untreated gid for like two years now) and go on t legally. he got his first t shot three weeks ago and today his insurance company denied him coverage - they claim they don't cover the gid diagnosis and he cannot get anymore shots or see the endocrinologist. neither of us have money to do this on our own. he lives about an hour away from the fan free clinic, which is one possible option, but getting to/from the clinic is extremely difficult and the last time i talked to them they said they can no longer cover patients who have health insurance (he has to have insurance to cover his treatment for epilepsy). i have contact info for two other endocrinologists in charlottesville in case this one didn't work out, but it never occurred to me (because i don't have access to health insurance) that they would deny him coverage. we are kind of at the end of our rope here. i'm looking into resources here in kansas (i live in lawrence, about an hour from kansas city) because if there are options here he might move here more quickly. i know some ftms here who have gotten treatment close by from private doctors. but we're probably going to still have insurance issues if he moves here. having untreated gid for so long and feeling pretty much stuck no matter what has taken a huge toll on his mental health (and sometimes mine too). but the free counseling resources that are available to him are not trans* friendly and his argument is that getting treatment is the only thing that will fix the mental health issues...and that's a pretty good argument. it's hard to keep coming up with reasons NOT to despair. does anyone have ideas or resources that might help? or even just solidarity if you've been in similar situations? thanks.

03-23-2012, 03:59 PM	#3
princessbelle Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: femme ones Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Tennessee Posts: 6,100 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,380 Thanked 30,503 Times in 5,201 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Hey aishah, I don't have any information for you but i just wanted to give you and yours a tight reassuring hug and to tell you i will send you both positive energy. There will be peeps come through for you here and offer advice. I just know it. Self Made Man is on it as well. As a nurse i am very glad he is off the illegal T. High blood pressures are nothing to mess around with. Also wanted to bump this to the front page again, so some of our FtMs or peeps on T can see this and offer some help to you. Hang in there!!!!!!! __________________ ~ I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou

03-23-2012, 04:33 PM	#6
Liam Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Guy Preferred Pronoun?: He, Him, His Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The Evergreen State Posts: 2,269 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 14,865 Thanked 6,909 Times in 1,862 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I realise that you and your partner are not in Colorado, but you might want to give the Gender Identity Center of Colorado, a call or send them an email. They might be aware of resources that you aren't, and they're an extremely compassionate and helpful bunch of folks. 303-202-6466 info@gicofcolo.org Best of luck to both of you. __________________ <3 Love is weird.

03-23-2012, 04:44 PM	#7
Random Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: back in the land of trees and snow Posts: 2,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,017 Thanked 5,327 Times in 1,379 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	One of my ex has GID and said there was a easy test... Close your eyes and picture yourself in your mind... Are you a girl or a boy or are you both? I don't know if it's true or not... I see a girl when I think of myself.. But it popped into my head while I was reading your thread... __________________ ~Volunteer~ "It gets in your blood"

03-23-2012, 09:58 PM	#14
Corkey Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Human Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Very Married Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Where I want to be Posts: 8,155 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 47,491 Thanked 29,299 Times in 6,640 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	Maybe he would like to be a part of our community? __________________ "Many proposals have been made to us to adopt your laws, your religion, your manners and your customs. We would be better pleased with beholding the good effects of these doctrines in your own practices, than with hearing you talk about them". ~Old Tassel, Chief of the Tsalagi (Cherokee)

03-23-2012, 02:27 PM	#2
SelfMadeMan Member How Do You Identify?: Transsexual Man Preferred Pronoun?: Male Relationship Status: Married to The Woman of My Dreams <3 Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Minnesota Posts: 802 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 796 Thanked 2,669 Times in 527 Posts Rep Power: 18972344	Let me mull this over and see what I can come up with for you... and if he needs someone to talk to who's been thorough this struggle (lack of funds/lack of proper care) I'd be happy to chat him up. I'm glad he's off the illegal T - bad bad way to go there. I'll see what I can find out

03-23-2012, 04:06 PM	#4
aishah Member How Do You Identify?: queer stone femme shark baby girl Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, little one Relationship Status: dating myself. Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: dallas, tx Posts: 1,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,823 Thanked 6,437 Times in 1,288 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	hugs thank you both. the comments are really helpful. i'm encouraging him to try and appeal it, but he has to get support from his doctors to be able to go up against the insurance company, and the doctors he works with directly (who are residents) are supportive but their attendings (who would probably be the ones dealing with the insurance company) are not so supportive. we're going to call the fan free clinic on monday to see if they have any ideas, too. i'm really angry and frustrated right now. people see suicide as some sad tragedy, but in this case, i'm having a really hard time talking him down from an incredibly depressed place, because i know what it is like to want to kill yourself because you don't have access to health care - i've been there with other conditions. i'm just...angry. i'm angry (at the medical industrial complex) that so many trans people commit suicide because of this and it's completely avoidable. i don't think that there is a huge mental health crisis right now (i don't think that he needs to be hospitalized or anything, i don't want to alarm anyone), but we've had a lot of ups and downs mental health wise over this every time there's been some sort of positive change and then another barrier comes up. and it's becoming harder and harder to think positively or try another option when it seems like none of the options are working.

03-23-2012, 07:58 PM	#8
SelfMadeMan Member How Do You Identify?: Transsexual Man Preferred Pronoun?: Male Relationship Status: Married to The Woman of My Dreams <3 Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Minnesota Posts: 802 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 796 Thanked 2,669 Times in 527 Posts Rep Power: 18972344	I'm waiting to hear back from a couple of contacts about possible resources, but in the meantime, I did find that UVA has a Queer Student Union that has meetings and seems like lots of resources locally, and it isn't a student only group, but also welcomes community members as well. They have a website at: http://www.queeratuva.com/ - and if it's anything like the Queer group on my campus, he will find it to be a wonderful resource! I'll keep poking around and if I hear back from my contacts, I'll let you know!

03-23-2012, 08:25 PM	#9
aishah Member How Do You Identify?: queer stone femme shark baby girl Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, little one Relationship Status: dating myself. Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: dallas, tx Posts: 1,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,823 Thanked 6,437 Times in 1,288 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	we have both been involved with the uva queer community for a long time. my partner is the queer health coordinator person this year. the current leadership of qsu is really transphobic (going so far as to refer to my partner as "it" and dehumanize him in front of us, posting transphobic messages on facebook, etc.), unfortunately. the lgbt resource center is a bit better but there's not much in the way of trans* resources...there are a couple of other openly trans people in the community that we're friends with. but most trans folks i know in c-ville have found the university and the city as a whole to be a somewhat unfriendly place to live as a trans person, unfortunately :\ thank you so much for checking into other resources! i really appreciate it.

03-23-2012, 08:44 PM	#12
aishah Member How Do You Identify?: queer stone femme shark baby girl Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, little one Relationship Status: dating myself. Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: dallas, tx Posts: 1,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,823 Thanked 6,437 Times in 1,288 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	that's okay! hehehehe. <3

03-23-2012, 09:49 PM	#13
aishah Member How Do You Identify?: queer stone femme shark baby girl Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, little one Relationship Status: dating myself. Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: dallas, tx Posts: 1,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,823 Thanked 6,437 Times in 1,288 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	i also wanted to say thank you. i'm really grateful to you all and to have this space. i was freaking out a bit earlier and we're both still stressed but we're feeling much better now. the support means a lot. <3

03-23-2012, 10:07 PM	#16
Corkey Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Human Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Very Married Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Where I want to be Posts: 8,155 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 47,491 Thanked 29,299 Times in 6,640 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	Well it does take some getting use to LOL. We'll be here if he decides to come. __________________ "Many proposals have been made to us to adopt your laws, your religion, your manners and your customs. We would be better pleased with beholding the good effects of these doctrines in your own practices, than with hearing you talk about them". ~Old Tassel, Chief of the Tsalagi (Cherokee)

03-23-2012, 11:39 PM	#17
Andrea Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Mature Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Her/She Relationship Status: I heart Rene Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: California Posts: 3,755 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 15,427 Thanked 15,248 Times in 3,064 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Check with the local Planned Parenthood. My honey sees a doctor there for his T. You might consider contacting Transgender Law Center. They respond to email questions and phone calls at no charge and may have suggestions for dealing with the insurance company. __________________ I am very spoiled! What we think about and thank about, we bring about! Today I will treat my body with love and respect.

03-31-2012, 04:54 PM	#18
aishah Member How Do You Identify?: queer stone femme shark baby girl Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, little one Relationship Status: dating myself. Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: dallas, tx Posts: 1,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,823 Thanked 6,437 Times in 1,288 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	we have a temporary reprieve - his pcp has agreed to do the shots for the next 12 weeks so that his insurance will cover it (i think). they won't cover labs or visits to the endocrinologist, though, and the pcp isn't willing to supervise long-term. but i'm going to contact the transgender law center and see if they have ideas for appealing to the insurance company. thanks everyone.