Becoming "Me."

ButchEire · 01-22-2012, 01:11 PM

After YEARS of thought, counseling and struggling to fight against my own identity, I guess it's time for me to "come out." I am, and have always been, male. I look fairly male, I certainly act and think male and often sound male, even without hormone supplementation. I have never felt anything but male and never felt the need to identify as anything else, although for convenience sake, i've used butch. Easier however, doesn't make life better and i've also found that my relationships have always come to some sort of impasse about my male-ness. Nothing bad, mind you, but nothing that would allow me to live as a complete human being, physically or psychologically.

I now need to take the steps necessary to make this dream a reality, or this reality tangible. I work, full time, for myself but insurance rates went sky high in the past couple of months, and I could not live and pay the excessive cost. Since then, i've been looking for employment that includes benefits, at least part time. Months of looking, interviewing and sending off hundreds of resumes has made the struggle even more difficult. I may have to look outside of this area to find work, and admittedly, I do live in an area that has a lousy unemployment rate (close to 10%). I'm already researching doctors both in this area and others, for the initial counseling necessary and the subsequent T injections. I'm not afraid at all. In fact, i'm excited to finally be ME. I know friends (IRL) already have a great deal of hesitation about anyone who transitions. When i've broached the subject, they react in recoil, with jokes that thinly veil underlying discomfort or outright repulsion. Not my problem and if they can't handle my truth, someone else will.

sanee66 · 01-22-2012, 02:09 PM

Congratulations on doing this and going for what you want, no matter what others may think. You have to live your life for you, and if that makes some people uncomfortable, then so be it. You go for it and keep the faith whatever that may be, that you will get what you want, what you need, and what you deserve.

sanee66 · 01-22-2012, 02:48 PM

also I meant to say that in "becoming you" it seems that "you" were always "you", outward appearances may change, but the inner workings of yourself, mind, thoughts, feelings, are the same, and the people who know and love you should also know and understand this.

Gemme · 01-22-2012, 06:33 PM

Good for you!

Corkey · 01-22-2012, 07:16 PM

One can only be who one is, glad you are getting to be you.

Daziling · 03-15-2012, 09:28 PM

That is wonderful!

SelfMadeMan · 03-15-2012, 09:42 PM

Congrats on making the decision to follow your truth
You have the right to be authentically YOU, never let anyone tell you differently. Good luck on your journey!

01-22-2012, 01:11 PM	#1
ButchEire Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Permanent ban 3/17/2013 - TROLL Relationship Status: Partner to my best friend Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: For now, Buffalo Posts: 701 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,618 Thanked 1,874 Times in 485 Posts Rep Power: 0	Becoming "Me." After YEARS of thought, counseling and struggling to fight against my own identity, I guess it's time for me to "come out." I am, and have always been, male. I look fairly male, I certainly act and think male and often sound male, even without hormone supplementation. I have never felt anything but male and never felt the need to identify as anything else, although for convenience sake, i've used butch. Easier however, doesn't make life better and i've also found that my relationships have always come to some sort of impasse about my male-ness. Nothing bad, mind you, but nothing that would allow me to live as a complete human being, physically or psychologically. I now need to take the steps necessary to make this dream a reality, or this reality tangible. I work, full time, for myself but insurance rates went sky high in the past couple of months, and I could not live and pay the excessive cost. Since then, i've been looking for employment that includes benefits, at least part time. Months of looking, interviewing and sending off hundreds of resumes has made the struggle even more difficult. I may have to look outside of this area to find work, and admittedly, I do live in an area that has a lousy unemployment rate (close to 10%). I'm already researching doctors both in this area and others, for the initial counseling necessary and the subsequent T injections. I'm not afraid at all. In fact, i'm excited to finally be ME. I know friends (IRL) already have a great deal of hesitation about anyone who transitions. When i've broached the subject, they react in recoil, with jokes that thinly veil underlying discomfort or outright repulsion. Not my problem and if they can't handle my truth, someone else will.

01-22-2012, 02:09 PM	#2
sanee66 Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: single Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: ms Posts: 139 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 173 Thanked 306 Times in 95 Posts Rep Power: 3766493	Congratulations on doing this and going for what you want, no matter what others may think. You have to live your life for you, and if that makes some people uncomfortable, then so be it. You go for it and keep the faith whatever that may be, that you will get what you want, what you need, and what you deserve. __________________

01-22-2012, 02:48 PM	#3
sanee66 Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: single Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: ms Posts: 139 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 173 Thanked 306 Times in 95 Posts Rep Power: 3766493	also I meant to say that in "becoming you" it seems that "you" were always "you", outward appearances may change, but the inner workings of yourself, mind, thoughts, feelings, are the same, and the people who know and love you should also know and understand this. __________________

01-22-2012, 06:33 PM	#4
Gemme Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?: She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The roads are narrow here Posts: 36,587 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 182,179 Thanked 108,773 Times in 25,659 Posts Rep Power: 21474887	Good for you! __________________ Gemme's Journal I'm misunderestimated.

01-22-2012, 07:16 PM	#5
Corkey Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Human Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Very Married Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Where I want to be Posts: 8,155 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 47,491 Thanked 29,299 Times in 6,640 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	One can only be who one is, glad you are getting to be you. __________________ "Many proposals have been made to us to adopt your laws, your religion, your manners and your customs. We would be better pleased with beholding the good effects of these doctrines in your own practices, than with hearing you talk about them". ~Old Tassel, Chief of the Tsalagi (Cherokee)

03-15-2012, 09:28 PM	#6
Daziling Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Las Vegas Posts: 3 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post Rep Power: 0	That is wonderful!

03-15-2012, 09:42 PM	#7
SelfMadeMan Member How Do You Identify?: Transsexual Man Preferred Pronoun?: Male Relationship Status: Married to The Woman of My Dreams <3 Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Minnesota Posts: 802 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 796 Thanked 2,669 Times in 527 Posts Rep Power: 18972344	Congrats on making the decision to follow your truth You have the right to be authentically YOU, never let anyone tell you differently. Good luck on your journey!