Making Peace with Exes

[sweetfemme247]

there is one thing I cannot do right now is forgive my most recent ex or even some ex's from years ago.... most of them hurt me very badly and I dont think they deserve to be forgiven right now......... most of them are decent people who I am still good friends with and some are just nasty and lie to much.

[Mtn]

I prefer remaining friends, unless they were really toxic, but as a rule, If I have loved you, even if the scope of that love has changed, I still love you, so why not be friends. Life is short and one can never have too many friends.

[Brewcityboi]

Originally Posted by Mtn

I prefer remaining friends, unless they were really toxic, but as a rule, If I have loved you, even if the scope of that love has changed, I still love you, so why not be friends. Life is short and one can never have too many friends.

hell yes! Thats so far my favorite post of the day!

[DapperButch]

I tend to not be friends with my exes. I have one or two that I may connect with from time to time, but not to really cultivate a friendship.

I hear others say that they obviously liked enough things in the person to date them, so why not be friends with them? I guess for me, I see it as being able to find other friends to meet those same needs/have similar characteristics that I enjoy.

Additionally, I think that it is important to have space and distance after a relationship ends so that both parties can heal. When I have ended with people I have also found it to be the most kind approach to be honest, as I think that the one on the receiving end of the breakup has a harder time letting go if contact continues.

I suppose after that I could reconnect, I just tend to choose not too. It can add difficulties in any new relationship you may have (in some cases), and I guess it is just not worth it to me?

In reading this over it seems kind of harsh or that I can just cut off feelings for others that I have dated. That is not true, I still have warm feelings in my heart for many of my exes. I guess I see losing the friendship as kind of a side effect of ending a relationship.

I have never had a nasty breakup, so that does not enter into my decision to not have friendships with exes.

[Soft*Silver]

I have discovered that time is the magic wand. I can pray. I can do therapy. I can sit in AA meetings, confessionals, do 4th, 5th, 6th, ,,8, 9 steps, take revenge, do more steps, move on, fail at more relationships, hunker down, sit celibate, pout, turn green, then blue, go straight, turn right, then left, go back, stop. Find myself. stop running. just sit there. Be. Wait. Let it happen. oh there it is. Forgiveness. Of me.

everything else follows suit...

[Kobi]

I'm kind of with Dapper on this one. Except for
prolonged and protracted disengagements, my
contact with exes is limited.

I can be cordial in a social situation we might both be part of,
or acknowledge life events but I don't seek interaction or involvement
beyond that which might happen by accident.

Making peace, to me, is a part of healing. But the healing is not
between us but within each of us. A part of them will always be
a part of me, and their presence in my life will have helped me
become who I am.

But, to me, moving on means letting go of the past and looking
toward the future.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Kobi

I'm kind of with Dapper on this one. Except for
prolonged and protracted disengagements, my
contact with exes is limited.

I can be cordial in a social situation we might both be part of,
or acknowledge life events but I don't seek interaction or involvement
beyond that which might happen by accident.

Making peace, to me, is a part of healing. But the healing is not
between us but within each of us.

That last sentence is an excellent way to put it.


A part of them will always be a part of me, and their presence in my life will have helped me
become who I am.

Absolutely.

But, to me, moving on means letting go of the past and looking
toward the future.

Yes, that is how I see it too (however, I wouldn't say as a general rule that being a friend with an ex means you are not "moving on", but yes, I get what you are saying and that is the end that I am on)

----------------------

[Soft*Silver]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

----------------------

what does this mean?

[Soft*Silver]

I would so like to say I did too many drugs when i was younger but really, it was just a stupid moment for me...lol...thank you!

Originally Posted by June

Softness -- Dapper responded in red inside Kobi's post, then had to do ---------------------- so it would post. Otherwise, there is a message that you have too few characters

[bigbutchmistie]

Im so glad I was able to part friends with most of my ex's... I really enjoy their friendships more than I did the relationship...

[Gráinne]

I'm very amicable with my childrens' father. I respect him deeply and he's a great guy. It's just that obviously, I wasn't able to love him in all ways that a woman loves a man.

Another "ex"-I say "ex", because we talked about a relationship and were intimate, but in the end decided that neither of us were in a good place to be in one. She and I are great friends to this day. There was no animosity, just lousy timing.

[imperfect_cupcake]

I've been good friends/friends or amicable/friend-ly rather than friends with many ex's.

I've also had an ex that even though she pulled some unbelievable crap, I still care about her and hope she's doing well - though I can't be around her cause she still pulls the occasional crazy-making insanity. She's mostly good but it affects not just me but about three other people and it's just not a thing I want people to have to cope with - I don't want to feed into it.*

some ex's, I'm hiya, how are ya even though I couldn't really care less but I'll be polite cause I can't be arsed to be arsed. If that makes sense. *

and there's probably about two that if they are in the vicinity I would leave or hope they self destructed on the spot. And I actually mean that. They are severely screwed up narcissistic oxygen sink holes that the planet would be better off without. Not only do I feel they treat even the air around them like servile shit, their personalities grate on me. Listening to them talk "ME ME ME oh and another thing about ME is my ME ME!! HA HA HA Aren't I just so ME!!" in the same site/room/event is really difficult unless they are very very far away from me and I don't have to have their winey loud seagul squeal harping away cawing for attention in the background. *

granted, I have a couple ex friends I feel like that about as well. They got on my nerves too much. now when I hear them at a dance/event/club it's like a dry steel wheel scraping against a bracket. mn. yeah. that's sexy. *ear plugs* -*

* notes that these people are not on this site. I have harvested people in person, you know.

[Sweet_Amor_Taino]

Time is the key,Time heals,Time allows a romantic intimate relationship evolve into a freindship. We should allow time to do its job.
My two cents.

[Lynn]

The most significant relationship I had, barring my present one, was my marriage to my former husband. We were together for 23 years, and now continue to co-parent our children. I'd hoped we would be friends. We said we would, for all the reasons mentioned above. But, it turns out that the resentments are too deep and neither one of us seems to find any compelling reasons to nurture a true friendship. We are cordial as we can muster for the sake of our kids, and our own sanity, but we aren't friends. I may have loved him for all those years, but I find that I don't like him very much and realize that I don't have much respect for him. Sometimes this disappoints me deeply.

I'm friends with some exes, not so much with others. Having a personal value to remain friends with an ex is not something I aspire to. If I can develop a true friendship, then that's great. But, if not, then it wasn't meant to be. Sometimes whatever brought us together in the first place isn't enough to sustain a friendship when things go sour.

[chefhottie25]

some time ago an ex and i made peace...i am so glad that we did. i was struggling with addiction when we
were together. my using was too much for her. when i got clean a few years ago we reconnected. today we
are very close friends who love each other. we have found our love for each other is very strong. it isn't
romantic love but the kind of love that dear friends share. i am so grateful for what we have.

[Luv]

I only have contact with one of my ex's..despite all the hard feelings and hurt,,to all my ex's I wish you well and hope you find your own idea of happiness..life goes on,,and so should we..

[Soft*Silver]

after having said all of the above, I need to also state I keep a small straw and tiny darts in my make up bag in my purse.

I have excellent aim...

[T4Texas]

I am friends with all my exes. It hasn't always been an easy road to that friendship, but it happened. I believe that you don't stop loving someone just because you stop sleeping with them or you can't cohabit with them. There was something that drew you to that person to begin with and for me, as long as I knew in my heart they were good people inside, that was what mattered.
I think exes are a problem for a lot of folks. You either hate them or love them and sometimes have to explain to your new significant others why you are still friends with them. I have never let other people's insecurities influence my friendships with exes or anyone else for that matter.
I live with my first ex. Five years ago when I was diagnosed with cancer and had to stop working for a long period, she had me come to live with her. She paid my bills and the truck note I had just acquired for over a year until I was able to return to work. During our relationship, we had fought like cats and dogs, but time settled a lot of that down and she stepped up to the plate even though she didnt have to. While there are times she still drives me crazy, I would never abandon her as a friend. Whenever I meet someone I always have to explain that situation to them and watch the eyebrows go up at the mention of living with your ex.
My second ex left me for a man. We had lived together several years and it was a painful breakup for me. I stayed angry for more than a few years about it, but finally let go of all those hate feelings. I have visited her and her husband and found in some ways I liked him in spite of myself. She and I stay in touch.
My latest ex and I are working through the friendship angle. I feel that since we were friends before and during the time we slept together, that the basis for friendship is already there and it should not have to disappear just because our relationship status has changed. It's not that you have to spend time with these people, but you don't have to purge them out of your life either, unless they have done something really rotten to you. I used to be pretty vindictive about people that hurt me, but I have learned to forgive. Sometimes that forgiveness doesn't come right away, but eventually it does when I know they are good people at heart. I also take responsibility for my part in whatever caused the split, a feat some folks are incapable of doing.
I know I am loved by these women, even though we may not have a close relationship anymore. When I have been sick or in the hospital, they have come to see me or the phone calls increase, so I know they care. Having someone in your life that does care is half the battle, ex or not.

[Quintease]

I'm friends with some exes and not others. I've had many relationships, not all of them healthy. I think I've often mistaken intensity and possessiveness, for love and lust. When it's time to look back and reflect, I've realised I was unhappy for a reason, that there was nothing in that relationship that would make a friendship desirable.

Another obstacle in my way is that I haven't lived in the same city as an ex (who I was talking to) for many years. I have a few exes that I would very much like to stay in touch with, unfortunately we all live many miles from each other. Instead we occasionally [like] each other on Facebook.

[Julie]

It is five years ago today, that Rachel (my ex) killed herself.
We made peace with one another before she died.

I am so grateful we had the opportunity to make our peace - Otherwise, I might not have been able to forgive her or she might not have forgiven me and then what? We never would have had the chance and the healing.

We said I love you to one another the day before she died. I still feel guilty for not knowing. But you know, she knew she was loved at least by me - before she died. She might not have known. I know she loved me.

I love you Rachel ~ Be at Peace